My #nevergiveup journal

[Land]

"God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference".

First post here - not sure how this works, in any case I'm just gonna post as if I'm talking to my self...

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So last night I did it again - woke up in the middle of the night to play MHW. I just felt like I *had* to play although I didn't want to do it. Woke up tired and got late to work. Now I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work and not very productive. I have a constant feeling that I should be playing instead of working, that if only I could go home and play some more everything would be better!

Feeling quite depressed today as well and I don't like this hopeless feeling. I meant to go to the gym today but told my self I'd go tomorrow, feeling shitty for doing that.

I want to quit, but I don't want to quit - hard to explain the feeling. At time I think I should just delete the character and uninstall the game, but then I start to consider that I'd be missing out on all the fun and loosing all the time invested (sunk cost fallacy?). Anyways, I keep telling my self I'm not ready. Hoping that in the near future I'll have the courage to do it, as its becoming more and more clear that I don't have control over this addiction - that unlike other people I just can't regulate it and play like a normal person in their free time, this addiction is taking over and in a real short time - perhaps a backlash from quitting WOW a couple years ago?

Anyways, hoping for a better tomorrow and thanks for listening.