HopefulNomadic

Quick Christmas Log After a long few weeks of craving stimulation I feet like I’ve started simmering down a bit. I enjoyed being in my own skin without needing everything to stimulate my attention. This was a Christmas I’ve felt so connected with, and I think in part it’s due to not playing games so much. I think I’ve read in here how game addiction can make you feel less stimulated by real life, something I’ve experienced. Today marks the first in a while where I wasn’t bothered by being where I was and not constantly thinking of being somewhere else or gaming. I laughed a lot. Made plenty of jokes. I read. I watched movies with the family. I just felt like I was available today, if that makes any sense. I even got out for a rucking session (brisk walking with a weighted backpack) around my neighborhood; I might pick that up regularly because it’s a lot of fun! Ironically enough I got a Switch for Christmas. It came with Mario Kart and a Paper Mario game. I wasn’t really interested in playing either today, although I did start up Paper Mario out of curiosity; probably would never have played that game in the past, and I have no interest in continuing with it. It’s not really fun, which is perfect because I won’t want to continue playing it. I also will probably only play Mario Kart 8 when friends are over; I unlocked everything in that game years ago when it first came out on Wii U, and I absolutely don’t want to go through the grind of unlocking everything again. I did tell my brother in law -the guy who gave it to me- that I had recently stopped gaming, so he said he didn’t know that and that this was planned for a few months. He said he hasn’t really gamed hardcore in months either, but he and my sister do occasionally play the switch online with their other friends to help stay in touch. I think if I did pick up gaming again that’s a place I’d prefer it to be: something that is infrequent, more like an occasional hobby than a daily ritual. But for now, the switch will remained unplayed until such a time that I feel like I can view gaming in such a light. I do think that casual gaming is much more accustomed to a Switch though. I used to have an xbox until I sold it a few weeks ago, and while I know you can be addicted on any platform it’s much easier on consoles like xbox. I was a sucker for shooters and games like Destiny, and those games are incredibly easy to get sucked into. I think if I owned single player games on the Switch I might get sucked in again, so I won’t buy any. But I do like the party games like Switch Sports, Mario Kart, Mario Party, etc. They’re really fun when company comes over; I broke out my old wii a month back and really loved getting to play with some guests on it. I think I prefer that communal aspect of gaming a lot, so I’d shoot for that as a goal. Light, casual, gaming. Merry Christmas to anyone reading this!

How it feels in the first few weeks of quitting games. - made this after writing my third journal. Might take up graphic design as a post-journal process.

Summary I got locked out of this account for some reason so I couldn’t post an update yesterday. Overall, really feeling the stress of wanting some kind of stimulation. It really sucks because a lot of my friends have gone out of town for the holidays so I’m alone at the moment. I’ve been more available at work and at whatever social events there are right now. I’m also looking forward to this weekend because I’m seeing all my family and breaking off that loneliness for a bit. I’m also trying to get out of town next week and visit some friends. I really hate this feeling of needing stimulation. It’s like I want to consume anything that might even be mildly entertaining. Which I guess is fine because now I am seeking new ways to invest my attention into new things. Habits to Kick: YouTube - Day 3: Adherence: ★ Description: I got so unbelievably bored and watched vids for an hour. One of them did in fact help me create a new workout program so that’s nice. I might allow myself just a little time with Youtube to help fill in some gaps with boredom. Plan: 1 hour a day. Doesn’t matter the content. But just an hour. Excessive Streaming: Day 3 Adherence: ★★★★ Description: watched for an hour this evening. It was Tom Segura’s new stand up special, Sledgehammer. It wasn’t as funny as his old stuff but I enjoyed it still. Plan: keep watch time below two hours. Excessive Gaming: Day 3 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue with it. Habits to Start: Game Quitters Journal: Day 3 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Couldn’t do my second entry because of password issues. Managed to get on today. Plan: Fill out another entry tomorrow, but stop recording it later next week. Daily photo walk: Day 3 Adherence: ★ Description: still don’t have a nee camera, but I’m working on negotiating for the purchase. Also had a lot of work activities today so I didn’t have time for it. Plan: Buy a camera. Start taking more walks.

Day 2 Summary Kind of a hard day. I was able to do a lot of normal work around the house this morning. I also ran an errand and started looking into buying a camera. I also had a client gig scheduled this afternoon but he ended up canceling; that’s when my mood started going down. I know that there’s more stuff I want to do, and I’m just not quite in the spot to be doing all of it right now. It’s like a lot of it is just me setting it up to happen later. I suppose that is the lesson here. The one I haven’t been living up to. Now that I have the attention span for it, I see all the things I need to do to make my life better. Nice to know. Still doesn’t make the low slump days any easier. I did not have a high mood this afternoon. I had a lackluster workout. And generally was just “ok” for the best of it. I did take time to walk outside for awhile though. I walked around my university for a bit. I hadn’t done that in awhile and since everyone is on winter break it felt like a great time for it. It was calm, and the weather was perfect for a cool walk. I took some photos on campus as well. That was nice. All around just an ok day. Guess I have to get used to them sometimes. Habits to Kick: YouTube - Day 1: Adherence: ★ Description: Watched but didn’t binge. I did watch a video on a topic I was interested in. 30 minutes. I still need to block it. Plan: Block on personal computer. Wait to reintroduce until a later time Excessive Streaming: Day 1 Adherence: ★★★ Description: Watched for two hours. A little less than yesterday. I also listened to it while I prepped some food for the week. Streaming is off my comp now. Only watched in the living room. Plan: reduce time to watch to two hours. Excessive Gaming: Day 1 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue with it. Habits to Start: Game Quitters Journal: Day 1 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Finished second entry Plan: Fill out another entry tomorrow. Probably going to excluded this from later journals because it’s kind of redundant. Daily photo walk: Day 1 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Walked for an hour and took some opportunities to snap some shots. Felt pretty relaxed afterward Shipped some old camera gear for a trade deal. Looking to hear back from the company here in a couple days. Plan: go through with trade. Buy a camera. Start taking more walks.

Summary: My biggest goal is to becoming a traveling photographer. I’ve always wanted to do it, and even got a little taste of it last year (which I absolutely loved) and now I’m on a mission to quite literally become a Hopeful Nomadic irl. I’ve been off games for a week now, and while that’s good I’ve also noticed a lot of other distractions in my life. I go mostly to Youtube and streaming services to fill the void. For me, I know there’s a part of me that needs Youtube to keep growing my craft, but I also know I habitually use it as a distraction. I’m going to quit using it for awhile, but I also recognize it is a good place for exploring new ideas and perspectives; I just need to reset and find a healthier way of using it. I feel the same for movies and shows. They’re not bad in themselves, and in a lot of ways give me ideas for photos and cinematography that I love. However, I used to battle a hardcore porn addiction, which I blocked all the hardcore sites; I do still find myself wanting to watch nude scenes in shows and films though. I don’t want to just kick this one because I do get a lot of inspiration from film, so what I’ll do is just block all the streaming sites off my personal computer and allow myself to watch stuff for two hours max per day; I’ll also only watch in the living room so I don’t feel tempted to watched nude/pornographic stuff. I’ll even leave the streaming device remote with my roommate to be extra sure. Last thing I want to rebuild is going outside and photographing/filming again. It’s my favorite hobby, and I used to do a lot of paid gigs a few years back. I want to start shooting everyday again, and get back into making money off it. Really run with it this time. I’m also copying another users journal entry methods because I thought it was really good and reflective. Habits to Kick: YouTube - Day 0: Adherence: ★ Description: Watched but didn’t binge Plan: Block on personal computer. Wait to reintroduce until a later time Excessive Streaming: Day 0 Adherence: ★ Description: Watched for three hours. I did clean and do some other stuff in my apartment. Still binged a show for a few hours. Plan: Block all streaming services on personal devices. Only watch in evening. Give remote to roommate. Excessive Gaming: Day 0 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Did not game. Plan: Continue with it. Habits to Start: Game Quitters Journal: Day 0 Adherence: ★★★★★ Description: Finished first entry Plan: Fill out another entry tomorrow. Daily photo walk: Day 0 Adherence: Nope! Description: Need to buy a camera Plan: buy a camera. Start exploring different parks around town.

That’s why I quit video games. About a week ago I sold my xbox because a buddy of mine called me out on my crap. I had been someone who constantly gave him advice about living life on his own terms, taking control, and he took a look at me and said “Ya know it’s really easy to give advice without taking it for yourself.” And he was right. I have all these dreams that I keep talking about, but I never live up to them. I’ve spent now most of my twenties avoiding the adventure of my life. And now that I haven’t gamed for a week I’m realizing I have avoided it in more ways than just gaming. But quitting games is the biggest step upward for me. In so many ways it seems like I’ve been living a life someone else wanted for or from me. First was in getting a degree I didn’t care about. Another was following the a program at my church that I thought was going to be good. My unending addiction for content consumption. Gaming was just the first one where I realized that someone else was benefitting a lot from the time I was putting into their product. I’ve been vicariously living life, and now that I’m trying to seize I’m seeing just how difficult it is. That just makes me want to dominate every aspect that I am capable of controlling. I’m getting back into my life. One day at a time, one new habit at a time.