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JoeFish

90 day detox #2

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As you've probably guessed by the title of this post, I have relapsed back to gaming. I successfully completed my first detox and was more or less clean for around 8 months but I have since relapsed. Check out my other posts for the full relapse story.

Anyways, after a month of feeling lost I've finally brought about he courage to do another detox.

I was coming to a point in my csgo team where I realised that I didn't want to do this for the rest of my life. I was on the verge of closing a deal as entry fragger with team dragonite (sponsored by adata --they make good headphones) and they wanted me to sign a contract commiting to play 30 hours of counter strike a week. As much as i have always wanted to play counter-strike at a professional level i just realised that, one, i couldnt commit that much time and that secondly i didnt really feel right anymore. I felt like joe the person i want to be and joefish the aggressive entry fragger were two very different people and they werent connected anymore, I no longer based my personality about my counter strike playstyle, I no longer relate in any way. This led me to chose against signing the contract which was quite an emotional step for me as it has always been my dream to play at the highest level. Finally I have chosen to leave my cs days behind and quit counter strike for real now. In fact i want to quit gaming in general forever, ive spent too long hiding away to try to become the best. I need to focus my efforts elsewhere, on my actual life.

JoeFish out

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Update:

Im now 59 days into my detox and i have deleted all the games off my pc. Im doing really well and started to really enjoy life without video games, I feel like ive actually achieved something. I have chosen to focus a lot more on my studies working towards my A level exams this year and i have been going to the gym alot. I am also trying to improve my social life, i have been going to a lot of parties and get together s with some of my old friends and new ones that i have made since quitting games. I really like where im at in life right now and im looking forward to going to university in 6 months or so, i need a fresh start to completely get away from gaming culture. I often see reminders of gaming across the internet and i feel a sort of sadness like i miss playing them but i know that i am enjoying life so much more without them. I have learned that as much as gaming looks fun and innocent, it can as addictive as anything and has a lot of potential to ruin your life without you noticing. The problem with gamers is that they dont know that there is an alternative, the belief is very much that once a gamer, always a gamer and people will always judge you for having been a gamer. However, i have found that people are very accepting and supportive in my addictions, i have received a lot of support of people i didn't even know before i started my detox.

This has been a really positive experience so far and i really want it to continue this way. My personality has changed significantly since i quit gaming, im much more motivated and sociable swell as i have lost the need to feel like i have to be the best at everything. Previously, i felt that i was judged by how good i was at things. This is why i failed my detox the first time around as i tried to switch my achievement in counter strike to achievement in rock climbing and when that failed i felt unfulfilled and like i had failed so i sunk back to my old habits of what i knew and what i was good at - gaming. The second time around my only aim has been to improve my quality of life, not to chive in anything but happiness and it has really changed my mentality and made me a much happier person. If there s one thing i can take from this experience so far it is to remember there is always another way, an opportunity to change, an opportunity for another life and there is always people out there who will support you in your troubles.

Thanks so much for everyone's support over the last few months.

JoeFish out

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I finished my detox around 2 weeks ago now, and all i could think about coming to the end was playing games. So when the day came that my detox ended i was straight back on them, only for a couple of hours a day, nothing like what i used to. After doing this for a few days, i suddenly noticed that i wasnt actually enjoying them. I'd become so hyped up to play them and had almost over-hyped how fun they were in their absence. I realised that games werent actually that fun and that they are just something i used to use to fill my time and ive now found much better ways to fill my time, especially with my A levels coming up. I havent quit games, but i have stopped playing them. Not because im detoxing, not because im playing them too much but simply because theres other, more self-fulfilling things, that i would prefer to do. I cant say for sure but i feel almost cured from my addiction. I no longer feel the need to escape my daily life. After my last detox, i felt the same way but ended up searching for reward in other things such as climbing and relationships but now i realise that i can just be happy being me. After gaming is removed from your life, im sure you can all agree that you just feel better as a person. More motivated, happier and more sociable. Its a great feeling and a feeling that i want to keep hold of so im not willing to lose it to games. This is not to say that if im at my mates house and he asks me if i want a game of fifa that im gonna refuse but i think my days of hardcore gaming may possibly be over once and for all.

Thanks again for all the support that this community has offered me.

JoeFish out

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I've found that a really useful tool for me quitting gaming was creative writing but only in the latter stages of the detox. It provides the escapism that most people are looking for aswell as the ability to be creative and focus on something and then  finally come out with something you are proud of. It's not for everyone granted but for people who love playing story based games, why not write your own? I sometimes use some of my experiences from gaming in my writing and although I would never go back, they have really helped me to give my writing depth as I have actually "lived" similar experiences to what I'm writing about, not just making it all up.

JoeFish out

Edited by JoeFish
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