What are three things you're grateful for today? Share in your journal. :)


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About Tux

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  1. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    I have heard similar things on this subject. This is the kind of structure that can be very good for me, but on week-ends I tend to rationalize and not go straight for my cold shower, which set the mood for the day. I can get into that habit to get more out of "work free" days. Thanks you for the advice.
    To get rid of my gaming problems once and for all, I decided to commit to this, which meant buying the elite Respawn. I am currently at Module #5: Control Your Time: How to Stop Wasting Your Time and Be More Productive. Sometimes, just what Cam is saying is making me overly emotional. This time he said that gaming was part of a routine, and looking back it really was. School, homeworks, gaming. School, homeworks, gaming. At the time gaming helped me go through school since I did not have a lot of friends and kids at that age can be very toxic, be mean for no particular reason. I hate saying this but it is what it is. But this is the past. Back then I did not have that many resources (if any at all) to deal with my problems, start be more assertive and defend myself and make some friends.
    I really hate telling about this, even if I might need to, it makes me feel weak. I am scared that I will not get rid of gaming this time again. I do not know if I will, but so far I am making everything in my power to make sure I do get rid of gaming. It has been in my life for more than a decade, even if the last years I have reduced the time played by a LOT.
    By the way, Cam recommends using a calendar to set up a routine, however he recommends Google Calendar. Does anyone know of an open-source software that can sync between devices (even if I have to do something on my side) and work similarly ? I found one called Etar, does anyone have an opinion on it ?
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  2. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    I was not the kind of guy who goes to a fast food very often before.
    Now, I am the kind of guy who NEVER goes to a fast food. There is so many reason to avoid them: the food, of course, but also how they treat their slaves (or is it their employees?), the business model they have... McDonald for example, they are criminals in white shirts. They go as far as to make the light in the restaurant uncomfortable so that people leave earlier, to make more space for others. And this is just one example. Not the worst.
    I had another dream this night, unrelated to video-games (at last). Guess what, it was a nightmare. Which made me asks myself a few questions. In the nightmare, I was in deep troubles because I had some exams to pass, and did not study a word of them. As in dreams like this, it was super-important stuff, and I was overly emotional (okay please don't call the cops on me, at some point if I recall I was strangling some dude).
    I could easily dismiss this as another nightmare, which are not uncommon for me to have. But I decided to dig deeper with this. Because this is the kind of event that can still happen in my life, as it did happen in the past (except strangling someone). I miss a year of school in the past, because I was not focusing on studies, and was playing too much games. The routine was, wake up, do some computer, go to school, at the end of the day come home, run through my homeworks, and play, a little too late into the night.
    I never had any real difficulties with homework in the past, and my mother was always making me do them. Then another school year started, and suddenly she was not there anymore. I gradually slipped with my grades. Then after several years, I reached the "critical mass" of not learning: not enough knowledge to simply go through class without working.
    I can not continue like this, and let things like that happen to me. Each time this is the same story: Okay, the exam is over, boy, that was stressful. This time is the last. I will work on those things seriously now. And in reality, I never change anything. Just thinking of it, I have been doing the same mistakes over and over, for years.
    I am thinking about this, and I am asking myself questions about the whole thing. If I were to give advices on how to miss a year of school, how to mess up exams, what would those advice be ? When I want to make a change, what are the obstacles I find in front of me ? I have not gotten used to having troubles understanding something. I am not used to trying, over and over, experimenting different things, to learn something challenging.
    Enough storytelling.
    This year can be different, and I am not going to make my usual speeches on how this year, I get it all right. I am not a politician, I am not here to make myself blind promises I will not keep. I am more of an engineer. I need to figure this out, find tools and strategy, and apply them.
    Studies will be my number one priority. When I really want to work on something, I get up early, and work on it before anything else in my day. I am going to do just that for classes, as well as other techniques. I prefer to use this for personal projects, but if I also set up a time where I stop working on studies at the end of the day, and am free to work on my projects, go out... then I am sure it will be much easier to pursue my own projects. After a day of school, you just don't come back home, happy that you still haven't finished the day since you need one or two hours on your lessons, homeworks. Motivation for this is hard. But coming back home, and being able to pursue your passion, the hobbies that you like ? Of course you won't get as much as you could have if you did them first thing in the morning. But you will more easily spend hours on something like that, than on complex class material, that even if you are interested in, is just work.
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  3. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    I had some pretty bad jobs in the past, like working in a fast food. This was not a good experience.
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  4. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    I'm not getting especially nervous about them, I've been having them regularly for a while now. It is just really annoying, it's as if games are the only thing I can think about in my sleep. I really want to be able to think about different things, especially when I just keep dreaming about the same games over and over.
    Concerning my job, well so far it's the best one I've ever had (it's far from perfect, but it's in my field) and I am not impatient for it to end. I can enjoy it, improve my computer skills with it...
    So far I'm not being talkative, but I just don't have that much time. I hope to be able to post a bit more, and on other topics too soon. It might even be a new hobby to start when I will have more time.
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  5. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    I had dreams about games this night. I could learn to control my dreams (that's called lucid dreams), but not only it's something I would need to finish instead of just starting it, but this summer I just don't have the time. I have a full time job that is far away from home, and so just writing this here is done in a time crunch in the morning. Anyone familiar with this know that you need to write your dreams as soon as you wake up to remember them (because what's the point of controlling them if you can not even remember that you did it ?).
    Right now, I have some things to finish first. Not only am I doing this, as well as Respawn, but I already have a small project undergoing. It's a little program with a GUI (basically it's not a command line utility) that is supposed to help me organize myself with my projects. So that I have some personal accountability, and before starting a project I can ask myself the right questions, like, how much time will it take, what do I need to do daily for it, etc. Just moving forward with this need me to invest some hours in it every day. Right now, I can't put those hours somewhere else, or it's another unfinished thing.
    If I never finish things, I can never fully learn from them. This is made in C++, using GTKmm and SQLite3. I also use Glade for creating the graphical interface. If I finish this, I'll have some real experience with those tools. Not a lot, but it's something I'll then be able to build onto. Starting and not finishing mean I never have any meaningful foundation.
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  6. Tux added a post in a topic Tux's Journal   

    Thanks you.
    So for simplicity, I will consider this as day one, even if I have been game free for more than 2 months. It's going to be harder this time, but I have decided that games are gone for good. No going back to them ever. Just changing to this mindset instead of one where I "might" (it's not even a certitude) come back, it makes a HUGE difference. I actually need to plan for things outside of the computer, instead of waiting for a relapse to get busy. It is probably the right move because it actually feel hard. As if I am discovering an empty space in myself.
    Hope I'm not scaring anyone with this. I should be just fine, but it takes some time to register.
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  7. Tux added a topic in Daily Journals   

    Tux's Journal
    OK, let's do this.
    I'm 23. Studying computer science. Since someone asked on my introduction thread, my favorite GNU/Linux distribution is Debian.
    I have tried to quit games in the past, but I always came back to them. There was several reason why, be it a lack of interpersonal boundaries (not saying no to someone inviting me to play), a failure to find a healthy way of stressing down, or simply, rationalization. Believing that I can moderate it. I even tried game development, I had a great idea for a game, which would have taken me more than a year of full time work to get somewhere. I have stopped this. If I want to program something, it will not be a video-game.
    So what is different this time ?
    It's not 90 days, it's for ever.I'm committing to it.I will find a solution to each problem that arise.I did not succeed in the past because I did not do the three bullet points above.
    At some point, I thought, I would come back to them. When I'm 40, 50, 60, whatever. I saw the journal of someone who is 66 here, so there is not going to be an age where I can binge play. And I'll probably want to enjoy real life much more. If I'm not coming back to them, it mean I have to move on. Deal with this once and for all.
    I did not take the process seriously. Having a badge, having a number that goes up is essentially worthless if you're not doing anything to deal with the problem. It will take the time it will need, but I want to free myself from them. Which bring up the last point.
    Without games, I need a way to rest, after a day, week of work. I have read Cam's article, where he identify four needs. Not all apply to me, but I will have to find a solution for each one that applies to me. Focusing on Game Quitters will mean that I will be able to deal with each problem, and find a permanent solution.
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  8. Tux added a post in a topic Committing to stop gaming   

    Thanks both of you for the welcome too.
    I'm a Debian user, although I'd like to try to get good at Gentoo at some point, it's considered the hardest one and I'd love to join the "elite". What's yours ?
    Thankfully they are not all I know, but there's definitely a feeling of emptiness, like a part of me is disappearing. I've started the detox approximately two months ago, but only yesterday did I decide that games have to go for good. It was the first time I felt like this.
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  9. Tux added a post in a topic Committing to stop gaming   

    Well, hopefully this time it's the good one. What made you relapse ? Did you believe like me you could play in moderation ? Was it a friend that invited you to play ?
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  10. Tux added a post in a topic Committing to stop gaming   

    Thanks for the welcomes. How long have you been doing this ?
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  11. Tux added a topic in Start Here + Introductions   

    Committing to stop gaming
    Hi, I just subscribed a few hours ago.
    I'm not really new to StopGaming and Game Quitters, as I tried to quit in the past. However, until now, I always came back to video-games.
    My first try, I had several relapses, because I didn't say no when someone invited me to play a game. As a student of computer science, video-games are really common among my peers. Then at some point in the summer, something in me "clicked", and I binged for a week on a game. Then after that I was more or less avoiding them, and at some point I went back to them, only to stop again. And once again, I started playing only to see myself waste a complete week-end being mentally stuck on a game. This is when I realized I need to do this and commit to it. I'm currently at two months of no gaming, and I believe I've understood what mistakes I was making
    I didn't commit to this process completely. It's an addiction, and it take a lot of focus to deal with the problems associated with it. It will takes some time, but I need to sustain the effort. Another reason is that I kept in my mind the possibility of coming back to games. Maybe, when I old, I could play again. Maybe when I reach some goal in life. I've decided that I'm going to stop playing video-games forever. This mean that there is no turning back, no reason to get interested in them, and that I need to focus on my real life.
    I did not expect this to make me emotional since I had tried in the past, but just telling myself that it's over forever makes me want to cry. I never had this reaction before. I'd say it means I'm walking in the right direction. As if now, I'm quitting for real. No moderation, only real life. It sound a bit weird though since I'm basically going to be a programmer in my life, but it's far more real than games. The benefits are much, much bigger.
    I need to participate here, get involved. Hopefully, this time I will finish this.
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