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Posts posted by Vlad

  1. Day 31

    The first half of day I was feeling wrecked, no energy at all - I guess I should stick to the training program and not overdo it, heavy squats and deadlifts do seriously tire the CNS. Second half was much better, I've got stuff done. I'm unhappy with myself, because I didn't complete my work tasks for the weekend and again I'm working late - a terrible habit I should break.

    I'll start the hiring process for a personal assistant, not the one that makes coffee and gives occassional blowjobs, but the one that constructively helps get work done in a systematical manner. I need to make the decision very soon and follow through. I'm scared to be honest. My business model doesn't allow me to get paid much in advance, so I have to incur expenses first. Cash is tight now, cash flow will get better in September, and I need to have all my shit together by then. My girlfriend volunteers to help me, but I'm against mixing business with intimate relationships. So, hiring an assistant now:

    The bad

    • Spreading cash too thin is obviously a significant risk, I'm crazy reluctant to dig into savings to keep business afloat even temporarily. To think of it, I would rather rob banks as a side-hustle than take hard-earned money out of savings. xD
    • Another aspect that bothers me is that when I have an assistant I will have to stick to a more strict schedule myself, which I find to be a pain in the ass. Lack of addictions may make the transion process easier for me. So another reason to quit shisha/hookah/waterpipe ASAP. Maybe it will become another "burned bridge" that I've been creating recently.
    • Another person neck-deep in my confidential information. I'm running a 100% legal and ethical business but I'm very cautious of informational leaks and competitive espionage, because I've created certain know-hows that I value, but can't patent and am willing to guard them at high costs. Perhaps if I triple-check the candidates's ethical nature, their ability to keep mouth shut, check all references and recommendation than I'll probably feel safe. I guess I should go as far as trying to get confidential info about the previous employer from candidates (intelligence-style) xD as a test and delicately get my point across that I'm willing to break legs (repeatedly too) in case my assistant gets an idea to stab me in the back.
    • I'm having self-doubts regarding my ability to hire high-quality people. It will complicate work if I hire a wrong person. I need to double my efforts on this front, test and interview a ton of candidates, and maybe consult with someone wise to this tasksto mitigate this risk. I should find an attentive, honest and positive person, that will not fuck up, shy away from informing me about occasional fuck-ups ASAP and suggest solutions. I must screen out complainers and clueless waiters. 

    The good

    • The risk of getting stuck and not progressing fast enough (and failing as a result) is super scary. I've got many things I need implemented and done that with great probabilty will bring money, Extra good help will speed up the progress.
    • I feel overwhelmed by multiple simultaneous tracks of work and I'm pretty sure that I lack the wiring to successfully juggle that many tasks at once. Help with the right personality, mindset and skills will complement my strengths and weaknesses. As a team I think we'll be more effective, efficient and importantly quicker.
    • A right person will help me with informational overload and will take up some my tasks, like routine checks on my current managing employees.
    • A good assistant will make me more mindful and accountable, because my assistant's performance will be a reflection of the things I come up with, set in motion, follow through and check on.
    • An assistant that compliments me will make work on the tasks I don't have the natural tendencies for easier and less stressful.
    • A good, professional and well-paid assistant will become a booster - hey, I'm paying that person plenty, so I need to work even harder myself and load him with a ton of work too, so generate additional cashflow, multiple of what I'm paying him.
    • Having a personal assistant will better me as a person and a professional. He/she will be a living "artifact" and reminder of what I stand for and what I have set out to do. Funny, it's a little like gold chain V 2.0. I'm certain that having that extra payroll obligation all linked to me personally and having that presence in my life will push me harder.

    So, I'm thinking I must man up, strap in, buckle up, suck it up, I don't know what else up and get going with the personal assistant.

    Knowing what I know now, if I was younger and hadn't done everything I've done after graduating from college, I would have become an assitant to someone I respect and admire as an entrepreneur even with no pay. But than again it would probably be a different me in ways that are hard to predict. What-ifs are pointless anyway, so I'll be the real present me and the best I can. We'll see what good I can create.

    Bros, if I'm missing something on my pros/cons analysis, please tell! It's a big one for me. And sorry for the long post.

  2. Day 5

    Am I a sissy for feeling this weak?

    Not at all. I think all people feel that way from time to time. It's only real world actions that define people, not emotions or doubts.

    I.e. the brave and the cowardly have the same emotions. A brave man is not the one with no fear. A man with no fear is called stupid or mental - not something to strive for. A brave man is the one how thinks and does what he considers right regardless of emotions. Same goes for other feelings, e.g. feeling weak.

  3. Day 74/90. I slept like a log, surprise. I had weird dreams which is a sign that I was sleeping deeply. I had read a book a couple weeks ago about Krakatoa, the volcano that erupted over a century ago. So naturally my dreams had a volcano in it haha.

    I got my car fixed this morning. I'm actually patting myself on the back because I didn't blow all my money on games and food like before and I was able to take care of my responsibilities. But man alternators have gotten more expensive over the years!

    I ran into the priest from my new church at the grocery store today. That was a nice little sign that I was making the right decision to move on spiritually.

    I haven't been thinking of gaming too much with the 90 days approaching. Once in a while...but I can't see video games and my podcast project coexisting.


    1. Taking care of my responsibilities

    2. Bought a new smaller pair of jeans today...yeah!

    3. Air-conditioning when the heat index outside is over 100

    Bob, I'm really proud of you, your staying power is unquestionable!

    I'm also very grateful to you for your support, it really helps me and many others with our detox journeys.

  4. Day 15

    Sleepy all day.

    Finished "Count Zero" today. At the middle of the day I was struck by this depressing condition of not wanting to do virtually anything. I got much better after supper and a cup of tea.

    It might the weather or some other stuff, I'm feeling exhausted all day today. Good progress, keep at it.

  5. Day 30

    So, I'm past 1/3 of the Detox. Quitting video games has been a very good change and I'm willing to continue with the more productive lifestyle.

    I've got a part of work done and lifted (although I shouldn't have according to the program). A fine day, nothing specific apart from nearing deadlines.

  6. Being happy can be another trigger, how can you celebrate good news, if you are alone at home?

    Why stay at home?) Music and dancing can help you cope with happiness xD. A little James Brown music never hurt anybody (well, maybe apart from JB himself) xDxDxD

  7. I've been feeling a lot more disgraced and empty of my skinny body than I have in a while. Currently feeling like a disgusting drawn out line of snot between a tissue and a nostril. Weak but somehow still clinging onto life only to be able to be snuffed out at any time by a greater force. It doesn't help that all of the other high-middle income attractive white males living in my area have at least 10lbs of muscle on me.


    Don't worry, beginner gains are not that hard. Try https://stronglifts.com/ it's a very sensible and simple program. Just go steady and easy, don't overdo or injure yourself - you can always grow some meat, but you can't magically repair joints.

  8. @iamthemithras Bro, you're doing fine. We all have different coping mechanisms: some turn to self-pity, some turn to lethargy, some turn to anger. It's perfectly ok, that you didn't expect the withdrawal symptoms, that just probably means that you didn't have other significant addictions you have quit. It's a good thing, I guess. You do have a good sense of humor , it can be a good coping mechanism as well.

    I like your stated attitude of not bringing personal issues to the office. As an employer I give my employees checklists, those come in handy especially if and when my workers go through turbulence at home. If they stick to their checklists during their hard times they are way less likely to fuck up and risk losing their jobs due to bad/unstable performance. Maybe you can create such a checklist for yourself? Also if you come up with specific KPIs to measure your performance and discuss those with your manager, you'll be way more likely to have an upper hand in future promotion/pay raise negotiations and will be regarded professional and productive. Sorry, if I bored you xD.

  9. Day five here. Just trying to keep up the streak. I find it's really hard to discuss my issues with my family, I actually hide it from them, even the quitting games part seems very private to me. I'm not sure why, as I should be proud of my decision to do the Detox and quit. Any ideas?




    Good job, Eli!

    What do you lose if you discuss things with your family and they don't react in a way you want them to? Alternatively what do you gain if shut yourself off from them and bottle up your feelings?

    I think the best you can do is to keep your door open. No one can take away your ideas or convictions, you can only gain new perspectives. It's a bulletproof behavioral pattern really. Your family love you, just imagine the investment they've put into you. But they are human and they have their own weird ways of giving love and support (we all do, I certainly do as well).

    And yes, you must be proud of your decision and the follow-through. Own it like you want it.

  10. Day #15

    I am really loving my night ritual. I soak my feet in apple vinegar, put some of my favorite music on spotify and start journaling away.

    If I am still not too sleepy (which I usually am, I read a few pages of Seneca or Marco Aurelius.

    Good job!

    What's with apple vinegar btw?


    I have no timeline for parachute jump at all. I need to research necessary costs and preparations. 

    Here's the reaserch material with the price range etc xD http://kukuruznik.com/price.html https://otvet.mail.ru/question/41538448

    I think it's best that I get down to ~210 lbs/95 kgs first to play it safe. The impact of landing a solo jump at over 220 lbs/100 kgs is rather tough and most instructors don't take carry on luggage of that weight for tandem junps either. I'd say in a month is a realistic expectation. What's your weight btw?


  12. Nice, you'll reach your desired weight in no time, ever considered at HITT workout?

    Thak you for consideration and good advice. I cut HIIT to take it easy on the joints and not to temper with powerlifting recovery. I played football as DE/TE/FB and did MMA, so I totally agree that HIIT is a valuable conditioning tool.

  13. Good progress! Have you got a bucket list of physical hobbies you would enjoy

    Thanks. I'd like to try parachute jump one day. I'd also like to visit Japan.

    Day 13, Friday

    Interesting one. I had to do some packing in the morning and I was really tempted to take a portable console with me. Ended up leaving it behind, but the urge was strong.

    Had some minor slips at work which surprisingly made my mood and attitude go through the ground. Had to remember all CBT skills asap. Recovery was long but I least I didn't feel like crap for the rest of the day. Some XP gained)

    When do you want to jump? We might do it together. Japan also sounds awesome!

    Why don't you sell your portable console?

  14. Day 8:

    I dropped my hot pocket...i still can't believe i went a full week without installing any game of any kind yesterday, feel proud.

    I recently talked with my school counselor about joining an organization within the college, i hope she emails me back so i find out what's available.

    Awesome, I'm proud of you, bro!

    Buzz that counselor in a nice way, until he/she has no other way, but to hook you up with something. The counselor can't really dismiss you persistence.

  15. Day 29

    The day was okay. Upon waking up I was exhausted and had to push myself to get going. After I got into the rhythm it got better though. I got a few interviewees that I have high hopes about. Tomorrow a big and important block of work awaits. I must put business processes in writing. I just came to a realization - I started to subconsiously put myself in situations with burned bridges, because now I have no other route but to prepare everything for the new employees I expect to start on Wednesday. Sweet :D

    I lifted heavy tonight. After the workout I felt like I deserved a truckload of ice cream, but I didn't go for any. A little thinking about "deserving ice cream" made me understand that I don't believe in such a concept. I recalled one of my ex-gfs, she would always run her mouth about deserving this and that. She's a pretty ex-figureskater with rich parents, but she has been metaphorically sitting on her ass still for years. She would go on about deserving preferential treatment, gifts, time, attention (that she expected me to provide) and never really brought anything to the table. To think about it, she was worse than video games, a true toxic "black hole" xD. Gladly I dropped her. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I only believe in negotiating and making deals, earning and collecting if necessary. Deserving is a victim's game.

    I glad about my weight loss progress, I'm at 224 lbs, l look and feel better than when I started 23 days ago. I'm certain that I'll make the goal weight under 220 lbs by September, 1. It's funny how Instagram is also a source of motivation - there are so many girls with abs nearby, that they make it look easy, almost expected. Some of them are obviously on PEDs, but I'm willing to disregard that because it motivates me anyways.

    No gaming today.

  16. Thanks, everyone. Support and posts really keep me going. ?

    One solution will be the way I journal. Typically I journal in the morning and read and post on a few journals. Then, all day, I check in and post and read whenever I see a new entry. Starting tomorrow I am moving my journal entries to the evenings. And I will read and post in a single time block. That way I still participate on the forums like I want but it doesn't become an all day issue.

    I've thought about a couple of other solutions too. Buying an old school alarm clock and keeping my phone physically away from me at night. And have some time in the evening where I put my phone in another room on the charger. I can still read on my Kindle if I want or physical books. I'll have to think on it.


    Good thinking! And great progress. Keep it up, bro.

  17. @HappyCat @Mettermrck @BigPete247 Thank you, guys!) I appreciate your support.

    Day 28

    Fine busy day. Spent all day iterating with candidates and putting out little client fires. Tuesday is going to be an interview marathon :D. I expect to invite up to 20 candidates (10 for each vacancy), but to think of it 20 candidates x 30-40 minutes = 10-13 hours O.o of live time. I've already checked out over 80 resumes of responders, tested 20 and invited 5. I'll probably split it into two days and start inviting candidates for Monday as well.

    It's so fascinating, how people think in totally different ways and how resumes mismatch with answers to a short and simple effectiveness questionnaire. It seems that most applicants are clueless why the hell did their previous employer pay them at all. I want to master HR stuff and delegate it soon, but first I have to understand nuts and bolts, so I can pick an effective and efficient HR-manager.

    It's 1.30 am, and I've still got a load to do. Weekends are going to be even busier as I have to write down and edit all the instructions and training materials for the new employees.

    Well, for gaming, what is gaming? xD To think of it I've changed my perspective on strategy games. They are evil and counter-productive, I can't remember a strategy game that wasn't about micro management and in real life it's just the opposite. You delegate responsibilities, you train a person to do them, check systematically, retrain and hold that person accountable. You don't ever do his job otherwise it would be more practical just to give free money to candidates at the door and let them be.

  18. Day 27

    A good day, got plenty responses to the vacancies. I'm astonished at the new HR system I've implemented! It's so simple, yet so time-saving. I wish I had created it, it's just genius! It entails a line in the vacancy desription to test attentiveness, a tiny questionnaire and an short personality test. Apart from my new HR endeavors I got the usual day-to-day stuff done.

    While chatting with my girlfriend, I got business advice from her that made me want to lash out on her, but I didn't. I think sometimes I'm too sensitive to that type of talk. When people without a running business tell me wisdom like "you should simply...(create/hire/fire/automate/set up/etc)" I feel like punching them in the face xD. We would all simply be billionaires, if it was so simply and easily done. Anyways I'm proud that I kept my cool and we had a heart to heart in nice and delicate words. I think it was not short of a little breakthrough. :) Usually in such situations I just insulted people when they didn't mean offense, but just were a little ignorant on the topic. Or insulted them in my head and held a grudge if they were my friends and relatives. So, that's a very good change.