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About Oakley

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  1. Oakley

    Did it!

    Hey all, I was here briefly a couple months ago. But I'd say I'm over gaming now! I even downloaded League of Legends again last week and promptly uninstalled after one game. A buddy that I go to school with was complaining about how I don't play anymore and agreed that I'd play one game with him after losing a bet. I had no interest in playing! Things that helped me be successful: Keeping myself so goddamn busy that I was exhausted by the end of the day Having a daily four task "to-do" list that I had to complete before I got any downtime. Examples: read 2 chapters of textbook, clean up dinner, do yoga, finish research paper. I always try to have 1 "hard" , 1 "medium", and 2 "easy" tasks. Did I mention how tired I made myself? Mentally and physically. The pros of sticking with it: My head feels less "cloudy". I can think about my future and stuff I want to get done. When I do play video games, it's very rarely and for short amount of time.
  2. Entry Five: Twelve Days Phew, I've been really busy this past week. I've been stepping up my role in the classroom and finishing up the first case study. I've been in a whirlwind of work, but it feels manageable. That damn Halloween event is over on ESO. But I still feel like playing games and have had to talk myself out of playing a couple times this week. Thankfully, I don't have anytime to play this weekend. So much stuff to do. The productivity timer challenge has been a huge help in keeping me on task. I actually feel myself wanting to continually work for 25 minutes. I have moved to another platform to journal. I haven't decided if I'll continue to update this journal, but I'll definitely keep lurking on the website and listening to the podcast.
  3. Entry Four: Seven Days This will be a short entry. But I've come to realize that I really enjoy journaling! Listened to another episode of the podcast. Definitely picked the wrong one, pfff. It was building confidence as a man (episode #17), but it was insightful into pressures that men feel. Episode #19 is great (Binge on Productivity) and I tried the app that was suggested. It worked! I'll keep playing around with it. I might move journaling platforms. Although I really love this website and have been lurking for awhile (here and reddit), I've found some really cool websites that I might try out. I can't write for very long because my wrist starts hurting. Yeah, gaming has physically messed up my body, which I still can't admit in real life. I'm off to pick up my dog from daycare! Then do some work on my case study.
  4. Nice video! Good luck learning salsa!
  5. Hi Hayden! Welcome to the forums. I play games in a very similar fashion, I love making friends and I felt drawn into gaming communities because of that. It's super easy - you already have something in common, right?! However, I've found that a few of them have transitioned into people who I've come to rely on during many different moments of my life. I hope that some of those friendships transition over for you and you don't have to end them all.
  6. Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely took time this weekend to head to a craft store to look into buying some paper. I'd like to start with making my own Christmas cards for family. It's super expensive though, so I might have to settle with watching YouTube videos for now. I dug through some piles of stuff last night and found a bandanna I was working on for my dog. Gonna try to finish it this week.
  7. Entry Three: Six Days I'm gonna be an Empoleon! Highlights: I like Clearwater Creedence Revival, Led Zeppelin, and Greta Van Fleet now. I'm back into anime, starting with Boruto. Renovating a house sucks ass. I started this weekend pissed. I was certain that I was going to binge again. Renovating a house while living in it is the worst. I've had no heat for over a month and have been cooking in the fucking basement on a hotplate for almost 2 years. I've been keeping most of my possessions (my precious books) in boxes in the basement that either floods, gets covered in piping material, or wood shavings from putting in the hardwood floor. I've had to donate so much of my stuff because we just don't have room for things. AND that doesn't include the cost, how much longer it takes you to do normal tasks, the amount of cleaning you have to do, or continually having to deal with "lookers" who think you're trying to flip the property and feel like it's okay to come into your yard to look in your windows. Next to having a kid, I think that this shit has to bring down relationship satisfaction the most. I was so annoyed going into this weekend. The reasons aren't important anymore, because I've processed through them, but I've realized that I used gaming to bottle up my anger towards my partner. My PC is fucked up because of it. I played games while we were tearing down plaster, removing cellulose insulation, putting up drywall, and sanding wood. Whenever something was frustrating me about our house, I would get mad and play games to avoid talking to him about it. I wouldn't avoid all of the time..., but there's something about working all day long and coming home to your space and having tools everywhere on the floor, asbestos ridden material everywhere, dust-fog in the air, and then you've got to cook dinner, feed the dog, walk the dog, do the laundry, clean our "living space", and somehow find time to clean up the construction mess while he's in the shower. Of course, League of Legends was easier to pour myself into. However, I'm happy to report that, much like having a kid, my relationship happiness has been slowly rising and is higher than what it was before. It's been a tough climb out, but I can't wait until our house is done. We've still got another year before we're done, but I can imagine the day when I come home and can sit on a couch, have my office where I write my research papers, and have my patio to drink my coffee. Anyways, I went into the weekend pissed. I was certain that I was going to binge because I had convinced myself that I deserved the video games. I felt like I had put up with so much shit that I needed to play my games. Instead, I forced myself out of the house and went on the hike. It was great! I got some good photos of the changing foliage, my dog was so happy, and my friend had a great time. I only thought twice about my game while we were out, but it was fleeting though. I FELT SO GREAT TODAY. HERE'S THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY: I woke up today, had no urges, felt great, took my dog out, and actually wanted to do yoga. I listened to the Game Quitters podcast and got some ideas. I'll journal about them later. I'll be going to a "learn how to RPG" event next week at the local card shop and maybe dig through our boxes downstairs to try to find my Magic cards. I want to try playing with them again. I listened to a ton of different albums this weekend, really want to get a good music system when our living room is finished. I read a ton in my book. Want to get a half sleeve (got two tattoos on my forearm, but want them to get them connected somehow. My students love them, even though I only wear professional clothes and they never see them unless I roll up my sleeves), scored a 10/15 on a lesson that I planned in the previous 15 minutes before presenting it, the principal in my building has bragged about me, I'm going to make pozole this week, I've lost 33 pounds, and if I put enough blankies on my bed then I'm not cold at night. I'M AM GOING TO GET OVER THIS BECAUSE I'M COMMITTED AND I CAN DO THIS.
  8. Thanks! c: Definitely try to be organized!
  9. Entry Two: 4 Days I'm cheating and writing this entry early, because I just overcame a huge urge and I'm certain that I'll make it through today. I spent a majority of my day rushing between meetings on campus and spending a large amount of time talking with people. I was exhausted when I got home. I'm definitely a highly sensitive person. I love being social, but I need my quiet, alone time. As I was driving home, I thought about what my "reward" would be and my mind immediately went to playing my game. Instead, I played with my doggo and took him on a walk. Then! During my walk, I hit 20,000 steps for the month of October! It was great and gave me a rush of feeling accomplished! After we were done with our walk, I decided to finish eating my lunch and watched the newest episode of Bob's Burgers. I'll be cooking dinner shortly after finishing this entry, then we're going to go try this new bar that just opened. I've also finalized some plans for the weekend. Tomorrow will be a 8-mile hike with my friend and puppo, followed with chores and homework. Sunday will be going to a coffee shop and treating myself to breakfast and alone reading time. Then I'll head up to my parent's house to carve pumpkins, get free food. I need to remember to reward myself for things, but with healthy things. Important Realizations: I think I have more of an issue than I thought. When we were covering my huge, national exam that I'll need to pass to get my accreditation today, I started getting anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Two months ago, when I wasn't playing games, I don't think that I'd be as nervous. I wasn't this summer! And I've already passed multiple "practice" exams! Even though my binge was relatively short, I cannot fathom what to do in my free-time now. Yet, I went through an entire summer without games. I know these thoughts are temporary. But... I need to remind myself that they are. I feel disgusting for realizing this, but it's important. My anxiety had improved when I wasn't gaming. Things seemed "do-able" - like maintaining my home, keeping up in school, doing extra work for my master teachers, training my dog, finding hobbies, researching PhD programs, and working out. I felt like one of those "basic bitches" that could make a YouTube channel about their goddamn planner.Also - I kinda think I want to add 'music' as a hobby. My students challenged me to listen to an entire country playlist, since I dramatically explained how much I hate the genre, and have actually found a few songs that I enjoy.... LOL.
  10. Entry 1 As my friend finished going through the intake questions with me, I avoided eye contact and took another heavy drink of my beer. She offered a nervous laugh that was too loud, even for the crowded bar on a Friday night. She had gone through the same questions, multiple times per day with many different people as they entered into alcoholism support programs. Except, that night, she changed one word with every question. "Well, at least I'm not an alcoholic." ---- As with everything I do, I spoke with my partner about undertaking another break from games. We had a good conversation over dinner about my recent binge and he brought to light that I'm really not that good at sneaking my game. He's extremely supportive. Though he pointed out that I still like the "game" aspect that I build into things - like my piplup thing. I'm still having a hard time thinking about completely eliminating games though. We'll see how that goes. Goal for tomorrow: before the weekend, I will plan something fun to do each day.
  11. Current Goal: Uninstall all games until I finish my program, which is in May 2018. Motivation: I want to be the best person for my future students. I cannot give my entire self to them if I'm dealing with my own issues in an unhealthy manner. I will not sacrifice the quality of their education because of hours spent playing video games instead of lesson planning, pedagogical, or methodological research. Game Changer: Instead of filling my "downtime" with video games, I'll be starting with coloring while watching an episode of something. I'll work on finding another hobby. Successes: I know that I'll be successful everyday that I don't play my game or think about wanting to play games. If I can go without playing video games for 2.5 months, I'll be able to change my icon to a Prinplup! Another 2.5 months, change into a Empoleon! Gaming History: Used games as a coping tool during undergraduate studies. Definitely was depressed, played 10+ hours per day, almost got kicked out of school multiple times. Became a "functioning" addict and wrapped up my undergrad program with mediocre grades. C's get degrees, yo. Got into a serious relationship. Post graduation and had no job prospects. Starting gaming BAD. Had issues in my relationship, which resulted in me going cold turkey to help us work through it. Got a low-wage job, but enjoyed it. Still played games on my days off. Was doing better, but would still binge.Started graduate school, fell back into being "functioning". If I was stressed about an assignment, I'd avoid and play games until pulling all-nighters to get something done. Although, I've maintained the best GPA I've ever had while in grad school. Something I'm really proud of. Summer between semesters, couldn't find a temp job, starting gaming again. Decided I'd uninstall games until I found a job. Found job, but still didn't play games. I enjoyed it so much, I set a goal for myself to not install games until school started again. Lost a ton of weight during the summer. Went one month into final year of grad school without games. Decided to reinstall one game. Did really well with playing responsibly, but recently binged this weekend. Fears: My future career will be stressful and I'd like to say that I could use gaming as a reward for getting through a tough week, but I can't get over the fact of how destructive it's been for me. Although I'd never let gaming become as bad of an issue for me again, I worry about all of the potential I'm losing even if I play for just a couple hours a week.