NEW VIDEO: The EASIEST Way to Stop Gaming
thehondasc00py
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Posts posted by thehondasc00py
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Gaming: Day 96
Media (II): Day 3Shit, it's tougher than I expected. Just checked the movies section in the library. Feel like grabbing Lord of the Rings or something. Some nice fantasy stuff that will spike my emotions. But will it really? Not sure what I will do. Should be studying now. Feels like I'm forgetting something.
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@Brad_HurstLol the wank was glorious but knowing I lost that huge streak..not so much!
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Shit, had to make another post simply to express how epic that last entry was. Good shit.
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Gaming: Day 93
Media: Day 0Alright boys and girls, it's time to initiate Stage 2
Stage 2 of what? Stage 2 of my detox, my path here. On friday I discontinued my media detox. After all, my goal had been the remaining 20 days of my videogame detox, and I passed with flying colours. Decided to treat myself to Season 3 of Mr. Robot (the show is a masterpiece) and 2 movies this weekend. And a good ol' wank. Pity, my NoFap counter was through the roof but whatever, porn/fapping has never been a problem of mine anyway.
Observations:
It was OK, but obviously unsustainable. There was
- overeating, cravings
- room became a mess
- dishes piled up
- morning meditation and runs skipped, infact the whole routine was pretty much dropped instantly lol
- muscle tensions and knees achy from lack of movement and shitty postures
Basically, what this weekend was, was a little sample of what would happen would I return to gaming. I'm still on the fence if moderation is possible or not..there's parental controls and other limiting factors I could enforce buuuut...the way the focus of my life just shifts..eg thoughts and agitation during the morning meditation, until I just give up after 5min and go to my laptop. Very fascinating. Well, last 2 days I had no intention of moderating, I intentionally went into this weekend as a holiday for myself, of sorts. Just treat myself, watch all the stuff, get it out of my system, a little break. With intention to moderate, could I moderate? Possible, but silly. Difficult. Unfocused, unproductive, inefficient. Divided attention and divided direction.
Ok well anyway, here I am. After the final movie today, I was done. Recharged and ready to jump right back onto the Path. Felt weak af but got up cleaned my room for about 2 hours straight, cleaned it proper. I'm talking behind the cupboard shit, I'm talking wiping down the floor with special liquid shit. That motherfucker is now SPOTLESS. So tidy, minimal, ordered. That reflects back onto yourself.
Tidy room, tidy mind.
Also, my habit board is ready to go with some brand new, empty habit cards. Oh, speaking of that, I was thinking of tallying up all my habit cards from the last 3 months, see how much I did. Let's go...actually just checked and my habit cards only go up to 82 days..guess I only started on Day 10 or something whatever.
Within the last 82 days, I:
- went for a run on 51 days
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woke up to a
StoicMiracleMindful Morning (yep, I changed the name a lot) on 56 days - read or did inner work on 36 days
- practiced pickup on 11 days
- studies extracurricular/did uni work on 27 days (only started uni a lot later)
- meditated on 82 days (skrrra pap pap skadoosh)
Ok nice. It's important to realize that none of this would have happened had I not been game-free!
So, reminder. What do I really want?
- I want to be able to move and flow through life effortlessly, selflessly, observant, free. Zen.
- I want to engage in meaningful relationships with interesting people
- I want to engage in relationships with the opposite sex. I want them skillz
- I want to travel the world, see all kinds of new and amazing places, immerse myself in the hustle and bustle of diverse cultures, architectures, landscapes
- I want a concentrated and clear mind, I want a fit and strong body
- I want to build something, I want to create something
- I want to realize absolutely and embody Truth
- I want to be completely free
Wheh. I have work to do.
The work I do here, the routine..going through the motions every day. Same place, same time, same people..It can get..deceivingly dull. It can appear deceivingly unimportant. It can seem like I'm just..stuck here..in limbo, while my dreams and goals are abstracted "somewhere" out there, indefinitely. A different time, a different me. "Oh, sometime in the future maybe, cool, but for the next x months I'm just here. It doesn't matter." And I forget what I do, why I do. But this work here is fucking important. Routine is the framework that keeps me on track towards these goals. Routine is what keeps me in shape. Routine is what prepares me, so that when the times come, I am the best I possibly can be, I can enjoy them as much as they have to offer. Routine is there so that I do not have to be thinking and remembering and planning 24/7. Routine is not there to question, routine is there to be followed.
I remember how fantastic I have felt the past months. Sure, a few lows, but when I contemplated the lows, they turned into fucking highs.
It felt fantastic to be creating myself anew, building myself up, sorting out my life, sorting out myself, Working, empowering, understanding. Minimalism, uncluttering the bullshit, returning to simplicity, returning to Being. The simplicity of it.
For this quality of life, abstination and discipline are necessary. Abstination and discipline are freedom.
Any goal or dream, well..any fucking worthwhile pursuit requires commitment. And commitment is not saying yes to things, it is saying no to things. I can have anything, but i can't have everything. Make the choice, and suck it up.
I now return to the position I held, and profited from vastly: be free of attachment to Comfort. Comfort gives me Nothing. Instead, value Understanding. Seek to understand everything. Myself, what I truly am, what I do, what I believe, how the world works, understand it all. Everything can be understood, understanding is there, here, now, in infinite abundance. Comfort is not, it is deceptive, it is useless, and ultimately empty. What I understand I need not fear, nor reject, nor push away. What I do not understand, I have only not understood yet. So sit down and understand it. Reminder.
Do what makes sense, do what is useful. Discard what is not. If that is painful, then question why. Question the necessity.
APPLICATIONS TO JOIN MY CULT NOW BEING CONSIDERED
Boom I think I'll wrap up here. Where the fuck did all this shit come from? Lmao I have no idea and don't care. Amen.
Media detox restarts tomorrow, this time I'm going for 30 days. One exception: I'll be watching an episode of The Grand Tour weekly (plus the finale of Mr Robot yet to release). I love that show and it inspires me. Other than that, no media. Oh, and cut down on the fucking reddit time. My cryptocurrency portfolio is all set up, all it needs is a little checking in NOW AND THEN. Not constant redditing for new updates. Nah, not worth.
Alright, that's it, I'm out, I'm fucking BACK, to the moooooooooooooooooooooooooooon
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Yo dude.
I wouldn't read too much into the introvert-extrovert thing. Personally, I never bought into it. It's not binary. Self and identity is waaaaay more complex than that.
I really get the silent at the dinner table thing. Believe me, it was faaar worse with me. I had an awful relationship with my parents, I treated them horribly at some points. Here's what I realized and applied when I finally grew up and became more compassionate with myself and them: it's never about the content, it's about the emotion. People just want to engage with other human animals, share in emotions, and feel acknowledged. So, where you're talking about grocery shopping, zen buddhism, the weather, Barbara's horrible nosejob, or copyrighting, really doesn't matter. just make the gestures, go through the motions, and show interest in whatever the topic is. Ask questions even if you're not interested. Don't have to be, you're engaging. Eventually it becomes more and more natural. It's not about the content, its about making conversation just for the sake of making conversation. For itself. So practically, just ask questions about what the other person is saying. The next level is then to start talking about yourself, whatever it is, your parents will love it.
BTW: yeah shittalking about others is straight up whack and usually I would just cut those people out of my life but since it's your family, I would try humour. Like, don't take it so seriously, crack a few jokes, keep it light. Make fun of the whackness, make it silly. That's how I would go about it atleast.
Being a social chameleon is a very useful skill to have, to be able to fit in with everyone. So see it as a skill and practice at the dinnertable
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Always be pushing your comfort zone mayn. If it's not hard you're not growing. I need to take my own advice as well! I'm also still having trouble getting sexual although I do give way less fucks it's just I'll be so immersed in the conversation that I'll forget to raise the stakes and bring it further! Until it flatlines and the girl leaves lol. Hitting the dancefloor straight away can be an good tactic to loosen up and get in the zone but once again, if it's become comfortable, you're not growing. It's easy to hit the dancefloor, start having fun by yourself, then forget or not bother to actually do anything else. By the way remember you complained about not having any venues, now look at you! Passin out in clubs, getting invited to parties. See, shit works out. I wish I had parties here! The tables have turned. All I've managed is a bar once a week. I NEED to hit a club up tomorrow lol.
Yeah groups that already know eachother is harder but not impossible, just requires extra effort. You need to be obnoxious, loud, interesting. Else they will go back to talking about their own stuff and you will be forgotten. Doesn't matter what the fuck you say, but you need to be expressing, letting off energy, vibing, anything but being silent ;0 Also it's useful to make friends with one group, then that group can be your "hub" for the night from which you venture out to meet even more, and return to to kick back and recharge.
About the friend, well it depends if he's likeminded and self-dependant or not. I have friends that do dating/pickup as well and they tend to push me and help cement the intention fir the evening, but I also have a friend who is not as outgoing or commited and I would feel held back because I try to watch out for him and include him into the conversations etc. Going to venues on your own is very beneficial and growing in of itself too IF you push yourself, set strong intentions and hold yourself accountable. Btw yeah I can only recommend reducing the alcohol or even trying sober a couple times! Atleast be aware that it's a crutch, and if you're getting too comfortable and are ready for a next level, try sober. It feels awesome being the most sociable yet sober guy, nice confidence boost once youre over the initial hurdle
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Excellent! It does seem like quite a lot to juggle around though. If you can keep it up, great, but it can get draining. If it were me, I would specialize and focus on only either one of the creative skills, so either drawing or music, not both. It hurts, since I love both too, and I'm pretty good at both. But specialization provides a lot more value in the long run and it's easier to stay focused and make progress.
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Haha excellent!
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Gaming: Day 91
Media: Day 21So, I guess I did it. Here I am, 91 days later. Cool.
So why do I feel so empty right now? I spent the whole day consumed by researching cryptocurrency investing. I had told myself I wanted to make money. I have the talent of being an incredible researcher, and when I get into something, I get consumed by it. So I spent all day researching. I still had some bitcoins, I was happy to see as they have been rising insanely, but not at all many. Made about 100Euro, planned to invest my now 200E of bitcoins into other cryptos before the bitcoin bubble bursts and falls, while the altcoins will rise again. Sent my coins to an exchange site, but with all the chaos in the finance world today and 200k unverified transactions pending, my transaction got stuck and it still has not arrived. So I cannot invest into the cryptos as soon as I would like, meanwhile bitcoin has already started falling while my savings are in limbo..and yeah.
I noticed quickly that something had happened. I had become attached, deeply unconscious. I had taken myself and my life too seriously again. Taken myself for absolutely real, and important. Attached to outcome. Consumed by a distraction. My mindfulness broken, and my enlightenment from past sunday forgotten. Something felt deeply off. And it's still so, since here I sit melodramatically spinning narratives in doom and gloomy prose. Woops.
Shit, this is useful though. Making money is useful. I just need to stay aware that it's a game I'm playing. Play the game, enjoy the game, don't fall asleep playing the game. Don't forget that at the end of the day, it's still just a game. Easier said than done.
If I invest into this and make some good cash, yeah I might lose some meditation and spiritual progress, but I can invest the money I make into later travels, or lifestyle stability, all things that will be useful in the future. It's a future investment. Unlike making Gold in WoW, where it's literally just pixels with no inherent value. Well, money is still just some conceptual numbers, but with a little more value. I'll continue to play the game but check myself before I wreck myself. Maybe I've earned myself a little distraction. And I'll be growing other skills+life experiences.
Ok, enough with the narrative. Snap out of it!
I'm here, I'm now, self is conceptual, life is ever flowing, changing. Nothing is solid or permanent. Nothing has inherent meaning. It's all OK. Remind.
I still have soooo much shit to do though. Damn!
I just feel like it's a lost cause trying to grow spiritually, succeed at Uni, succeed at dating, and hustle and earn money all at once. Even 2 at once is difficult. But fuck it. Whatever road I take, I feel like I'll arrive at the same destination in the end anyway. Does it really matter? No.
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8 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:
You mentioned you wanted to play WoW over Christmas that's all!
Yeah true, true. you have permission to kick my ass if i do that
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me irl
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2 hours ago, ValarMaiar said:
Yeah I definitely agree. I read somewhere that listening to video game music whilst studying can be a great motivator. Well I tried it, and it worked, but I started getting nostalgic. Closed it pretty quick!
Ah soundtracks are a personal weakness of mine too
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Ok man I got the impression we were just having a fun discussion-nothing serious. No hard feelings. Didn't mean to hijack your journal.
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Also damn, the AA quote. There's a former drug addict turned comedian I like quite a lot called Russell Brand. He's funny and interesting and wrote a book about the 12 Step Program and his experience with it. Might be worth checking out (also saying that to myself)
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Hey dude pleasure to have you here. Ready to become an Ubermensch?
3 hours ago, Mimetic said:So yes. Iam addicted to hitmarkers. Shit. Am i really saying what i love here in a journal that shall be my quitting journal?..
Yes, you should. You should be letting everything out, turning all your subconscious thoughts into words. The absolute most important thing is radical honesty with yourself. If you love something, you love it, and not saying you do will not make it so. If that's how it is, that's how it is, and it belongs outside. Not thinking about Battlefield doesn't work, that's repression, and the thoughts and feelings are very well still there, just in the subconscious. So, think about it. Contemplate it. Question it. These things are only helpful.
3 hours ago, Mimetic said:When my father died last year there was no one i could really call. I felt so unbelievable lonely. A quote from the comic "The Crow" comes to my mind: "When someone you love dies you will feel what it means to be complete and utterly alone. Nothing can prepare you for that day". Yep. That how it was. But it could have been easier with friends around who were not just on a screen. Lesson learned. I love quotes. I have many in mind for my next journal entries.
Yo I'm sorry for your loss. I can't honestly say I relate. I've never lost such a close family member. But I have a friend who lost his Mom and when he told me about it it really shut me up. I can relate to loneliness though, and well, all I can say is, make it your friend. There will probably always be some degree of loneliness especially with personal development and going a different path from most others, and that's totally fine. Everything passes.
Forums like these and similar, and stuff like meetup.com is the best way to make good friends I think. I met my closest friend because he reached out to me on another personal development forum. I met some likeminded people through Pickup, and I would be going to Meetups all the time if only I lived closer to the city. Give it a try!
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On 11/7/2017 at 3:39 PM, Megaman said:
Sometimes for me it is the opposite. In the first week, I am more motivated because it is a new challenge. In the second week the motivation is lower and thoughts are appearing, like gaming is not so bad, why not one hour, etc.
Dude for me the same. First weeks were no problemo eazy peazy. Only lately in literally the last 10-20 days of the detox have there been any signs of cravings lol.
I have a proposal for you. If you're serious about the media detox thing, how about throwing out the WiFi at home? It means you can't mindlessly go online at home without consuming limited mobile broadband, and you certainly can't watch videos or movies. I have no wifi at home in my apartment and it works great. I handle all the online stuff I need to do at Uni wifi or in an internet cafe, but it creates a nice barrier
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I actually stood on 0 legs for 600 seconds
get on my level
But I do yoga so don't be so hard on yourself
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Or you could just create a new youtube account for your new productive browsing habits
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9 hours ago, Brad_Hurst said:
Hey bro,
Definitely make sure you don't relapse. You've been doing so damn well!
It's inspiring to see all the action you have been taking, keep it up man!
Easy bro. Who said something bout relapse??? You must be on smt mate
Went and did a dynamic meditation, grounded myself, released all the stress, all the baggage, feel fan-fucking-tastic now. Well except for a phonecall with Mum which triggered me a little but it passed.
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Lol props that post is completely awesome and complete bullshit at the same time. ok lets play.
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:- doesn't matter – go train hard and practice to kick some ass. Never assume you are competent anyways - that makes you stupid and lazy.
- doesn't matter – break a tear and learn living your life. gain strength from pain. take it. take it take it.
- wouldn't happen if you didn't bother breaking your head about it. But to answer your question – there is no "must". There is no reason.
- makes you insane in the longterm
- is a tedious practice and takes a lifetime to realize
- Except look at all those unfulfilled business suckers being super successful yet still dysfunctional and unfulfilled deep down at the same time because of the secret inner belief that they're incompetent or not good enough or whatever. That inner belief is gonna keep driving you to externally prove something deep down you know you aren't. Kick ass all day, you are what you think and if you still think you suck then kick all the ass you want you'll still suck
- thats my point too
- Yes in hindsight ofc. Did you have that level of insight and mindset way back as a 10 year old where traumas tend to happen? Doubt it else you wouldn't be here. Same goes for all those points actually
- 4. No, questioning everything doesn't make you insane, it makes you sane. So many unquestioned beliefs taken for granted literally makes you delusional, synonymous with insane
- 5.Takes about 10mins
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:- The question "what am I?" only leads to "I am this, I am meant to do this. I can or can't do this.". I don't want to be meant to do anything. I don't want to be told what I can or can't do - unless I try and fail or succeed. I have my own cause. I choose, I select, I declare what I am. It is my choice.
Proposal for you. What if you eventually realized that you were not at all any concept "this and that" like you are proposing now, but turn out to be nothing at all? That "You" literally don't exist? See, that possibility didn't even enter your head. Yet if it were true it would solve literally every problem because there would be no problem in the first place. You immediately assumed the answer had to be "a thing". God has to be "a thing", like some silly christian god sitting in heaven sentencing you to hell. well duh, ofc not.
And it's funny, it would give you exactly what you want but you dont realize it. If you are not someone, but nothing, then you can create whatever someone you want. You're trying now, and maybe youre successful to some regard but you can't quite do it 100%, because you believe that you already are someone. You're a person trying to bruteforce himself into not being a person who just hasn't realized he wasn't a person to begin with.
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:- The only problems that exist, exist because there are other people and – emotional attachments for animals (if you're into that. I'm not.) – we have to share this world with (this may sound overtly negative against other people, but rest assured I have fun and I love some people in this world – probably more than myself).
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:- The only problems that exist, exist because of how I relate to other people, and how I perceive other people, and what I believe other people are
Fixed that for you. Btw if you're outsourcing problems to "other people" instead of taking responsibility for every problem yourself, you're contradicting the entire message of your post. Not quite sure what youre getting at with all that animal stuff
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:I will kick god's ass if he tells me I can go to hell for not believing in him. I can't do that? Fine. I will suffer eternity and plan my revenge. I will take over hell - no problem.
I approve of this.
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:I am not afraid of eternal pain. My love and hate will see me through anything, even eternity.
However, I think you might be underestimating how long eternity really is
3 hours ago, destoroyah said:You want aliens? Build a fucking rocket or get on making a wormhole – they aren't gonna come down by wondering your ass about it.
Let's do it. Speaking to aliens is lowkey on my bucket list
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Gaming: Day 88
Media: Day 18Tripped and had an enlightenment yesterday. Ego backlash is strong today. Very agitated und unmotivated. Thin fucking ice. Must stay strong. Dynamic Osho Meditation later. I feel resistance, even a little fear. Hope all that nonsense gets released. 2 days left of the 90 days? Cool, been thinking bout WoW though. Been thinking about playing over Christmas. Would probably not be a wise idea. Must reground, remind, refocus. Seems like everything is hard, solid, and stacked against me today. Must open up, embrace, and flow like water.
Got so much shit to get done too. Juggling, juggling. I get the ominous foreboding that the balls might be dropped in the near future. I'm going to do a lot of sport, a lot of writing, a lot of expression. Try and hustle one step at a time. Work at embodying my realizations yesterday: keep not taking myself so seriously. Always so seriousl! It's silly. It's all good when things get put into their proper perspective. Everything's cut from the same cloth, equality with all other things and beings. Above or below no one, no thing. Cloth can never really hurt cloth, so open up and flow like water, water can't be hit, only solidity can. Less Me, more Action. When I'm walking, there walking, when I'm typing, there is typing, when I'm feeling anger, there is feeling anger. Things are only Things, stop adding on concepts. It's all the same Being.
Alright that feels a little better. I shall go and get some stuff done, then drive into Cologne for the Osho session, then report back later.
This should be interesting.
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22 hours ago, destoroyah said:
Ultimately what I am, of course, is... a very philosophical question. If I silence my mind - I am what I perceive to be. But I have many answers. A product of my experiences maybe, or a coalition of cells seeking self-preservation, reproduction and dominance over my environment. This question I don't think leads anywhere and is a wrong turn to take, when trying to gain emotional peace
Could not disagree more. Asking "what am I?" is absolutely a practical question, and it's the most important question a human being can ask in his life, ever. Just that the question is so incredibly hard to answer and so much bullshit, conceptualization and distraction comes inbetween. And no one wants to turn in and start the serious investigation. Philosophy is playing with mental concepts and you are not mental concepts. Yet every single problem you could conceive of arises out of misaligned beliefs about "I" and "reality". What are cells? Are they actually something you directly experience? If not, how real are they really, what's the use?
I don't think of ying and yang as some nonsense like good and bad. I think the idea was more along the lines of universal principles of expansion - contraction like I mentioned. But I have not really investigated this idea yet and unsure of it's usefulness.
I agree we have too much shit in our heads - of course, that comes as a side effect of growing up in this society. The problem is that we already have sense of all our experiences if you like it or not, and that making sense was in most cases misaligned with reality or flat out false because of a lack of deeper understanding. In the absense of knowledge, mind will simply create it itself. So I would say, before trying not to make sense altogether, investigate all your beliefs and test their validity, investigate their origin, question their necessity. observe their impact. What deeper understanding of reality was lacked when the belief was adopted?
Example:
- "im incompetent"----->WHY? Origination?
- "bad shit happened to me as a child and it was painful"---->did not understand the pain or why it happened
- --->"must have happened because of ME, i must be incompetent"---->belief adopted
- inherently true? necessary, useful?
- if no---->discard and become less.
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1 hour ago, SirDylanRice said:
-5 hours a week with max
Rsd max? Do you know him in real life?
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7 minutes ago, Hitaru said:
Thus spoke the plants.
I'm quite a bit late, but happy birthday! Also, friendly reminder that if you ever have some doubt or question with Spanish, you can hit me up. We southerners have the sassiest accent, just sayin'. Mexican Spanish sounds really cool too. Depends if you're interested in composing baroque sonnets, tell the best jokes or ask all those mamasitas to dance.
Ah si, eres de Mexico haha. Si, estudio espagnol en la Universidad perro mas practico es muy bien, gracias
Yo quero leo las espagnol journal periodistas en la section espagnol tambien
thehondasc00py's 90-Day Videogame Detox
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Litecoin is up 70% awwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhhh brb buying my lambo