JustSayNo

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 30 years old, and 've been addicted to video games with varying severity since college, at least. I probably played too much when I was younger, too, but it really took off in college. I was introduced to Dota in the Warcraft III client when I was in middle school. I played local games a bit, but our firewall caused issues with playing it online, so I didn't really. I did play WoW too much in grade school, but I wasn't hardcore addicted. I generally got enough sleep, had good grades, and participated in sports and social activities, and dated through high school. In college, however, I started playing Dota online a little bit. This was still in the WC3 client, and I gradually started playing more for the first year or two. Then I got introduced by a friend to some other guys who played Dota 2. I made the switch and started playing with them, and it was all over. We played constantly. Every single night, any moment we were available, we played. I also started watching competitive Dota 2. I sometimes skipped classes and often skipped assignments. My grades declined toward the end of college, and I failed a couple of classes that I had to retake, including failing a class my final semester despite having a job lined up. I managed to make it up in the summer and not really jeopardize my job. However, after moving and starting adult working life, I found I still played as much as possible with my friends. I would stay up way too late and be late to work. Very late. It stressed me out and depressed me, which made me turn even more to video games to try to distract from the bad thoughts and feelings. It stretched on for months, and I eventually lost my job. This was a big wake up call for me. I quit playing Dota 2 and made some great strides. I started feeling better in life and doing other things I enjoyed, and focusing more on my relationship with my fiancee. I worked on myself and found a new, good job after several months. However, before too long I allowed Dota 2 and other games to creep back in. I thought it was under control. I should add, video games also caused issues in my relationship many, many times. I do, fortunately, have other redeeming qualities and care deeply for my now wife, and bless her for staying with me and being so wonderful. But anyway, games crept back in a little at a time. They would cause some issue, but mostly it was fine. I was going to work and doing a good job. Then the pandemic hit, and I began working from home. Things went okay for awhile. I was very busy in my work, and enjoyed it, and I was very productive. But then, something happened and I fell behind. I felt stuck, and I turned to Dota for comfort and stress relief. Then I started playing when I should have been working, sometimes. Then a major external stressor hit me, and I just plummeted deep back into it. I played almost constantly. Ultimately, this led to me losing my job again. Months went by, I found a new job, and quit playing Dota again. But somehow, I've always allowed it to creep back in, thinking I could handle it. Maybe I started just by watching it on my phone in bed. But eventually I was playing it again. Now, I've fallen behind at work again and I need to work extra and catch up, but instead I try to escape the stress by playing games when I should be working. Somehow losing two jobs because of this hasn't been enough. The feeling of progress and accomplishment is too strong. But today (last night really) is when I say enough is enough. I finally accept it. I accept that ANY amount of video games is too much. I am committing to never playing a video game ever again. I will not watch video games either. I deleted all my games, steam, battle.net, and twitch app. I will not lose a third job to this. I am a capable person. I will take control of this and lead a successful life. I will stop making my wife, whom I love tremendously, feeling neglected and second-place to something else. Right now it's hard. Nothing feels as good as it would to play Dota. It's hard for anything to excite me. But I've made it past this part before, and I know that will fade. I just have to stay committed this time by fully embracing that ANY amount of video games is dangerous for me, which means they're a problem even if they aren't a problem yet. This has been super rambling and I don't expect anyone to have read it but that's okay. I wrote it, and that's the important part.