Adriaan's Journal

[Adriaan]

Hello, I'm Adriaan. I'm 24 years old. Hoping to recover my life and stay away from gaming.

Everything started about 5.5 years ago, just before my 3rd year of university. Up until that point, I had been a very successful student. Soon I began experiencing severe major depression disorder, triggered for reasons I still don't know & immediately failed my best areas. I did not know a medical condition such as this existed at the time & was untreated for it. Experienced many side effects including irrational behavior, phobias, focus, speech, sleeping, concentration & anxiety problems, hand stability, among others. Began to withdraw from people and the world at large, yet was delusional to some extent in thinking that people were avoiding me (I was the one doing the avoiding). Eventually I began to experience a very strong foul persistent odor that no amount of cleanliness or other scented products could remove. Was the source of much humiliation for me, even went through an operation on my Nasal cavities in order to resolve the issue. I wasn't sure at the time, but the odor was not real, yet I was experiencing it as such. As a result, there was no function, social gathering, bus ride or even a conversation I could enjoy for a long time. All were unpleasant experiences filled with humiliation. Knowing that I would not be able to function effectively in a job in the condition I was in, I decided not to enter employment. For the same reason, I decided not to engage in any romantic relationships either as I didn't see how any romantic relationship could succeed. This lasted for most of 11 months, after which the effects somewhat subsided but were all still there on and off for another 4.5 years.

I used gaming as an escape from all this during this time & it quickly became an addiction. Wish to quit gaming now that I've almost fully recovered and continue my career, start new hobbies, as well as develop more as a person. I don't really have friends anymore, only family, but will hopefully make some new ones. I have reduced my weight and started eating very healthy. I'm hoping I can keep it this way. Will be starting Day 1 tomorrow.

Edited June 11, 2017 by Adriaan