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Sarai

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  1. 26.8.2022 Day 1 Dear me, Today is the second day into this program, but I just type this after having a 30min game session. I didn't overheat like usual, I didn't spiral endless hours, so that's a start! I feel like I would miss out community things if I stop playing altogether. The VCT championship is coming up and my favorite players are gonna compete... sigh its so hard to quit cold turkey T.T But I reflected on lessons learned yesterday as to why gaming is so addictive, and for the first time I understood that developers do a really good job of incentivizing us to keep playing more. Real life chores don't seem as interesting as playing a game - but breaking down how they capture us with growth systems and a clear goal and mission to work towards, coupled with escaping stress - its like the perfect blend. In real life I don't have a clear vision as to where I want to reach. And somethings are not challenging but just so routine. I need to learn and apply the psychology used by the developers in my real life so that I can do at least half the things I have with that structure. Its impressive tbh, a reward and punishment based system and tracking how far along you are from your goal. My only worry is that I'll substitute gaming with another useless activity, but hope I pull through. OK, I wont play for the rest of today. Let's see how I try to hold out for 90 days!
  2. Hi all! I'm not like the regular gamer who has been gaming all my life to the point where it consumed me. Yes, I did play a few games here and there as a kid, but it was mostly offline games and multiplayer with my brother and cousins, they were pretty fun! Then in my teenage years I fell a bit deeper into the gaming realm and played a lot more shooter games and strategy. It kinda felt thrilling but life took over and in that business I kinda let go of the games - I used to wake up and sleep with just checking the games. I was doing pretty alright until the pandemic struck. I was introduced to Valorant, an mmorpg game with interesting lore and characters. This is what my problem has been for the past 2 years, playing games everyday in neglect of other responsibilities and work. Staying stagnant in real life while also being hard-stuck in whatever rank I was put in. The more time I poured into the game, I could just see marginal improvements because unlike skills in real life- the game overall depended on ping, team mate luck and other factors. I was always sleep deprived; sleeping late and getting up early for work. My weight has increased by just staying in one place for so long. I don't really like the person who I am today. Before the pandemic struck I loved learning and experiencing new things, but now it feels like when there is extra time, I could try to sneak in a game before doing something else. I want and hope something better for myself. Ive always tried uninstalling the game, but a few days later its all set back up. When I'm away from the game I'm always feeling called to it. I need to get past this and I hope with the community here I can really face this problem with understanding rather than just axing the game off and then it sprouts back again.