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in Daily Journals
Posted November 15, 2018
Posted July 31, 2018
Going strong! Committed to 30 days Porn Free, and going to bed at 1am. Set up my Internet to switch off at 1am, made up a really complicated password and threw it away (found out about a service that emails you something in the future, so I get the password emailed every week and then I just send it off again unless I need to make any changes, GAMECHANGER!)
So now just continue on as usual and GET IN BED BY 1AM
Posted July 28, 2018
My little moderation experiment is going very well. I slipped off hard for 2 days but got my shit back together and installed some parental controls. Now it's fantastic.
Posted July 20, 2018
Cam be like: "bitch the only check you getting is a reality check"
Back to hardcore holistic development of mind, body, spirit for the next 2 weeks.
Promptly deleted WoW because I noticed it getting out of hand yesterday with me taking time off meditation, and generally wasting time on repetitive content. Will only start again when the new expansion actually releases and there's new enjoyable content to play in an efficient manner.
Posted July 17, 2018
Another fantastic day, I sat down to meditate in my little garden treehouse and oh man I just went so deep. An hour uninterrupted concentration on awareness itself. Fantastic. Was looking forward to my free day off work but was called in to take an emergency shift, but I said ok no problem. I dont mind too much, got some unonditional wellbeing flowing nicely. Relax time now.
Posted July 16, 2018
Aw shiet this lad has come far
props for all the action taking, persistance and discomfort that has led you here.
be sure to give yourself some credit, remember where you came from, where you were at one year ago. I see it clear as day on this journal despite your occasional downs and frustrations, I see your evolution bright and strong, and it is inspiring, and serves as proof to all that this stuff, WORKS. So give yourself CREDIT. I know I do.
I even felt the smallest twang of, well not quite jealousy, but a funny sort of "welp, he's done it. he officially overtook me in the social and relationship department xD".
But that is because you have been taking a lot of action and getting out there with persistance. It's all a matter of action taking. Nothing you achieved here was given to you. You earned it.
Fking keep it up,
On 7/15/2018 at 8:21 PM, Brad_Hurst said:
I'm in the DoBit society now.
I'm in the DoBit society now.
the fuck is that
Posted July 16, 2018
Edited July 16, 2018 by thehondasc00py
What a wonderful, wonderful 2 days it's been. They felt so rich and holistic. I've got piano practice and body movement in the morning, training that brain, skill and coordination and mobilising and stretching my body so I feel fantastic, then I've got meditation where I just drop into a state of just Being, just the pure joy of Being, then more piano, maybe some handstands and pushups and then I've already achieved so much. Then eventually off to work where I move my body even more, get shit done and exhaust myself. Come home, take the dog for a walk in the sunset breeze, and go for another meditation, just feeling happy, still and blissful. Then another round of piano, and finish the day off with a treat of kicking back to some WoW (I AM testing moderation. Messing around a bit with the new expansion, until I head off to either university or the bootcamp.)
Meditation is brought to daily life in the form of being mindful of my drives and urges. Fantasizing about something I desire, watch the one desiring. Having an urge to play WoW (has not happened yet but probably will eventually), observe who's desiring. Before I indulge the drives, watch the drives, watch the driven, and integrate. Integrate, and include. Integrate, include and transcend.
Awareness alone is curative. The law of development is to integrate and include, and thus transcend. Own your humanity.
It is also a rockhard, solid iron, unbreakable rule of no gaming after waking up.
Never ever, ever, EVER. It's simple, and it's just not done. Gaming is pushed off until either after work, or afternoon at the LEAST. That's just the conditions. It's that way or no way. Or else this whole endeavour of integral development, rich life crumbles. This life requires solid habits for integral, consistent development and gaming as a cherry on top treat in second seat (bars).
Waking up and going straight to the computer:
May go ahead and install some child protection for extra countermeasures. But I'm very confident this will work out decently enough. Let's see how it goes.
What I mean with integral/holistic development:
With me it's currently something like brain and musical, spiritual, and body development. Throw in some world-benefitting career development, social skill development, and some travel here and there, and you've got an extraordinary life fully aligned with rocket-charged evolution.
Posted July 13, 2018
Going well, never better, I've been seriously detoxing the past month taking this plant medicine I was described and got sick twice! but now feeling better than ever. Just worked out, gotten into Ido Portal's movement Movement which is fantastic. Training handstands which is a goal of mine. Discovered a new book Integrated Meditation which I'm ploughing through which is fantastic and has managed to get me passionate and engaged in personal development again, showing me some blindspots of mine. This approach has integrated all the different western and eastern models of human development, so the western ones like Jung's Shadow Subconscious, Clare Graves' Spiral Dynamics, and eastern Enlightenment models from stuff like Tantra, Advaita, Buddhism, into one huge awesome framework. The current exercises are applying mindfulness to where you are at on the Spiral Dynamics model and I realized I still have a lot of early red power drives and fantasies that I am applying mindfulness to and untying. I'm also practicing a lot of piano:
And I have not watched any movies since last entry. Did watch porn once though. Honestly it's so enjoyable every now and then and I can't find enough reason atm to cut it completely as I'm not interested in going after sex at all currently where I am now. So I'm loose on that but I won't let it get to more than once a week.
in Ask the Community
Posted July 13, 2018
Edited July 13, 2018 by thehondasc00py
The best meditation resource and teacher is Shinzen Young who has built a very encompassing and integrative framework for applying mindfulness.
The most integrative and holistic approach I have come across is Ken Wilber's Integral Practice. I'm currently working through his book "Integrative Meditation", which takes the same skill of eastern mindfulness but applies it to western psychological developmental models. It's a little more complicated, I would start with Shinzen.
So, for meditation and all that comes with it specifically, Shinzen Young can't be beat. Then, for more on psychological development and tons of other aspects of human life, Ken Wilber.
Once thoroughly acquainted with meditation and it's 3 skills of concentration, equanimity and clarity, the absolute most awesome technique is simply becoming aware of being aware. Aware of the simple experience of being alive. Awareness of awareness itself and resting in that. But this is a little more advanced and it is advised to train concentration etc on more stimulating phenomena first, such as the breath, sounds, thoughts, etc (Shinzen has the most developed and accesible system for this).
Posted July 12, 2018
Edited July 12, 2018 by thehondasc00py
GG Good game but why not take her home? "Where do you live?" = "yo lets go to your place and get some privacy?"
She was so down lol. You made her chase and basked in the validation but didn't close. Scared to fk it up? (i would know lol)
Still fantastic experience and i havent even been out since months lmao
Posted July 10, 2018
Also full disclosure, I've been watching WoW vids this past week, getting hyped for the new expac and kinda wanting to play again
Also making it a conscious goal to imrove relations to my family again. Was really great last month but ive felt myself getting all irritable and quiet the past week. Definitely stuff to investigate there.
Makes me excited getting back into personal development. I will admit I kind of went through a time where I felt all enlightened and above and beyond personal development. "Bah! These self help peasants! There's no self to improve! Just surrender!" hahaha no but I spiritually bypassed a bit and it feels good to have a canvas (me) to work on again. Strengthen my integrity, my word, my discipline, clean out addictions, or I'm not really gonna be going anywhere.
Woke up feeling like shit today. Still sick. But realized something. Being brutally honest, I judge my life to be absolutely mediocre now. I'm not at all where I want to be. Unsure of how to get out. When I do a quick self-evaluation using Ken Wilber's quadrants for human growth, I give myself:
I'm gonna work on Clean Up and Show Up. Show Up will be my long term career thing which should kickstart in the next 2 months. Clean Up, well I need to clean out remaining addictions. I felt the need to watch another movie last evening even though, as usual, I had nothing to watch and just spent forever searching for a movie instead of doing something more productive. So this is an addiction and I will work on it first. The tricky part is, when I come home exhausted from work, there's 0 desire to do anything productive, there's full recognition that watching a movie is unnecessary and I could be doing somethig better, but I just don't give a shit, I'm in a completely different state of mind, I'll just give a fuck you to the 'current' me and this whole desire to be free. But I've gotta try. That future me shall look at the drive to watch a movie and see real time how it is imprisoning me, and how I am creating it. Then it shall be dropped.
That's my work for now: clean up, movie addiction. Work on this for one week then move on to the next one. Slow and consistent, no ego backlash shit.
Posted July 9, 2018
Edited July 9, 2018 by thehondasc00py
Reporting here that I utterly failed to keep my word since my last entry. It's hard to keep motivation up to keep going and not settle down into comfort. I also got sick again which brought me out of my stuff. Quite frustrating because I'm healthier than ever yet got sick twice in one month after virtually not being sick for a year. I realised my integrity and my word is not as strong as it could be, and I need to either be a lot more conservative with what I say I will do, or just really keep it. I'm keen to get back into personal development now that I feel the sickness waning off, but at the same time I'm accepting that I'm simply not in a situation in life that is faciliating any real growth. I'm waiting to move out again, get my web development training on the road, find a tribe, get back into workshops, get back into game, etc. This should happen in around a month of two. I will either start a free university bachelor in berlin, or do a 5 month bootcamp in web development in Amsterdam. The latter is much faster and more effective, but studying would give me time to keep up my routine, do nightlife, etc, with the possibility of always doing the course still when I've had enough of Uni.
For now, back to the easy stuff:
Continuing my yoga/meditation and my movement practice (lots of inspiration from Ido Portal), and 30min piano daily, those are my obligations, thats it. I didnt watch any movies except yesterday feeling so shit, so back to no-movies. I suppose I should make it a thing to really officially find that inspirational content, else i won't watch it.
Edit: also back to no-porn, because it's a Time-sink and promotes unrealistic expectations.
Posted June 28, 2018
Think I might pick up this journal again to keep things on track as I would like to get a bit more done than I am currently.
As usual, the best downtime activities are music, reading, and inspirational/motivational material, these being things like digital nomad vlogs, documentaries, rsd content, spiritual teacher interviews. its tricky sticking to them vs action packed movies because they are higher stimulation and really take you out of your world which i love and i love watching good cinematography, dialogue, choreagraphy etc but ill try sticking to the more inspiring stuff to keep me working towards my vision. i would quite like to start attending meetups again but unforuntaely my evening shift at work does not allow it.
Posted May 8, 2018
Your system could be purging some stuff. Or your old habitual self is trying to trick you to return to a lower state of living (you hit your personal success ceiling). In any case the best course of action is to try and not place any real importance on the emotions, and not believe any of the arising thoughts. None are real, permanent or true. Remind yourself of this until you settle in your new circumstances.
Remember: feelings/emotional state = energy in the body + mental talk/mental images. Nothing more. Split the emotion into these two components, divide and conquor. Some energy in the body is okay. Some mental thoughts are ok. It seems real and threatening but break it down and observe how ephemeral and and non-threatening the components really are, and you stop giving it power and control. Then it drops away.
Had a job interview, went well. Have another tomorrow and friday. Things are on the up. Found a sweetspot of sustainable productivity. Goals: go to bed earlier. Go out gaming (socialising) again, network. More job applications so I'm really swimming in abundance. Gonna craft a new vision board now.
Ayyy Brad the Lad
Posted May 7, 2018
Forgot journal yesterday. Feel really great today. Got some stuff done, also watched a bunch of anime but did a lot of productive stuff too. Great day, and sustainable.
Posted May 6, 2018
On 4/30/2018 at 6:34 PM, Cindpline said:
When I talk to somebody, I've got nothing to say. I guess that is because I think nothing is interesting to me. So I would want to speak meaningfully too.
Second problem is about habits. I think only what is productive but that's not how to live life. Living life is the balance between being productive, doing work and having fun and enjoyment.
I find the most enjoyable conversations are usually not the ones about "meaningful" things, but about random and, apparantly, meaningless things. No, not uninspired or forced smalltalk, but just supercharging your personality and shooting the shit with someone on the same wavelength, when you're in the zone. You completely lose yourself. Interests not even required, just openness and self-amusement. Here's how:
The conversations that flower out of integrating these three tools will be fresh, fun and engaging and the personality expressed and exchanged within them much more meaningful than a resume of you past, interests and future. Notice how none of them are what you see or first think of when thinking of a conversation? That's because everyone is so dull and filtered and small-minded when it comes to thinking what a conversation could be. You really need to expand your horizons and think outside the box here. @Brad_Hurst may be of use to you too fam
Posted May 5, 2018
Update. Man, I feel so good again. Relaxed and pleasant body, energy flowing nicely, clean and sorted. But it always seems like there comes a time when it just becomes "too good", like "ok, so this is really cool, but time to come back down, distract myself and feel shitty again" lol.