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giblets
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Posts posted by giblets
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Hey man just reading some journals before bed (bit of motivation!) and wanted to say that it's great to read such an honest write up of your first few weeks. Well done on keeping up the running and coping with all the stress. Good luck!
Thanks mate! It's been a crazy few weeks from so many angles but I really have felt (or at least the last few entries) that it has really helped me stay centered and focused by writing it all down. I was always against journals when I was younger, probably because I thought I was invincible, but now I see it as a great outlet, which is great, since gaming is generally the outlet of choice.
Good luck on your journey!
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19 Apr 17.
So here we are, two days in a row making a journal entry. First time since Day 13 on 5th April. I guess it isn't that long ago, but it feels like eons ago. Yesterday was really good, I think waking up early to get my entry out of the way ticked off a to do item in my habit tracker straight away. Not sure if it correlates or not, but I coming only 2 tasks short of ticking every single target on my habit tracker, the only 2 I missed was read and language training. I spent my night reading journals for my study so didn't leave any time to read for my own enjoyment. I will try to jam it in today. I didn't get any language training done, like many others here I have Duolingo that I have been trying to use. I used it quite heavily last year but this year I haven't touched it at all, and I was not interested in getting to it last night. Maybe that is another task I need to do in the morning.
Woke up early again today this morning. Wanted to see if I could get it done for a few days in a row. Lets see if I have a good day again today, but I am feeling a lot more tired than yesterday, but that may be more as a result of cutting my sleep down from 8 hours to 6.5 hours.
Preoccupation has not come back at all, I am very happy with that. I think it is because I forced myself to be so productive as punishment for myself over the weekend that it pushed games out of my mind, at least for a little while. I think it is having an effect on my wife though, as our relationship isn't great at the moment. I think (or at least, I hope) we are just going through a stressful few weeks (or at this point it is more likely to be closer to a month) and can bounce back when it is all over.
Days:
- Game Free: 2 (17Apr)
- Facebook Free: 2 (17Apr)
- Alcohol Free: 1 (18Apr)
- Running Training: 2 (17Apr)
Today I was grateful for:
- The flexibility of my job, which allowed me to go run a personal errand in the afternoon without any impact. I still have a boatload of work to do, but I'll never get to the end of that pile anyway.
Today I learned:
- "What's Another Perspective?" It was the topic of the Affirmation Pod by Jusie Ong. I didn't think it was that helpful at the time, but once I got to work and was presented the first problem, it came to mind straight away. So I asked that of my team, and surprisingly I think I defused the situation. It may have been nothing more than a laugh, but it least it let them pause for a second and realise their issue was not as big as they thought.
- That I am so conditioned now to listening to podcasts at 2x speed that when I went back to normal speed to play a podcast to someone else (Steve Austin's), it sounded like everyone was drunk and I couldn't stand it.
Goals completed today:
- Started a discussion point. I wanted to get it submitted last night but ran out of time. Really want to put it in today to get rid of some stress.
- Did 2 daily journal entries in a row! Boom.
- Woke up early 2 days in a row.
- Skipped the rest day and ran 6km. Though didn't realise the interval training had extended out to 4minutes before I could rest, which wrecked me.
Goals I didn't complete today:
- Did not start my discussion paper.
- Prioritise my goals. Have not talked to my coach for two weeks.
- Have not cleared out all game accessories in the shed.
- Meditate in the hammock.
Goals for tomorrow:
- Submit a discussion point. Try to either start a second one or do a bit more studying.
- Kick start a duolingo streak.
- Hit the pool to stretch out after my 2 days of running. Couldn't even stand up last night.
- Meditate in the hammock.
- Clear out all game accessories in the shed.
- Try to talk to my leadership coach.
GTD Tip for tomorrow:
- Use Do Not Disturb mode on my phone a lot more, or leave my phone by my bed for a while to break the "must always have it" syndrome.
Goals for this week:
- Finish Respawn worksheet #2.
- Finish my fundraising page.
- Submit both my tertiary study assignments.
- Add a budget function every day. Add 10 transactions a day.
- Keep my spending under $100 for the week.
- Get a haircut!
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Hilarious title! I'll add it to my list.
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While i am proud of going the longest without games that I have in probably a decade, I relapsed on Friday. I spent about 2 hours playing games.
The weird thing is I don't regret playing games again, but what I do regret is the frustrating preoccupation that has followed ever since. This, I think, is my main problem. I can't do things in halves, I'm an all or nothing type of guy, boots and all. Started dreaming about it, getting annoyed that people were talking to me about things other than gaming, etc etc.
I think maybe Cam is right (well, no maybe there lol), a relapse might really underline why I was addicted in the first place. Because my brain loves to go all in on something, no matter what it is. It might be a sign of bad willpower? Allowing myself to do that or fall to that.
Anyway, I am definitely stronger than what I was before I started trying the 90 day detox, but not as strong as I thought I was.
Bag onto the bandwagon, though it is depressing to see that days-free counter reset to zero. Ho hum.
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Buddhism for Beginners by Thubten Chodron.
It is a book that is basically a "FAQ". Each chapter poses a question about Buddhism and their beliefs or concepts, then spends the rest of the chapter explaining it in basic terms that anyone can understand. Thoroughly enjoyed it, and it could be a good read for even non-Buddhists if you are curious about what they believe in. All it did for me was cause me to want to know more and study more about it. It talks about meditation and calming techniques which might be useful for people in this forum.
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You are inspiring Mhyrion!
I am glad to hear you had a great weekend. The great thing about Easter weekend is the following week isn't as long - thats something to look forward to!
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Welcome mate! You have come to the right place and I look forward to seeing you progress on your chosen path!
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So I've been putting off this journal entry for a while. It's been 7 days since my last entry, which would make it about day 25. Except it's not.... because I relapsed on Friday. So I managed to make it to 22 days in total. I had a few beers with my work colleagues to celebrate Easter (or surviving to get to Easter!), and when I got home I had the house to myself... with the prospect of 4 days off... so plenty of time to do whatever I wanted....
I don't regret playing games on Friday at all, because I have felt so stressed lately that I have felt on the verge of breaking. So much so that I have a meeting with my boss today to talk about some of it. A combination of my son being in hospital, the wife being sick, then I caught their virus, too much work, not having much money, and falling further and further behind on my study. But what I do regret is the preoccupation that occurred in the aftermath. This has always been the source of my problems, is that I struggle to think of anything else other than games. So I started dreaming about them again, I started thinking about them again for the majority of the day, and it began impacting my productivity and self-improvement. I can see now about all those 'connections' in your brain (cannot remember if that is the exact terminology) are/can be reset after 90 days and why it is so important.
I thought about hiding it from Gamequitters.com for a while, and had a mental struggle as a result over it, which is another contributing factor of why I have been avoiding this entry. In the end though, I decided there was no point, as all I would be doing is hiding it from myself. Plus is defeats the whole point that I am here on this site - to hold myself accountable, and to get the help of other people to hold myself accountable. I wonder if I had an accountability partner if there might have been a different outcome? Who knows. I couldn't stop thinking about Myhrion's comment of of me not relapsing during the hospital stint, and how I now wasn't doing a good job. I felt so bad. Did think about sending her a message but convinced myself no; you're just feeling sorry for yourself. Suck it up. Sometimes you disappoint people.
So... how do I recover from this? I am looking at this as a learning experience. As something to propel me forward and make me a better person as a result. That old saying that I quiet often use at work - 'it is not about the mistakes you made, but how you recover from them'. I was so annoyed with my preoccupation over the Easter weekend that I forced myself to stay productive or constructive all weekend, with no exceptions. I did manage to get quite a lot done; I finally cleaned out the garage and can now get our car into the garage. That was a job that was waiting to be done for 4 months but I had been too busy gaming or other. Very happy with how it is now, except I scratched the car quite badly driving into it. I was devastated. More money I am going to have to spend now to get that fixed. I am glad that it was me that did it though and not my wife, as now I can only get angry at myself, and I am angry at myself anyway.
I also did quite a log of gardening. I cleaned our patio so now its usable, and planted a few plants in pots; lime tree, lemon tree, feijoa tree, mint, basil, thyme, aloe vera, passionfruit and carrots. I also set up my hammock in the middle of all the plants after finding it in the shed. I am going to use it as my new meditation zone, and endeavour to spend time sitting out there and recenter myself when I have any urges again, or if I can't control my emotions. I am looking forward to it. I might sit out there and listen to some podcasts as well with a cup of tea, or some affirmations in the morning. The possibilities are great.
I did some more reading, finishing the Buddhism for Beginners book. I am tempted to read it again to really get some of the concepts to sink into my head, but the other part of me thinks there are plenty more Buddhism books out there that I could and should read to help with that, to ensure that I get multiple points of view. It definitely is a way of life for me, but I think I have fallen off the path in the last few months as I have not had the time to read or practice it. I need to get back into this. So, I have started using a habit tracker now to try and force myself to do at least a little every day, even if that is only reading a paragraph or two.
What else did I do... I set up a new budget spreadsheet to make it easier to track my spending. I used to keep track of it all by a spreadsheet but it was so unwieldy because I was trying to get so much information from it. I jumped to using apps over the last year or so, but a combination of apps not doing exactly what I was after and some failing entirely, taking all my data with it, means I am back giving spreadsheets some serious consideration. I have a new idea now though, I do want there to be only one spot to enter my spending and the rest of the sheets to auto-fill, no matter how complicated that is. So I am using drop down boxes of lists to break everything down, and keeping the data entry sheet as basic as possible. It is looking good so far, I have a few pie graphs. Next step will start rebuilding the 'forecasts' that I used to have, that would show how much money it thinks you will spend in a week/month/year - it was very humbling and checked a lot of my spending. Anyway this will be a massive project as I have to start from scratch again but I hope to do a little each day. Heck I might even find my old spreadsheet, which would be good, as it would be a great source of data.
But what I didn't do, was study! This week is now going to be stressful as a result. I have two assignments due now, both by the end of this week, so it is going to be a lot of work. But, I have to suck it up and work on it. I think it is achievable, I am really enjoying the content of the course, which is a refreshing change from the previous courses I have done, but it just needs large chunks of time to get through the reading. I have noticed how the readings are impacting my daily conversations and life, and I now have more stuff to talk to other people about, which I am thankful for. No more grasping at straws because all I had was games to talk about.
So, with that "bullshit off my brain" as Steve Austin would say, my usual big points of my journal:
Days:
- Game Free: 1 (17Apr)
- Facebook Free: 1 (17Apr)
- Alcohol Free: 0 (18Apr)
- Running Training: 1 (17Apr)
Today I was grateful for:
- Wunderlist. I have begun investing more time into getting my life organised on this app, and I think it is returning wonders. I try to write everything and anything down as I usually have random thoughts during the day. It lets me to keep on thinking and doing my usual daily tasks, without losing any time or stressing later trying to remember things. It is quite easy to enter small tasks on my phone when I carry it around and then pull them up on my computer later and add notes or extra detail.
Today I learned:
- Extentialism. Cam tweeted about an article where they said that Extentialism, NoFap and Gamequitters should join forces as they have all got similar aims. It sounds exactly what I am trying to do, so I definitely need to do some reading about it. I listened to the Sober Guy's podcast with Cam as well, which he described the story of Joe (I think it was) who used his daughter as motivation to give up gaming as he used to get angry when he had to pause his game all the time to look after her. This is the source of why I wanted to give up with my son.
Goals completed today:
- Spent a lot of time reflecting and I think I have had an improved effort to stay centered after the Friday relapse. I feel a lot better as a result.
- Did a lot of handyman work around the house, so now I should have some well earned brownie points with the wife (haha).
Goals I didn't complete today:
- Did not start my discussion paper. There is not enough time in the day. I am going to have to start cutting back on sleep to get on with this. I am on the verge of failing unless I get this under control.
- Prioritise my goals. Have not talked to my coach for two weeks.
- Have not cleared out all game accessories in the shed.
Goals for tomorrow:
- Submit at least one discussion point to the online forum.
- String together 2 daily journal entries in a row, I think I have only achieved this once or twice.
- String together 2 days that I got up early to get some stuff done in the quiet hours.
- Skip the rest day; run again. You need to.
- Meditate in the hammock.
GTD Tip for tomorrow:
- I woke up an hour early to work on this journal. That was a GTD tip that they do with their writing, wake up early so there are no distractions. I think it has been effective.
Goals for this week:
- Finish Respawn worksheet #2.
- Finish my fundraising page.
- Submit both my tertiary study assignments.
- Add a budget function every day. Add 10 transactions a day.
- Keep my spending under $100 for the week.
- Get a haircut!
I definitely feel better now. Thanks team.
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I find it is a good outlet to talk about like minded people and learn some of their coping mechanisms with not just game addiction, but life in general. I don't think you will be disappointed!
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Day ?? Maybe 19.
So to be honest, I am not entirely sure what day I am up to now. There has been a big gap since I last wrote an entry and it has been a whirlwind period. Long story short, when I picked my son up from childcare on Thursday he had a swollen face, so I took him to a couple of doctors before finally being admitted to the hospital for three days in order to get antibiotics via drip. That was a harrowing experience that I do not want to go through again, but I am sure I will. My wife also had a bout of gastro, which I then caught on the weekend and am still trying to shake. Has not been a good run for us in the health department.
On top of that I have had a very busy few days at work. Feels like I have not had a chance to sit down and have a few moments to myself and contemplate things for a week. As a result my studies are suffering badly and my performance at work isn't exactly something that I am proud of lately, I have become quite short with people with problems at the moment. Not a sign of a great leader. I hope the stress will lift once I get back up to date with my studies, though I have absolutely no idea how I am going to achieve that in the next two weeks. Probably by not sleeping.
The silver lining in this cloud I guess is I haven't had much time to play games. I did think about it a few times when I was really down on the weekend but managed to keep myself distracted enough that they passed. I guess if I still valued them highly I would use what little time I have and waste it on them. Need to use my scraps of time to stay focused and centered, and then relax a bit more when this stressful period passes.
Today I was grateful for:
- The leadership training that work is springing for. Conducted another survey/reflection today and my self-awareness and emotional intelligence is through the roof compared to 2+ years ago. This is helping on many different levels.
Today I learned:
- That everyone seems to have the same gripes and concerns no matter how experienced or far along they are in their careers. I am quite surprised by this because I figure they would be a bit more proactive after being in the organisation for a while. I am obviously mistaken.
Goals completed today:
- I have turned off the majority of notifications on my phone now. I need to finish going through and disabling the last few. It was also an opportunity to clean out some apps that I don't use anymore, with the aim of holding onto my phone a bit longer. I find I am a lot less distracted without the notifications, which is the whole aim.
- Restarted running after having almost a week off due to spending all my time in the hospital. Was really hard going but reminded me of why I am doing it, and made me realise I think running is the outlet I have been craving for a while.
Goals I didn't complete today:
- Did not start my discussion paper. There is not enough time in the day. I am going to have to start cutting back on sleep to get on with this.
- Prioritise my goals. Have not talked to my coach for over a week.
- Have not cleared out all game accessories in the shed.
Goals for tomorrow:
- I am away with work for a few days, so find time to reflect and stay centered.
- Not just start my discussion paper, but I have to submit it or I will probably fail.
GTD Tip for tomorrow:
- Read more about mind mapping. This sounds weird but interesting.
Goals for this week:
- Finish Respawn worksheet #2.
- Finish my fundraising page.
- Do some handyman work around the house that the wife has been telling me about for weeks.
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Welcome mate! You have come to the right place.
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I'm still here! It has been a whirlwind four or so days since my last entry, which has included 2 doctors and 3 hospital visits. Family is not having a good run of health at the moment! On the bright side is that my son should get out of hospital tomorrow. At least it hasn't dampened his spirits! Had a couple of urges to play the last few days as I kept thinking "I just need a break, GameQuitters would understand" but so far have not relapsed!
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There's a lot of cool people at that buddhist centre. maybe I will go for a weekend just for that and the nice area. Everything else sucks there though.
What sucked about it? I really want to visit a Buddhist centre or temple. They look like calming places you can centre yourself, filled with unassuming people.
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Day 13.
Unlucky number 13; if you're superstitious I guess! Today was very uneventful, but very busy. The work day was a blur, but it wasn't bad. One day closer to the weekend! I only have one more day of instructing and then it's back to my normal duties, which have been piling up. Last year I would have been stressed out about it and start working overtime to catch up, but this year I refuse to overwork myself, which is how I got anxiety in the first place. My memory is still very bad, but at least now I can have conversations with people for longer than 15 seconds without trying to say things like my own name.
The "GTD" podcast by Asian efficiency today was interesting. They discussed a few apps to track your workflow and to do list. They were To.do and omni-something. I think I will stick to Wunderlist for now, it seems to work for me, even if it is a simple to do list that I can share with people. Still hunting for an expense tracker app or website so I can monitor my spending more efficiently - cannot seem to find a decent one at all. I get so frustrated that it shouldn't be this hard and give up, only to be reminded of how I want one when my credit card bill arrives. I could have identified a great market/opportunity to write or create a tool myself; but I just don't have time. I guess I will need to try and set up my spreadsheet again, unless someone have a good recommendation?
Today I was grateful for:
Today I learned:
- That in the age of politically correctness, that we have lost a lot of freedom to do fun activities or be spontaneous, because we are so risk adverse.
Goals completed today:
- Implemented drinking 2 cups of water as soon as I wake up. I don't really feel like it made that much of a difference to be honest.
- Managed to not send any angry e-mails. Instead just walked away and returned later. I need to do this more often.
- Did one set of knee pushups today. My shoulder held up quite well, starting to build confidence in it. It is definitely mostly a mental challenge. Interesting to see how my shoulder feels tomorrow.
Goals I didn't complete today:
- Did not start my discussion paper. By the time I finish exercising and cleaning up after dinner I am on this site and too tired to concentrate.
- Prioritise my goals to use my limited time to focus on the ones that are important. I really need to do this, but I need my wife's support. Maybe on the weekend.
Goals for tomorrow:
- Wake up at least an hour early to find some references my lecturer said I should read.
- Start my discussion paper!
- Stay game free! It will make it two weeks!
- Place all my game accessories and hardware in a box and place in the shed.
GTD Tip for tomorrow:
- Turn off push notifications on my phone for at least e-mail.
Goals for this week:
- Finish Respawn worksheet #2.
- Finish my fundraising page.
- Do some handyman work around the house that the wife has been telling me about for weeks.
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Welcome mate!
I highly recommend exercise, whether that is just slow walk listening to an interesting podcast. That's what I have been using as a new hobby and I feel so much better for it. Plus it really makes you appreciate your surroundings, I've discovered a beach and a park near my house I never knew existed which are really nice.
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Day 12.
I have started listening to Productivity podcast by Asian Efficiency. I think I have an addiction to podcasts, as every day it seems like I add an extra one to my queue but I can never get through them. I think my queue length averages anywhere from 24-70 hours depending on how busy my days are. Just added the Minimalists as recommended by AlexTheGrape.
Anyway; one of the things they talked about today is that writing a daily journal helps you prioritise what is important in life and what you really value, reflecting on whether you felt accomplished with what progress you made towards them or otherwise. Well, something like that anyway, I was running at the time. So I am going to try and use that as the final piece of motivation to keep up with my daily entries, and hopefully shape my entries into something that mean a bit more and are a lot more positive.
Last two days have been interesting. And by interesting I mean challenging. And by challenging I mean not that much fun. A lot of my time is spent lecturing at the moment so I don't have a great deal of time to progress my personal goals or the smaller jobs at work. As a result my study has suffered somewhat as I have put running above all else. I did get a response back from my lecturer saying I was on track with the draft of my theory essay which was a massive relief. Because I didn't have as much time to dedicate to studying as I would like, I felt maybe I didn't have a solid grasp of the concepts needed for the essay, but I am at least on the right track. Now have two weeks to go to mould it into something that would be worth 20% of my grade. It will be hard work, but it is keeping me distracted from games!
Had a bit of a blowup with my boss at work. I think he is a spud. He obviously disagrees. So have agreed to disagree at the moment. Will definitely be interesting to watch how that develops.
Couple of my friends sent me some links to games they are playing. Opened the links. Surprisingly, did not even care about them. I was a little surprised noting I am only 12 days into the detox. But I think this site is holding me accountable now, so I just thought, no you don't want to start that streak again, what would Cam say (haha). That being said, I have only read module 2 of Respawn, so I should be focusing on that instead. So time poor at the moment, but hey, with the exception of my boss, I feel somewhat happy and I am less inclined to be negative.
Today I was grateful for:
- My students being patient during several bouts of anxiety hitting me really bad. They could of laughed or pulled me up for it but they seemed to just accept it and move onto the next subject. I might not get very good reviews out of this class but they are helping me get over this barrier in their own little way.
- The rain holding off until 5 minutes after I got home from my run! Good timing!
- My wife making me dinner. I haven't been much help around the house lately due to various reasons.
Today I learned:
- Every has a great story, whether they think it is good or not. Each of these stories have little gems of how to do things differently or a mutual laugh.
Goals completed today:
- Ran yesterday for 80 minutes, then today for 50. Today's was really hard as my legs were still like concrete, but it did feel a lot easier on the lungs. Hopefully that is a good sign.
Goals for tomorrow:
- Make a start for my discussion paper submission. At least make a start man!
- Start a pushup routine, even if it is just one set a day.
- Prioritise my goals to use my limited time to focus on the ones that are important.
- Implement a Productivity tip from Asian Efficiency; first one being drink 2 glasses of water as soon as I wake up.
Goals for this week:
- Finish Respawn worksheet #2.
- Finish my fundraising page.
- Do some handyman work around the house that the wife has been telling me about for weeks.
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Argh really can't bring myself to do 2 decent daily posts in a row.
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I have to wait until I am 80 to shit my pants? Seems like a long time to wait for an activity that makes you feel so liberal.
I disagree that we feel less shame as we grow up though. Part of the reason people might be ashamed that they are still gaming is that they are growing up and they are getting older - and they think they should know better or be setting a better example for their friends/family.
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Day 10.
Here I am again. There is a few days gap since my last post for several reasons. The first and main reason I lost motivation to write on here is that I realised it's all depressing shit. Every time I get a bit bored or start to feel like a quick game wouldn't hurt, I come on here and read other people's journals hoping to find ideas of how they got through similar moments. Every time I do that, I get self conscious that my journal is just depressing and not worth reading. But I guess that's not really the point of it though when I think about it now, the point is it is an outlet, and an outlet is something I have been looking for a while.
One of the other reasons is that I have been really tired. Once work is done and I have my son in bed I feel like I don't have any energy left lately. I am not sure if it is the lingering effects of a virus I had a few weeks ago or if it is a new one, but it has sapped my energy to do much beyond the bare minimum. Part of me wonders if that is because I have been training so much lately and going for longer and longer runs, another part wonders if it is because of the terrible weather we have been having lately, and part of me wonders if it is all in my head.
I have started to feel more optimistic about work though in the last few days. It is not so much of a struggle to get going in the morning anymore. I am hoping that will keep up for at least a little while, because nobody wants to be locked into doing a job they don't enjoy for the majority of their day. I did manage to complete the worksheet #1 of Respawn, which was really good. When I wrote down why I was playing games and why I wanted to give them up, it was surprising to see how they relate so closely to some of the points Cam mentioned about why we play games. I also finally submitted a draft of my theory paper to my professor, so fingers crossed I am on the right direction with that, noting the date to withdraw has now passed. I do enjoy learning so much in this subject, it is just because it is so new to me I have to spend so much time reading to understand the concepts. Reading chunks of journals and papers is hard work when you're tired or unwell.
This morning I woke up and wanted to be all productive - and a mate sent me a message about some DLC for a game I used to play. So many urges came flooding back so quickly, I was very surprised! I did the crazy thing of looking it up online, which would have been the first time I have looked at anything game related since I started the detox, and before long I felt myself thinking "just a quick game" or "it won't hurt anybody". Luckily I stopped myself short of clicking "play" on steam. I know I haven't got around to uninstalling everything yet, but I mitigated it by not turning on the machine at all. I can see why uninstalling everything is a good idea. I shut the machine down again, and here I am on gamequitters trying to re-center so I can get on with study. I have a good feeling about today and I don't want to ruin it.
Today I was grateful for:
- My wife's patience for when it took me almost 4 hours to get moving in the morning. I really hope this was a combination of other things and not a virus.
- The gym nearby my house, where I can seamlessly head off to burn a bit of extra energy without being too much of an impost getting to and from in traffic.
Today I learned:
- That I don't need to be productive *all* the time, like I keep pushing myself to. It's ok to relax a little bit, especially when it helps my wife or my son. I guess I am not used to this relax notion.
Goals completed today:
- Theory essay draft submitted to the professor! Three weeks until it is due now, so can't ease up on my progress.
- First worksheet for Respawn finished and scanned into my phone. I'll keep it there to remind myself of why I am doing this.
Goal for tomorrow:
- Increase the length of my runs again, this time up to 80 minutes.
- Start working on my discussion paper submission.
- To be positive!
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Welcome back bud! Try not to beat yourself up too much about relapsing, but do focus on what you can learn from it. I remember someone telling me many years ago when I was under training that - "It doesn't matter about the mistakes you made, but how you recover from them."
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Hubby and I still haven't found a good shared activity to do, which is bothering us both. We sometimes play board games, but that only goes so far. We watch a lot of series, but that's passive and we don't really connect over it. We have sex more (especially since I limited my braindead browsing haha), and that's great. But we both would like a relaxed, indoor activity for our evenings together. He had some miniature ships lying around, so we are going to try and build those tonight. I am not super enthusiastic about it, but I like building/creating things so perhaps it is enjoyable to me. It will at least give us the opportunity to work together and connect a bit. We'll see.
What about a jigsaw puzzle? I've seen some of those more complex ones framed when completed, which would make a great conversational piece when people visit!
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No post. Too much work. Too tired. Peace.
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Day 6.
I am really struggling right now. I am feeling quite depressed with my job and how it is going at the moment, and starting to think I have chosen the wrong time to try the 90 day detox, as I could really use an outlet right now. I have turned to running as my way to escape for the moment, even though some days are really hard to get me moving. The worse part about it all is I am allowing these things to effect me more than I should - or maybe they always effected me this way and my defense system was to play games rather than confront the issue and come up with a new strategy to overcome it.
My family time and study is suffering as a result of how I have been going the last two days, I am really hoping tomorrow is an opportunity to relax and give myself a bit of a mental kick. I have set a personal deadline that if I haven't finished my study requirements by Friday then I will ask for a pause this semester. It is quite frankly the last thing I want to do so I am hoping I can channel that to at least get me back on track with my studies.
Today I am grateful for:
- Some of my co-workers being so eager to help me out at work with recent struggles, makes me feel like I am not battling alone, and that my goal of being valued in the workplace is coming to fruition.
- Our healthcare system and how quickly I could get access to a doctor today. I know many other countries, or even areas within our country, that this is not possible.
What I have learnt from today
- That I don't think it's possible to escape data mining - its reached such a massive scale now before the majority of society noticed.
- This is going to be as hard as I thought.
Goal for tomorrow:
- Get the draft of my uni theory assignment submitted. Yesterday's goal that I have not progressed.
- Fill out the first worksheet for Respawn. Yet another goal I have not progressed.
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Day 5.
I think now this is officially the longest I have gone without gaming for years. I use a habit tracker on my phone for various things and "No Games" is one of the items I mark daily. The last time I went longer than 1 day of not gaming was prior to Dec 16. Looking at that statistic makes me realise how important it is to start this plan now. I am also surprised this current stint lasted over a weekend, which is usually my zone out time and where I enjoyed playing the more lengthy RPGs. I think with the exception of Friday when I got home from work though, I didn't have any urges to play anything. It may be a combination of how busy I am or that this system is really working. I am a bit disappointed in myself that I have not done the worksheets for module 1 of Respawn. I've been meaning to do it for about 4 days. I have at least printed them out now and they are on my desk when I get a break and/or the urge to complete it.
I've read a few other people's journals and they have some really good formats that involve goals, ways to challenge yourself to step outside of comfort zones, and what they are grateful for. Schwing's is a great example. I think it would be an effective way to keep me grounded and break the bigger picture or goal into smaller baby steps that appear more achievable in the short term. I'll have to ponder some goals but I can cover off on some other areas.
Today I am grateful for:
- Being able to come home from work to my son. His smile seems to melt away the bullcrap of work.
- My health to enable me to keep my marathon training today, as the last few weeks I have been battling viruses and flus.
What I have learnt from today
- That very few, if any, people I work with can actually be considered friends. It's all a facade. They're colleagues at best.
- Don't trust the content of a report unless you wrote it yourself!
Goal for tomorrow:
- To not let work, and specifically the lack of personnel I have in my team, effect me so much emotionally. It does no good.
- Get the draft of my uni theory assignment submitted.
Mega's Journal
in Daily Journals
Posted
This is huge. I still can't bring myself to do it and I don't know why, so to go the full monty on day 1 is amazing. Massive amounts of respect for you.
Look at the 700gb from a different perspective; to quote Will Farrell, now you have so much room for activities! Build your own file server, stock up on your favourite TV shows, try out a bunch of new productivity apps. New hobbies await!