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Nuara

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Everything posted by Nuara

  1. Once I did quit. My weakness has always been MMORPG, and now relapsed for the past 3 months to the same game. As we all know with MMORPG, it's endless but damn, does it give the sense of accomplishments. During my sessions I obviously feel so much fun because that's my 'hobby' especially if you love the game design in my case. I become very good at it and so content by the progress I've made so far. At the same time I also fully realize I've kept thinking again and again to myself whether all the time spent was worth it. Someday I have to quit after all. My defensive brain is always fighting inside as if 'play while you can', 'nothing knows what will happen to you so just have fun', etc... But again, the other side is always saying you could do something better. I tried but failed. Anyone would think I'm already in a chronic and critical situation after reading the following. As for work life: I have a full time job.I have a terrible competitive behavior (consider it a negative thing in this case), hence I do bring my laptop to work just to be sure I'm online as much as I could for doing literally anything on my free time.I have a good career progress, or so I thought to myself (even with this weird thing I've been doing at work!).I was recently selected to join a high-level program which almost guarantees a boost in my career even much higher, and instead of being grateful, I'm very frustrated by the amount of burden it will put me through, which means less time for me to be gaming.I get very easily offended, very critical with "time" so become a very impatient and temperamental person, easily stressed by excessive workload, anxious if not having access to the game, and the list goes on.My teammates get the side-effects of my short temper.As for personal life: I'm married to a foreign national.When I quit months ago, I tried to learn new language as I know I will someday move to live in my spouse's home country (it's my dream too!), but it didn't work out. It took the toll on my brain and I couldn't even last 1 hour reading books or anything available online.I couldn't even communicate with my in-laws due to language. Things might get worse when we have kids soon.Spouse seems okay with my daily routine playing games, but logically as fellow human being, I know no one would be okay being left alone every evening and only be together during dinner and bedtime past midnight. Hate to admit it might even lead to an unwanted affair in worst case.I always wanted to play piano but knowing how tedious learning is, always stopped me taking the next step.I hate going outside because it means I couldn't be 'productive' by being online and progressing in the game.I have a PS4 but I'm not even concerned about consoles at all. I seem to only have interest on very specific type of console games which would probably only get me to buy 1-2 games per year. But without me realizing, there are chances that even my low interest on consoles could probably the one that leads me back to PC/MMORPG as I crave for more gaming.The obvious and short-term suggestion is definitely "take a break" so that I can come back feeling less guilt playing the game, but I know that doesn't solve anything and will eventually lead me back here. I remember I read a comment which led me to quit months ago... "I don't want other people to ask me 'what do you do on your free time' or 'what are your life achievements recently' and having to answer that all my achievements were in virtual world. I wouldn't even want to say anything about my gaming life at all!" My families would even be embarrassed to even talk about it to any relatives or friends at all if they know about this. I could simply click 1 button and delete my character, but it's so painful knowing how much time and accomplishments I've put into it.
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