Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

info-gatherer

Members
  • Posts

    389
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by info-gatherer

  1. We usually get a week of spring break, for some weird reason this year it’s a whopping 3 days & the problem with my gf is always the same money money money oh dear I don’t have money for a coffee money money how silly of you to think we could go skiing money money NOT EVERYONE HERE IS RICH ENOUGH TO GO PADDLING ON THE LAKE, UNDERSTAND, YOU PRIVILEGED F.... Jk, that’s what she usually tells me when I come up with an idea edit: Day 48 I just had a very interesting and pleasant conversation about politics. The rest of the day went quite well, I didn’t study but I did some cleaning of the house.
  2. Thanks Bear :) Fluffy as usual. Really, I don’t know how to celebrate. Always hated my birthday parties. Right now I’m very focused on university bc I still need to catch up with the time I lost gaming, and I know that every single day is precious. A good result at my next exam would be the best possible way to reward myself. Apart from that, I’d like to go skiing again, but nobody wants to come with me and I wouldn’t enjoy it fully if I went alone. Also, I used to travel a lot in the past, but I stopped when my grades started to drop. Maybe I’ll plan a trip as a reward for the 90 days mark. I’m not sure if I want to go to a european capital and just be a tourist & meet people&get drunk, or instead to volunteer in a war zone like Palestine. For the 2nd option I’d need some courage, I guess. Anyway Day 47 Woke up when the alarm rang, studied all day except a couple hours that I used to partecipate to a debate about the political situation in Palestine (hence the inspiration). I did not talk, but it was very interesting. Now I understand that situation a lot better. After dinner I had a long conversation with my gf about our future as students, the job market, italian school system and my mental health. Also, I don’t know if I want to go to parents’ home tomorrow. I have to decide. Maybe I can do an experiment, or a challenge: go and try to study there (I usually don’t even open a book when I’m there).
  3. Looks like you’re improving every aspect of your life. The part about accepting that you don’t always have to be the best is very inspiring. Congratulations, you’re doing great :)
  4. Day 46 I didn’t wake up when the alarm rang. It’s the 2nd time this week and it’s not ok. Now it’s 10:45 AM: I wasted all my morning. No wonder this problem comes along with increasing anxiety. Yesterday was a hell of a day and I didn’t feel much motivated, now I MUST do better. Goals for today: study hard and go to tennis, focus on what matters most, rhe present, without being caught by anxiety update: nice day, worth living. Mandatory to wake up at alarm time tomorrow, ill put the alarm far from my bed just to be sure.
  5. Day 45 Had a bad day. A lot of fear to fail, I felt too much pressure, too big a burden on my shoulders. My gf managed to talk me out of most of it, and I’m very grateful for it. Sometimes she gives me the courage that I lack. Half of my detox is now completed.
  6. Day 44 I went back to uni city; falling asleep right now, nothing special to say, just didn’t wanna skip the entry. Another memory from my childhood: Me and my dad are biking together. I want to ask him to buy me the new Game Boy SP. I’m positive he will say no, because I already spend too much time with my GB Color and he has to scream at me every day to make me stop. I ask him and he’s very chill, says yes of course you can have it, I can’t believe it and I’m very happy.
  7. Day 42-43 I joined SC, a top tier tracker for the type of content I’m interested in. Luckily enough, my journey in the climb-those-trackers world has “come to an end” in a very short time (most people need months, if ever, to achieve my same result, I’ve been very lucky). I’ll just use that one and forget about the others. Also, the community is very friendly. I never liked lurking forums and wasting hours in front of the pc, except for gaming forums ofc, so this weekend really took a toll on me. It was a short experience, but I’d dare say very educational. There’s a whole subculture of which I ignored the existence and now am a part of. I didn’t spend all the time in those trackers, tho. Yesterday I woke up and went to cast my vote for the national elections. Then I went with my grandmother to the cemetery after a lot of years of absence. My grandfather’s grave is there. It was an intense experience. My granny told me that in a short time my grandfather’s grave is going to be broken, and his spoils are gonna be moved in another location. She also told me a thing that I didn’t remember: when I was 2, I told her that I saw my grandpa in a dream, and he told me to tell her that he was well and happy, and he ran in a field full of flowers. In the afternoon I went to visit 2 friends of mine and then went out for dinner with them and other people. I had a good time. But now it’s time to go back to the real world. Tomorrow I have my first lesson of the 2nd semester. The course seems much more difficult than I’m used to. It’s a course of history, so not exactly my field. I think it will be a real challenge, and for the first time I wonder whether I’m ready or not. I won’t skip the lessons and hopefully everything will be good.
  8. Good luck then, I’m a great fan of you :) You are going to do even better this time!
  9. Man DON’T it’s just a slip, it happened, ok, make it doesn’t happen anymore. I read your journal, and you’re doing GREAT. I think that your mistake was stopping to count the days. Why don’t you just resume it? You gamed a day, this doesn’t spoil all your progress unless you do it again. And you won’t, because you care about your life. I’d like to hear @Cam Adair‘s opinion on this, maybe I’m giving bad advice.
  10. Thanks @Newbie17 :) I’m not trying WoW anytime soon. Day 41 Spent the whole afternoon of yesterday and the whole day today in front of the pc, and I have to say I didn’t miss the feeling at all. Usual brain fog experience and little meaningful accomplished. I joined a couple private trackers and downloaded half a TB of art-house / classic / indie movies. Being a newbie in the trackers world I had to study and learn a lot of stuff, and I actually did, but I also spent hours just looking at the download/seeding percentages going up. My final goal is to join Karagarga, the best art-house movie tracker, and be done with this bullshit of having to waste hours “improving my ratio”, “promoting” and “advancing my rank” in different trackers. It was fun the first 2 hours, then it got boring. Now I learned the basics and I’m not required anymore to stand in front of the pc the whole time, I can let the rig do its job, so I guess I’ll go and visit my granny (woah what an exciting saturday for Info-Gatherer!)
  11. @BigOlBeartic well in Italy we say “non cantare vittoria”, which means “don’t be happy until you actually manage to get what you want”. My request needs to be approved and then ofc I must actually move there. A lot of things can happen but I hope I’ll be strong enough to do it. I’ve already lived in Berlin for 5 months, so I can probably stay 9 months in Paris. We’ll see. @eshi2000 Yes, quitting games is reshaping my life as long as I am focused enough to replace it with better activities. I think I’m doing good. Thanks for the support and for reading my journal :) Day 40 Going back to parents’ home. I asked my sister, my gf and a friend to go skiing this weekend but they all declined. Maybe I’ll go on my own. Also, sunday is Election Day, I’ll go to cast my vote.
  12. Day 39 The french test went decently enough, I hope my request gets approved. Lunch with friends. I bought a chess board and proceded to destroy every one of them. They were all beginners / first time but I couldn’t resist. I wasn’t arrogant or cocky, I tried to be helpful and humble, but nonetheless I couldn’t resist to crush them in <10 moves every time. It’s not a videogame but I was looking for that same feeling of “dopamine release” and I quite got it. It was beautiful playing again after 40 days, even if the matches were unbalanced. Tennis went super good. I played vs the best guy in my course and forced him to play seriously otherwise he would lose. In the end I lost but it was a lot of fun. I’m getting better and I’m grateful for it.
  13. Day 38 Exam passed, 30/31. It’s almost the best result but it’s not enough and I will not settle for anything less than 31 next time. I already study a lot (thanks to GameQuitters!), and I’m not totally stupid. This means that I need to change my method. Goals for the next months: 1 DONT SKIP THE LESSONS. DONT STAY AT HOME. GO TO SCHOOL ALSO WHEN THE LESSONS ARE BORING AND SEEM ALMOST A WASTE OF TIME. 2 I don’t know how to write this in english but I NEED TO REPEAT (reharse?) OUT LOUD BEFORE THE EXAM. KNOWING THINGS IN MY MIND IS NOT ENOUGH. I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DISCUSS & MAKE SENSE WITHOUT DIGRESSING AND BEING CONFUSING. Tomorrow I have a test of French language, it’s not exactly an exam but I need a decent score if I want to move to Paris next year
  14. I don’t know those books but I add another suggestion that may or may not fit you needs, although I think it would be very educational for you as it was for me: “The culture of narcissism” by C. Lasch (1979 iirc)
  15. Day 37 It’s 10 PM and I still have to re-read 60 pages. I can’t study anymore, I’ll try to do that tomorrow morning before the exam. Today in my city it was the coldest day of the year, -8 celsius degrees. Tomorrow it’s expected to be better, “just” -3. well I’m watching a movie and then going to bed, goodnight everyone
  16. Day 36 More cravings, and I know why. I have an exam on wednesday and my mind is trying to escape from it. I studied hard but I was forced in bed for a whole week due to my fever, so I’m not 100% ready to take it. But I have no choice :) I must try
  17. Life hax Day 35 It’s snowing, and some crazy people are running a half-marathon in the streets. I guess they’re showing dedication.
  18. You’re absolutely right, and I am surely familiar with the risks of trying to game in “moderation”. That’s why I’m doing this detox. In your guide you suggest that before trying moderation a person should complete his 90 days, so that his mind gets “rewired”. This doesn’t mean that I have already decided to try moderation either. In fact, maybe I won’t. If I think about it, I consider that I still have 2 more months of detox to complete, and I am 100% committed to it. Talking about what I will do next feels premature/rushed. Right now I’m just enjoying the ride. And I will make sure to “re-evaluate” my position in all honesty at the end of the detox before trying anything at all. Another thing: after the gaming detox, I must quit smoking, and I absolutely don’t want to try any kind of gaming moderation while I do that. So my detox will last longer than 90 days. That said, I understand what you’re trying to tell me, and the danger you want to shield me from. And I’m so much grateful for it. I don’t want to fail you and the community, you’re all helping me so much and I feel like the only way I can repay you is being an example for the other people that are trying to quit this addiction. This is why I will do my best not to let you down. Day 34, evening I accepted an invite for dinner at a friend’s home, but it got canceled at the last minute (the guy that was supposed to cook got sick and everyone said “ok let’s just do it another day”). I had another invite (this one from my gf & her friends) but I didn’t go, I didn’t feel like doing it. This was probably a bad choice, because this way I spent the whole day+evening in my bed watching movies. At least I really liked the 2nd movie, “The king of comedy” by M. Scorsese. I seldom like Scorsese’s movies but this one is brilliant. Anyway, this doesn’t mean that I had a meaningful day. It was pretty dull, actually. Last thing: a friend came and visited me. She said (honestly, as a friend) that I am always too serious, implying that I am not funny as I used to be and she didn’t have a great time with me like she used to have. This made me think. Am I being too hard on myself? Always serious and too focused on important things to just relax for a second? Or instead I got more emotionally mature and I can’t feel good in the same silly/“hiding-my-insecurities” way I used to? My grammar is lackluster but I hope you understand
  19. Day 34 Today I was having for the first time quite strong cravings, and what happened? One of my best friends (which is also one of my only 3 irl gaming friends) asked me if I want to start playing WoW again with him. We both quit that game several years ago and I really miss playing it. I explained him what I am doing here with the detox and he respected it. He was very supportive, although he said “ok see you on wow in 60 days”. I explained that if I feel safe at the end of the 90 days I will try playing in moderation, but WoW isn’t exactly a game that gets along with moderation... well I still have a couple months to figure out what’s best for me.
  20. Hey. I didn’t read through the whole journal (planning to do it in the future though) so I don’t know if this got mentioned already, but it looks to me that you treat procrastination as the real problem instead of a symptom of something bigger. That something might be your gaming addiction, but again, gaming addiction is often just a symptom as well. I remember that when I suffered from depression I used to procrastinate a lot. It’s easy to avoid doing what you are supposed to do when you wake up and you feel that your life is meaningless, when you open your eyes and you would prefer a thousand times going back to sleeping instead of living another crappy day. How’s your mental health? Are you sure you’re addressing the real problems? Hope this applies and helps edit: read the whole journal and my first impression got confirmed. also, if I may ask out of curiosity, how comes that a 19yo undergraduate teaches courses?
  21. Day 33 My flatmate’s behaviour is out of control. Some days ago she sticked a note on the door of my room, saying that I am supposed to put my hand in front of my mouth when I cough (thing that I always do when there are people around) and explicitly accusing me of getting her sick. Like wtf is your problem, I got you sick so what? Someone got me sick in the first place. Should I find that person and pin a note on his forehead? And she is always so commanding, as if I were an invader in HER house. She takes decision on when we should clean the house, where we should put our things and so on. It’s MY house too, you know? I’d really like to shout in her face that she’s a worthless selfish individual that’s driving me crazy, but I guess it’s not a good idea and I couldn’t find the courage anyway. I hope she triggers me at the point I explode, but this isn’t a good way of thinking about the problem either. The best solution would be to speak to her, but I don’t feel safe doing so bc I know that while my behaviour is always polite and helpful, my “activities” are far from perfect: I’m a smoker and my GF comes visiting/sleeping almost every day, and she never complained about it (maybe I would if I were her). Also, I don’t want my other flatmates to join into the discussion or I could be overnumbered, even if nobody likes her. Should I just endure and be patient? Any tips?
  22. Hey :) Tennis was fine, my service is improving and my backhand too. I also feel like I have more control overall, but we didn’t play the game today, just technical exercises, so I cannot be sure. Bonus points bc I had spontaneous and funny social interaction with the other 2 guys. After tennis I went to a friends home, we were 5 people and I lead the conversation on a difficult topic. I quite missed the feeling. My intellectual skills are not numb anymore since I quit gaming and I spend my days studying. I know it’s just natural that my speech & reasoning performance are getting better, but I’ve been happy to see proof of that.
  23. Day 32 Thanks god in 1 month is gonna be spring, this cold is driving me crazy. Good news: I woke up at 7.30. That’s very early for me and I’m grateful for it. Before 9 I was already at the library and I started studying. Bad news: After lunch I just gave up on the possibility of being productive. I felt tired. I came back home and I’m just mindlessly surfing the net and waiting for this evening’s tennis lesson. I find the thought of going out with both my school books AND my huge tennis bag on my shoulders very scary. But even if I only have a couple hours left to make this afternoon meaningful, I’m TAKING ACTION and going out right now.
  24. I’ll tell you my favourite quote from gamequitters’ podcast. It’s at the end of episode 3: “Games are extremily explicit in their expectations and consistent in their rewards. Real life is (??), actions and outcomes often have no linear relationship. To a gamer this inconsistency can be extremely demotivating. Getting your life on track doesn’t have an XP bar.”