FifthEstate's Journal

[FifthEstate]

 Days 1-2

Good morning. Today I start my journal. 

I think my subconcious may have picked this week to be the start of my game-quitting journey due to how busy I am. I'm working both jobs back-to-back, but that leaves me with a long weekend, which is going to be the first hurdle in this 90 day detox. 

I know there are going to be times that I'm tempted this week. Yesterday my mind was idly sifting through the conditions it would take me to "cheat" on the detox I'm working to prepare myself for the free time. I bought a few books I've been meaning to get to, I talked to a new acquantance I'd like to become friends with and invited them to grab a beer, and I started writing my first submissions for a publication I've always wanted to write for. I'm surprised at how easy it's been the last two days to think of other activities to fill my free time with—I guess I never realized how the immediate rush to fire up my game systems when I got home limited my ability to plan and care about my environment. It's a huge reassurance that I'm doing the right thing being here. 

I spoke with my girlfriend the day I took my pledge to quit and discussed my intentions. She was skeptical. She believes I'm overly self-critical to the point that I torment myself with my own flaws (I kind of do) and though quitting cold turkey is unnecessary. She knows that gaming is how I've always unwinded, so I think she was worried about me seeing me wound up. She's a sweet girl. I essentially explained how addiction, formation of habits, etc. work in relation to gaming and how I feel that I'm wasting potential that I could be using to better myself and she ended up saying she'd support whatever decision I think is best for me. 

Another big challenge I've identified is what I'm replacing my time with. I don't want to completely eliminate entertainment—that's not what this detox is necessarily about, but I don't want Netflix to become my substitute for gaming, etc. etc. I'm debating placing a time-window restriction on myself for those things (I can only watch TV from 5 - 8 p.m., or something) to try and control that habit. I also see a need to start developing a list of short/long term goals and create a timeline for how to organize them (if anyone reading this has any suggestions on planning, schedules, what works and what doesn't, I'd love some advice). 

And that's it for today. In about an hour I'm going in for an interview at my internship to see if I can extend my stay into the fall. I'd be competing for the slot with another intern, (who I genuinely like), so it's bittersweet, but I'm going to do my best to convince my supervisor that I deserve the spot. Wish me luck!

- FifthEstate

Edited August 8, 2017 by FifthEstate

[Mettermrck]

I think that's a lot of good self-analysis, Fifth. Start working through your detox, and see how your thinking evolves about gaming, alternative activities, etc.

[Vlad]

Welcome aboard!)

 I spoke with my girlfriend the day I took my pledge to quit and discussed my intentions. She was skeptical.

Quitting gaming is a big change. How would you feel if your girlfriend told you about her intention to change somthing big?

 

[FifthEstate]

Welcome aboard!)

 I spoke with my girlfriend the day I took my pledge to quit and discussed my intentions. She was skeptical.

Quitting gaming is a big change. How would you feel if your girlfriend told you about her intention to change somthing big?

Thanks. I'm happy to be here.  

I would likely approach it similarly. She's entirely supportive, but I also know she sees me as good "as is," so when I try to break bad habits she'll often raise an eyebrow and question why I'd unnecessarily discipline myself. That can drain me of my motivation, but it also requires me to be assertive when I commit to something - like the 90-day detox. I'd also add that I recognize that's a problem with how I respond to her opinions, rather than an issue with her. 
 

[FifthEstate]

Day 7:

This is going to be more difficult than I anticipated. 

This Sunday ended my first weekend without video games. I'll be chalking it up as a mixed success—I made a few steps in the right direction but encountered a few obstacles I feel are going to be a challenge to overcome. 

At the start of the week, I decided to proactively make plans for the weekend. I reached out to a person who I've admired from afar for a while to grab a few drinks at a local bar. I visited my parents. I cooked a few soups and other meals for the coming week. And then I had a full day off. Alone, at home. And I met my adversary for the coming weeks. Netflix. 

I've read the list of hobbies. In fact, I already have some hobbies that coincide with the list, but I couldn't help but feel lethargic after such a long week—and so I decided to put on Netflix. It's been going all day. 

To be fair, I've done a few additional things today, like make up a back-to-school shopping list and drafted a plan for a wardrobe upgrade. But most of it has spent lounging and watching television. I don't mind a bit of R&R, but this is a potential problem. 

This week my goal is to create a weekly/short-term/long-term goal list to give me a bit more additional focus. Members of this forum have regularly talked about feeling like they're in a bit of a haze immediately after quitting—I can definitely relate to that feeling. 

[Mettermrck]

It's a process. At first, it's more about "not gaming". And then over time, as your interests revive and other activites become more stimulating, you'll start to find productive alternatives. Hang in there!