[Letters from the Past]

26.8.2022
Day 1

Dear me,

Today is the second day into this program, but I just type this after having a 30min game session. I didn't overheat like usual, I didn't spiral endless hours, so that's a start! I feel like I would miss out community things if I stop playing altogether. The VCT championship is coming up and my favorite players are gonna compete... sigh its so hard to quit cold turkey T.T But I reflected on lessons learned yesterday as to why gaming is so addictive, and for the first time I understood that developers do a really good job of incentivizing us to keep playing more. Real life chores don't seem as interesting as playing a game - but breaking down how they capture us with growth systems and a clear goal and mission to work towards, coupled with escaping stress - its like the perfect blend. In real life I don't have a clear vision as to where I want to reach. And somethings are not challenging but just so routine. I need to learn and apply the psychology used by the developers in my real life so that I can do at least half the things I have with that structure. Its impressive tbh, a reward and punishment based system and tracking how far along you are from your goal.

My only worry is that I'll substitute gaming with another useless activity, but hope I pull through.

OK, I wont play for the rest of today. Let's see how I try to hold out for 90 days!

 

[Calling Quits]

Hi all!

I'm not like the regular gamer who has been gaming all my life to the point where it consumed me. Yes, I did play a few games here and there as a kid, but it was mostly offline games and multiplayer with my brother and cousins, they were pretty fun! Then in my teenage years I fell a bit deeper into the gaming realm and played a lot more shooter games and strategy. It kinda felt thrilling but life took over and in that business I kinda let go of the games - I used to wake up and sleep with just checking the games. I was doing pretty alright until the pandemic struck. I was introduced to Valorant, an mmorpg game with interesting lore and characters. This is what my problem has been for the past 2 years, playing games everyday in neglect of other responsibilities and work. Staying stagnant in real life while also being hard-stuck in whatever rank I was put in. The more time I poured into the game, I could just see marginal improvements because unlike skills in real life- the game overall depended on ping, team mate luck and other factors. I was always sleep deprived; sleeping late and getting up early for work. My weight has increased by just staying in one place for so long. I don't really like the person who I am today. Before the pandemic struck I loved learning and experiencing new things, but now it feels like when there is extra time, I could try to sneak in a game before doing something else. I want and hope something better for myself.

Ive always tried uninstalling the game, but a few days later its all set back up. When I'm away from the game I'm always feeling called to it. I need to get past this and I hope with the community here I can really face this problem with understanding rather than just axing the game off and then it sprouts back again.