Hey, I hear you! Whoever you kid grows up to be, they will be (and already are) so thankful for your love and compassion. I'm sorry that it is so hard on you; when my mom was working night shifts, my dad and I would get those similar 4hrs of sleep at night, taking shifts cradling my sibling. They refused to fall asleep w/ anyone but her mom. 

My mom told me once I was settled into school that I rarely slept regularly as an infant and always wanted attention/to play at odd hours. It must have looked cute enough to her/dad to ward off severe ills. Screaming would be the hardest part for me too.  My cousins' new kids all look like their parents. Can you guys see yourselves in him? Regularly thinking that would help me if I were a dad. Sending energy and love - from a long-time misfit ❤️

Thanks for posting something like this. It's so interesting and informative.

Entry 30.04 (Written on 01.05) Day 579: No Useless Videos Day 577: Sticking to Food schedule Day 180: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 171: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Called a potential job place in the morning as written in the morning goals, even though I had to stop the momentum of the job for it for a couple of minutes, and even though I was a bit scared to tell I'm being fired. -At least 5 pomodoros again... This is more than 0 -Answering a phonecall from potential job place and deciding to go for a meeting despite the first few weeks being (potentially if I'm hired) at least a 45-minute commute away from my home I've got to act quickly since I want to have a job for a few months, and I do not want to let the job search take too much time. 1 Thing I could do better -Maybe reducing olive oil is not the best course of action since I'm underweight but rather switch up my routine to waking up at 4 40 or so am, o that I do 5 pomodoros early in the morning, then even if I eat olive oil a few hours before bed the tasks I'll do, like the workout will be interactive and I'll have less of an urge to doze off...

May 1 It's amazing how while a lot of feelings and situations also journaled about here are new and would be very challenging to me, some others make me feel like we were both right there experiencing the same thing. I tried to read over some of my first entries here this morning, and actually found them painfully awkward. Maybe that's just today, as it's going to be my first workout (not including my walks) after 3 days off. There have been a few weird dreams now in the past week, but last night's was part-memory; I went to the fridge for cold, leftover pizza like it was ten years ago while dimly aware that my world was crashing all around me. It didn't even register what time of day or night that was. The others are for therapy. No real gaming urges, but I played some heavy music that I thought would have sounded cool alongside in-game footage. I once removed almost all of that music from my devices hoping to be rid of those ideas, but it didn't ultimately work. As usual, I've just been trying to shuffle-skip through my library to songs that match the moment. ______________ Gratitude: ~ leftover meals from my Dad and Nan ~ visiting for lunch with Nan and borrowing 2 more books to read from her library ~ being easily understood and having a somewhat easier time relating ~ warm material bedsheets Peace, ~ Matt