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Laney

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Posts posted by Laney


  1. I'm the same way with painting as you are with writing, I can't fit it into a scheduled time. But I scheduled it anyway: An hour a day at like 4pm. Have I painted everyday at 4pm? No. But I have painted everyday :P 

    For some reason, having it in my planner makes me more likely to paint overall.

    It's great that your girlfriend is trying a different medication. AND I am glad you are supportive through this change. My ex left me during a switch in medication, told me I should figure myself out on my own. She is very blessed :) 

    I am not sure how she handles life but, habits are pretty cool. I dont ever leave the fridge until I've shut the door even when I only want it open for a little "to put the butter/milk/insert object here" back in real fast. I have even left car doors open before...aha... Anyway It's possible, but she has to make it important to make the change. Basically the act of opening the fridge equals to close it. They need to feel connected in her habit loop. She wants to turn the AC on? Put a sticky note there "Check The Windows!" Have her write it and place it next to the AC where she'll look. Approach her saying you have an idea for the window closing and be positive about it! That visual reminder will help.

    She wants to be good at these things, and she would be if she has something to remind her or she built a habit/trigger of the behavior she wants. Just like when you bring up the rent she's right on it. 

    And yes!!! Cleanup during cooking is the only way I can ever get dishes done. Best habit I ever built <3 I'm still pretty bad at it though, but at least if I'm doing a long fancy meal like baking or your burgers I have 1/5 the cleanup to do at the end. 


  2. Whoo! That's a big step getting rid of all your accounts like that. *applause*

    I have an idea for you. Since you're having trouble realizing you can live life without porn and games, do a retreat with friends. Go camping or stay in a cabin with no internet and phone service for a weekend. Bring card games, food and a good pair of boots. Enjoy life outside of this obsessive internet world for a bit.

    Also remember to not just replace gaming and porn with just solo stuff. Guitar and working out is AWESOME and definitely keep doing that, but keep in mind you need to fulfill your social needs too. It'll get boring real fast if you just spend time with yourself and only yourself.

    • Like 1

  3. You're here and you keep coming back to read and post, just like I was before I made the commitment to quitting games! It's tough to go from "I'll just try to avoid games for a few days to see if I want to do this for real..." to "Yes! We're actually doing this and enjoying it. Sober feelz for real" My brain defended it's right to game pretty hardcore, my head hurt for the whole first week of being sober not really accepting that I wasn't gunna go back ever. In fact, I quit silently and didn't tell anyone until day two. I encourage you to do the daily journal especially during the first couple of days, and to be honest with yourself.

    Feel free to grab this template a lot of us use and change it to fit your needs:

    *Insert reflection of your day, or yesterday*

    3 Things I'm grateful for:

    One amazing thing that happened today:

    What I could have done to make my day better:

    What I will do differently tomorrow:


  4. I feel quite silly now, because I literally have to go back a couple of years just to catch up in terms of education. To think this could've been avoided had I not played videogames so much and if I just focused on the real world and my goals and achievements first, then game last if I wanted to. I suppose better late than never!

    Don't feel silly, it was a part of our life where we didn't have the right guidance to show us it wasn't how one wants to live a life. It was easy, gave us satisfaction, we felt accomplished, we had parents to take care of us. Now we have the opportunity to grow and discover ourselves, and to feel truly accomplished in the real word. I don't regret my past, I just regret not getting fed up with all of my gaming problems sooner! Haha, but I'm glad that we're here now.


  5. Hey @Zane, I ran across your journal while browsing during lunch today, How have you been doing on replacing gaming with healthy things? (working out, socializing, school, dating, any other hobbies). Last I read you were struggling with making progress there and you felt very lonely/not inspired. It would be nice to hear how things are going and chat about them.

    Loneliness to me has always been a feeling that grows as I feed it, and lessens as I don't pay attention to it + focus on other things. Say, if I listen to music that reminds me of my past relationships, or I romanticize too much my previous relationship and get nostalgic. That lowers my mood and encourages my loneliness to appear. A page or two ago you said something about how you had both beauty and a cool personality in your ex, but, reading earlier in your journal I find this quote:

    "...rather than build my own dreams I adopted hers. I am glad that I am now taking responsibility for my own dreams." -Zane, June 2015

    This is something that I think is important. You have substance. You have morals and ethics and dreams that are passionate and unique to you. I was and am still carried away by the people I date. I tend to date passionate confident people who inspire me, and many of them detach eventually because I become too similar to be interested in. I aim to be someone who can inspire my partner just as much as they inspire me. It's a work in progress.

    You were deeply carried away in that relationship and you stopped growing while she continued and you, in a sense, worshiped her for it. It's not healthy to have a relationship like that, and I hope you can start noticing the signs of 'losing yourself' in others over time. I am stoked you made this GQ decision and are trying to grow and focus on yourself! I think that's exactly what you need and you have a lot of potential to utilize your empathy for others in beneficial ways. (Have you thought of volunteering?? Helping other's is SUCH a great feeling and a good outlet for lonely feelings and a big magnet for positive-proud vibes)

    You are soooo creative, your white board and decorations in your room are stylish and show care for color, placement and visual aesthetics. Finding a hobby and habits that can include this in your life would be a great step for your school habits!! I recommend the planner I use for school, The Passion Planner I added pictures of others instagrams of it below. I have a full set of different highlighter colors and use them for different things, (orange for class, red for assignments and finals, blue for social, purple for appointments, green for exercise, pink for homework taime) And even if you don't highlight, the writing space and visualization of your whole day and week in time slots is amazingly helpful.

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    12356555_1706081446292076_80485542_n.jpg


  6. High school: projects and long homework assignments were rushed but I was still an A/B sometimes C student. While at school I was very dedicated and took steps to finish assignments there instead of at home.

    College: huge negative impact. Quick homework and mini study sessions the night before tests worked in hs but not in my more intense classes. Along with my adhd and gaming as a way to escape life and my depression of how I was failing at it, I almost got low enough for academic probation. Now that I'm diagnosed I haven't failed a class but I havent retained as much as other students even when getting the same grade. I hope quitting games improves long term retention and my project quality (not rushed, and better study habits)

    It's hard for me to describe what was specifically because of games or my adhd that caused my failures. But there was a quarter where I was so depressed and hating myself that I showed up to Zero of my finals and flunked an entire quarter, was kicked out of my extracurricular activity for good as well.

     

    EDIT: Oops, I forgot about the second question.  I don't think my teachers were aware at all.


  7. Of course, I can't read all of yours but I try to stop in when I have the time. My journaling is too long as well, trying to mitigate the length I go on personal tangents I'm not sure I need to elaborate on.  It's odd because it's a public journal, not "just for me", weird balance but also great because of the community.

    Also the grateful section is hard for me to fill out on days where I've been depressed. 


  8. Thank you very much for the shout out! I hope the visualisation technique works for you.

    Also could you please tell me how to tag people without quoting?

    Good luck for your date :)

     Type the @ symbol and as you begin typing the username it will pop up and you can click on it. Saw someone use it the other day and it's much easier than quoting while on mobile.


  9. Good luck on the date as well :D

    Thaannks.. My track record is I end up being interested in taken, polyamorous or open relationship people. It takes time for me to recover and get back on the dating scene after each one. I wish people could walk around with signs saying "IN RELATIONSHIP" or "NON-MONOGAMOUS" so I don't have to waste my time or my heart. 


  10. That was my problem for a long time. Fiction books became ultra boring. And all the adult ones were too odd (like the style was weird, Kurt Vonnegut is a good example, I would like to try reading him again some day), or too racey with a bunch of forced sex scenes. But then young adult is too...easy to read or poorly written.

     

    Anyway, some I would suggest to you, @games_be_gone 

    Fantasy

    The Rhapsody Trilogy by Elizabeth Haydon. I'm serious. This storytelling is fantastic. I could never imagine up what this author has! My problem with fantasy novels is that I can predict everything, and the main character is "too perfect to be real" (cough drizzt do urden cough) this book doesn't follow those rules and neither does the next:

    The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb. The first book, Assassins Apprentice, accurately and with great emotion depicted depression in a main character. The rest followd with a kick ass fantasy story and character progression. 

    Sci-fi 

    Not as experienced here, I haven't read too many I think I'd suggest to a non programmer so I'll list a bunch and you can see if any interest you.

    Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. 

    Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. 

    The Ender's Game series. 

    Prey by Michael Crichton

    The Far Side of Evil by Sylvia Engdahl


  11. Day 23

    Firstly, I want to shout out to @AlexTheGrape who's inspired me to use the visualization technique he mentions quite often. Week three is showing me that this journey is far from over, and that quitting games for good will take a lot of effort on my part. This is the first week where I felt like I had free time: family is gone, school has started, all my gift projects are completed. Leaving me with my old habits trying to kick in. That's where I've used this vivisualization. My trigger to use it is when I'm itching to go to the habit of logging onto my computer and playing a game.

    So for three days I've done this, I would describe it as pausing myself and forcing myself to become aware of: first my surroundings, then remembering my wants and goals for this week, then feeling which is more important (goal or my surroundings), then imagining the finished act or me doing the act of what I've selected I should do.

    This has helped put my brain back in it's right place each and every time. I don't think doing it once a day in the morning is the right style for me, and that's okay. I'm using it and it's working! So thank you Alex. 

    I've made progress here but I still need to clean my car with a vacuum and cleaning supplies, throw out WAY more clothes, I've kept too many because I have a lot of cute clothes in general, but I never wear certain colors, the ones that've lost their elasticity or shape, or just don't seem appropriate for a white girl to wear-such as the red and black chinese dress I love but have never worn, cultural stuff basically, and waaaaay too many accessories to handle. 

    For some reason I feel I'll get an amazing sense of peace and confidence if I get all my organizing/cleaning done. 

    4 Things I Am Grateful For

    1. The break in the rain today, the sky was gorgeous

    2. The gal that let me feel included last night when I was getting anxious

    3. Yoga classes that end early so I can go home and take a much needed nap

    4. My body for being a champ while I abuse it with little sleep and lots of driving

    An Amazing Thing That Happened Today

    I now have a date on Sunday ;)

    What could I have done to make my day better?

    Not be late to leave for class. I need to plan to leave earlier because I forget parking is really hard and triggers my depression.

    What I will do differently tomorrow:

    I will be more attentive at work, my coworker who was here for the break instilled really bad habits in me. He was constantly reading news articles instead of working and I got into the habit of browsing the internet (gamequitters included) more than my lunch and breaks allow. I'll be installing leechblock on my browser to try and initiate this.

     

     


  12. Whoooww! Those challenges seem so perfect! I love that you felt you didn't challenge yourself enough and kept doing it. I'm sooo checking these out!

    I got my sticker this week too! I've like kept it in my purse and I keep looking at it (with fondness just like your joy was over the letter and sticker!) Yet I cant decide where to put it. Have you placed it anywhere yet?


  13. I've been thinking of purchasing a new radio or a wire splitter that would replace the cd player for my car. It's in that awkward stage where cassettes weren't cool anymore, and aux ports weren't in the cars yet. :( 

    Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

    Thank you Tom. First, I was pretty OCD about the color scheme on the pixels, except flame and leaf, and it makes me happy that you noticed! Secondly, I am excited to learn my brushes, paints and canvases better. Progress will probably look slow or I'll have crappy days, but you guys aren't paying me so it doesn't matter :P 


  14. I would say if you spend quite a lot of time on your avatar and building area's it would be a problem, but if you are on there to meet friends and to use as a hangout I have used a similarish chat/game/thing in the past. I would say I was addicted to it when I logged on and it was hard for me to detach and go out. It wasn't as hard as an online game but it was still up there. I spent time creating Shop items to gain in-game currency to ---> spend more time editing my avatar and her "rooms".

    For socializing I would suggest something like TinyChat. It includes webcam so it makes it more realistic as well as you feel more connected to the people on the other side of the screen. And there are themed rooms where people of like minds can meet and chill.

    In real life I would suggest joining a group or club that meets once a week to accomplish something. (hike, tabletop roleplaying(or LARPing!), book club, rock climbing, poi etc)


  15. I use Audible for audiobooks and love it. You might not retain all of it, but you can also listen on 1.5/2x speed so you can listen to it twice for each time you read it... and I use audiobooks less for "I must retain everything (ie: study)" and more to continue my mind having positive information and mindsets throughout the day.

    If you want to try Audible, use this link and that will help support GQ if you decide to continue with it. You also get 2 free audiobooks to start I believe.

    Is Audible unlimited books per month if you pay for it? (not free trial)


  16. In my eyes entertainment is anything I spend time and money on to enjoy myself. Concerts, books, movies, comedy shows, musicals, phone apps, spotify, netflix, magazine/newspaper, local radio, etc.

    So I'm going to tell you about someone I know. When I went to visit my sister at law school I met my sisters roommate. This girls life is full of zero entertainment, 100% productivity. I was shocked. She said it's just the way she is. She grew up in a household where they would be awake at 5am to play hockey before going out to the farm. She feels guilty if she isn't studying or working towards something. I am sure her entertainment comes from a different place, but even she acknowledged she doesn't enjoy herself when she goes out and that she always leaves early because the guilt prevents her from having any fun.

    Is it possible to live without entertainment? Yes. Is it the way you want to live your life? That's up to you :)


  17. Day 22 1/6/16

    School started this week! I've been very stressed worrying about classes (was dropped from everything because I forgot to pay and thought I wouldn't be able to walk in spring because of it) But everything turned out okay and I got all the classes I need. I can stop worrying about it now and am free to focus on my personal growth and give full attention to my classes.

    On Monday, I bought the painting materials I said I would get! Spent a little over $50 and got a set of brushes, seven colors of acrylic paints(red blue yellow green brown white black), a bottle of gesso(primer that allows me to paint with acrylics on any surface), a set of mini square canvases and another set of medium small canvases as well. I've been SO BAD about exercising and painting, consistently telling myself I'll do it later or do it tomorrow.  From today onwards I'm scheduling late afternoons during the weekdays (3-5pm or 3-6pm) as exercise and painting time. I won't get anything done unless it's IN MY DARN PLANNER. :( So it's about time it's in there.

    In addition, since I drive often I was thinking about getting audio books. It'd keep me entertained and I wouldn't be wasting as much time reading on the side, I could do my Self-Help 'reading' in the car instead. My only issue is, will I retain it? And is it a bad idea for them to be on CD's? My car only has a CD player and it seems rather cumbersome to eject, insert, eject, insert. Will try it out anyway, since the benefit probably outweighs in the inconvenience.

    3 Things I am grateful for:

    1. My class and work schedule is great, I have every weekday afternoon available. Having personal goals beginning at 3pm like exercise or daily painting will be GREAT for building habits. Who knew I would love late afternoon so much?
    2. The blanket in my car
    3. For the classmate who told me it was OK. Wow. I've never had anyone tell me they didn't blame me for [blank]. I appreciate that, dude. Honestly. It creates a very open and understanding feel in the classroom, which will pave the way for deeper conversations + progress in the future. As [blank] I've always felt as though my side wasn't heard, wasn't acknowledged as real, or understood that it can be extremely hard to change/was extremely hard to change. [being vague for anonymous reasons, nothing bad/crazy at all I just know this forum is pretty public]

    One amazing thing that happened today:

    The storm caused a tree to fall on the road. Since the campus shuttle couldn't bring us to the far parking lot, I ended up walking there with a friendly stranger in the rain (poor guy only had a cotton hoodie). Halfway there we heard a biiig roar/whoosh and looked around. Moments later we were being pummeled by intense winds and rain! It was like we were in a hurricane or something. Nature is amazing! and very wet.

    What could I have done to make my day better?

    Hah..ha... I could have not gone to that kickback and drank the night before. Honestly my body was very kind to me for how unkind I've been to it this week. Obviously I'm taking steps to take care of myself, water, food etc, but my body never was on this 4½ to 7½ hours a night schedule before four months ago. In highschool I'd average 12 hours or more on weekends for sleep, and now I don't let myself sleep more than 9 when I can sleep in.

    I could also keep a pair of boots in my car because wet feet are no fun.

    What I am going to do differently today:

    Today I will exercise and start painting.

     

    Creative Section:

    Completed and mailed the perler badge gift for a friend. It turned out really great!! They loved it. 

    NxrxxQ7.jpg


  18. I have a galaxy s6 and have zero complaints, lots of compliments! If you do get one, make sure to check out the tips online for special fun features like swiping your hand over the screen to take a screen shot (normal way is power and home button together), turning phone over to silence a call, etc


  19. One thing that has bothered me the most is the brain fog I've been experiencing. I am sure gaming has influenced the way my brain works, but I also believe I might actually have undiagnosed ADHD-inattentive type (more commonly known as ADD). This came into mind a few days ago, when I discovered ADHD-inattentive type, of which I was previously completely unaware. Most people only know about the hyperactive type, which is the one that is easy to identify. 

    At first I thought there was no way this could be true... I'm just looking to justify my laziness and academic performance. But I sat down with my parents, and showed them the symptoms before I even told them what it was I think I had. They agreed that I exhibited all of them not only in high school, but as a younger child, and the story seems to make perfect sense. I know self-diagnosis is bad, but I really feel like I have some solid reasoning here.

    What really got me convinced is that I have had experience in high school with depression, in particular dysthymia, which is a form that manifests itself over a longer period of time, and can go un-noticed. Coincidentally, dysthymia is most commonly either misdiagnosed (ADHD is usually the true culprit), or it accompanies ADHD, so I decided perhaps it's best to get that checked out, and see if I may have some underlying issues that need to be addressed by a professional. This semester was the first time I haven't felt depressed - I actually felt really happy! But the problem is that the brain-foggyness, and other mental fatigue issues that accompany depression remained, despite my good mood. Could be nothing, but who knows.

    • I am very curious, and might ask the psychiatrist whether it is possible/probable for addictive gaming might cause ADHD. The symptoms of gaming addiction actually seem to overlap with those of ADHD... makes me wonder whether we really know much about the human brain at all. 

    I have adhd-primarily inattentive type. The best thing to do if you think you have it is to get tested. I did eight hours total over three to five sessions, and the results were very eye opening (they test for other learning disabilities too) as well as gave me something to hand to psychiatrists if I move away, to instantly continue treatment instead of explaining myself and trying to be re diagnosed/fighting them.

    I've finished the human solo portion of the book, not sure if I'll read the corporate section. It was hard to get through but the different examples made sure people of different interests and backgrounds could understand, relate and make connections.

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