Tracking my progress

[Ameissen]

Hey all --

Starting a journal here today. Updating it when it feels right to do so.

Well, I'm about 2 weeks free from all my addictive behaviors -- porn, games, sugar. I committed to a dopamine detox for 2 months, allowing myself to recommit when that 2 months is up. I've been happy with everything that has changed. Wow. Naturalness is coming back day by day. I'm finding my groove.

But boy, life events. Stressors. They still come around of course. When I've found my groove, sometimes, shit hits the fan. But. I'm stronger, I can manage it better, especially thanks to the power of my commitment and healing here. Now I can make smarter decisions even when I'm stressed. Today I am going to focus on destressing myself so that I'm not expending energy in the background being stressed, and continuing on with my groove.

Sometimes it's hard not to worry about how things are, especially with the state of the world sometimes. But I am drawing on my faith, my skills, my strengths, to go another day, one day at a time, living into happiness, and my dream life -- my dream life that's here right now, and my dream life that I'm building too.

Andrew

[ZenYogi]

Hey Andrew good new post I quit porn too and masturbating 

[Ameissen]

Great, Pema. Thank you.

I'm happier today than I was when I made my first post. I had a nice resetting and healing weekend with friends and family in nature. It's good to get out in the woods and just enjoy life. Nature, my friends and family, I love these parts of living, and they help me become calm.

I confess to having sugar, a low amount, twice and maybe thrice. First, a friend I love recommended I try a salad they concocted which had dressing that almost certainly had sugar in it, and I decided to choose joining my friend's joy with their invitation to try the salad. I was mindful and forgave myself so I could enjoy it. Next, it was someone's birthday, but before I knew that, the phrase "piece of cake" came to mind as I calmed down over the weekend, and I decided to partake in the special occasion and honor the phrase that came to me by having a literal, small, blueberry-sized piece of cake. It was fun. I also had a muffin whose ingredients I didn't know but it was healthy.

I know that giving in to any fear about these things is not the way. I'm okay. And it's been a blast to do this detox. So, I'm continuing my commitment to be without games, porn, sugar, any and all addictions -- my whole dopamine detox. I'm learning so much about myself and about what's possible. I'm thankful. And it's fun.

Andrew

PS: Yes, I agree with you, it is important to quit masturbating as well as porn. In my experience, when I explored loving masturbation, I found it still depleted me in some regard, and even when the depletion was insignificant or more difficult to discern because I was doing well in life at the time of my masturbation, I found it wasn't a habit I wanted to cultivate. The most significant loss I encountered was the loss of an energy for attraction; of being self-fulfilled in a way that actually stymied my healthy desire for a partner in life. These days I continue to love exploring the path of celibacy until marriage, voluntarily, because it makes everything much clearer for me -- it takes the pressure off that need for sexual stimulation, and it helps me place my trust in the fact that everything will work out naturally as I honor my body's natural rhythms with others. That involves no harm, and a respect for my and others' whole qualities. After much porn and masturbation in my life, much time thinking about and consuming sexual material, it helps very much, in my brain and my body, to recover what it's like just to see someone's whole self not tilted in the direction of sexual compulsion.

Good luck to you Pema. I appreciate joining you in this.

[Ameissen]

Quick jot of a note today --

I noticed myself tired in the last day, needing sleep -- very proud of myself to recognize that my very tired brain, when it also had some emotional stuff come up (in my body too, obviously), some thoughts of looking for a way to regulate it also came up. Some of that was porn, masturbation, I don't recall gaming really coming up. I'm glad to recognize in that moment what was happening, and to put down my digital device (my phone) and to just be with myself and sleep. I just needed rest and time. For anything more to process, I trust rest and time. I'll continue to journal and process anything I need to, talking with others too. I should be okay. 🙂

Yay. It's always relieving to successfully overcome another tide, another urge, another thought, however faint; with each one successfully passed I feel more whole, more myself, more available for life's bounties, more willing to accept happiness into my life.

Andrew

[Ameissen]

As time progresses, I am adopting other hobbies naturally.

I woke up today and drew, connecting to a childhood part of me. I started drawing when I was in elementary school but stopped when I showed my drawings to my artistic brother and mother, who, at the time, weren't enthusiastic of my drawing -- no fault on them -- but their emphasis that there was a more correct way to draw led me to drop the project and joy of drawing altogether.

I got it back this morning. I just dove right back in where I left off as a 10 year old. It's been a ton of fun.

And I wrote poetry too! A part of me feared the winter -- the seasonal depression or lowering of energy of that season -- and I wrote a poem about looking forward to discovering the joy of winter. Even here in spring, I'm optimistic for what's ahead, even in the lowest-energy season.

I believe I'm close to 3 weeks now of my detox, of no porn or games (and very little sugar), of no compulsive videos or toxic news reading. My dopamine is balancing out, and I am getting stronger.

And much happier.

Hooray! 🙂