Level Up My Life

[LevelUp]

Hi,

I have made journal entries here in the past but for many reasons it never stuck and I have found myself quitting playing and then going back many times to playing again.  The longest streak I have had lately is only for about 4 months and if I want to do this correctly and make it stick I need to quit for at least a year, reevaluate and then go from there.  I really do seek to stop playing all together but at this point I need to strive for longer goals.  By the way I wanted to start new again so I changed my login info under a new email address.  

Now for a general introduction.  My name is Kelly (pseudonym LevelUp450) and I am a 49 year old father and husband who loves to play video games, watch Youtube, Twitch and other gaming content.  I have played video games all my life and it has been unhealthy at times and other times I have been able to manage/control it.  I mostly have played Blizzard games like WOW, Diablo and Hearthstone but have dabbled in others before.  Right now, I got hooked back in to Hearthstone with their new Mercenaries mode.  I know its a problem because I put money into it again and even lied/hid it from others (my wife included).  This is terrible and this behaviour is going to have to stop.  I tried to control it by setting limits for myself but I easily disobey those limits because I don't share them with others.  These limits would be a certain amount of time (1 or 2 hours) or to only play after other more important tasks have been done.  It doesn't work for me.  My family life is good and I have a somewhat well paying job at the moment, however, there are many things I want to accomplish in life before I get too old.  For instance, I want to start making a difference for not only those close to me but those in this community and other recovery communities that I belong to.  You see, I have also developed a compulsive gambling addiction which had taken over my life for the better part of 20 years.  I quit gambling back in December of 2018 and I am proud to say I have not gone back since (ie: no replapses).  Since entering recovery I have started a journey of continuous self improvement and my life is so much better than it was 3 years ago.  In order to continue that and make the differences in my life that I need/want to make the computer games have to stop.

In order to start making that difference I need to make a few commitments and one of those is to show up to this community forum every day so I hope and pray that I can do that.  It lies in my hands now.  I look froward to discussing things over these forums again within this community and hope to support others who need it here as well.  I realize I might be in the minority with my age but that is not going to matter as we all share something in common here.  I am starting a journal with the same name as this post (Level Up My Life).