blueridge's journey

[blueridge]

Hello everyone!

I am a freshman engineering student in university right now. I have been frustrated with myself recently for compulsively wasting time online and playing games when I know that activities like studying, exercising, and hanging out with my roommate are much more fulfilling (and important for my academics and health). That said, I write in my own journal 5 nights a week, but figured that a public journal would hold me more accountable.

I take a lot of the Game Quitters channel's content to heart even though I seem to have caught my 'addiction' earlier than some others have and before it has had the chance to do too much harm. My initiative in creating this journal is so that I catch myself from getting to the point where gaming and other compulsive behaviors take over my life.

I welcome everyone's input, comments, questions, suggestions, etc. as you join me on my journey. I suppose that my first complete journal entry will come tomorrow night, as I am just using this first post to introduce myself.

More things you may like to know about me:

• I'm in my school's honors program and am thus obliged to maintain a 3.4 GPA (I'm at 3.7 now) - this is a positive stressor, I like to think
• I am going to be a resident assistant next academic year
• I have a girlfriend of almost 4 years
• My best (and really only) other friend is my roommate. We exercise and play pool and ping pong together multiple times a week, and he spends a decent amount of time watching gamers on YouTube or playing a game himself
• I am currently near the end of coming off of Prozac after being on SSRIs for ~5 years straight, and my dosage reduction has been considerably smooth. This Friday I make my last reduction before coming off completely over spring break

Hope to talk with you all soon.

 

EDIT: 11pm - I couldn't wait until tomorrow to share the good news. I just found out that I was selected to be a paid intern at an urban farm in my hometown over the summer. I know that will be super fun and that I'll learn a lot in the process, so I don't need to worry about my break from school going to waste!

Edited March 1, 2017 by blueridge

[blueridge]

Day 1 - March 1, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• This morning I got a grade back for one of my engineering exams and I made an 89 (really close to an A). This is good because I really want to and need to finish with a B average in the course. There are two more exams for this class, one two weeks from now and one during the first week of May]
• I spent a decent amount of time with my roommate today. We played some pool and ate dinner together, but we also played a little bit of Minecraft together, which I don't have a problem with because I set a timer for when I would sign off and did so accordingly (which I'm proud of)
• I finished and turned in a sizable project for my Resident Assistant class (15% of grade) -- good to have that off of my shoulders

What were the worst parts?

• I was tired most of the day because I stayed up crazy late last night. Had to take a nap (which lasted too long)
• Didn't exercise today. My roommate and I were going to play some football in the evening but it poured rain and we couldn't do that. I still could have gone to the gym and done something else, though
• Even though I signed off of Minecraft at the time I was supposed to, I ended up wasting some time watching my roommate play on his own
• Already up late tonight (third night in a row -- grr!). I have some Spanish homework to finish before class tomorrow morning that I should have started considerably sooner

What did I learn?

• Sleep deprivation headaches aren't great
• Missing class is rather inconvenient, even if I think that I'll be too tired to understand much during lecture (I should go anyways). I skipped all three of my classes on Tuesday because I was up insanely late the night before. Missing those specific sessions won't hurt me too much, but it's definitely a lesson that if I miss a class then I may be left scrambling to catch up on notes or could miss something important that a professor says about an assignment or exam
• Playing the video game (Minecraft), even with my roommate, lost a decent chunk of its appeal rather quickly. It was entertaining while I was playing but it doesn't feel like there is any genuine fulfillment or engagement. I'm glad that I'm kinda turned off from it, though

 

Thanks for reading. Talk to you all tomorrow.

[blueridge]

Day 2 - March 2, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• I didn't play any video games
• I went and played pool with my roommate for about an hour and had a good time
• For dinner I had a really tasty chicken sandwich with some bacon and feta cheese -- this really boosted my mood

What were the worst parts?

• I didn't go to either of my two classes that I had today, only one of which is really an issue that I missed (although ideally I wouldn't have missed either)
• I napped for a large chunk of the morning and afternoon since I stayed up too late last night. This threw off my schedule for the day

What did I learn?

• It's perfectly okay to have bad days every now and then. Unfortunately mine have been back-to-back-to-back, but I think that tomorrow being Friday will get me out of my rut. These next couple of days will be good for me and will allow me to reset before next week (which is important because I have a few exams coming up)

Anyways, I'm definitely ready for the weekend to start because I will get to be with my lovely girlfriend and we are also going to watch my university's baseball team play three games against our in-state rival.

I will check back in with everyone on Sunday night because I tend to not journal on Fridays or Saturdays. I hope that you all have a good weekend, I will surely try my best to do so.

[Cam Adair]

Good job starting your journal. It will help you a lot, especially to reflect on your experience and any emotions or challenges coming up.

[blueridge]

Day 5 - March 3-5, 2017

What were the best parts of my weekend?

• Spent lots of time with my loving, supporting girlfriend
• Went to a basketball and baseball game, and watching two other baseball games online (they weren't in town -- but we won the basketball game and we won the baseball series! Woohoo!)

What were the worst parts?

• I wasted a few hours on Friday and Saturday on Minecraft
• Didn't study as much as I should have on Saturday or Sunday
• Having a very deep conversation with girlfriend Saturday night and realizing that I hurt her by not telling her that I had been struggling over the past week

What did I learn?

• My girlfriend is amazing and will never judge me. Her love and support this weekend were incredible. As I mentioned above, we got into a very emotional chat after she found this journal thread and realized that I had not told her some of the things that I've listed here because I was too embarrassed to reveal them to her at the time. It was a long, tough conversation to have but, by golly, it was worth it. I'm not going to be afraid to tell her anything significant in the future, even if I think that I may be ashamed. After waking up the next morning I wiped the games off of my laptop because I now realize that they're not worth wasting my emotions or time over
• Games were hurting me more than I initially thought, as evidenced by this past week's struggles

Things are looking up. This week will be tough academically but I have a newfound attitude to tackle the things that actually matter. I've got this!

Thank you all for following along.

PS @Cam Adair thank you for popping in. I've become a big fan over the past few months, even before I've (recently) realized that I game compulsively. You're a big inspiration!

[Cam Adair]

Thanks for the kind words! Let's crush your studying this week! 

[blueridge]

Day 6 - March 6, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Worked out with my roommate. We threw/kicked football, and I finally figured out how to more consistently throw a spiral, hurrah!
• Got some studying in for my exams tomorrow

What were the worst parts?

• Stayed up a decent amount later than I would prefer, especially since I need to get good sleep this week
• Didn't study as much as I would have liked to (today and this entire past week/weekend)

What did I learn?

• Medication withdrawal headaches/drowsiness are not very fun and can be rather disruptive. If anyone has any tips on dealing with that feel free to comment

Not too much to write about today. See you guys soon, have a good Tuesday!

[blueridge]

Day 7 - March 7, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Felt more prepared that I expected I would be for my two exams today (hope to score well!)
• Played pool briefly with my roommate - I'm definitely getting better at this
• Watched (online) our basketball team win today. They play again tomorrow, and baseball also plays tomorrow night (unable to go watch in person, but I should still be able to keep up online)

What were the worst parts?

• Still staying up too late (although I get to sleep in a little longer before class tomorrow, and tonight I was actually being productive before bed instead of just wasting time as I usually would)

What did I learn?

• I've gotten considerably better about not stressing over things that I have little/no control over. As a result, non-academic anxiety has seemed to be relatively recently, which is a plus.

Enjoy your hump day, everyone!

[blueridge]

Day 8 - March 8, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Played some football with my roommate - got a nice workout in
• Attended an event that the faculty in residence were hosting tonight - had lots of fun and enjoyed conversing for a few hours with the honors college director and his wife (she was particularly nice, as usual, to talk with), my roommate, and some other students. This was really relaxing
• Went to all of my classes (Wednesday is my most loaded day) and didn't game any (at this point don't really have any desire to game, either)

What were the worst parts?

• Again, up too late, so my sleep schedule will continue to be wonky
• Haven't studied as much as I would have liked for a physics test tomorrow (don't have to study as much for this class since I took physics in high school, but I should still be solidifying the material better than I have been)

What did I learn?

• I should definitely attend more events that are hosted by the faculty in residence. Everything they put on is very pleasant
• I need to mentally prepare myself to have a conversation with my mom over spring break about her overbearing communication. She consistently texts/calls me (not crazy excessively, but enough to be bothersome) and it invokes unnecessary anxiety that I don't need

[blueridge]

Day 9 - March 9, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Went to the gym and played basketball with a few friends from high school
• Made a C on my physics test even though I didn't study as much as I should have. I'm hoping to make a B in the course, which is definitely doable

What were the worst parts?

• Continuing the trend of staying up too late
• Didn't go to either of my two classes today - felt too tired (thanks to my sleep schedule)

What did I learn?

• I looked into low-risk saving/investing and might decide to put away a small chunk of change into a bond

Today wasn't crazy eventful so I don't have much to journal about. I will catch up with everyone on Sunday night! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

[blueridge]

Day 12 - March 10-12, 2017

What were the best parts of my weekend?

• Hung out again with some high school friends Friday and Saturday night
• Baseball team won all three games this weekend, that was fun to watch
• Did homework in a pretty timely manner, especially today
• Going to bed at a good time tonight
• Watched a couple interesting episodes of a great Netflix series (Black Mirror)

What were the worst parts?

• Slept in a little later than I should have today, but it's the weekend so I'm not going to make too big a deal of it
• Missed my girlfriend a decent amount. Our spring breaks are a week apart so I don't get to see her much over the next couple weeks

What did I learn?

• I'm still going strong in regards to not wanting to play video games. It's been over a full week since I played, and I'm glad that I'm not feeding into that compulsive behavior

[blueridge]

Day 13 - March 13, 2017

What were the best parts of my day? Mostly minor things:

• Played racquetball for the first time
• Made a bracket for the NCAA tournament
• Planned my courses for next semester

What were the worst parts?

• Not going to bed early enough tonight
• Wasn't nearly as productive with my schoolwork as I should have been. Pushing off too much homework
• Head hurt for a decent chunk of the day, so I took a midday nap
• Didn't talk to girlfriend on phone -- my fault for goofing off today

What did I learn?

• Being unproductive can hurt more than just myself. My girlfriend was looking forward to video chatting with me tonight (which I would have been able to do if I did my homework at the appropriate time) but I was unable to call/video chat her because I foolishly procrastinated on my studying. She was understandably upset with me and I was also very frustrated in myself. I hope that this will serve as an incentive for me to prioritize my homework better during the day

Didn't have the best day today, but I'm hanging on and keeping my head up. I know that I can get through this week.

[blueridge]

Day 14 - March 14, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Played racquetball with my roommate and bowled some on my own
• Going to bed at a very good time tonight
• I feel prepared for my engineering exam tomorrow morning
• Baseball team won their game
• Talked with my parents and girlfriend. I'm excited for spring break, and I won't have to wait as long as I thought I would to hang out with my girlfriend again (one week shorter of a wait, woo!)

What were the worst parts?

• Still have some homework piled up
• Basketball team had an embarrassing loss tonight - glad that their season is over (now I can focus even more on our baseball team)

What did I learn?

• Racquetball is super super fun
• Speaking with my girlfriend and even my parents on the phone (as long as they don't call too much) is very relaxing. It's definitely good to stay in touch (especially with the former) so long as it doesn't get out of hand
• My parents are more understanding of me than I previously gave them credit for. They're fine with me coming back up a few days early from spring break so that I can hang out with my girlfriend (this is why I won't have to wait a whole extra week to see her again)

[blueridge]

Day 15 - March 15, 2017

What were the best parts of my day?

• Went to the gym and played racquetball and basketball for a few hours
• Felt confident in how I did on my engineering exam in the morning
• Signed up for a fun campus race/trivia night competition (in a couple weeks) with my roommate
• Baseball team won, again!
• This morning I took what will (hopefully) be my last Prozac capsule

What were the worst parts?

• Up very late tonight, but I'm not as bothered by this since I will be on my spring break very soon

What did I learn?

• I've got lots of work to do to improve my basketball skills and my cardio in general