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giblets

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    Giblet's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 4.

     

    I need to work on making the daily journal a regular habit, as I haven't written anything lately. Though I am happy to say still no gaming. I guess the reason why I didn't write on Friday (day 2) was when I got home from work, my usual routine was to play some games to unwind or de-stress from what is usually a crappy week. I had the urges when I got home, as usual, but tried to think of something else to do. So I ended up going for a run instead for an hour for about 9km. That's the longest I have run for quite some time so I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to write after that. 

    One thought/concern I keep having is strategies for fighting the spontaneous urges during the day to start gaming. I need to read more of Respawn maybe, or watch some of Cam's youtube videos. I haven't got around to either of those yet so I am a bit anxious about what control measures I will need to put in place, either mentally or otherwise. This afternoon will be tough, as it is another common time for me to be playing games on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I am going to  try and focus on study instead.

    If I can make it to Tuesday it will be the longest I have gone without playing something for probably years. My excitement of getting on the program has tapered off somewhat which is a bit scary, that's usually when I fall off the bandwagon. I am telling myself that the difference this time is that gamequitters will hold me accountable :) So I don't have an option!

     

    I will find some time this afternoon if the urges come back to get reading Respawn for some tips.

    Giblet's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 1.

    Time to start making an improvement. Cam is right - this is going to be emotional! It's only been a few hours and I'm a bit shaky.

    I have been suffering anxiety for over 12 months. I can't even remember the first time I saw a therapist and was diagnosed. I went to one initially because I thought I had PTSD, but it turns out it was stress-anxiety. It was such a relief to know what it was and start developing a plan to fix it. The date was 2015, so maybe 18 months ago.

    Anyway I have been using games as a way to escape my anxiety. Nobody online can see me struggle for words, or sweat over the smallest decisions. They just see a character pausing and think you're afk. But it's not solving it. Sure the anxiety isn't there while I am in the game, but eventually I have to go back and be a functioning member of society.

    So I am anxious that I am taking my crutch away and putting myself out there on this site to try and hold myself accountable. Sweating again thinking about it. But I am excited at the same time - there is so many more productive things I want to get involved with, and this is holding me back. Getting back to studying is one. Well, the main one. No more having a "5 minute" break from reading, only to play for an hour and forget about study all together, then barely scrape through with a pass mark. I want to excel. I want to be a role model, or at least, someone who is reliable and won't think of excuses not to go out with mates so I can sit at home and play games.

     

    My other attempts at cold turkey usually on average last 48-60 hours. I think I try at least once a month, if not once every two weeks. This time is going to work, surely.

     

    Here goes!

    Time to quit

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    I know that feeling mate, I played WoW after a mate introduced it to me when I was at university and it was in vanilla. Being a druid and a rare class back then, I was in high demand and I felt wanted. It's a downward spiral that you can't break yourself out of! When I travelling throughout USA and Europe with family and discovered all I cared about was googling internet cafes and walking malls to try and find some, I knew I had to quit!

     

    To me the real addictive part was the social element. Trying to replace that IRL without the instantaneous response/at your fingertips is hard!

    Starting out on day 1 of the detox!

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    Good Evening,

     

    I am excited and anxious to be trialling out the Respawn program to finally kick video games for good. I don't think they are evil, I just don't like the dependency I have on them now; the 'crutch'.

     

    I have been playing games for 20 odd years, but in the last 5 years I think they really have started to have an impact. I mainly turned to them after moving around several times and not having a friends circle, or after several relationship breakdowns. Once I managed to get my life on track, I never eased up on gaming, always trying to hide it like my dirty little secret.

     

    In the last 12 months I have developed stress-anxiety, and my solution has been to turn to games again. I don't think it is helped the anxiety at all. Maybe in the short term while I am playing the game and escaping the real world, but as soon as the game finishes it's back to the old problems. I also don't really have an outlet anymore, many people feel like social media is their outlet, but I am so paranoid about being data mined and the archiving of everything you do that I do not feel encouraged to do it at all.

     

    I have joined the Respawn program as a way to hold myself accountable, and maybe these forums will be a good outlet for me. Day 1 here we go! I look forward to interacting with the community as soon as I can :)

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