doing it

[voidedhalestorms]

Had a fierce desire to open my switch back up and load paladins. Damn, this shit is like crack. I would probably play a few games then get disgusted and end it again. But knowing this forum is here is helpful. Knowing that I have been more productive and made better connections with people in this short time is also helpful.

It's kind of like alcohol with me. Yea I can game a little and maintain my life. But I lose my higher drive to excel and do things that actually really matter. I drink a lot and never miss work and stuff but my energy is low and I stay obsessed with stupid shit like internet porn and games. It used to be I could only enjoy games if I drank because it made stupid repetitive stuff seem entertaining. Then when I started gaming hard sober I became obsessed with ranking up. But no matter how good I did it was not really satisfying. And when I did poorly it was extremely frustrating. A lose lose situation, basically.

I watched a little TV show or three. But no games. Hard not to want to watch the new Rick and Morty. And do a lot of writing. Writing is where the true satisfaction seems to come for me.