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Everything posted by info-gatherer

  1. I don’t know those books but I add another suggestion that may or may not fit you needs, although I think it would be very educational for you as it was for me: “The culture of narcissism” by C. Lasch (1979 iirc)
  2. Day 37 It’s 10 PM and I still have to re-read 60 pages. I can’t study anymore, I’ll try to do that tomorrow morning before the exam. Today in my city it was the coldest day of the year, -8 celsius degrees. Tomorrow it’s expected to be better, “just” -3. well I’m watching a movie and then going to bed, goodnight everyone
  3. Day 36 More cravings, and I know why. I have an exam on wednesday and my mind is trying to escape from it. I studied hard but I was forced in bed for a whole week due to my fever, so I’m not 100% ready to take it. But I have no choice :) I must try
  4. Life hax Day 35 It’s snowing, and some crazy people are running a half-marathon in the streets. I guess they’re showing dedication.
  5. You’re absolutely right, and I am surely familiar with the risks of trying to game in “moderation”. That’s why I’m doing this detox. In your guide you suggest that before trying moderation a person should complete his 90 days, so that his mind gets “rewired”. This doesn’t mean that I have already decided to try moderation either. In fact, maybe I won’t. If I think about it, I consider that I still have 2 more months of detox to complete, and I am 100% committed to it. Talking about what I will do next feels premature/rushed. Right now I’m just enjoying the ride. And I will make sure to “re-evaluate” my position in all honesty at the end of the detox before trying anything at all. Another thing: after the gaming detox, I must quit smoking, and I absolutely don’t want to try any kind of gaming moderation while I do that. So my detox will last longer than 90 days. That said, I understand what you’re trying to tell me, and the danger you want to shield me from. And I’m so much grateful for it. I don’t want to fail you and the community, you’re all helping me so much and I feel like the only way I can repay you is being an example for the other people that are trying to quit this addiction. This is why I will do my best not to let you down. Day 34, evening I accepted an invite for dinner at a friend’s home, but it got canceled at the last minute (the guy that was supposed to cook got sick and everyone said “ok let’s just do it another day”). I had another invite (this one from my gf & her friends) but I didn’t go, I didn’t feel like doing it. This was probably a bad choice, because this way I spent the whole day+evening in my bed watching movies. At least I really liked the 2nd movie, “The king of comedy” by M. Scorsese. I seldom like Scorsese’s movies but this one is brilliant. Anyway, this doesn’t mean that I had a meaningful day. It was pretty dull, actually. Last thing: a friend came and visited me. She said (honestly, as a friend) that I am always too serious, implying that I am not funny as I used to be and she didn’t have a great time with me like she used to have. This made me think. Am I being too hard on myself? Always serious and too focused on important things to just relax for a second? Or instead I got more emotionally mature and I can’t feel good in the same silly/“hiding-my-insecurities” way I used to? My grammar is lackluster but I hope you understand
  6. Day 34 Today I was having for the first time quite strong cravings, and what happened? One of my best friends (which is also one of my only 3 irl gaming friends) asked me if I want to start playing WoW again with him. We both quit that game several years ago and I really miss playing it. I explained him what I am doing here with the detox and he respected it. He was very supportive, although he said “ok see you on wow in 60 days”. I explained that if I feel safe at the end of the 90 days I will try playing in moderation, but WoW isn’t exactly a game that gets along with moderation... well I still have a couple months to figure out what’s best for me.
  7. Hey. I didn’t read through the whole journal (planning to do it in the future though) so I don’t know if this got mentioned already, but it looks to me that you treat procrastination as the real problem instead of a symptom of something bigger. That something might be your gaming addiction, but again, gaming addiction is often just a symptom as well. I remember that when I suffered from depression I used to procrastinate a lot. It’s easy to avoid doing what you are supposed to do when you wake up and you feel that your life is meaningless, when you open your eyes and you would prefer a thousand times going back to sleeping instead of living another crappy day. How’s your mental health? Are you sure you’re addressing the real problems? Hope this applies and helps edit: read the whole journal and my first impression got confirmed. also, if I may ask out of curiosity, how comes that a 19yo undergraduate teaches courses?
  8. Day 33 My flatmate’s behaviour is out of control. Some days ago she sticked a note on the door of my room, saying that I am supposed to put my hand in front of my mouth when I cough (thing that I always do when there are people around) and explicitly accusing me of getting her sick. Like wtf is your problem, I got you sick so what? Someone got me sick in the first place. Should I find that person and pin a note on his forehead? And she is always so commanding, as if I were an invader in HER house. She takes decision on when we should clean the house, where we should put our things and so on. It’s MY house too, you know? I’d really like to shout in her face that she’s a worthless selfish individual that’s driving me crazy, but I guess it’s not a good idea and I couldn’t find the courage anyway. I hope she triggers me at the point I explode, but this isn’t a good way of thinking about the problem either. The best solution would be to speak to her, but I don’t feel safe doing so bc I know that while my behaviour is always polite and helpful, my “activities” are far from perfect: I’m a smoker and my GF comes visiting/sleeping almost every day, and she never complained about it (maybe I would if I were her). Also, I don’t want my other flatmates to join into the discussion or I could be overnumbered, even if nobody likes her. Should I just endure and be patient? Any tips?
  9. Hey :) Tennis was fine, my service is improving and my backhand too. I also feel like I have more control overall, but we didn’t play the game today, just technical exercises, so I cannot be sure. Bonus points bc I had spontaneous and funny social interaction with the other 2 guys. After tennis I went to a friends home, we were 5 people and I lead the conversation on a difficult topic. I quite missed the feeling. My intellectual skills are not numb anymore since I quit gaming and I spend my days studying. I know it’s just natural that my speech & reasoning performance are getting better, but I’ve been happy to see proof of that.
  10. Day 32 Thanks god in 1 month is gonna be spring, this cold is driving me crazy. Good news: I woke up at 7.30. That’s very early for me and I’m grateful for it. Before 9 I was already at the library and I started studying. Bad news: After lunch I just gave up on the possibility of being productive. I felt tired. I came back home and I’m just mindlessly surfing the net and waiting for this evening’s tennis lesson. I find the thought of going out with both my school books AND my huge tennis bag on my shoulders very scary. But even if I only have a couple hours left to make this afternoon meaningful, I’m TAKING ACTION and going out right now.
  11. I’ll tell you my favourite quote from gamequitters’ podcast. It’s at the end of episode 3: “Games are extremily explicit in their expectations and consistent in their rewards. Real life is (??), actions and outcomes often have no linear relationship. To a gamer this inconsistency can be extremely demotivating. Getting your life on track doesn’t have an XP bar.”
  12. I am very familiar with this feeling. Maybe it’s just that we feel lonely. Being alone makes everything feel unreal. Atleast this is the answer that I gave to myself. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to be present to myself, if I can’t share my life with somebody I feel detatched from the outside world.
  13. Day 31 As the weather gets colder and colder, for me it gets increasingly difficult to stay out of home. I’m “lucky” (am I?) because I don’t like staying at home, since I argued with 2/3 my flatmates and we barely speak to each other. Anyway, I finished reading the books for my next exam and I should start reharsing, but now I’m very tired so I guess I’ll start tomorrow.
  14. I’ve been stuck at module 4 for a couple weeks now. Finding new activities requires time, but I’ve already found a couple & have the idea of trying others. My “comfort” picks are reading, playing the guitar, listening to music/podcasts, playing tennis and watching movies. Also cleaning the house is not exactly an hobby but you need to do it anyway and I found it helpful with clearing the mind as well. I’m thinking about trying yoga and learning how to compose/produce electronic music. You have to find an activity that 1 works for you 2 you can afford (money, time, space) EDIT: there are also activities you like but you can do only every once in a while. I think they “don’t count” for the purposes of chapter 4. Mine are traveling, cooking, hanging out with friends.
  15. Hey :) Pleasure’s all mine. I wouldn’t be celebrating if I didn’t have the support of this community. I am deeply grateful to you all. Day 30 1 month in! Things that changed during this month: -my mind is more clear and focused -I am more present to myself, in good and bad times. I work to fix my life. -my sleep schedule is the best it’s been in years -I am more sociable and I spend more time with my friends and family -No more gaming-related guilt feelings -and much more But now it’s bed time. Goodnight :)
  16. Day 29 I feel depressed and there’s this fog around my mind, I can’t think and act clearly. BUT I know why I’m feeling this way... 1 I’m still not 100% recovered from my fever 2 fever fucked my sleep schedule and metabolism 3 fever fucked up my MOMENTUM. I did nothing for a week, and today I did absolutely nothing, watched TV all time instead of doing what I was supposed to do. ... and I know HOW TO FIX IT: 1 tomorrow I’m waking up early 2 and going back to uni city 3 and doing that long&boring administrative paperwork that I managed to avoid for the whole weekend, so I can go back to studying. Tomorrow it’ll be 1 month since detox started, and I want to celebrate, not to feel like shit. That’s why I will do my best to be present to myself and live a healthy day.
  17. Hey :) In my experience the best way to go past a writer’s block is to just start writing something (related), even if you know that it’s not 100% correct or 100% what you were trying to say it will help you building momentum. For example you can start writing something like “I’m finding it difficult to write about X, because Y Z K; Y is the main problem, because...”. It will help you to get started & at the same time it will let you see clearly why you’re stuck :)
  18. Hey Bear, how you doing? You’ve been so silent I was worried you stepped on a hunter’s trap :(
  19. Are you from China? I heard that authentic chinese food is very different from the one you find in chinese restaurants worldwide. I don’t like chinese food much (except maybe dumplings), it’s just too greasy and tastes unhealthy, and so I always asked myself whether I’m just eating it in the wrong restaurants or not. As a side note, I really like japanese food, and I find it relaxing to prepare. Did you ever try to prepare sushi? It’s much more difficult than it looks like but if you find the right ingredients it pays off! :D
  20. Added a photo of mine, I'll change it as soon as I shot one in which I smile :D EDIT: I added it as a little step towards stopping to be obsessed with privacy and secrecy in my life, and eventually overcoming that feeling of shame I talked about. I think that opening up a bit more with this community and showing my real face (I see a lot of people have a personal photo) is a good start.
  21. Ticked every single item in the list as well, but since when I started Detox I didn’t experience cravings. Ye sure, maybe a couple times I thought “it would be fun to play a bit” but nothing more. reasons: 1 When I quit my commitment was firm and steady. And still is. 2 When I quit I was desperate and angry for what games did to my life without me being able to fight back. I think that this anger will fade over time, that’s why I need to improve my life more and more and more. When I’ll run out of rage fuel I won’t go back to games bc I’ll already have a life that I can enjoy. 3 Most importantly, the support of this community and likeminded people, and helping other people that struggle with gaming addiction, is helping me through my detox period. 4 And implementing what I learn here in my everyday life is the key ingredient for success. In less than a month I fixed so much shit that I still almost can’t believe it
  22. Day 28 Day started in quite a bad fashion when I found out that my dad put all my cigarettes except one in the trash. I recovered from the fever but still have this persistent coughing that doesn’t leave me alone (ofc not smoking is not an option, but I’m smoking much much less than I usually do). Medicines help a bit. I just had a shower and now I’m going out of the house again yeeeee!!!! Later I need to do a lot of paperwork
  23. Yes pls, we already have the scroll-up, adding the scroll-down would be a low effort but decisive quality of life change.
  24. Yep cooking is a lot of fun, but then you have to clean up God bless the washing machine (I don’t have it tho :/ )
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