NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
seriousjay
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Posts posted by seriousjay
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Relapse Day 1
I already posted in the relapse thread, so this will be brief. The post is here: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/1509-relapse-again/
I haven't quite fleshed out the plan. Once I do, I'll post it here.
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Since I quit again two Sundays ago, the dominant thought in my mind was back towards the game I was playing before I quit. To be honest, I haven't really felt good about this attempt at quitting after the first couple of days. My intention with this relapse is to find closure with this game, and then be done with it. If I find the motivation to quit before that point, I will do so.
I did discuss with my accountability partner about this extensively, and he mentioned that I won't ever find closure (if I did, it would have happened already). I accept that and the risk that this could go even deeper.
I haven't tried moderation before, so this will be my attempt to do so. My plan to that end is to have a specific set of goals to accomplish each day (for example, visualization, meditation, etc.) and not allow myself to game until those goals have been met.
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When it comes to failing to meet deadlines, one way you can encourage yourself to meet the deadline is to set a STAKE - a consequence (ideally publicly) of failign to meet your goal. Tim Ferriss talks about this so you can read more about it here.
I've never been a fan of negative reinforcement but maybe it works for some people.
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I hope you're not too offended by a male replying. I noticed you didn't get a response yet so I figured I'd pitch my idea.
Have you ever tried jig saw puzzles? I used to love those as a kid, and they would seem to fit your criteria. There's even a whole crapload of them available online, apparently.
Hope this helps.
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I'm glad walking helped brighten your mood, sounds like your accountability partner gave you some good advice
Most people (including myself) only believe somebody is 'for real' with making a big change when they act on it, so don't beat yourself up about how those people treated you. When you start brightening up and moving forward in life, they'll rethink how they approach you
Keep it up man you're doing great!
Yeah for sure, it's hard to take someone seriously when they say one thing and then don't do it.
I have to remember that these people are acting this way towards me because they have a certain type of history with me, and it is often very, very difficult to change the way people think about you, especially family members. Like you said, just have to keep going and show them I'm a different person.
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Great Video.I have a couple questions.
I've set a few goals witha deadline and even though I've made significant progress on them and myself on that field I have failed to meet the deadline.
I admit I have not tried with accountability partner.I'm trying to hold myself accountable,I'm quite satisfied with the progress I'm doing but I'm curious If I would be making faster progress with an "accountability partner".
So the question is what happens when we fail to meet the goals on the specific deadline?
And how can you find people that will hold you accountable?Do they have to be mentor's or just any well disciplined and sincere person in our lives willing to help will do?
Failing to meet a specific deadline for a goal is not the end of the world. As long as it gets done, that's something to be proud of no matter what.
One thing I learned when I was working for Primerica that my team members often repeated was that if you aim for the stars (have many great ambitions), you'll inevitably hit the moon (at least some of them will get accomplished).
Dream big. Be unreasonable in your goals. Don't let anyone tell you that something is impossible, or that you shouldn't want something that is important to you. People that tell you that are often the same ones that have no dreams or ambitions of their own and seeing you very enthusiastic about things you want in your life reminds them of their own inadequacy.
To directly answer some of your questions:
1) The speed at which you make progress is irrelevant, IMO. As long as the pace you're going at is good enough for you, that's all that matters. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't making progress fast enough. The important part is going at a pace that you're comfortable with. I learned through my own experience that trying to do too much, too fast often ends up with you getting burnt out.
So, it's possible that working with an accountability partner might help you make faster progress. That being said, you need to decide if it's the right thing for you. My personal experience so far is that it's extremely useful, but that's just my own experience. Try it out and see if it works for you.
2) As far as what happens if you don't meet a specific deadline, I think it might be a good idea to analyze why that happened. There's a chance that not meeting that deadline is not a negative thing. It might turn out that it was unrealistic for you to accomplish that goal within the timeframe you set out, or perhaps you underestimated the resources you required to reach that deadline in time. The important part isn't to view this as a failure, but as a learning experience to help you in setting goals for the future.
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This is Day 8, yes?
Today wasn't that great. My aunt and I had a bit of a misunderstanding in the morning, and she's one of those people who always thinks she's right, especially with me, so I had no chance to clear things up. I know things are this way because of my attitude in the past so there's not much I can do about it except just prove to her I'm different than before. Still.. not a great start.
I caught myself at one point hoping that I would pass out or something so I could just not have to work. It didn't take long for me to realize that's just stupid. At least I turned it around quickly, before it might have festered for the whole day or even several days or longer.
And then at the end of the day, my cousin (who also happens to be the manager at my workplace) talked to me in a way I didn't really agree with. I didn't say anything at the time but I contemplated bringing it up at some point.
My accountability partner suggested to me to go for a walk if I wasn't feeling particularly great, so I did that when I got home. I feel a little better and ended up deciding I'm not going to say anything to my aunt or cousin. Just keep pushing on. It's not really worth it anyways - this job isn't going to be a long term thing for me, just a means to an end. Not worth causing drama over something admittedly minor.
Anyways, glad to be home. I'll take a bit of time to relax then get back into working through Respawn!
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You're doing great bro, keep going.
Thanks!
I'm a little hung up on chapter 4 of Respawn.. hehe. Specifically, choosing mentally engaging activities. I still find just about everything else pretty boring and uninteresting, so I suppose it'll just come down to forcing myself to try new things and see what I end up enjoying.
You become interested in things by engaging in them. Very few things are "interesting" from the start.
So true. I'm hardly in any place to comment on how interesting specific activities are, anyways, considering maybe 95% of my life thus far has been spent inside a video game in some way, shape or form. Even at school I hardly paid attention because my mind was always thinking about video games. I haven't interacted enough with anything else to make that judgment at this time.
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You're doing great bro, keep going.
Thanks!
I'm a little hung up on chapter 4 of Respawn.. hehe. Specifically, choosing mentally engaging activities. I still find just about everything else pretty boring and uninteresting, so I suppose it'll just come down to forcing myself to try new things and see what I end up enjoying.
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You can simply attach your VISA to a Paypal account and use it that way, no? You can't get verified without adding a bank account, though.
For some people, playing in moderation works. For most of us though, I don't think it's a good idea. It may work for you though, won't know until you try!
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No, IMO.
Even if you can control your cravings for video games while developing, do you really want to work in a field where you're contributing to the very addiction you are trying to break from?
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Day 7
Welp, we got to one week! Sort of.. maybe 6.2 days. Whatever!
Today I am going to work around noon or so. Afterwards I plan to continue going through Respawn. I started it last night, continued this morning and I got to chapter 2 so far.
I think the main emotion I am feeling is pre-regret, if that's a thing. Mainly due to not having finished one game and not having tried out a new mode in another game. I think the important thing to remember here is that there will always be another game. It doesn't really matter how "done" with it you are after you finish a certain objective you have set out for yourself. If you haven't truly made the commitment to quit, you will invariably always find something else to get emotionally attached to, and then you'll feel the same way about that one if you then make the commitment to quit. At some point, it has to end. Gaming is a vicious cycle and if you really want to move on, at some point you just have to tell yourself I'm done and actually move on. I know, because on at least 2 separate occasions I thought I had played my last game, and then found something else to get addicted to. Don't fall into that trap.
One thing I know I need to work on, and something that has plagued me in the past, is actually finishing crap even if my interest in it starts to fade. I finished chapter one of Respawn and already telling myself "OK great what's next?"
STOP!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Commit to something and finish it. Stop getting ahead of yourself. I always fall into the trap of getting an idea and then visualizing how things will play out.
I think I need to restart my meditation as soon as possible. It did wonders in helping me to be more mindful and patient, and living in the moment instead of dreaming about what's next.
Bucket list + that book are good steps! That book is one of my favorites.
I LOVE the idea of bucket lists. I just started putting crazy stuff on it that I never thought I'd do, like exploring a cave. For one, it challenges you to dream beyond your comfort zone. And two, I've read the idea that physically setting a goal out for yourself (as in, writing it out and repeating it to yourself, constantly reminding yourself) begins the process of rewiring your brain for the purpose of achieving that goal. You start to see opportunities that you may have missed before in pursuit of that goal. I don't know if there is anything to that, but it's worth a shot.
My bucket list is currently quite small (check out this blog to get an idea how crazy they can get!), but I expect I'll be adding to it as I expand my horizons.
On another note, just going through the last few games that I own that I didn't throw out the first time (mainly because I didn't realize they were still there), I'm just getting absolutely blasted with nostalgia. Even years later. It's crazy how attached we get to these abominations.
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Day 5 woop!
I ended up watching a lot of video gaming streams yesterday out of boredom, but whatever. Today's a new day!
I started a bucket list today and started reading this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man's_Search_for_Meaning
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Wow. That's quite a story there.
Despite everything you've been through it sounds like there are at least some really positive things in your life. Those could be the reasons you have for quitting video games when it starts to get really hard and you have a huge craving to go back to playing them.
Otherwise, know that this community has your back and we hope to be able to help you to conquer this obstacle.
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Wow apparently we're already at day 5. Interesting.
I deleted my Facebook account. I decided I don't really use it for much of anything except mindlessly browsing and chatting to a few people.
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So what you want to do is think more about why each goal is important to you, and then it's good to create S.M.A.R.T goals.
Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.
An example is instead of just "go to the gym 1x/week" it's something like, I want to lose 10 pounds by June 15th, and I will do that by going to the gym 1x/week, eating healthy and tracking my weight each week.
And then you write down why it's important to you. So for this one maybe it's for overall health, or to feel more confident when you look in the mirror, or to have a six pack when you go to the beach, or to look better in your clothes, etc.
Understanding both the specific goal and the why behind it make a huge difference.
Hmm.. might be worth it to take Friday (a holiday) off to try to get jump started on this. I absolutely agree with everything you said.
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Hi Jay, welcome back!
I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.
Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.
I look forward to following your journey again!
Yeah that all makes sense and I can definitely see how scheduling can be very useful to some people.
For me.. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot I want to do with my team, so I'd be quite happy if it just expanded itself somehow. At least for now.
Right now it's go to work from 7:30 to 4, and then when I get home, it's "try to figure out what the hell to do with myself".
I'm looking into some creative things like writing, drawing, knitting, etc. Those types of things can very easily soak up a ton of time and can be quite enjoyable. Most importantly, they can be done from home with very few personal expenses. The problem I start running into (and a quite ironic one at that) is that I immediately start thinking "how is doing any of this actually useful?".. ironic because you can easily pose that same question to playing video games and the answer there is "it isn't".
What goals do you have? If your activities lack a sense of purpose, identify a few goals you have and align your activities up with them.
Huh.. somehow I missed this post.
I mentioned what I want to do in the short term here:
- Going on those hikes again. I did enjoy those, I just won't do them as often as I did last time. Once a week should be good enough, for now.
- Renewing my gym membership and committing to going at least once a week. My doctor told me it would be good for me because of my back so it makes sense.
- Thinking about working 7 days a week for the foreseeable future just to keep myself occupied. The work isn't too difficult and at least I'll get paid for it.
- In the medium term, looking for a place to live either on my own or with my brother. It'll make things more expensive of course but I think the change of scenery will do a lot of good for me. Still undecided on this one for now but I strongly believe it would be a positive step if I did it.I suppose if I had to attach goals to it, one would be getting my lifestyle back to where it needs to be in terms of nutrition and physical activity.
Other than that, I don't really have anything right now. I mentioned I wanted to go back to school. I talked to my dad about it and he questioned whether I wanted to go back for the sake of my future, or to simply escape from my day-to-day life. It was a very good question and I don't have an answer. It's pointless to go to school for the wrong reasons.
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Hi Jay, welcome back!
I'm really glad you've jumped on the wagon again, I've had my fair share of relapses so I know what it's like in your shoes. Despite my journal saying it is my third time trying to do the detox, it is actually about my 7th time quitting gaming; the difference is that I'm for real this time.
Although I set myself a schedule for doing a lot of my work, it is largely to do with prioritization so that I get the most important things done in case I run out of time. You may also find the following quote useful (Parkinson's Law), which is a foundation of my scheduling logic: "Work expands to fill the time available for it's completion". I often find that if I don't set time limits on what work I'm doing, the time I spend on the work stretches on and I don't get all that much done. On the other hand, when I set say 20 minutes to do a piece of work I need to do, I will have more motivation to do it on time.
I look forward to following your journey again!
Yeah that all makes sense and I can definitely see how scheduling can be very useful to some people.
For me.. I just don't have a whole hell of a lot I want to do with my team, so I'd be quite happy if it just expanded itself somehow. At least for now.
Right now it's go to work from 7:30 to 4, and then when I get home, it's "try to figure out what the hell to do with myself".
I'm looking into some creative things like writing, drawing, knitting, etc. Those types of things can very easily soak up a ton of time and can be quite enjoyable. Most importantly, they can be done from home with very few personal expenses. The problem I start running into (and a quite ironic one at that) is that I immediately start thinking "how is doing any of this actually useful?".. ironic because you can easily pose that same question to playing video games and the answer there is "it isn't".
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Yeah that seems reasonable. I have read things like actually setting short, mid and long term goals and writing them down and looking at them every day begins to rewire your brain towards the accomplishment of those goals. You start to think about ways to go about making those things happen. I think that's the general idea anyways.
For me, I just think it really gives you focus and something to work towards. I like the idea of goals, I'm just not a big fan of the strict daily schedule.
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Hmm, never thought of it that way. Just have a "to do" list. Doesn't necessarily have to get done in any particular order. I particularly like what you said, Cam, about the idea that scheduling something implies it's something you want to do. I like that. I'll give it a shot and see what happens.
Anyways.. I'm having morning after regrets already. I can't really go back though because I deleted all my save files.
Some things I want to get started on again:
- Going on those hikes again. I did enjoy those, I just won't do them as often as I did last time. Once a week should be good enough, for now.
- Renewing my gym membership and committing to going at least once a week. My doctor told me it would be good for me because of my back so it makes sense.
- Thinking about working 7 days a week for the foreseeable future just to keep myself occupied. The work isn't too difficult and at least I'll get paid for it.
- In the medium term, looking for a place to live either on my own or with my brother. It'll make things more expensive of course but I think the change of scenery will do a lot of good for me. Still undecided on this one for now but I strongly believe it would be a positive step if I did it. -
Alrighty..
I guess this is Day 0. I have once again deleted every single game I own and going to give this another shot.
I think I'm going to try to take on less at a time this time. Probably what happened before is that I simply took on too much at once and got burnt out. I'm also on the fence about scheduling things right now.. it just felt extremely restricting to have to do thing x, y and z before doing a, b and c, etc.. what are everyone else's thoughts on this?
Anyways, currently I'm actually working full time at my dad's company doing my brother's job (he's went to the Ukraine with my dad), and that's going to last until at least the end of April. This is positive for me. We'll see what happens after he comes back but I'm not even going to look ahead that far.
I'm still going to run into the problem of being bored. I just don't find myself getting excited about ANYTHING else.. and I have no idea why. I can force myself to do other things and I may even enjoy it at first, but I always find myself quickly getting bored. Even while I was playing video games, I get bored within 1-2 weeks and have to find another one. I really have no idea what the solution to this is.
Anyways, those are my thoughts for now.
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Welcome back! I'm glad to hear from you again.
I also had a relapse whilst you were inactive here, but it only lasted a couple of days. Like Cam said, embracing and conquering your fears is what drives you forward, as it means getting out of your comfort zone to in turn expand your comfort zone so that you can more easily do a wide range of helpful activities.
Keep us posted on how you're going and we'll help you out!
All the best for your renewable energy course and improving your life!
Thanks Alex I'm feeling those positive vibes already!
Sad to hear about your relapse but also great to hear that you conquered it so quickly!
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Awesome to hear you're going back to school. Life isn't about avoiding our fears but embracing them and moving forward anyways. That's COURAGE.
The only way forward is through.
Definitely. I really believe the most successful people in this world (whatever success means to you) are the ones that keep going despite all the doubts and fears. The longer you stay the course, the more successful you're likely to be. If you give up, you'll end up having to deal with the most painful thing of all: regret.
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Hi Jay, I was just wondering how you're going.
You were a true motivator in the early stages of my journey and helped me after my relapse, so I was wondering how you're going with or without games. Perhaps I could return the favor some if you made an appearance on these forums again.
Thank you for helping me through my journey and I hope to hear from you again!
Hey Alex, thanks for the kind words. They do mean a lot.
I just wanted to give a quick update that I'm not completely over my relapse, but I'm getting there. I have not given up on this and will not give up, no matter how hard it gets.
I have decided that I am going to go back to school for a program that focuses on renewable energy. Making a difference in the world is important to me, and I have always been a proponent of sustainable practices, so this seems like a good fit.
The issue that comes up for me is all those stupid fears that are so familiar. What if I don't finish it? What if I get bored? What if I find out I'm in over my head? Etc. It's especially stupid because I KNOW that anything that I commit to 100%, I can be very successful at. That being said, I'm tired of just sitting around doing nothing. If I continue to let my fears rule me, I'm going to end up getting nothing done, and that's the worst possible outcome. So, I'm going to go ahead with this despite my fears and see what happens.
Thanks again guys for all the support.
EDIT: I have also torn up my credit card and am giving my debit card to my mom. I don't know if it's going to make a difference long-term, but I need to do something to control my unsustainable financial habits. My hope is that forcing myself to live in the kind of situation where I am forced to go to the bank if I need money for something makes me more responsible financially. We'll see how it goes. This is a situation where my generally lazy nature might work to my advantage.
Quit for 90 Days? Post here!
in Celebrate
Posted
This is something I can talk about given it's been a big problem for me.
I don't think gaming itself is the cause of this. I think it's more because people who are addicted to games generally have low self esteem, and part of the reason they use gaming is to try to get a sense of self worth. Unfortunately, once the game is over, you are again reminded that you actually live in the real world where your self esteem is low. Low self esteem, in my experience, also leads to the idea that I just don't care what other people think of me or not caring much about yourself. If you don't care about yourself, then why would you exercise daily hygiene?
I personally didn't start showering on a regular basis until after high school. I would often go to school having not showered for days at a time, at least. To be honest, I'm very surprised nobody ever commented on me being smelly or something in school. As far as brushing teeth, I still have an issue with that. I simply don't do it regularly. This was the case even during my quitting attempts.
Again, I think it's tied to the way you view yourself. You're not likely to take care of something you don't care about. There might be outside reasons that force you to take care of yourself (say, working at a job or dating a girl), but once those are gone you go back to the way things were before. I know, because that's exactly the pattern for me. On days where I have nothing planned, I may skip showering entirely still, although this doesn't happen often anymore, as I have become quite grossed out by greasy hair.
Hope this helps.