[Emergence from within]

Howdy fellas, day 5 and counting

Im starting to feel the withdrawal. The sudden realisation that I no longer play games is dawning on me and its quite hefty! All these advertisements showing new games which I wanted to play and suddenly realising that I can no longer play them. I realised I had bought legion for world of warcraft and now that was a waste of money aha! Trying to find something to fill my time I have yet to do and its starting to become all the more important. I am doing law studies which takes alot but I need something relaxing to do as my down time and that used to be games. Maybe learning spanish could do it... Will try and give that a go tomorrow.

[Emergence from within]

Hey guys, (Day 4 technically)

I have been awfully sick with Gastro Reflux this past week, but feeling better now and ready to continue my detox! On the bright side during this sickness period I have not played any games at all! I did watch alot of youtube videos to past the time which leads me to my response to your query Cam.

I use youtube as a time filler/procastination tool. So when I am bored and lack the energy to do something properly I use it. Also, I use it when I am studying and I feel my brain reaching its limit with an information overload I watch a video to sort of "deflate" it. So I need to find alternatives to these things but its hard to come up with anything at the moment though I will try!

Heres to continuing on!

 

[Emergence from within]

Day 3 - Feelin the mental stretch

Woke up today feeling great after being with a friend of mine last night today I havent watched any youtube videos or played thus far but as I am working, the temptation to watch youtube is always there. I haven't blocked the website as of yet because I use it for study music. Anyone got any ideas for alternatives?

I must say, the idea that I have not wasted any time with this stuff makes me feel more fulfilled and accomplished. I have started my university studies today, so it is imperative for me to find my next relaxation outlet that is more constructive. I have been using this journal as a way of focusing on something else when I feel a stronger temptation.

But all in all, made some good small progress - feeling hopeful!

[Emergence from within]

Good work on deleting your games. I felt so scared when I did that to my games.

“It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Very true indeed, what particularly struck me was the amount of money going down the drain when I deleted everything. It really felt like you were putting something part of you away and you almost feel empty for a while. But its that very emptiness which gives you freedom to fill it with something else as you say.

[Greetings fellow travellers]

Thank you all for your kind words, they really do mean alot and give me reassurance that I am not alone in this fight.

[Emergence from within]

Day 2 of detox - a semi failure.

Last night I went out with my friends for drinks for a friends 21st. I drank both cider and tequila shots, so you could guess I woke up today feeling less than optimal. The problem was that I needed to pass the time and I didnt feel like I had anything to do except watched tv. As I was watching tv I went "well youtube isnt any different from what I am doing now" and I brought up the website and watched people playing games so oops. My father came in my room and went "no more youtube eh" all sarcastically and I actually went off at him calling him unfair (I consider youtube as bad as games for me because its a time filler and I end up watch games being played on it). But he was right, I do realise now its that those moments, which are crucial to whether we will succeed or not.

Bright side though, I uninstalled all of my games. I had no idea the feeling of loss I would get when I permanently deleted my steam account. I look at my achievements and saw the "12 year veteran" achievement. 12 years, thats just crazy, i've been gaming for so long. So now I cant play games even if I want to. The biggest challenge for me now is filling up those empty moments with stuff to do. The problem is that while I do have plenty to do in terms of work, I have yet to fully develop my willpower to do, I tended to have a ritual where I would get my fill of youtube or games then feel "ready" to work while I was at home.

Getting over this ritual and finding other hobbies, thats the big challenge for me that I have identified.

So while today wasnt a great start, in a way it was a good learning experience. So heres to perseverance.

[Emergence from within]

Right, here we go. This here will be my journal covering my journey during this detox.

I am feeling a range of emotions, nothing different from what I have felt before (anxious, hopeful, frustration). But this time I feel a sense of encouragement that I have even gone this far to start the process. I already feel a withdrawal of sorts, but thats a good thing and shows me why I am doing this in the first place. Hopefully during this time I can:

- Better organise my time during the day

- Start learning how to cook to look after myself with celiac disease (I have thus far relied on my mother)

- Start learning spanish

- Get up earlier in the day (this has been a real problem for me)

- Start my gym program again and feel healthy again (not all this sitting down, its a killer!)

Its okay if these things don't come to pass from the start, or even down the track, but eventually they will all be fulfilled and its okay to stumble. I keep reminding myself that its more important to strive than to succeed

[Greetings fellow travellers]

Greetings everyone,

My name is Ricardo, I am a 21 year old law student who has been suffering from gaming addiction for years.

I must admit I was amazed to simply enter the website and be personally greeted by Cam himself, he listened to me rant just a little bit about my problems and that was enough to prompt me to start this 90 day detox. Already at my age I feel like I have lost the opportunity to do so much with myself because of the amount of time I have put into gaming. The embarrassing part about it is that the general reasons put forward for gaming (stress/socialising/challenge) exactly fits my bill.

I was bullied as a child because I was just simply different from the other kids emotionally and didnt particularly have a good sense of humour. I used games as an escape and to fill the void of my social needs which I wasnt truly satisfying in school. This escape became deeply ingrained in me as I grew older and the habits had cemented themselves in my psyche. I still managed to to do well enough to law at university and honestly I love the topic. But for years I still felt empty, regretful and at a loss at why. It suddenly hit me that games had robbed me of several important aspects of my personality which didnt have the chance to develop on their own. For example, originally I was very creative as a child, but reliance on other material limited this and I eventually because unable to come up with anything truly interesting without taking something from games. Also, every time I gamed for the last 2 years, I had an instant hit of guilt, because I knew I hadn't achieved anything by doing so.

I have broken down inside myself several times where situations at which I have failed, I knew if I spent more time and focus on dealing with them the outcome would've been differnet. But instead, I just played games as an escape. Also, the loneliness of nothing being able to fit in socially as exasperated me to keep gaming. Finally realising all this, I undertook a series of efforts to break this addiciton, all of which have failed. While these futile attempts infuriated me, they eventually made me realised how deep this addiction goes into my personality. I want out, a clean sheet. I know I can do great things if only I can break this hold and become the person I know I can be.

If you are still reading at this point, thank you, I will endeavour to keep a journal of my process, I definitely know this will probably be one of the most difficult things in my life.

Wish me luck!