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Dreamt of a relapse


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This is more so toying with a thought than asking a question but here it is:

Last night I had 2 very contrasting dreams. One was totally unrelated to gaming, but the second one was about me relapsing.

In the dream I woke up early on a Saturday and rushed downstairs to my computer to start playing TFT(The game I was struggling the most with before I quit) . I played for what seemed like a few hours all the while knowing in my head that I was in the midst of a relapse. This did not stop me, but once I finally decided to take a break, I felt my world crashing down on me. It felt like the world was ending and all my hard work had gone down the drain. I was ashamed and felt like human garbage. It was like I was unable to control myself moments before the relapse and only really felt the devastation when it was too late. I'm aware it was a dream and that they don't always make the most sense, but I'm pretty sure I've had similar dreams to this one since I've started my journey. 

It's obvious that relapsing crosses my mind, but the funny thing is that my daily cravings are very minimal, if any at all. I feel totally in control of my actions in my day to day life, but having this dream where I was powerless over relapsing was a bit scary to be honest. It went against everything I've been feeling for over a month now. Perhaps my brain was just playing through the worst case scenario, or I have so much logged gaming over the course of my life that I can't really escape gaming-related thoughts, especially when asleep haha! Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or advice on the matter?

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