Hi, Nyla here. I'm trying to take the next steps forward with my life.

[Nyla]

I'm Nyla. I'm a 24-year-old female. I live in South Africa. I've been gaming for the last five years.

I've never thought it was that bad because I compared myself to a family friend who spent the whole night gaming. I only played games during the day. I still managed to do basic daily activities and socialise with my family (who I still live with). 

It started in 2018 when I got a new desktop computer at home but I had just started studying in another city so I only could play on it when I came home on the weekends. I crammed those weekends with as much gaming as possible. It wasn't the worst. I was still managing to get most of my work done. Later in the year, some personal struggles relating to my severe anxiety popped up and started to derail me.

The next year, I managed to get a new powerful laptop that I could bring with me to university. I was in a bad space that year. I played games and watched YouTube to avoid the unbearable anxiety and loneliness but in hindsight, it only kept me back from seeking actual help. Year three was me just trying to redo all the subjects I had failed in the second year but then Covid hit and we all had to go home.

That was when I started playing multiplayer Minecraft on a specific modded server.  It was a small community but they were rather nice. I did take a break from MC after a few months relating to some internal conflict but hopped straight over to Sea of Thieves.

I had, in this time dropped out of university and told my parents that I would get some freelancing jobs where I could design websites. This never really happened. I got a small part-time job the next year but all I was thinking about at that time was getting home and playing games. There were so many things I wanted to do with my life like program some software to help build imaginary worlds, build up my company and become independent but gaming was so much easier. I stopped working a year later and was just gaming when I felt like it. I got back into Minecraft and started building some mega bases which several months to complete. I was always thinking: why haven't I been playing since I was younger? I would have achieved so much more.

This year I started studying again. It started out fairly easy but the projects are getting harder. A few weeks ago I decided to swap the thinking about regretting not playing more into regretting not wanting to achieve my real-life goals of programming. I thought: what if it was the thing that I wish I had always done?

I managed to let go of Minecraft and started my 90-day detox. I started to realise how out of control my anxiety is and how I use gaming to calm me down. I also couldn't figure out how I managed university projects and gaming. It just takes up so much time. I also started to replace it with other things like watching more YouTube. I had set a limit to only watch two videos a day but that wasn't going well. I had a relapse a few days ago after the stress of the large university projects got to me. So here I am back to day 1 but more determined to work through my stress, addictions and dreams for the future.

(Well done if you managed to read my entire essay xD)

~ Nyla

 

[D_Cozy]

10 hours ago, Nyla said:

I managed to let go of Minecraft and started my 90-day detox. I started to realise how out of control my anxiety is and how I use gaming to calm me down. I also couldn't figure out how I managed university projects and gaming. It just takes up so much time. I also started to replace it with other things like watching more YouTube. I had set a limit to only watch two videos a day but that wasn't going well. I had a relapse a few days ago after the stress of the large university projects got to me. So here I am back to day 1 but more determined to work through my stress, addictions and dreams for the future.

Hey Nyla, welcome! Good on you for getting that realization that you need to quit again.

Reading through your post, I think I see the answer to your question of how you juggled university work and games; in your first year you said you only played games at home, when you were there for weekends. So essentially you had a dedicated place for them, which set a pretty important physical separation for "where you entertain yourself" and for "where you work." Unfortunately, when you got that new laptop in your 2nd year, the barrier of that place where you were allowed to be productive was shattered, gaming became so accessible to and it was easier to indulge in because of that. So essentially you were able to juggle the work well because you had established boundaries in place, but they got out of control once those boundaries were down.

The reason I explained the above is not just to provide reasoning for something you're wondering about, it also shows how easy it is to go from "hardcore but controlled gaming" to "problematic and disordered gaming." I can relate here, the same thing happened to me when I picked up mobile gaming; games like Bejeweled, Pokemon Go, Fire Emblem Heroes, worst for me being Empires & Puzzles, among others. When I only played on my consoles and PC, it was in one set place in my house, even though I was still playing way too much I still had firm boundaries and still graduated from university to eventually get a job. But as soon as mobile gaming got involved, all barriers were off; I had to have my phone with me, and so it was so easy to justify playing a game "because I was bored" or "because why not" and similar reasoning I'd tell myself back then. My work productivity plummeted and my relationship with my wife was in a bad place. It's been 3 years now since I quit those games, and I've established much firmer boundaries since with all entertainment consumption as a whole.

I think the fact that you're doing the detox again is for the best; it's more important to get your priorities in order and having no gaming for distractions will help with that. I am on a journey right now to stop mindlessly browsing the net (on day 11 now). I'm open to talk about this part if you're up for it, as YouTube is one of those sites that I've had to set some firm boundaries around in order to succeed.

~ Cozy

Edited August 9, 2023 by D_Cozy