NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
seriousjay
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Posts posted by seriousjay
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I've heard that most people want to find a panaceum for their problems, a golden shot, an information that'll completely change their live before even taking the action.
Even though changing ourselves isn't a bed of roses, it's worth trying!
Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
Hey, yes Changing For Good did talk about that. A lot of people wait for the magic moment where all their problems are solved on their own, or with very little effort. The reality is that this simply doesn't happen.
I agree it's worth trying even if it isn't easy!
OK so my visualizations today again didn't go well. I'm not really feeling any strong emotions about my cousin anymore so I am unsure what might be going on. Maybe a change of scenery would work.
I watched Cam's video about dreams and nightmares. This didn't really affect me personally but I do like the idea of the gratitude journal, which I think works at any time you feel any kind of distressing emotions. It doesn't just have to be because of dreams and nightmares about gaming.
I read the emotional arousal section of Changing For Good. The self assessment part of it made me realize that I don't really face my problems on an emotional level much at all. Emotions are very powerful and can be used to encourage your continued forward progress. I have always felt though that change effected by emotions is temporary most of the time. What do you guys think? I think it's a great tool to get short term benefits but it needs to be accompanied by other techniques to get a more permanent benefit.
Also, I didn't do my writing work yesterday and I ended up ordering food as well.
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OK so yesterday I installed and played Fallout 4 again, this time for maybe 3 or 4 hours. Predictably, at some point I got really frustrated, realized I wasn't having any fun (at any point, really), and then deleted it again. I was trying to think about why I keep doing this - the result has always been the same. The first thing that comes to mind is the character progression. I like the idea of being able to see my character get stronger, that is pretty appealing to me. The rest of the game, particularly the mode I was playing the game in, I just didn't really care for much. I had already played the crap out of it before so that probably contributes to this substantially.
I'm not really sure how I can redirect that video game character progression into something useful. What do you guys think?
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OK..
Ended up way sleeping in today but that was expected given the amount of sleep I got yesterday.
Visualization just didn't work. I just couldn't get my mind focused on what I wanted to visualize. I'll give it another shot later today.
I watched Cam's video on finding other activities boring. Nothing too surprising there, although I do find that trying new things usually has a short period of excitement before it becomes boring. The physical change part is especially important really highlights the importance of the 90 day detox.
In Changing For Good, I read a paragraph that basically perfectly describes me. There is such a thing as chronic contemplation, which basically means someone who replaces thinking for action. They always search for more and more information on their problem and insist on knowing absolutely everything before actually doing anything. The problem is they never actually get around to doing anything because that need for information never gets satisfied. Additionally, these types of people are also typically scared of the person they will become after change and thus delay change for that reason (the need for information could be an excuse for this very thing). I did mention I had such fears earlier in my journal. It seems I may actually be right in the middle of chronic contemplation so I'll need to find a way to bust out of it.
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On a side note, does anyone have any possible explanation as to how I was able to seriously pursue quitting video games for over a month and then just suddenly fall off a cliff? The only thing I can think of is that I got really excited about it and that excitement motivated me to continue with it, but once it got too hard, I ended up sliding back to where I was at. I haven't been able to really capture that excitement since.
Could be some truth to it. The excitement didn't get you to the promised land, so no need to try and find it again. You need to find what that level of desire is deep inside that will get you over the edge. Most of the time when we start out really excited we hit one setback and boom, back to the start. So no sweat on that. The key is to dig deep now and get really clear on what you want for your life.
Well said. Excitement doesn't last forever anyways. As you said, to truly move forward you must deeply desire that change. I just gotta figure out what it is I really want.
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So last night I got maybe 2.5 hours of sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about different scenarios in which I could have altered the outcome of what happened to my cousin - what if I got a "feeling" that something was wrong and immediately rushed over there, what if I simply called at some point to see what was going on, etc.
I learned today that he actually ended up dying of a heart attack. If it was going to happen regardless, I don't think there is anything anyone could have done to save him at any point during the day, even if things had gone as optimally as possible. Nobody at work is trained in first aid. I imagine this is going to have to change.
Today was the first day at work after what happened and boy oh boy was it ever somber. When I told our employees what happened, everyone was shocked beyond belief. Many tears were shed. We had to spend a few minutes just to collect ourselves before continuing on. I can already sense that nothing is going to be the same and it'll probably be a while before we get back to some form of "normal". As for me, I'm doing a whole lot better today. It finally hit me and pretty hard that he was gone this morning, but after that, and especially after I got home, things started to improve for me. I think I'm going to be able to get over this relatively soon, thankfully.
Also, the funeral is on Sunday. My cousin's family seems to want to get this over with as quickly as possible, and I can't blame them.
Now with all that being said, I did manage to do what I wanted to do today, although not quite in the order I was hoping. I ended up coming home and gaming for a bit, watched a baseball game, and only about half an hour ago did I end up doing my daily stuff, but I did do it and that's the important part for me.
I watched Cam's video on keeping your gamer friends. A lot of great points in it. I think the biggest take away for me is that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're quitting gaming. If they won't respect your decision, then it's probably best to part ways with those people.
Also finished reading the precontemplation section of Changing For Good. There wasn't a huge take away there, other than an example of someone who took years after becoming aware of their problems before they actually ended up moving to the contemplation stage. We can be faced with powerful messages about our problems and still not do anything about them. I think the important part is just identifying our issues and working slowly every day towards solving them. That's about all we can do.
Big thing for me tomorrow will be to not order any food and to do at least one hour of work towards writing. It's a holiday tomorrow so I'll have plenty of time to at least get the latter done.
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On a side note, does anyone have any possible explanation as to how I was able to seriously pursue quitting video games for over a month and then just suddenly fall off a cliff? The only thing I can think of is that I got really excited about it and that excitement motivated me to continue with it, but once it got too hard, I ended up sliding back to where I was at. I haven't been able to really capture that excitement since.
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I cant imagine how this must feel. Condolences to you. Life is too fucking short.
Let me tell you man. It sucks. It sucks big time. I was really close to my cousin, to the point of calling him probably my best friend. Right now I can't even sleep, I just can't stop thinking about it. I keep playing scenarios in my head that might have avoided this tragedy, though I know it is ultimately fruitless. I'm sure I'll get over it at some point but right now, it just flat out sucks.
He used to come to my house to watch hockey games, or just to hang out. My dad, brother, him and me had a yearly tradition of going on a weekend fishing trip during the summer. It's going to be extremely awkward and hard to get used to him not being there.
The important thing for me right now is just going to be to remember that this is nobody's fault, and there's nothing that anybody could have done to avoid this. It was a complete and total fluke that happened due to some very unfortunate circumstances. I only hope for two things:
1) That he didn't suffer long before he passed.
2) That I did enough in the short time we spent together to make him feel like life was worth living.
The other important thing will be to try to make something good come out of this horrific situation. Maybe this will inspire me to finally take the steps I need to take to progress further in my growth. As you said, life is just too damn short.
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Condolences to you and your family brother. We are here with you.
Thanks I appreciate that.
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OK this loss has affected me much more deeply than I thought. I can't stop thinking about it. Nevertheless, life must go on.
I did one of my two visualizations today. Distractions are a little overwhelming right now so I stopped at that.
I watched Cam's video on gaming being the only thing you're good at, and I identified with a lot that he talked about. What immediately came to mind was Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour theory - that in order to achieve mastery in any field, one must spend 10,000 hours in intentional practice. Although this theory has apparently been debunked, I largely agree with it. I think the missing element here though is belief in self. Two people may spend 10,000 hours of intentional practice on something, but the quality of that practice may differ and I think the quality is largely driven by one's belief in what one is doing.
Also, while reading Changing For Good today, I was reading up about foolish freedom and I found it rather interesting. Foolish freedom in the book is defined as reactionary - it is the freedom to resist any internal or external forces that try to change you simply for the sake of having control of things. Responsible freedom is the act of making choices that are good for you, that are in line with your beliefs, even if someone else is taking control of the situation. If someone is giving you great advice, it makes sense to take it, even if in the process of doing so, you give up some control in your life.
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Also wanted to talk about a few things that happened the last couple of days. Two days ago I re-installed Fallout 4 and started playing it. Played for a total of about 5 hours. This morning I deleted all my saves, deleted the game and Steam. I keep going back and forth. Even if all my games are deleted I still find myself browsing Steam or watching streams and honestly I find it really hard to not do that. I think Cam made a great point in his video about playing games in moderation. You have to commit to quitting and REALLY commit. Don't half ass it. The temptations and nostalgia and all that won't go away right away. You just have to ignore it and really commit to quitting. So I really need to have a serious look about how serious I am about quitting games.
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I basically just say the same thing in every video just in another way. 75 times so far. Haha.
Heh. That's awesome!
So my activity over the next little while may be sporadic. I have just learned that my cousin has died of a stroke. This has never, ever happened to anyone this close to me in my family so I am not sure how I'll react to it over the next little while. So far I'm OK but it still feels very surreal.
OK, off to do my daily things!
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Hey Alex, that's great to hear that your brother has recognized playing video games might be a problem for him and that he's decided he'd like to change. I wanted to be a video game developer as well before I decided I need to quit playing and I gave up on that because I do not want to contribute to the industry that has caused me these problems. I don't know if it'll work with your brother but you could try that angle with him. Otherwise, I don't know.
I actually read in Changing For Good today that consciousness raising is an effective method for helping people get out of the precontemplation stage of change. The precontemplation stage is the stage where people don't necessarily see their issue as a problem and don't really want to change. It seems like your brother might be on the cusp of transitioning from precontemplation to contemplation. What I might do if I were you is give him some material to read or listen to talking about the pitfalls of both video game addiction as well as the video game industry. Getting more information on the subject might be enough to inspire him to take the next step.
Also realize that if he wants to be a game developer and doesn't really have plans to do anything else with his life, that will be a significant blow to him. He has likely spent a considerable amount of time working towards that goal and if it's all just taken away from him, that might not actually be a positive thing. He needs to come to that decision himself. So that's why I think just presenting some information to him and letting him absorb it at his own pace might be best. Additionally, you could spend some quality time with him away from the house just to change things up. That may help him see the value of things outside of video games as well.
Hope this helps!
Hi Jay, thanks for your help, it was very specific and I'm sure it will be useful. You're right in your assumptions, but an major issue is that he won't use the resources I have given him and has a willful ignorance of how gaming affects him until it makes large, negative impacts on other areas of his life. I think at the moment, your suggestion on raising awareness will be the best.
OK, so based on my reading of Changing For Good, it sounds like he's deeply in the precontemplation stage despite becoming more aware that his behaviour might be causing significantly negative impacts on his life. I think this is more or less where I'm at as well - knowing that moving on from gaming is probably the best thing but gaming anyway. Maybe try a few of these things:
- give him some material to work through but also make sure to leave yourself open to any and all questions he may have - and make sure he knows that you're open to any questions.. knowing that you'll be there to help him along might be enough to encourage him to read some of the material
- invite him to read your journal, he might find some inspiration there to quit video games completely
- maybe ask if Cam would be interested in talking to him directly? Maybe having someone who can be seen as an authority figure in this subject would help
- ask him questions about why he's having trouble moving on and pay very close attention to what he's saying. Not that he would be intentionally deceptive, but what he says and what he really means may not be the same thing
- above all, do not try to force him to do anything. That will inevitably lead to failure. He has to make these decisions on his own, and be there for him at every stage
Hope this helps!
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OK post for today.
My visualization wasn't as good as yesterday, I found myself getting constantly distracted. I think restarting meditation soon will be very good for me, I found that helped a lot with maintaining focus.
I watched Cam's video about the fear of missing out and it just continues to reinforce the message that the whole point of quitting video games is about closing one chapter of your life and moving on to a new one that doesn't have video games. Seems to be a recurring theme here but it definitely makes a lot of sense. If you genuinely close that chapter and move on, a lot of these problems won't affect you so much.
When reading Changing For Good, I found out something very interesting, that I don't seem to be leveraging social situations to help me change anywhere near as much as I could be. I mean, I pretty much knew this already, but to have it spelled out for me opened my eyes a bit. Just taking an objective look at my situation, I don't put myself in social situations that are designed to help me change my behaviours, and that's something that's got to change as I believe that can be a very powerful tool for getting your desired results.
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Check this video out by my brother Kinja Dixon! Think it might be insightful for you.
Well this is really cool, and I also had a different thought about this as well that directly applies to me. How many times do we tell ourselves while in the process of doing absolutely nothing to go and do something productive, and then end up denying that voice? That's another area where we can really end up sabotaging ourselves..
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"Get some inspirational quotes up on my wall". I am trying to reduce my negativity and be more a glass half full type. One of the things I do is a daily quote app. The ones I like, I can save and you could use those to post on your board.
Check out Intently. They have asked me to create a Game Quitters board so that could be a cool idea at some point. Let me know if you're interested!
Cam I use AdBlock right now but that sounds pretty cool! Do the websites still get ad revenue if Intently is used?
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Haha that's an old school video!
Yeah but a good one!
I'm working night shifts for the next few days so my posts will be coming shortly after I complete my tasks.
Speaking of old school videos, today I watched the video on whether or not video games should be quit cold turkey. There is a rather powerful message embedded in that video which essentially comes down to that if you are serious about quitting video games, then you've got to do it cold turkey, otherwise you won't be allowing yourself to experience the full breadth of life without video games. You can decide after the 90 days if you still want video games to be a part of your life or not.
While reading Changing For Good, I got to the section about helping relationships during the pre-contemplation stage. I realized that while I do a good job of enlisting aid for my video game issue, I don't think I do for my fast food problem. So on top of simply learning more about the symptoms associated with problem eating, I think I also need to get more help in trying to overcome it as well. That being said, I'm not quite sure how that's going to help. The book talks about using help in this stage to help you get past your defenses. So maybe I'll bring that up with my accountability partner next time.
Also I had a pretty good day of visualizations today. The images were a little more impactful than usual so it seems like something is happening! Hooray!
OK that's it for now!
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Check this video out by my brother Kinja Dixon! Think it might be insightful for you.
Thanks!
OK so my post for today.
I did everything I said I was going to do first thing in the morning. I watched Cam's videos for getting motivated after quitting gaming and the difference between abstinence and recovery from video games. A common theme in these videos further reinforced in the first one was the need for a greater purpose after video games, otherwise it becomes really easy to go back to gaming because everything else seems pointless. To be honest, the message in the second video pretty much felt the same, just worded in a different way.
When reading Changing For Good, going through the pre-contemplation section of the book, it struck me quite vividly that, at least with respect to a fast food addiction, I really don't know a whole hell of a lot about the negative effects of it. One way to break out of pre-contemplation into contemplation is through consciousness raising, which is simply the act of learning more about your problem. I know some of the symptoms of obesity, too much sugar, etc., but not a whole hell of a lot specifically, so that might be something to work on going forward.
Last thing, I felt a very strong craving tonight to go to Mac's and grab some junk to eat but I managed to not do that. Really amazing how hard it is to fight these cravings..
OK that's all for today!
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Hey Alex, that's great to hear that your brother has recognized playing video games might be a problem for him and that he's decided he'd like to change. I wanted to be a video game developer as well before I decided I need to quit playing and I gave up on that because I do not want to contribute to the industry that has caused me these problems. I don't know if it'll work with your brother but you could try that angle with him. Otherwise, I don't know.
I actually read in Changing For Good today that consciousness raising is an effective method for helping people get out of the precontemplation stage of change. The precontemplation stage is the stage where people don't necessarily see their issue as a problem and don't really want to change. It seems like your brother might be on the cusp of transitioning from precontemplation to contemplation. What I might do if I were you is give him some material to read or listen to talking about the pitfalls of both video game addiction as well as the video game industry. Getting more information on the subject might be enough to inspire him to take the next step.
Also realize that if he wants to be a game developer and doesn't really have plans to do anything else with his life, that will be a significant blow to him. He has likely spent a considerable amount of time working towards that goal and if it's all just taken away from him, that might not actually be a positive thing. He needs to come to that decision himself. So that's why I think just presenting some information to him and letting him absorb it at his own pace might be best. Additionally, you could spend some quality time with him away from the house just to change things up. That may help him see the value of things outside of video games as well.
Hope this helps!
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Well, what does it mean "more"?
If you're able to fulfill your commitments, maybe this is something you really want in your life? I mean, gaming in the evenings without neglecting your duties?
Hey, I didn't mean anything special when I said "more". If you took that word out of the sentence entirely it would still hold the same meaning as I originally intended.
Yes, I do want these changes in my life. At least logically. In my head I know where I need to be at. The struggle has always been pushing myself to actually do the things I know I need to do. I get caught up a lot in emotions and allow them to control me and I think that's a big part of it. I also make quite a few snap decisions that I end up not feeling so good about, such as ordering food very shortly after a craving comes up instead of just riding out the craving and doing something else to distract me from it.
So I didn't do a post yesterday because I didn't feel like it so this post is for yesterday. Long story short, I failed to achieve my goals. I didn't write about a GQ video, I didn't read Changing For Good, and I was going good with not ordering any food yesterday until about 8 PM last night when I ended up caving.
So, I am resolving to make up for that today by doubling down on my efforts. I added two additional items with my accountability partner this week, and they are 1) to complete my tasks before I do anything that I would deem a for pleasure activity, and 2) to do at least one hour of work related to writing this week.
Additionally, instead of just saying whether or not I fulfilled my commitments I am going to go into more detail. Since I didn't actually end up doing what I said I was going to do there isn't much to say in this post but I am currently in the process of doing my daily tasks for today. Expect a post about it tonight.
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Hey Jay, you should find out why did you ended up gaming.
This is the best lesson you can get from relapse!
Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
I'm gaming because I'm bored, it's about as simple as that.
OK, forgot to make a post yesterday so here it is.
Once again was able to fulfill my commitments although for a second day in a row I was rather unenthusiastic about it. Also did more gaming in the evening. This is really starting to feel a lot like when I tried to play in moderation before..
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OK my post for the day.
I fulfilled my commitments today but it felt very lack lustre, like I wasn't really into it as much as I was up to this point. Also ended up gaming tonight as well.
I honestly don't really have anything else to say at this point.
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Good job on your commitments! Maybe you should talk with your cousin( in a friendly calm way) over this matter. Standing up for what you feel is something really important which drastically improves your self respect even if some struggles and stress follow. It is your right to be appreciated for the hard work you do.
Good points. Not quite sure if I'm going to do anything at this point. It's so busy right now that everyone has to contribute a little extra for us to get things done so it's not like I'm the only one. Also, nobody asked me to stay that long, I just did it on a whim mostly.
One thing I've thought lately is that maybe I'm doing these things on a subconscious level in the hopes of receiving praise for it. Kind of like hoping for a hero's welcome the next time I show up. That probably is just a symptom of not having enough people in my life who genuinely appreciate me!
Whoa, you're working so hard! 20 hours is extremely dangerous time per day!
I did up to 16 hours a day for 2 months, and then ended up with neurosis for a month. I don't recommend that.
You should learn how to relax on your own way to be more productive and live more healthy life!
Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
For sure, heh. I definitely won't be doing that again.. probably ever!
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OK.. post for the day. So last night I ended up working until 4 AM and spent most of today just recovering from that. I'm actually more than a little annoyed at how little people seem to appreciate the lengths that I go to to help. This may in fact be more a problem with me than with the outside world. The other thing that annoyed me was that my cousin asked me to come in later again today after working 20 hours yesterday. I mean, that's not something I would ever ask someone to do no matter how desperately I needed the help. This is perhaps an unreasonable view given that I can't really expect anyone else to think as I do.
Anyways, I started installing Fallout 4 again and at no point did I ever feel like playing it would be worth it so I just uninstalled Steam altogether. I am however currently re-installing Battle.net and will probably end up playing Diablo 3 again. Probably for a day or two and then end up bored again.. I still just don't have much desire to do anything else except game when bored, but I also find gaming nothing but a time filler as well.
For my commitments for today, I managed to fulfill them all.
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OK I have to go back to work tonight so I won't have any time to do my journal entry later so I'll do it now. Although really there isn't much to say. I managed to fulfill my commitments for today. I stubbed my toe really badly last night and woke up with extreme soreness in it today so I thought maybe I might go home early from work, but I managed to push through it, so that was good. Also haven't played any games today or yesterday so things are going well.
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I'll see how I do tomorrow, but I'm considering I should hold back on the cold shower and intense focus on personal development for a week or so. I've had a few talks with my parents about this sort of thing, and it's become very apparent to them that I'm pushing myself hard and burning myself out. I need to prioritise my sleep and homework, so that's what I'll do. Nuff said, I'm gonna go straight to reading now, I need to be more responsible with my sleeping time.
Always important to start with your priorities FIRST. When you get behind on your priorities you start to burn out. Also, you may want to add a bit more "just for fun, play" into your day. That helps avoid burnout too.
I can't stress enough how important this is! You need to spend some time during the day doing something that you just genuinely enjoy and don't necessarily expect anything from. Otherwise everything you do will just feel like a complete grind and eventually you will burn out completely.
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Wow! Well done on uninstalling your games, I'm sure it will benefit you in the long term to have less games to run to. The next step would be do find new helpful replacement activities... How about scrapbooking and jotting down/writing ideas on your superhero ideas?
Great to hear you're chugging along well
Yes that has been the challenge so far - finding different activities to do.
I managed to fulfill my commitments for today and it's taking me a lot less time than I expected it would. Might have to consider ramping it up in the near future. Today was honestly largely very uneventful so I don't have much else to say at the moment.
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I think journaling and visualizing can help you a lot. Stick with those.
Yeah I think so too!
So today I managed to fulfill all the commitments I made. I also ended up uninstalling Diablo 3, the game I was playing, as well as Battle.net, the service that it runs on. I did install Steam again but I'm finding myself having no desire whatsoever to play anything on there. I did start re-installing Fallout 4 but quickly stopped that one as well as the more I thought about it, the more I realized how much of a complete and utter waste of time playing it would be. I honestly just have no real desire to keep playing video games, so I'm not really sure why I keep playing them other than to pass the time. My accountability partner mentioned that these are tell-tale signs of addiction and he's probably right!
Well that's about all that's on my mind at the moment.. about to head to bed. We'll see what tomorrow brings!
Jay's Epic Journey
in Daily Journals
Posted
Your suggestion is good in theory and it was the first thing I thought of when I made my post. Just not sure how I feel about it. The idea of doing these things seems pretty boring in comparison to leveling up a character in a video game (Cam spoke on this in one of his videos).