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I just want to finish a piano piece


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Hello everyone,

 

I'm Mathieu from Montreal in Canada, I'm addicted to gaming and want to start to experience life a little bit.

From since I was a little kid, I have been avoiding the outside world, confrontations with others and the risks you have to take in life to progress in anything. I have done that by playing video games, where I could just, be "good at something" where you could just ignore confrontations by hitting the "mute" button, where I could develop skills and be praised for it.

The older I grew, the more I realized that the time "invested" in getting good at game, is just wasted in real life. You can get 100cs in LoL at 10 minutes, great ! Now apply that in real life, useless.That's the rational part, but even though I knew this, I kept playing, raging, hating, getting mad at me for not being good enough. When I tried to stop gaming, I just felt like I had "nothing to do", it was like "playing games is the only thing that make sense", so I would relapse, convince myself it's allright if I just play casual, then casual wouldn't be enough, I had to get competitive to feel "truly good", so I would play LoL, Rainbow6 Siege or Apex or whatever, drain myself from any energy.

I would return to my routine:

  • Playing games instead of going out with my girlfriend because I'm "too exhausted"
  • Convincing myself there is no point to study before the exam
  • Missing the family gatherings to get that level up so I can equip "my" legendary shit
  • Rationalize the idea that it's ok to game during work from home
  • Considering to live on the social assistance to be able to play full time (even tough I love my job and make 75k/year)

The thing is, I realized that, you have to trade time to get the skill you get in games and the time you invest in games is not invested in social skills, in getting good at piano,  in learning how to use that tool so you can get that promotion... You can't have a family if you're too immature and have no time, no energy because you play game, at least that's what I think.

So past Sunday, I decided I had to quit and I did it. The classic: uninstall everything, swear you will never do it, there's no way you would play again, right ? But this time, I was thinking, why did I fail the other times and noticed, I always get back because I feel lonely and because I want to feel recognized. So I started thinking, how can you replace this, monster amount of time habit and remembered something: "If you are trying to solve a problem, it's likely that someone solved it already and wrote a book about it". So I came here, bough the respawn thing and here I am now, writing this, wondering what's gonna happen, if this will work, if I will stay motivated. I hope it will.

I want to finish to learn at least one full piano piece instead of relapsing this time, I want to feel good at playing piano like I used to, I want to finish that Forex Tutorial, I want to read that damn "interesting book that I should read", I want to travel, I want to get that driver licence so I can drive wherever I want.

I want to live, IRL this time.

Thanks, 

M.A.

 

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Hi Mathieu, thanks for sharing your experience.  I also try to play games casually but I end up investing way too much time into them.  When I play games I always get obsessed with one game for a long time.  I try to become the best, then realize it's not worth the time like you said (even though already wasting thousands of hours... heh...)

I also play piano, I hope we can learn some tunes together 🙂

Best,

Austin

 

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Hello,

Just posting an update, 10 days in the no gaming cure:

- I'm doing much better playing the piano, every key feels like it is "accessible" and I have a lot more control* playing (I had stopped playing and lost my skills because I had "no time")

- I come prepared to classes. I read the suggested pages, watch the videos and do the assignments. The classes are much easier to digest. (I used to play games instead of studying)

- At work, I noticed more motivation and creativity in my interaction and assignments. (I used to play on my cellphone whenever possible)

- Even with a friend that is constantly asking me to play with me, there is no urges (yet) but there is some random gaming thoughs

- My girlfriend told me that I am much more attentive and responsive since the Day 0. She likes it a lot 🙂 (I used to tell her that I need some solo time to rest, only to go play games)

I'm focusing on the same 5 topics everyday(Piano, work, girlfriend, school and gaming addiction). When one becomes natural/integrated in my life, I will just update it with another one.

I come to the forum to update my journal everyday and "enjoy"/relate to others here.

 

That's it for now

 

*Control is being able to do nuances while playing which I used to show emotions in the music making it "relatable"

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Congrats on 10 days.  I have also slowly noticed that I am living more in the present moment in everyday life.  This is something I am excited about because i have struggled with it for a long time.  When I am in social situations, sometimes my mind tends to wander.

Edited by apatton090
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