MrVercetti's Journal

[MrVercetti]

Hey all, MrVercetti here.  You can read my introduction and a bit of my history with gaming here.  In this journal (in this first post at least), I'll get more personal as I share the ups and downs of my journey.

 

As far as addictions go, I never viewed my gaming as an addiction, I viewed it moreso as a crutch - an enjoyable activity that filled voids when I had nothing else going on/nothing to do during my periods of downtime (when I came home from work, before dinner & on Saturdays when I literally did nothing).  

On the flipside, being a bit socially awkward, not really having a solid track record with the ladies and being single well into my 30s here (when nearly all my other friends/acquaintences were married and/or popping out kids), drove me to Porn which I did become addicted to and which I've been clean from for close to 40 days now (thanks to the community at NoFap).

The thing that really grates at me and which has led me here is that for me, quitting Porn has been easy, but gaming on the other hand is extremely hard and that doesn't compute in my mind.  As abhorrent and destructive as Porn is, you figure quitting that would be hard, but no - I haven't had any cravings to watch it and the accompanying fantasies have gradually trailed off to nil.  On the contrary, gaming--a comparatively harmless activity, which you would figure would be easy enough to quit--has been hard as hell for me to let go of.

I should mention this is only temporary too.  Right now, while I'm focused on paying off my car & other small bills, my PC & other stuff is back at my parents, while I (with a small MacBook Air here) am living with my GF of 6 months.  By next August, I'll be debt free and am planning on buying a house (after which, I'll be able to build a new routine/habits and have some time to game).

In the interim though, not having my favorite method of 'escape' (from the monotony of daily life) is driving me nuts and I've found myself here.

Am pressed for time today (got stuff to do with the GF's family), so will do another entry Monday or so following some of the good formats/examples I've seen here so far.

[MrVercetti]

I feel like I've come a long way in terms of expressing gratitude and being a grateful person.  I don't always express it every day, but there's always a number of things that roll around in my head that I am grateful for.....

1) The fact I still have a steady job (have been unemployed twice in the last 10 years)

2) My GF's health (she's an epileptic and since mid September, has been having seizures on and off that she suspects are anxiety/stress related.  For the past two weeks though, she's been seizure free)

3) My parents' health (getting older myself has made me more attuned to their aging and made me all the more thankful for the time I get to spend with them)

4) The fact I have a reliable car that runs well and is in one piece (before I got in a wreck and totaled my last one, it had suffered through numerous recalls and deer-related collisions)


The one other activity besides gaming (that distracts me almost as well) is reading.  I'm a big fan of the Star Trek "Vanguard" mini-series and have read through all of those numerous times.  I'm also a big car guy and like to browse through old brochures and misc. blogs (like Curbside Classic), sometimes with some music going and/or a drink in hand.

 

I'll be doing a bit of that today before I get around to some housework before the GF and I go over and see my parents (something I do every Sunday).

Edited November 24, 2019 by MrVercetti