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Raven

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    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    What are you doing with the time you freed with not gaming? To fill the time with something positive can make a big change with the whole feel of a day. Does anything come to mind you could try right now until the meds kick in?

    I would suggest some sort of mild exercise to use the body's own hormones to feel better. Something like dong a few push-ups (or kneeling push-ups) and squats a day. Just something which makes you sweat a bit and increased the heart rate. Exercise is also a great daily habit because any progression is easily measured. Other things are learning something new ( a language, a skill an instrument whatever is easily practiced daily).

    It is ok if some (or all) of these suggestions aren't suitable for you right now. But maybe you find something you can work towards to. Otherwise your motivation to do anything will usually not appear out of nothing. Motivation develops after doing something for an amount of time. Sadly it isn't the other way around.

    Day 39 no gaming. Feeling good. I do exercise, one of my many new goals is to progress in calisthenics. Games feel so stupid now. I wonder how I got so invested into them. One of my friends keeps telling me about his big gaming "achievements" Like spending 149 bucks on the new cod and getting 7 wins in a row on league of legends. I look now and think. Wow, thats sad man.

    I think he doesn't like me quitting because I shine a light on him that shows him he has a problem

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 28- Almost a month. Depressed and tired most of the day. Days feel long and boring. Hoping things get better.

     

    Hey that sucks. Do you have any goals beside not gaming for the next few months? If your days feel long and boring thinking about stuff you want to do and actually doing some of them on a daily basis can help a lot.

    Not too many goals no. Other than hopefully getting out of my house if the meds can help me with it. Don't think they have kicked in yet

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Depressed today. Really bored these days not a lot of motivation. Going to try meditation again using a different app called Abide. Science really shows how powerful meditation is. I know it is not a quick fix but I am praying that it helps alleviate the seemingly endless suffering of my current situation. Day 21 today

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 20- My friend is always bringing up league topics with me, I know what he is trying to do. Get me to play again. I just answer the best I can and move on. I find it not triggering at all. Kind of sad really. That he gets caught up in that fantasy world of make-believe. Yes, the grind is a struggle but it is a blessing in disguise as it will make me stronger. 

    I calculated all the time I wasted on games over the years. Minus the Xbox and the World of Warcraft. Which I do not have data on. But from my steam totals and league totals, I racked up 1054 hours. 

    That scares me big time. That is a lot! 

     

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    I actually can't remember a special point where the withdrawel stopped. It was more like a wave function. Sometimes the urges were stronger and sometimes I stopped thinking about games all together. The urge to binge consume was stronger if I was stressed or felt pressured, It was/is my coping mechanisme to evade negative feelings by binge consuming stuff. It helps to be aware of that and it gets a little better over time. Right now I don't feel urges to play anymore, but it took a lot of time. And of course I still evade negative feelings from time to time. THis happens just with other mechanisms which are more constructive.

    Makes sense man. Its a journey not a race to the destination. I don't want to miss the beautiful scenery along the way. 

    Today has been alright. Semi-productive but a bit tired. Gotta focus on my tasks on my job board. Got the idea from one of the GQ podcasts. Also, I use habitica and have been using that since February and I love it!

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 16. Finally braved the full dose of my Celexa today. As usual nothing exciting happened it was all anticipation. My grandparents came over for a visit and that made me feel really great the rest of the day. 

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Hey there, you got 2weeks of not gaming. This is a good start and something you can be proud of. Especially if you struggling with depression right now.

    I hope the med's kick in and help you to feel better. One thing which can help a bit is to get out of the house. A small walk (10-20min) in the outside releases a lot of good chemicals in your body. Even if the weather is bad the light is still a lot more intense then inside. I see how the agoraphobia can be hindering but maybe you'll have a garden or a somewhat similar space to get some light. There are also infra-red lamps which are shown to have similar effects. Maybe it could be worthwhile to research that a little.

    The challenge can be daunting but if you go one small step after another in the right direction one you'll become a little bit better everyday. Sometimes that is hard to believe. Or you think it doesn't matter if the successes are so small. But trust me. These little wins are what matters in the long run. If you like to read I would really recomment you the slight edge.

    PS: I recognized that cam didn't read/answered your question. I only bought the basic version of his book and it has all the necessary advice and challenges you'll need to start. (he also recommends the slight edge in there btw)

    Thank you for the reply. I am enjoying the day today and yes I am proud of my 2 weeks sober. When did the withdrawal start to lift for you? Cam says around 3 weeks is that accurate? 

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Hard times today. All day alone and scared. Bad thoughts and suicidal thoughts when depression becomes strong. Sometimes I feel like I can't break free from my mental illness. I feel stuck at home. It has been two years. 

    I am going to go t o my supposed to be dose of Celexa asap. I am on a subtherapeutic dose right now so what do I have to lose? Just scared about side effects but it cant be worse than the depression itself. Just ha d to vent. I am getting more nights like this since winter is approaching and I feel even more trapped

    Anxiety

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Giblets made some good points, I also struggle with anxiety and panic attacks and I know personally that when I fight the feelings they get a lot worse. Hope you are doing ok Simms. Do you keep a journal?

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 13 a bit tired today but the sun is out so I am enjoying that. Going to win the day and be productive. Haven't even thought of games during this time which is good. The mood is a bit on the lower side but that is because I am dreading the task of exposure therapy. I might do light work today. We will see. Overall I am enjoying the change that game free living is providing me. My poor brain must have been so fried

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    12 days game free. Had a great Thanksgiving. People make me feel normal even though I have agoraphobia. They never press the issue and I can have a couple of days without worry. Now back to the grind. And exposure therapy. Still feeling a bit sick but going to finish my workout today.

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Hey @Raven!  Sorry to hear that you're under the weather.  That's awesome you were still able to work out and get your house cleaned up.  That's one of the things Cam talks about in Respawn, not allowing our feelings to dictate our actions.  It's an easy thing to say out loud, but way harder to do, so props!  You're working hard and moving in the right direction.  Keep us updated!

    Thank you for the support! 

    Day 9

    Bit of a head cold today. Couldn't do too many things today. Still managed to workout and clean the house up so that is good. 

    Bit by bit goes a long way!

    Yes sir!

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Hi Raven, do you meditate?

    No I do not. I got scared about it because I heard it can bring what is called the dark night or something. Make depression and anxiety worse. Maybe I overblown the article but that is my anxiety talking

    I think quitting gaming has forced me to experience emotions fully.

    Yes, this happens, and it's a major part of your growth opportunity. No need to run from them anymore, just feel them fully and let them pass. 

     

    I was watching this video when I saw this lol. I can relate to your story to a T

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 7. Rough day with a rough start, weird dreams freaked me out this morning and I have had high anxiety all day. Gonna start using afformations and I also  am starting my new workout routine as my old one isn't working for me. Really hoping the AD kicks in soon because I am suffering. But pain brings strength and I think quitting gaming has forced me to experience emotions fully.

    Raven's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 3 today. Had a rough night last night due to fears from my family about my illness. This week has been tough as I got scared by suicidal thoughts popping into my head and dark depression. I think quitting gaming ripped the neuro chemical bandaid off my wound and now the pain is letting itself out. All speculation of course

    I am conserned over my friend who has anger issues and talked about going on a shooting spree. I think it is a cry for help I hope his girlfriend can help him out as I don't know what to say. I can't prove he will do it but if I have concerns I will have to tell him.

    Withdrawals are boredom and depression. Agroraphobia and staying in your house is super boring. At least my sister is here but she is also very boring to be around as she is addicted to social media, binge eating, and television! Danm these unactive people.

     

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