NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
kortheo
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Posts
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Posts posted by kortheo
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*points to signature*
Glad to see you posting again. It seems like you're doing pretty good really. 125 days of NoFap is a tremendous show of self-control and dedication. I'm sure you'll do just as well with games.
I would encourage you not to beat yourself up too much over this relapse. Sometimes the damage caused by feeling like we've failed is actually worse than the impact of the failing itself. Like you say, you just have to keep trying - practice your virtues, fail, and then keep practicing. It's just the nature of the process, and failing doesn't mean you're a failure in any way.
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Just now seeing this - this is awesome, congrats! That is a really awesome poem too! Stealing that.
I'm currently at 15 days... I've been WAY more productive but I'm feeling the urges still, my brain is telling me that I'm "good" to play in moderation now. However, knowing how dopamine and addictions work, and the fact that I've tried this before... I feel deep down I need to resist this feeling. It doesn't help that the game I was hooked onto was an MMO, and I realize now that at some point I wasn't playing solely for FUN anymore, but moreso a thirst for reward each time I played. Anyone else have similar experiences/encouraging stories in light of all this?
Don't sweat it, urges are normal. I don't really get urges anymore, but that's pretty recent for me; I still had urges at 90+ days.
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You guys might read up on "choice minimalism". Basically the idea of planning as much of your life as possible that works for you so that you don't get caught up wasting energy making decisions all the time. Instead, pick what works and repeat that, and then use your energy for more important things. It's something I've been thinking about lately
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Hey Mario,
Welcome, we're glad to have you. Your English is clear enough that I have no problem understanding you. Trust me, it's better than my German
I weiss nur ein bisschen.I can relate to your Warcraft 3 story... it was the first game I played online after getting high-speed internet and I was really hooked on it for a while. Thankfully I never really got into DOTA.
I would encourage you to start a journal in the Journal forum and post every day... that will help a surprising amount. That and doing Respawn helped me get started really well.
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No I hear you, sugar is something I want to limit too. Definitely a consideration. Thanks for your thoughts.
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Day 116
I've been cooking a lot more and eating out a lot less lately. For most of my life I haven't been very good at this. Growing up we would eat out a lot, too. It occurred to me that when I cook for myself my meals are much more consistent. I'm able to eat the same thing for a few days, or standardize certain things. This makes it possible to tell how certain foods are affecting me, and allows me to experiment and see what I feel the best eating. Whereas before I viewed cooking as a chore that took time away from my valuable gaming time, now I see it as something fun that I can play with to improve my life.
I'm evaluating my relationship with caffeine and alcohol. I don't drink much alcohol, but when I do I don't usually feel good about it, physically or mentally. I drink a lot of caffeine, and I usually like it, but it also frequently makes me more anxious or disrupts my sleep cycle, or makes me feel physically unwell. I'm realizing I'm tired of feeling like crap because I drink too much caffeine, or too much alcohol (which is sometimes even just 1 strong beer), or because I don't sleep well, or because I eat something that doesn't sit well with me. I feel like I feel unwell due to one or more of these things on a regular basis, at least once a week, if not more. I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time. I guess I have a fairly sensitive constitution, but that's all the more reason to titrate to a diet that I feel consistently good on.
If anyone has any advice or experiences to share on the topic, I would love to hear them.
Currently Reading
Rather than posting the same thing in this section everyday, I think I'll just start chiming in when I finish a book
Then maybe I can give a small review and my thoughts on it.Gratitude- Feeling rested, even if I slept poorly last night.
- Enjoying cooking for the first time.
- Saving money from eating in more. ($400~/month for food is what I used to spend; groceries now cost me $50~/week (=$200~/month)
- Getting 2nd place at trivia last night!
- All the knowledge I gain from podcasts.
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Day 115
The reddit meetup event I planned for last night went well! Including myself, 12 people came out and we got dinner and drinks together, including some people I hadn't seen in over a year. I met a few new faces as well. If this was me a year ago even simply planning something like this would have been a big deal for me, because I wouldn't have had the social confidence. In practice now, it was a non-issue since all I really did was pick a time and place and people showed up. It does help that I have a bigger social network to pull from now though - so I knew in advance that I would know the majority of people there, rather than it being strangers. This is a huge difference for me.
My friend Kevin and I were the first two there, and we were chatting and catching up. He asked what was new with me, and I mentioned quitting video games. First he laughed. Then after a second he narrowed his eyes at me and said, "Wait, so what did you replace it with?" I've gotten this question from a couple different people now. I think it's really interesting... it sort of betrays them being threatened by my quitting, as if they're challenging the idea that I could fill my time satisfactorily without games. At least, that's how it comes off to me. I told him I replaced it with reading, writing, exercising, learning to cook, socializing, and other personal projects. All things I've always wanted to do and never really got right - gaming always got in the way.
Well - one thing didn't go to plan with last night. I woke up hungover this morning. I only had maybe... the equivalent of 3 beers? So I didn't expect this. But I am pretty much a lightweight (I walked home last night; bar was close by). I was really not feeling too good this morning - in particular I'm feeling dizzy. I wanted to go to work but ended up calling in sick. I tried driving around my block, but with the dizziness I really don't feel safe/comfortable driving to work. Plus I'm quite tired. A day to rest will do me well. I feel rather ashamed of this, but I think I'm making the smart decision to rest rather than drive somewhat impaired.
Over time I've been rethinking my stance on drinking more and more. Alcohol affects me pretty strongly. I know people who can have what I had last night and drive home - which is crazy to me. One beer and I can drive but it makes me uneasy to do so. I think in the future I'm going to avoid drinking when I have work the next day, and make it a thing for parties when someone can drive me, or relaxing nights at home for the most part. I've also considered just dropping alcohol altogether, but I don't know if I need to go that far. Either way - I think I'm more of a caffeine guy these days
.Currently Reading
- Self-improvement: Getting Things Done
- Fiction: The Name of the Wind
Gratitude- Consultant willing to reschedule project work.
- The headphones I bought recently.
- A day to rest.
- Bouillon broth tea :).
- Seeing old friends.
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oh you rock. Awesome!
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Well written good sir
This is really cool - where did you find it?
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I know this whole thing has nothing to do with game quitting. Rather, it's just one of the other changes I've wanted to make for a while. I'm not quite miserable where I am. I'm just stuck.
I recently had the thought that at a certain point, it's not about game-quitting. It's about life-starting. You start to actually live your real life! And it's great.
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Day 114
I am tired today. Sipping coffee, hope it helps. I did sleep well last night, but I've been fighting off a cold, and it seems to come and go... make up your mind already, body :P.
My entry will be short today. I did a lot of computer work yesterday, and my nerve symptoms are acting up, so I need to go easy today on computers. Grateful I no longer have games to tempt me and mess me up further in the evenings.
I received my hardcover copy of The 4 Hour Chef yesterday. I'm very intrigued by Tim Ferriss' work - though I have some mixed feelings about him. But I think there is a lot of good information to get out of it, and his ideas occasionally challenge me. I'm excited to follow through the exercises in the book and improve my cooking (and meta-learning) knowledge!
Tonight is the reddit meetup pub hangout I arranged... 7 of my friends confirmed, and 25 people marked themselves as 'interested' (so 'maybes') - should be a fun time! I just need to try to stay awake through it
Currently Reading
- Self-improvement: Getting Things Done
- Fiction: The Name of the Wind
Gratitude- Making a new friend through meetup.
- 4-Hour Chef
- Mellow morning today.
- Staying consistent with my exercise.
- Bringing my own thermos, so I don't waste paper cups so much.
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Hey Adem,
Sorry that you had rough day yesterday. That's good that you're trying to go to therapy. That will help. Unfortunately, the downs are part of the process... it's a sign you're doing things right, as weird as it sounds. You have been forced to confront the things you're unhappy with about yourself. It sucks, but it's how you improve. You're doing great.
Hang in there.
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Hey Rodrigo,
When you say intuitive vs observing, do you mean like intuitive versus sensing in MBTI terms? If so, yes, I'm very far on the intuitive side. Could you explain how you saw that? How would a sensor act differently? Or if you weren't talking about MBTI, what did you mean by this?
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Day 113
I've been focusing on personal productivity lately. Specifically, I'm using Evernote and implementing The Secret Weapon. It is pretty awesome. Keeping in mind Zenhabit's idea of single-tasking, I'm already notably more focused and productive. Now I just need to finish reading Getting Things Done.
Still getting over my cold, and I don't feel too hot at the moment... might leave work early. We'll see.
Been better at sticking to my habits. Not really too much else to report at the moment. Tomorrow I have the event I setup (just a bar/pub hangout with people), Wednesday I have trivia, Thursday I have my monthly bookclub (finally finished This Will Make You Smarter). Looking forward to this week!
Currently Reading
- Self-improvement: Getting Things Done
- Fiction: The Name of the Wind
Gratitude- Get a message from a girl I met at a meetup.
- Fine-tuning my personal productivity.
- Getting a lot done this morning.
- Going for a walk.
- Delicious pulled pork that I made myself.
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- How did gaming impact your academic performance? Did it affect your grades?
- If gaming was having a negative impact on your grades, were your teachers or your school aware of it? Or did you keep this to yourself?
I have always been a good student - A's and B's, honors roll, most challenging classes, etc. In high school, I don't think that I ever gamed enough to have it impact my grades... even though I think I gamed for unhealthy reasons, and binged during school breaks, I was basically a perfectionist whose identity was dependent upon doing well in school (like @Primmulla) so I was always pretty good at that.
In college, I tapered off gaming to focus on school, so I never suffered any adverse affects. I think that gaming has always affected my social relationships more negatively than my academic performance.
I put my non-problem story here just to make sure we have a more representative dataset
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The last visit to my hometown left me lighter. I'm getting rid of a lot of emotional baggage. Some of it clings on and scratches when it comes out but it has to go all the more. I believe happiness is a process of elimination. Interestingly enough, quitting gaming accelerated the process by quite a bit.
I love that line - Happiness is a process of elimination. That definitely matches my experience. People spend a lot of time focused on what to do right, but learning what not to do is just as important, if not more so.
The things I've removed from my life have had a greater impact than the things I've added in terms of increasing my happiness, if only because they've opened the door for the good to come in. But I've had to continue letting go of the less important activities to make room for the ones that truly matter to me.
Science!
I feel similarly these days. No more cravings. Even the cravings I had for Hearthstone are gone... my interests are focused on more important things now. Now, I'm working on optimizing my life and figuring out how I want to spend my time, and locking those habits and choices in.
Haha, I also used HS as my craving gauge
Glad we are in the same place. It's nice to be in good company.Definitely! HS is a hard thing to kick, we should be proud! No more spending money on imaginary cards.
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Day 112
Group Fitness, Group Psychology
As I promised myself for my goals this week, I went to the fitness group again this morning. It was a good workout, but I felt myself having negative thoughts during it. Throughout the workout the instructors would shout encouraging phrases, and then everyone in the group would respond in a pre-determined way. Example: Coach: "Don't quit!" Everyone: "Won't quit!"; Coach: "How strong are you?" Everyone: "Stronger than yesterday!". Et cetera. They would also just say more generic things to keep us going.
My reactions to this are mixed. On the one hand, I like the group atmosphere, the positivity, the encouragement. On the other hand, I felt myself resenting them, thinking things like "You can't tell me to keep going, only I can decide what I do", or "You don't know how tired I am, or how hard I'm working, it's wrong for you to try to push me harder". In general I strongly resist the efforts of anyone to influence my behavior, especially if they don't know me well. I loathe manipulation as much as I loathe anything. No one has a right to make choices for me. Obviously in this case their intentions were good, and I'm not actually blaming them for anything, but I just think it's important for me to note my reactions. I think I have a problem letting go of control and allowing myself to go with the flow and be part of a group (or let go of control in any environment, really). I've always been someone on his own, who thinks for himself and does what he thinks is best, who doesn't fit in for the sake of fitting in. Another part of my resentment could come from just being so unfamiliar with a positive atmosphere... I don't know if this makes sense, but having been in cynical environments a lot, the positivity is almost threatening, because it forces me to recognize how not-positive I'm used to being.
I guess because of my attitude being what it is, and having struggled being isolated or not socially successful during a lot of my life, it's a perfectly normal reaction to have when I am finally joining a group and trying to fit in. Maybe it's a thing I just have to process. Because the thing is - I like going to this group. The people are all very friendly and cool. I even met a cute girl there today. There are definite pluses. Maybe I need to grow a bit here, let down my guard, and just go with the flow sometimes. If nothing else, I will continue to learn about myself from putting myself in a situation with which I'm unfamiliar and not totally comfortable.
Currently Reading
- Self-improvement: Getting Things Done
- Non-Fiction: This Will Make You Smarter
- Fiction: The Name of the Wind
Gratitude- Talking with a cute girl today.
- Getting through the workout without feeling faint of exhausted like last week.
- Slow-cooking pulled pork.
- Getting chores done.
- The social events I have lined up this week .
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Long story short, Porn is awful and it should be avoided. Fapping is OK if you do it periodically but don't overindulge, and don't be afraid to do it especially if you're single. I'm still working on that. We're all only human.
This has basically been my take away after experimenting for NoFap / NoPorn for 1+ years. I think there are benefits to be gained from going without masturbation for a time. 90 days is the recommended, but my personal best is only 60. Still, that time period taught me a lot about myself, my sexuality, my willpower, self-control, etc. I think that staying off porn is more important than not fapping. When I don't view porn, I notice I naturally fap less and less. When I use porn, i get strong urges and it's harder to control. When I don't use porn, women are more appealing in real life. Etc. If I fap without porn, I don't really notice any negative effects.
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Science!
I feel similarly these days. No more cravings. Even the cravings I had for Hearthstone are gone... my interests are focused on more important things now. Now, I'm working on optimizing my life and figuring out how I want to spend my time, and locking those habits and choices in.
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I've read a lot of stuff talking about positivity vs negativity, but could you be more specific as to what you mean?
Sure! I meant in a way as negativity could be affecting some of the choices you make. I believe this is evident (correct me if I'm wrong please):
I wrote a blog post. I linked it here temporarily but deleted the post because I felt self-conscious about sharing it. I think it's because the post was critical in nature, and whenever I'm critical of anyone I always expect people to be critical back at me, even when I'm doing it in a civil and hopefully constructive way. I think I'm far too cautious to actually be offensive
The outlines are what I consider to be negative talk. And even though your intention is clearly noble there is still an itch somewhere within you that is making you think twice about posting a blog-post. I'm curious if you've kept a diary of your more recent thoughts when you engage in an activity like this, similar to CBT, it may yield some interesting results if you haven't gave it a shot already. I hope this clears up any confusion!
Con.
Hmm, that's helpful. I guess I didn't really notice those as negative thoughts before. I could certainly try to keep a record of some of the thoughts that I'm having; I have a decent amount of experience doing CBT so that may prove helpful. I haven't done that in a while. I guess I could look at my negative/doubting thoughts and explore those and what I'm actually afraid of, explore what's the worst that could actually happen, etc.
I'll have to think on this more. Thanks for the response.
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I did an escape room recently and hope to do another one soon with friends. There are a bunch in my city too. Tons of fun!
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As to where this may come from.. either we were bullied in public school to some extent or perhaps we were indoctorinated at some pont to believe mistakes are evil, they're bad bad things. When in reality, mistakes is what makes us better and near enough perfect. It seems though you read some interesting books, you're aware of the whole positivity v negativity thing, correct?
Con.
I've read a lot of stuff talking about positivity vs negativity, but could you be more specific as to what you mean?
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Huh, that's interesting about the sleep. I can relate in a way, but in fact I feel the opposite. If I wake up too late (past say, 9 on a day that I have off) I will feel like I'm missing out, because I like to get up in the morning and be productive and get things done. One of my favorite things is to go to a coffee shop in the morning and read or write. I like being up with people who are also up at that time. If I sleep in and miss that then I feel like I've missed out, and that the other people who were up have experienced several hours of stuff that I didn't. I usually go to bed between 9-10pm.
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You're here and you keep coming back to read and post, just like I was before I made the commitment to quitting games! It's tough to go from "I'll just try to avoid games for a few days to see if I want to do this for real..." to "Yes! We're actually doing this and enjoying it. Sober feelz for real" My brain defended it's right to game pretty hardcore, my head hurt for the whole first week of being sober not really accepting that I wasn't gunna go back ever. In fact, I quit silently and didn't tell anyone until day two. I encourage you to do the daily journal especially during the first couple of days, and to be honest with yourself.
Feel free to grab this template a lot of us use and change it to fit your needs:
*Insert reflection of your day, or yesterday*
3 Things I'm grateful for:
One amazing thing that happened today:
What I could have done to make my day better:
What I will do differently tomorrow:
Hey Laney - I know that you had initially decided to keep playing single player RPGs - has that changed? Are you going totally game free, or still allowing some single player games?
It's been a month w00t
in Celebrate
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Hey Mercury, I can totally relate here. I went through the same process.
Some activities I've found useful on my journey: