Yet another introduction

[TiredOfCompromises]

Hello everyone,

I'm a 24 year old from Germany who at this point is all but fed up.

Video games have accompanied me all throughout my life. I think I was about 4 or 5 years old when I played a video game for the first time. I quickly convinced my parents that we should get a PlayStation, and so we did. The original Spyro game was the first game I have ever played myself, but I remember watching my dad play video games long before that (he himself was at some point addicted, I'm not sure if he still is.) That was my entry level "drug", I suppose.

I got my first computer with 6, and while my parents tried limiting the time I spent on it, I was quite clever at circumventing their restrictions. I gamed any chance I got and soon lost all interest in any other activities. I never had many friends to begin with and over the years that number has only decreased. All I wanted to do was play video games. I'd pretend to be sick so I could stay at home, I'd abuse the fact both of my parents were working and snuck back home instead of going to school. They even put the computer in a separate room of the house, locking the door to it, but I'd find way to get inside anyways. There literally was no stopping me.

Now, at 24, things haven't much changed. I've somehow managed to move out from my parent's house but still struggle with intense addiction. I do not have a job nor any sort of finished education or apprenticeship. I am, for all intents and purposes, a NEET. On top of all that, I suffer from chronic, severe depression and social anxiety. I have gone through many different forms of therapy and even been admitted to hospital for mental health reasons on two occasions, to no avail. I was always against taking medication, wanting to solve my problems on my own. Turns out, I couldn't do that, so I have now agreed to try some. I am still waiting for this particular appointment, but I am somewhat hopeful looking forward to it. Anyway, I digress.

I've gone through several quitting attempts, my record must have been somewhere between 20 and 30 days game free. I can definitely say that I was almost a different person at that point. I remember having found fun in new activities, had better social skills and even a vastly improved mental condition. However, around the same time, I had a huge falling out with my then girlfriend and came to a point where I would either jump off of a bridge or admit myself to a hospital. I chose the latter. While it did help me to get over my suicidal thoughts and impulses at the time, it completely threw me off from everything else that mattered. Everything I had done to actually make improving my life a possible feat. Before that hospitalization, I was eating decently well, worked out three times a week and regularly would practice my guitar or try my hands at Cardistry (a kind of "juggling", but with playing cards). I'd gone out more, gotten more confident etc. Unfortunately, that all came crashing down in hospital, as I wasn't able to attend gym or do pretty much any of the aforementioned activities.

I got booted straight to square one.

And here I am, two years later, still on square one.

Edited September 6, 2019 by TiredOfCompromises
typos, grammar, etc