NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
seriousjay
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Posts posted by seriousjay
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Hi Jay,
I'm sad to hear of your relapse, you were the one who gave me the most inspiration along my journey. Strangely you relapsed just a couple of days before I did, but at least you let the community know as soon as it happened.
I still have cravings, but I know I will feel guilty if I give in to gaming, much like you may feel now. I'd recommend you take not of how you feel before, during, and after gaming to get a better idea of what you're getting yourself into.
Don't give up in quitting games altogether! Resolving to "I'm not worried about it. Sooner or later I'l recommit to gaming." just leaves the door open to future procrastination, game addiction, and guilt. If you feel at all inclined to quit again, just do it. Even if you're just doing it to ameliorate your guilt.
I hope the best for you and that you can just control the amount of time you spend gaming. The least you could do is spend 5 minutes on making a post here daily on how you're doing so that you can mentally check in with yourself on if things are going for the better or worse, and perhaps it could motivate you to do something better with your time.
Alex you make many good points here. I am also quite pleased to hear that I was able to help you along.
To be honest, I think I've changed enough during this process that I've sort of moved on from games emotionally. I start playing them and just get absolutely no enjoyment. Within a couple hours, at most, I get bored out of my mind. Yet there seems to be a nearly dead part of me, clinging to life support, that is desperately trying to hold on to the video games. I keep convincing myself that the next one will be so good, but it always ends up the same, I get bored very quickly.
This is just one of those times where I really wish I had someone in real life I could trust enough to talk to about this. Argh!
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Good luck with your relapse! Let us know how it goes limiting your game time.
My advice is that you keep track of a few characteristics that matter to you and that you know your gaming habit can affect. Mine were: self-worth/shame, efficiency/procrastination, joyfulness/crankiness, altruism/egoism.
Remember that in our case, either we are in control or we aren't. Watch out for the avalanche effect of "one more game" turning into "until I win", "until I get a 3 win streak", "until I dominate the server"... That's not the kind of progress you want to be making in your life
Not being judgmental here. If you can stick to your self-imposed limits I'm happy for you. However, reading this sentence...
I'll maintain as much as I can of everything I've been doing so far so the game won't consume everything entirely.
...it sound like you are giving up!
I wouldn't worry for you if I read something where your willpower shines through. Something like: "I'll maintain my 7 disciplines. I will play for 30 minutes each day."
What are your thoughts? Am I making any sense?
Hey Tom! Sorry for the late reply.
To be honest this relapsing has happened to me about 4 or 5 times now over the course of about a year and 1/3rd, to varying degrees of severity, so I'm not worried about it. Sooner or later I'll recommit to quitting. This time might happen much sooner, as I played about 5 or 6 hours of Fallout 4 yesterday and at no point playing it did I ever feel satisfied or like I was having any fun. Today I find myself not caring about it at all. Makes me wonder why I go back to the games at all..
Sigh. I fucking hate video games!
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That's completely normal, I stumble all the time myself. It's still really amazing to see what you've achieved in 18 days. Hope you have a better day tomorrow! Also Oatmeal
Yeah, oatmeal is pretty good, haha!
Unfortunately, I have, in fact, relapsed. I knew it was coming based on how things were going lately so I decided I'm just going to get it over with. I'll maintain as much as I can of everything I've been doing so far so the game won't consume everything entirely.
Fortunately, I gave away pretty much everything I own and the cravings were really for a game that I was planning on playing before I re-committed to quitting. I really have no idea what else is out there and I'd prefer to keep it that way.
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I have found that getting to bed earlier is much better for getting to sleep. Not only does it allow you to get more sleep time, but it won't disturb your 'body clock' like getting up later would. Getting up later can be a nasty cycle: get up later to get more sleep, go to be later because you're not tired. Get up even later, go to sleep even later. Get the picture?
I'm wanting to do volunteering too! I'll sign up for an event on about the 26th. If you don't see it in my journal tomorrow, give me a swift kick and reminder!
Since you're reading, I'd assume that you read in bed already. If not, reading in bed can help you get sleepier before falling to sleep, so it might be a good idea to allocate some time for that if you would like better sleep and aren't doing this already.
Congrats on getting more than 1/6 of the way! I believe I'm on day 15 now.
Yep you've hit the nail squarely on the head. I do not currently read in bed, though. Maybe that's something I'll try.
Ok, so the last couple of days..
Day 17
I didn't quite have the time to post about this day so I intended to post about it yesterday. Obviously, that didn't happen. Regardless, day 17 was pretty good. Not much to be said about it, I got in just about everything I wanted to do. I went on a rather challenging hike in very hilly terrain which tired me out quite a bit. Ended up hiking for 3.5 hours. Afterwards, I went to a board game meetup and played two games of Settlers of Catan. One of the other players seemed to actually take it quite seriously which I thought may have triggered my competitiveness but it was actually fine. That's a step forward compared to what happened at the euchre night a while ago!
Things I was grateful for:
- My stamina. That hike was quite challenging and I was quite happy to have made it all the way.
- My friend Lara. She kind of brought up the rear with me during the hike and we had a really great conversation the whole way.
- Settlers of Catan. Probably my favorite board game ever.
7 disciplines:
- For health, I did the usual walk and 11 pushups.
- For happiness, I'm still not sure yet what to do here.
- For relationships, I had some good conversations with a couple people I didn't know during Catan.
- For personal development, I actually got up at 7:30, yay!
- For finances, I paid my credit card debt.
- For my career, I might change this so I'll keep this open for now.
- For my impact on the world, I remember posting in someone else's journal. I think Alex's.
Day 18
OK.. so this one was a mixed bag. I woke up at 6:30 AM for work and the day started off with a headache, and when I got to work, I was freezing my butt off for the first few hours. Not so good. I did manage to get my morning meditation in before work, so that was quite good, and work itself wasn't terrible either. The problem came near the end where I got the cravings for fast food again, though it wasn't as intense. I convinced myself, however, that I was going to order chicken wings again last night, largely out of fatigue, which I ended up doing. When I got home, I forced myself to do my walk (though I forgot about the pushups) and my daily reading, so I was quite happy about that, but I ended up ordering the chicken wings anyways, which seemed to cause a bit of a downward spiral. The rest of the night was very unproductive and I ended up watching a hockey game (3 hours long) and then 2 hours of a video game stream. Didn't get to bed until nearly 1:00 AM.
So it was kind of a tossup, I did get in some of the stuff I wanted but I also slacked off on quite a few other things. I'm just going to chalk this one up to one of those inevitable "blah" kind of days and just reset myself for today. Worth noting is that my cravings to play video games are starting to get a little more intense. Just gonna have to ride them out. I'm catching myself with the thoughts of "just one more game", but the problem with that is, just one more game often turns into "and the next game after that". It's got to end somewhere.
Things I was grateful for:
- The fact that I wasn't feeling too bad physically after the intense hike the day before.
- Oatmeal. A quick and easy breakfast.
- My car. Life would be so much harder without a means of transportation.
7 disciplines:
- For health, I did the walk and forgot the pushups.
- For happiness, didn't think about it at all.
- For relationships, got nothing done.
- For personal development, I got up at 6:30.
- For finances, I forgot to pay yesterday.
- For my career, I actually started thinking of some ideas to make a business out of.
- For my impact on the world, I got nothing done.
I'll post tomorrow about today.
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If you're waking up groggy in the morning, two things to think about: 1) Go to bed before 11pm. 2) Wake up and drink three glasses of water (or 1 BIG one). Have this next to your bed when you wake up and slam it.
Awesome to hear about the volunteering.
Well the time I am GOING to bed certainly isn't an issue for me. The time I actually end up falling asleep, however.. I still don't know how my brother is able to fall asleep almost instantly upon hitting the sack!
Whatever, it'll work itself out in time!
I'll post a full journal entry about today, tomorrow.
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Attempt II Day 14
Today was a lazy day on my part. Not good during exams!
I didn't set an alarm for the morning or go to bed at the right time yesterday, which resulted in me getting up late, not having a run, and generally getting ready for the day slowly. I will need to make sure I don't do this on Fridays, where I am most susceptible to staying up late.
I'll give it 110% for studying for exams tomorrow to make up for today.
I forgot to mention a while ago that I signed up for the 100 club - I will be doing exercising, programming, and guitar playing for at least 15 minutes each, every day for 100 days. I'm starting on the 24th of November which is after my last exam, I hope this goes well!
I have resolved my invitation issue: I have decided not to go to the Civ night and will arrange a time to play the Risk board game instead.
I am interested in doing volunteering in my community, does anybody have any experience they'd like to share?
Goals for tomorrow (I will write these down on easily accessible paper to remember):
- Program python in the online competition (finishing the week!)
- Start studying by 7:20 tomorrow
- Get 9 x 50 minutes of revision done
- Do a morning run for at least 20 minutes.
Alex I think it's fantastic that you decided to not go to the Civ night. Keep it up you're doing great! Even if you hit little bumps along the road you can always bounce back as long as you don't give up!
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So after a pretty good day I had a rather unproductive evening. My exhaustion tonight probably had a lot to do with my lack of motivation to do anything. There's also that I am getting tired of just reading and watching stuff. I want to actually do something! How did video games ever trick us into thinking that we were actually doing anything at all? We were just sitting there pressing buttons.
I'm going to have to go through the 60 hobby list and just pick something to do. Or maybe figure something else out. Just anything to get myself moving.
Having a business idea to work on would probably also work, but I am short on those.
EDIT: I applied to volunteer at CityKidz and Bruce Trails. Hopefully it works out!
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I was invited to play a night of Civilisation 5 with my old friends, and I feel it would be exciting. Unfortunately this would undermine my resolve to continue without games, and I 'deleted' my steam account. I think I would be able to retrieve my steam account given the time, but I have the feeling this wouldn't be a good idea in the long run.
Would playing games for a night violate the 90 day detox? I know I relapsed because I let myself just play, but if I restricted it to that night only I have reason to believe it would be ok. I fear that I would want 'just one more game' of one game type or another after playing with my friends, and has happened before. Thinking about it, it was actually Civ 5 that brought me back from quitting games after some weeks, being my 'final game' with my friends. How that ended up was in me playing games again, with or without friends.
I know I am getting cravings to play games now, but I am running into the problem of just not having enough fun. I play board games with some of my family when I can, but I don't feel this is enough to keep me going once exams end, especially since I will have an abundance of time.
Anybody got thoughts on this? I have the feeling I should just get out more and go explore new activities where I can find them, but this will be a little hard until I have a car to drive around in (I have a driving licence but not my own car to drive).
My personal opinion is don't do it. That being said, you know yourself best and it's totally up to you.
Also, I agree with Florian that this would break your detox.
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Yo! I had the same problem with waking up as well. A big obstacle for me was my phone. I instinctively checked my messages and after that it just went on and on until I found myself browsing reddit for instance. I was able to overcome this by setting up a morning routine (which is basically triggered by getting up, if you've read Duhigg's the Power of Habit). If I'm sleepy I'll just stick to the bed and see if I can sleep more. In the end lying in the bed can be quite boring on it's own. Many of the activities you can do on the bed you can also do after you've gotten up.
Great post once again! Interested to read Think and Grow rich soon as well.
A morning routine would certainly help for sure! That, for me, isn't really the issue. I don't even allow myself to check my phone or anything else on the internet until I've completed my daily discipline stuff. It's more that I just feel really groggy and sleep still. I don't think the issue is the time I go to bed either - I'm usually in bed by 11:00 PM.
I guess it's just going to be something I force myself to do!
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Day 16
Once again I got up at 9:30. I don't know why I am having such a hard time getting up when I wake up. I am able to wake up exactly when I want to, but I always just end up going back to bed. Part of it is the temperature I guess, it's getting rather cold in the mornings. Another part of it is that I may be investing too much energy into how I "feel" in the morning. In one of the inspirational videos I watch, the guy says that nobody really cares to get up in the morning based on how they're feeling. That a lot of people don't reach their goals and dreams simply because they put way too much stock into their feelings. How true that is! If you always listen to your feelings, you won't get anywhere. We all do things on a daily basis that we don't necessarily like to do, but because we've made a commitment, we do them. That has nothing to do with feelings and everything to do with values. I suppose that's the approach I need to take when waking up. I committed to getting up at this time, so I gotta do it.
Napolean Hill's "Think and Grow Rich" is a hard hitting and powerful book. Reading it brings about a lot of uncomfortable feelings for me so far. I've only read the first two chapters, and he talks a lot about having a burning desire to acquire riches, that in order to acquire riches, you must become obsessed with that idea. This is exactly the kind of attitude I'm not sure I want to have because it's so easy to get lost in the pursuit of riches and then completely forget everything else that's important. Yet he says, nobody can acquire riches without having a burning desire, backed by faith to acquire said riches. I'm just really torn by this.
I want to be financially independent, and for me that's going to require at least $250,000 of annual income, just for me. I don't know why I picked that number other than I can't possibly imagine being able to spend that much money in a single year with my current values. I'd prefer to own a modest home, a modest car, have a modest lifestyle, maybe go on 2-3 vacations a year, but other than that, I have no real need for any money aside from what I'd need for essential stuff. The vast majority of my energy I want to focus on my family, and to do that, I don't want to be forced into working 60+ hours a week making someone else's dream come true while getting paid far less than I think I am worth. My timeline for this is to have this by January 2022.
So in order to accomplish that, I know I need to either start a business or take up the reins of my dad's business. That being said, I have no idea what kind of business I'd start. I believe the reason for this is that I spent so many years of my life engrossed in video games and almost literally ignoring the rest of the world around me that I haven't taken the time to truly dive into anything else. I also don't really have any clue how to go about coming up with ideas that could become profitable. For now I am simply trusting that the path I am currently on will eventually lead me to that.
Napolean Hill says that if I want that, I need a burning desire backed by faith that it can be done. I simply just don't want to lose myself in that process, and that idea is scary. I suppose I don't have much of a choice other than to trust that things will work out in the best possible way as long as I stay true to myself and stay the course.
3 things I'm grateful for:
- Grocery stores. It's really convenient to be able to buy just about any food you could possibly want so easily!
- My books. Although they may make me feel uneasy at times, I definitely appreciate that they are challenging my fundamental beliefs about life.
- My spontaneity (?). Specifically, with respect to my nutrition. I don't need a rigid plan for what to eat every day, and I think that's been pretty helpful for me. I kind of just decide what I want and go and do it!
7 daily disciplines:
- My health: This time I ran for a bit as well! That felt quite good. Did 11 push ups today as well. The standards are increasing!
- My happiness and relationships: Exchanged greetings with a number of people I don't know today! I probably need to change the happiness part to make it a little more unique.
- I fell short in personal development once again. This area needs to be tidied up.
- My finances: I made a $30 payment towards my credit card.
- My career: I did not mention this yesterday, nor did I do what I committed to yesterday, so I will do about 45 minutes today.
- My impact on the world: Posted in Elegwa's journal.
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EDITED: If I stop posting for more than a week without notice, I would really appreciate if you bombarded me with PM's and encourage me to come back. This seems like a good policy to have!
I'm unsure if I will do a daily journal, but I do need somewhere to rant today so this seems like a good place.
145 days free of video games, almost halfway into the fall semester.Unfortunately, habits are very difficult to break and it's been a struggle to study and work on my assignments more than a day before they are due. Which is obviously a problem.
I really do need to break these habits, a lot of these habits involve getting on the computer and going to the wrong thing (Reddit or Facebook instead of my course website or what have you). The thing is, once I start doing my readings or assignments 8/10 times I really to enjoy it. Yet, breaking habits isn't easy and I can speak with all sorts of authority on what I will do in the future, and even try and block sites and do all this nonsense to try and stop myself from falling back into old habits, but then 3 hours have passed and I'm on Facebook. But sometimes I do not even realize this is happening, it just happens and I only realize later what I did!
I can even say that I really do need to start learning new habits and reinforcing them to replace my old ones. Yet it becomes extraordinarily difficult to clean up your act when you're trying to play catch up. For example I'll say I gotta start doing my readings daily, but then I spend the week working on assignments and studying for tests that are happening that week.
I think I need to find a week with nothing due, and focus on doing daily readings and daily assignment working. In the past I've done a lot of planning that ends up making me feel like I was productive, but then I would never get anything REAL done.
Of course, there have been a few things I've managed to work ahead on, not perfect but it's an improvement and I can acknowledge my improvement, but still realize I am still in dire need of more improvement.
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Today I was at a food place to get supper before an exam, and after eating I decided to go back up to the counter and order a juice (beets, and other red veggies juiced into a really great drink). I sat back down and was studying my book when it suddenly started to get busy, and there were a bunch of people standing at the end waiting for their orders. The guy calls me and I thank him and grab my drink. From behind me a girl says "That looks really good."
Now here is where my problem is. When I first told this story to myself and my girlfriend, I said that I assumed she was talking to someone else and I walked back to my place, packed my stuff and got outta there, gotta get to the exam. I noticed her when I turned around, and once she got her order she went and sat... Alone. I felt terrible while I was leaving, I told myself I thought she had been speaking to someone else, etc.
But I think my mind modified those events. What I'm quite sure happened was she spoke to me, my mind froze unable to talk to her because it was totally aware it at the very least might be for me and I should turn around and respond. So it froze up and got me outta there, and when I turned around and saw her beside someone, that is when my brain said "LOOK YOU'RE OKAY SHE WASN'T TALKING TO YOU." And when it was apparent she was alone and it was a 99% chance she was talking to me, my brain flipped it and said "YOU DIDN'T KNOW" but even if I wasn't sure, the right thing to do would have been to turn around, and at least see if she was speaking to me.
I had totally clued into the fact that I had been wrong while I was leaving, I could have stopped at her table and said "I'm so sorry were you speaking to me?" and the idea even came to my mind but I just kept going forward.
Either way, I feel quite bad (I know I cannot do anything about it, and in the future the rule will be I MUST at least CHECK to see if someone is speaking to me) I have on occasion been ignored by people who I've tried to talked to and it always felt bad.
This makes it clear to me that I still have to work on my social skills, especially speaking to people I don't really know and to women (or girls, because if someone is in the same age range as me they are a boy or girl).
Alright, that's all I got for now, cheers guys!Elegwa, the important thing to remember is that, in every situation that you've ever experienced in your entire life, you did the best you possibly could with the information that you had. If you "knew better", then you would have done better! Sometimes we look back on our failings and it's easy to beat ourselves up over it, so it's really important to stop yourself when you catch yourself doing that and remind yourself that it doesn't matter what happened in the past, all that matters is what you do going forward.
If you have a smartphone or tablet, I strongly suggest taking 20 minutes out of your day for meditation via Calm.com, specifically, the 7-days and 21-days of calm. The 21 days requires a subscription, but it's so cheap (something like 25 or 30 bucks a year) and so, so worth it, since the subscription also unlocks a bunch of other premium features. I can personally attest to how powerful this program is. The core concepts it helps you with are awareness (getting your mind to focus on what's going on in the moment), non-reactivity (stopping yourself from judging or creating a story around feelings, events and memories), and self-compassion (learning to love yourself and not beat yourself up over stuff).
Thanks guys!
I figured I need to do something like that Alex, my only problem is that my desk is the only place I can look at my computer so when I want to do non-work related things on my computer, I must also sit at my desk.Yet, this may explain why I can be more successful in my school library, I do not have the same subconscious reaction to not do work, most of the times I end up in the library I'm in a rush to finished something. I will be trying to take more advantage of this in the future. I also do my readings better in the library, or in the university centre. So it seems like the key will be to spend less time at home, and more time in the library!
I'll go post some tips in your journal Alex!
Thanks Cam!
I'm not sure what the challenges are, most of the times I don't have a problem if someone else starts the conversation, but that doesn't happen very often. A lot of times when I start the conversation with strangers it just doesn't feel like they are interested, I pick up a vibe that they do not want to talk to me. I'm guessing for most people those icebreaking conversations can be awkward, so maybe I'm just worried for no reason, I guess I need to keep trying to talk to people until I find people who sound interested.
Sometimes it is a problem of not knowing what to talk about, I don't know what the other person is interested in etc. Any sort of tips in this area would be helpful.
Overall, compared to a year ago I am much less awkward and much better at conversations, I think what I really need to practice is the transition from stranger to friend.Elegwa, a conversation is a two-way street, and if someone isn't giving you as much attention as you're giving them, then you've got to give strong consideration to the idea that it might be worth it to simply move on. You will not get along with everyone, and you will not "click" with everyone, and that's perfectly OK! As long as you keep at it, you will eventually "click" with enough people in your life that the ones who choose to not put a whole lot of effort into interacting with you will not bother you so much. Remember that you are precious and valuable, you have a unique set of skills and talents that nobody else on the planet has, and you're on this planet for a reason. Your time and energy is an extremely precious commodity that you can never get back once spent, so make sure you spend it on people that fully appreciate it!
Thursday Already..
Assignments and Procrastination
Tuesday was not very productive, I realized Monday after my case brief that I had a economics assignment due Wednesday. Tuesday I read some of the book that I needed to read to do the assignment but in the end I did not put enough effort into it. I realized that day that unlike the rest of my assignments this one was due at Noon, not midnight. I think overall it caused me to panic and not put in the correct effort.That being said I did not have a lot of time considering the number of pages I had to read. At the end of it all, Yesterday in about the span of an hour I cranked out the assignment. It's only 5% of my grade and I've learned enough that any grade is better than no grade so I did my best considering what had happened.
I realized for the future that I should have been looking a little further ahead, next time I will look ahead and space out readings I have to do for an assignment or essay so this doesn't happen again.
After the assignment, I went to class then after class I hung out with my girlfriend until 2-3. While it was enjoyable I probably shouldn't have done that. Then I got home and basically did nothing for the rest of the night, I browsed the internet until finally I started watching Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I can forgive myself for watching the show, because it provides real entertainment value compared to mindless internet browsing and helped me unwind.
The Slight EdgeI finished listening to the Slight Edge audiobook. It was an abridged version. I think I liked the book a little more, but that being said the book did remind me of the power of the slight edge and I gleaned some different incites this time around.
Something as a Sci Fi nerd that made me chuckle was when he was speaking about the fact that there is so much information already out there on personal development, but not enough material on the philosophy. He said "The answers are already out there" it made me think of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. They already had the answer to the question of life, "42". What they didn't know was the question.This evening I am going to sit down with the audiobook and or ebook and work out the plans it has you do, in full this time. Somehow I will take that and make it my background on my computer, and save it on my phone or something so I can read it every morning when I wake up.
One of the things that really spoke to me this time around was when it spoke about the things left undone from the past. These things in the past that you didn't finish can bring you kicking and screaming back to the past to deal with them, and that past isn't where you want to be. I agree with this, and I admittedly I have a lot of undone things that need to be taken care of. I've started composing a list of unfinished tasks from my past and hopefully one at a time I will complete them. I was thinking about doing 1 thing a week.I has this problem where I want to start working out again, or start reading 10 pages of a good personal development book everyday, all those slight edge techniques, but this tends to happen at a time when there are so many other things going on that I just don't feel like I have that time and all those other excuses. Which is general I guess just aren't true, given all the time I've wasted in the last two days. I think the number one habit I need to implement (Not related to school work) is any sort of daily language learning in Portuguese, something which I keep falling out of.
Habits
A big part of me that I want to change right now is my habits. So with that the most appropriate book I can find is The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I've looked for an audiobook, and there is an unabridged audiobook that runs for 10 hours. The book is around 400 pages, but books are dangerous for me. If I start reading and it's good, I just wont stop until it's finished.
I will most likely opt for the audiobook, but I found an article, and a free course about habits:
http://jamesclear.com/three-steps-habit-change
http://tinyhabits.com/join/http://zenhabits.net/badhabit/
The tinyhabits course is free, you setup 3 habits you want to implement (I guess there is some sort of criteria that I do not know about yet) and over the week you have to email him if you have completed your habits or not. The next course is next week 16th-20th. I would like to sign up, but I know I have a paper due on the Tuesday, and I worry I will be stuck between finishing the paper and trying to do these habits... I guess one of the methods to prevent this will be to due as much as possible on the weekend. I'll post on here later if I decide to, and I would encourage others to try with me!
I'll be posting again this evening, gonna do readings for my essay until 9, then from 9-10 gonna work on my slight edge plan.The Slight Edge really is quite an amazing book! Definitely go through the exercises, there aren't a whole lot but I believe they are very important to do.
Thanks for those habits links, I will check them out for sure!
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Day 15
Woohoo, 1/6th of the way to 90!
Today was the last day of professional counseling for me, at least for the foreseeable future. I felt confident enough to tell her that I am ready to tackle this without the sessions. I definitely feel the sessions helped and that's a big deal because I wasn't convinced of that at first.
The day didn't start off as planned though. I ended up getting up at 9:20 AM (although I actually woke up at 7:30 AM, when I wanted to), and scrambled a bit because my appointment with my counselor was at 10:00 AM. Furthermore, I had to drive to the bank after the session to get money to pay her because my credit card was getting rejected. Oh well, I don't plan to use it anymore anyways, unless I have no choice. I ended up getting home around 1:00 PM, and I managed to do everything else I wanted to do during the day with respect to my daily routine, so even though it didn't quite go as planned, I still got to where I wanted to be!
I started reading Think and Grow Rich today, and Napolean Hill makes a big deal about the idea of the secret becoming known to you if you are ready for it. I really have no idea what that means, and I did have the thought of just googling the secret, but I quickly quashed that. I will trust in Hill's words, and I figure even if the secret IS spelled out to me, if I am not ready to receive it, then chances are I won't act on it. So I will go through the book and see what happens.
That did get me thinking about the accumulation of wealth. I have no real problem with that at all, as I believe the way the wealth is used is far more important than the actual accumulation of it, but I do have some nagging anxieties about it. They include, how my family would react to me accumulating great wealth (I imagine some or many would become resentful), how I would handle becoming wealthy and the notoriety and recognition that comes with it, and what my lifestyle would be like if I accumulate a lot of wealth. I think this is something I'm just going to have to overcome at some point, as I strongly believe that if you do provide a product or service that genuinely enhances peoples' lives, you deserve to get paid for it, and the customers can decide how much that's worth to them. If that means becoming very wealthy, then that's fine! I am not as concerned about money as I am about enhancing peoples' lives, although I do have a goal to become financially independent.
3 things I'm grateful for:
- My counselor. She kind of gave me the kick in the butt I needed 2 Thursdays ago to get to where I am now.
- Game Quitters. I am proud to be a Patreon of Game Quitters and am looking forward to a great future for it!
- The mild weather this time of year! Usually it's much colder!
7 daily disciplines:
- Did about 20 minutes of walking and 10 pushups.
- I exchanged greetings with a number of people today.
- Including some people I don't know!
- I did not meet my goal of getting up at no later than 7:30.
- I paid $30 towards my credit card.
- Made a post in Alex's journal.
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Attempt II Day 12
Today I went to school to study and I got quite a bit more study done than I would at home, but still didn't get the quality of study I wanted. I sat down and did the hours, but revising over my old work can be a drag, so I probably need to find some more engaging activities and ways to study.
I had a satisfying length run that took at least 20 minutes. It was easier to get up this morning to do the run, and since I had my gear ready to go I was able to get ready faster than yesterday.
I did python programming today, and about an hour of it. The reason why I need to do this programming is because I want to do robotics at university. I started python programming last year, and went with a team in my school to a competition this year. I understand how coding works, I just need to practice regularly otherwise I will lose my touch; I have forgotten half the commands I use by not doing any programming for about 4 months, so it is vital I get back into the habit of programming to develop these skills.
I didn't pack any gear to use in the school gym, and as a result I didn't get much exercise during the day, not being motivated and not getting work done.
My discipline to do work at home seems to have dropped off recently. I did another run once I got home which I don't normally do, but I felt that I could rest afterwards, and led to me procrastinating the entire afternoon.
Goals for tomorrow:
-Plan my entire day once I get to school for studying
-Work out at the school gym
-Get 6 x 45 minutes of QUALITY study done at school. This will mean I need to do more engaging activities.
-Get 3 x 45 minutes of quality study done at home. Only then I should feel justified to relax.
Alex, absolutely regular practice is important to keep your programming mind sharp! It looks like you have a pretty cool goal in mind for your programming, so definitely keep at it!
I do tend to find working from home doesn't work too well. For me it's because home is such a familiar and comfortable place, so I get into that comfort zone mindset. I am changing that as part of my personal development. It definitely helps a lot, if you want to study for example, to go to a library or something where that environment is conducive to studying.
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Money spent on books is never wasted.
I 100% agree.
Well, depending on the book anyways! -
Another way you can approach programming is to be more specific with exactly what you are going to work on with it. For example, on the days I'm most productive, I know exactly what I need to be working on. For instance, today I will be very productive because:
- First I need to respond to emails, comments and the forum. Currently doing that.
- Next I need to complete the worksheets for Respawn v4.
- After that I will probably need to take a break/have lunch, and will likely head home.
- Then I can work on uploading the worksheets, audio files, slides and other files to the new Game Quitters membership site.
- Once that is complete, I need to update and organize the Respawn v4 ebook.
I will likely only get to complete the worksheets and maybe some uploading today. But it's easy for me to get going when I get to the office because I know what I need to work on.
Compare that to if I came to the office and didn't have this written down, I would spend 30-60 minutes trying to figure out what to do, my momentum is low and by then I'm likely to just keep putting it off. So what exactly do you need to complete for Python programming? Is it a specific course? Can you spend 30 minutes working on it today? That's how you will build momentum.
This is great. It is one of the core messages of David Allen's "Getting Things Done" - which is a bit on the dry side to read. You summarized it here much more entertainingly.
Man I'm going to go bankrupt just buying all these awesome books.. LOL!
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Another way you can approach programming is to be more specific with exactly what you are going to work on with it. For example, on the days I'm most productive, I know exactly what I need to be working on. For instance, today I will be very productive because:
- First I need to respond to emails, comments and the forum. Currently doing that.
- Next I need to complete the worksheets for Respawn v4.
- After that I will probably need to take a break/have lunch, and will likely head home.
- Then I can work on uploading the worksheets, audio files, slides and other files to the new Game Quitters membership site.
- Once that is complete, I need to update and organize the Respawn v4 ebook.
I will likely only get to complete the worksheets and maybe some uploading today. But it's easy for me to get going when I get to the office because I know what I need to work on.
Compare that to if I came to the office and didn't have this written down, I would spend 30-60 minutes trying to figure out what to do, my momentum is low and by then I'm likely to just keep putting it off. So what exactly do you need to complete for Python programming? Is it a specific course? Can you spend 30 minutes working on it today? That's how you will build momentum.
When I worked at SHG, one of the founders had us submit to-do lists for the day, each and every day. To this day, I really have no clue if he read them all the time, but it does really help to focus your mind on what it is exactly you want to do. Some days it'll be easier than others to come up with this list, but in general I think it's a fantastic way to organize yourself and motivate yourself to do what it is you want to do each day. Even better is if you can come up with the to-do list the day before!
I bet I broke a record for how many times the word day has shown up in a paragraph!
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By quitting games, quitting fatty foods, distancing yourself from people that bring you down, and getting out of your comfort zone, you will be unlikely to lose your values such as honesty and respect. If you have a closer look, the successful people are the ones that are honest with themselves and have respect for the right solution... Do you see a connection just with the Game Quitters? We have all needed to be honest with ourselves to understand our initial situation, and respect advice provided by other Game Quitters to improve. This is necessary to move forward in the long run, and likewise you will find that many successful people you meet will be honest and respectful too. No loss of your values in sight.
You're not going to become an entirely different person by moving along the path you've taken, if anything you would gain better values through the process, like appreciation for hard work and commitment. I have never heard of a person that turned out for the worse by trying to improve themselves, so if I were you I'd just look forward to the prospect of becoming a better person.
Great post! Remember Jay, personal development is about becoming the best version of yourself... so you already have certain good qualities - being honest, having integrity, etc - so as you dive deeper into your personal development you'll only amplify the good parts and learn about the others as well.
Thanks Cam, love all the support I'm getting from you guys!
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Attempt II Day 11
Had a morning run today, shorter than my last one but somewhat sufficient.
I got some revision done, but nowhere near as much as I'd like. I will make sure I go to the school library to study to get more revision done, and make sure that I plan out my day.
Bugger I keep forgetting to do my programming! I will set an alarm to remind me to do just that. Spending time to program as a habit has ceased to exist for months now, I need to get into this habit again.
I had lunch with my grandparents today, one of which is having an operation tomorrow, and I believe I gave myself the excuse to not to work because of this. I will make sure to again, plan out my day to get what I need done within the time I have.
Got in some workouts, I will try some new ones tomorrow.
I am getting to sleep much earlier today, which is a plus.
Goals for tomorrow:
-Plan my entire day once I get to school for studying
-Work out at the school gym
-Get 6 x 50 minutes of study done
-Actually do some python programming
Alex, just out of curiosity, why do you want to learn programming? Perhaps the reason you keep putting it off is because you just don't have a compelling enough reason to do it. It might be worthwhile to simply let it go and move on if it isn't important enough for you.
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By quitting games, quitting fatty foods, distancing yourself from people that bring you down, and getting out of your comfort zone, you will be unlikely to lose your values such as honesty and respect. If you have a closer look, the successful people are the ones that are honest with themselves and have respect for the right solution... Do you see a connection just with the Game Quitters? We have all needed to be honest with ourselves to understand our initial situation, and respect advice provided by other Game Quitters to improve. This is necessary to move forward in the long run, and likewise you will find that many successful people you meet will be honest and respectful too. No loss of your values in sight.
You're not going to become an entirely different person by moving along the path you've taken, if anything you would gain better values through the process, like appreciation for hard work and commitment. I have never heard of a person that turned out for the worse by trying to improve themselves, so if I were you I'd just look forward to the prospect of becoming a better person.
You make a good point at the end there, Alex. It would be rather strange to go on a path of self improvement and somehow come out at the other end worse than when I began.
Day 14
Woohoo! Two weeks! Getting here didn't actually end up being as much of a challenge as I thought it might be! I guess that's what happens when you're on your 4th or 5th attempt to finally quit something, haha!
Admittedly, lately I've been getting some of those nostalgic feelings about video games. I've largely been able to just ride them out but it gets a bit harder each time. I did read in another person's thread that they had a planned relapse to achieve a goal in League of Legends, but I don't think that will be for me. I don't want to risk losing all the progress I've made up to this point just for a video game. My feelings have largely gravitated towards Tales of Xillia 2, which I started and never completed (if I had a planned relapse, this would be the game I would play), and Fallout 4, which I had a strong desire to play but I won't lose sleep over not seeing any gameplay of it, ever. I suppose the only thing I can really do is keep reminding myself why I am quitting video games in the first place - it may not hurt that much right now to relapse, but ten years down the road, when my responsibilities are much greater (in all likelihood, at least), it will hurt a lot more and it will also be a lot harder to change my life for the better.
In other news, I finished reading The Slight Edge today! For me that's a pretty big deal because I keep picking up books but never finishing them. I am looking forward to reading other personal development material as well, I find it helps so much.
I was going to go to a coffee and conversation meetup tonight since I felt it was going to be a nice way to get to know some new people, but I have decided instead to go on a hike. Part of the reason is that I don't want to be in a situation where I can make a bad choice about eating again. Another part is that I met a nice girl last night and she agreed to go on the hike as well.
Plus, it's also exercise! Looking forward to that!I have also noticed that writing these daily journal entries has a calming effect on my mind. Just putting my feelings of nostalgia down here has helped to sort of calm that emotion for me.
Anyways, good day today so far!
Three things I'm grateful for:
- My journal. It works to calm my emotions and help sort through my thoughts.
- Water. That's all I drink and that's all I'll ever drink!
- Friends. It's nice to know that people have got your back when you hit a rough spot.
One thing I want to add. These are the 7 daily disciplines I have committed to as part of the last exercise in The Slight Edge. I'm putting them here as an accountability thing.
- For health, my plan to start is walking 15-30 minutes a day, and doing at least 10 push ups upon returning home. My daily discipline is to stick to this plan.
- For happiness, my daily "not to do" is eating junk food, and my daily "to do" is doing something, anything to make someone else's day better.. even if it's just exchanging a smile and a hello.
- For relationships, it kind of relates to the above, talking to at least one new person every day. I can integrate this into my walk, and not allow myself to come home until I talk to at least one person I've never met before. Even just exchanging greetings is good enough.
- For personal development, getting up no later than 7:30 AM every day, though I want to get up at 6 on days that I am working in the morning so I have time in the morning to get in some of my daily routine.
- For finances, it is paying at least $30 a day towards my credit card debt.
- For my career, it is spending at least 15 minutes a day reading business building material.
- For my impact on the world, it is making at least one positive, uplifting post in someone else's journal on this website.
These will probably evolve over time but this is my list for now. In each journal entry I make from this point forward, I will explain how I managed to reach these daily milestones, or not. I am not sure what I will do as a "punishment" if I do not reach one. Maybe for each one that I miss, I double my efforts on it the following day.
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I don't see anything wrong with becoming a financial success, but I do see a LOT wrong with what I view as the typical financially successful person: a person who doesn't care about others, doesn't care enough about his family, and makes money the biggest and often only priority in life. I am TERRIFIED of becoming that type of person. Obviously there are quite a few examples of financially successful people that aren't any of those things, but in the media we don't really hear much about them.. and there's also the old adage of not judging a book by its' cover, ie. what those financially successful people who claim to care about others show on the outside may not necessarily reflect their true ideals.
If you want to have any sort of financial success, you're going to have to take a critical look at your attitude towards money.
Is your current attitude towards money driving you towards your goals?
Or is it giving you a convenient excuse to give up before you even start?
Do you see anything wrong with providing something of value and in return being rewarded for it? For example if someone provides a valuable service such as linen cleaning shouldn't they expect to receive money for their service?
While some people who get rich do it by ripping people off, they are going to be over-represented in the media. There's a couple of reasons for this. First being that an honest trader, making an honest living, just doesn't have much drama. At least not when compared to a story about someone who tricks old people into giving up their life savings.
Secondly, in general the media is aimed at the lowest common denominator ie. lazy, unambitious people.
Which message do you think a lazy person would rather hear
1. "People get rich by cheating other people, therefore you're a good person if you're poor"
or
2. "It's up to you to put the hard work in, if you're poor, it's your responsibility to fix it".
Hard work is not something that sells well. How many fitness products are advertised as quick or easy...The average couch potato doesn't want their TV telling them that they have the power to do something about it. That would require effort. They would rather be told that it's not their fault, that way they can continue blaming other people for their situation.
Thirdly, don't trust the media too much. They don't give balanced accounts of what really happens. They often have an agenda. Stories appear totally different when they leave certain details out. Or they misrepresent statistics. Or even just outright lie, as they've been shown to do with a few high profile cases over the last year.
It sounds like you're heading in the right direction. But it would be a good idea to take a critical look at some of your attitudes, where they came from and why. And ask yourself if they're still valid. And more importantly, ask yourself if those attitudes are driving you to where you want to be.
Really good points here.
My attitude towards money is that someone who puts in the time and the effort to create a product that adds value to a person who purchases it absolutely deserves to be rewarded for it. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having millions of dollars, if that's what people think your product is worth. That's the type of person I'd love to be. If I can create something that genuinely helps people, then I absolutely believe I should be rewarded for it.
I also do not believe in "get rich quick", "overnight quantum leaps", shit like that.. it doesn't exist. If you want to be a millionaire, then you've got to put in the effort to become a millionaire. If you want to be successful at ANYTHING, then you've got to put in the effort to be successful. I also believe that your rewards will be proportional to the effort you put in. And lastly, you've got to be patient as well. The only type of work you can do that I know of where you get paid immediately just for showing up is minimum wage work, and even then, you've still got to put in the effort to create your resume, submit your applications, go to the interview, etc.
I will admit I do have fears about starting a business of my own.. mainly because I do not have any ideas that I believe have enough value to them to actually make a reasonable living off of. I also believe that there are many financially successful people who started out the same way. So that's definitely something that I will need to overcome, and I believe that I will, in time.
Just a quick update, I need to fix up my eating habits a bit. They are largely fine, but this is the second night in a row that I ordered some crap I don't need, this time at a restaurant. French fries and a dessert. My goal is for the next week to not eat ANYTHING unhealthy at all. Obviously I'd like to stretch it beyond that, but that's my goal for now.
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Well this one is a doozie, but since you're taking the time to comment on my journal, SpiNips, I will go through yours and see if I can contribute at all!
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I'm most definitely with you about remaining true to your values! For example I value honesty and respect towards others. Those are values that I don't want to give up no matter what.
As for the social skills I agree that confidence is a key factor, but I still believe that there are ways of improving your social skills without striking through your personality. For example learning a few things about body language helped me to be more confident and better understood.
Great thinking Jay!
Absolutely, there are definitely things with respect to social skills that you can integrate into the way you speak to people without compromising yourself. It's when it gets to things like "OK, here's how to keep a conversation going, and here's 5 cookie cutter scripts you can practice to get better at it" where I just don't agree with the process. Honestly, you cannot be friends with everyone. Some people are just far too different from you for you to be able to get along with them for long, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
I will admit that when it comes to business conversations, sure, you might need to employ some "tactics" to keep people interested in you so you can make your sales or whatever, but that just isn't for me, I think. I like to be real, and let my personality come out. If someone doesn't get along with me, or no matter what, I just can't seem to keep a conversation going with some people, that's fine! There are enough people in the world that I will "click" with just fine, or even better than fine, that I won't lose sleep over those that I don't.
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Nice job on turning off the computer! While it's easy to cave, it's not so easy to "uncave" in the same night. You could have watched the entire stream and then stayed until 6 am doing nothing special(If this is something you use to do). You might feel bad that you caved, and that's okay but celebrate the fact that you crawled out of the cave after a short time.
Keep it up!Thanks! I actually didn't find the "uncaving" part all that difficult. I just started to remind myself why I am doing what I'm doing and I suppose that gave me the courage to resist falling further into the hole.
Day 13
Almost at two weeks! Woohoo! I'm not really sure yet what I can do to "reward" myself for achievements but I do need to think of something. One important value I hold is that rewarding myself for accomplishments is very important and very necessary to keeping a healthy mind. I actually thought of this particular idea for a reward for dropping my caffeine addiction so I might just do it tomorrow to celebrate two weeks in: going to my favorite indian restaurant and getting what might be my favorite food dish of all time, chicken rogan josh. It actually isn't even too expensive so it won't break the bank either.
So today I did a lot of self reflection. I believe I have discovered my greatest fear during this process is the fear of the person that I will eventually become. This may be the case because I have not yet identified what success is to me, but I have this image of myself in the future of this path as a millionaire businessman. It probably very much is because of what Cam said, being a "success" as far as society is concerned often is associated with being successful financially.
I don't see anything wrong with becoming a financial success, but I do see a LOT wrong with what I view as the typical financially successful person: a person who doesn't care about others, doesn't care enough about his family, and makes money the biggest and often only priority in life. I am TERRIFIED of becoming that type of person. Obviously there are quite a few examples of financially successful people that aren't any of those things, but in the media we don't really hear much about them.. and there's also the old adage of not judging a book by its' cover, ie. what those financially successful people who claim to care about others show on the outside may not necessarily reflect their true ideals.
I know that if I continue this path of self improvement, I am going to change. Some of that change I will not be able to control because of the material I am using for self improvement, and I am very afraid of losing the values that I hold dearest.to me. I definitely want to drop the lazy, irresponsible, undisciplined parts of me, but the honesty, integrity, compassion, empathy, all that stuff I do not want to lose under any circumstances. However, just stopping this and going back to the way things were is absolutely not an option. It may be easy now, but going back would be like committing suicide very slowly by poking myself with a spoon. It may not hurt much now, but eventually that spoon will start to carve out flesh, and by then it may just be too late to start making changes again because I may not have enough time left to do it. And if I am NOT on the path of improvement, then eventually I will start to fall back to the way things were - there is no middle ground.
The conclusion I came to during this time is a lot like the conclusion I came to yesterday: trust in the process and whatever happens, happens. Whatever I eventually become cannot be any worse than what I would become if I went back to my old ways. The reassuring thing is that, as the slight edge says, I AM in control of this process and I can simply make sure that I filter the input that I get to ensure that I only take in the things I want. As Cam implied, there is nothing that says I need to internalize absolutely everything I read in books or hear in videos.
One example is the ultimate guide to social skills. I went through the first couple of sections and wasn't too thrilled with the material. They made some good points, but I think the idea of forcing your social skills to change by developing them with intent doesn't really sit well with me. It feels like you end up just putting on this facade and aren't really letting your real self come out. As Michael Ellsberg said in one of the videos, instead of trying to talk with more confidence, just become more confident. I think that comes with self improvement. The way you speak to other people will change naturally, and how that happens will depend largely on the input that you take in for self improvement. I'm not saying developing your social skills with intent is bad, it's just not the way I would choose to go about things, and that's OK!
If you guys have your own opinions and ideas about this stuff, feel free to post them! I'd love to read about everyone else's perspectives!
Oops, and forgot once again, 3 things to be grateful for:
- The rain. So many people hate rain, but I love it. Not only does rain sustain us by filling our world with water, but to me it has a calming, soothing effect, especially the sound and smell.
- My vitality. Being able to simply go for a walk every day is a great opportunity for reflection as well as exercise.
- My cat. Whenever I pet her or play with her, it always puts a smile on my face and helps with de-stressing.
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Hey man! Working a few more hours is definitely a great idea. Plus it will take up some more of your time, which does two things:
1) You have less time to fill and thus, less time to potentially be bored, etc.
2) Because you have less time, you're more motivated when you do have time to make the most of it.Just remember that the best thing you might be doing for your brother and mother is creating a bit more distance. First of all, if they aren't open to your ideas of personal growth, you're likely annoying them with your ideas - and that's causing rapport within your relationship to falter. Next, if you do want to help them, being the best example of what you speak of is step one. Be the role model for them. I've seen that within my own family - as I've taken my diet more seriously, so have they. As I've gone after my dreams more, so have they. Because I'm leading by example, not preaching a gospel I'm not living myself.
Also, it's awesome to hear how passionate you are about your family. Just remember that you get to define what "family" is. I have many people in my life who are family, who are not "blood." In life we use these different words, and many times these words come with social conditioning we've had growing up. An example is "successful." To many that means having a nicer car, a nicer house, nicer clothes, etc. Because that's what we've been conditioned to think the word means. When in reality, successful can mean anything we want it to mean - we get to define it for ourselves.
BUT
If we don't define it, then it has an influence in our life we may not have chosen or be aware of. For instance, if we don't consciously define the word successful, we will live the definition society set for us. So we must consciously define these words and what they mean to ourselves.
ALSO
Just because in the future when you do have a family you may not be more available for other people, and rightly so, that doesn't mean you neglect to form these relationships and bonds with people on your journey to that destination. Maybe these relationships you have in the meantime are important for you to get to that destination.
Finally, I have an "uncle" (again, not blood) who has been very important to me in my life, he's the closest person to me outside of my parents. He was a friend of my parents when I was born and he's always stayed in touch and been in my life. To me, he's my uncle. I have "blood uncles" who I have never even spoken to on the phone. They've had very little to do with my life. Whereas this "uncle" has always been there for me, spent countless hours on the phone with me during depressions or breakups, etc. He's family as much as anybody I've ever known. And he truly will be there for the rest of my life (and his.) There's no doubt about that.
So I'm thankful my parents had friends that they had good relationships with and although 90% of those I have never spoken to or known (relationships drift over time, especially as family's are developed)... some do remain and those will be important over the long-term. So don't discount the importance of having these quality relationships now (for the health of your journey towards starting a family) and for the potential health of expanding your "family" as life evolves.
Hey Cam, as usual you come with the sage advice. Lots of good points there. You're right that we have to define what success means to us. I still don't know. I'll have to figure that out as I go. As far as relationships with people, to be honest, I really don't have any close relationships in real life, at least in terms of people I'd trust enough to have a conversation with about really personal stuff. There is one guy and perhaps I should make more of an effort to strengthen my friendship with him.
And just as an update, I did run into a bit of a stumbling block tonight at work. I got a massive craving for pizza and ended up ordering one (I actually got over the craving but by then I had convinced myself I was going to get it), and then I ended up watching a video game stream on Youtube for about 1.5 hours. I didn't actually end up finishing watching it and just turned off the computer.
I will make up for this tomorrow by reading an extra chapter from a book.
Jay's Epic Journey
in Daily Journals
Posted · Edited by jaylajkosz
Whatever it is I wish it would just go away.
Cam, you're right that I have you guys here, and I do appreciate that immensely. It just would be nice if I had someone I could interact with in real life regarding this stuff. Nothing really can replace in person interaction.
EDIT: Huh.. interesting article that really flies in the face of virtually every personal development book. Might be worth a shot just to get started anyways.