Games and motivation section
Zelda: Tear
Extract
Fun game. adventures. Story. What are the reason that can be extracted. Will stick with one overarching reason for now.
Kind of territorial. You have a map. You unlock it. You master the physical location you are in and can travel freely in it.
The ability to travel freely without stress. I think that's a big motivator. I got outside and my brain gets completely overloaded with trying to be perceived in a threatening light. Maybe it's that status of being the "swordsman"
Status. You have a status that enables to travel and communicate freely. Without too much interpersonal fear.
Implement
At the very least, I can put a bit more color into my own room. It's a perpetual mess... Maybe there's something to be had by trying to claim it.
The status/reputation aspect is super bitter. Ugh, yuck. In the end, it's about what role I should be playing when walking out and about. Because... the default role is 'threat' if I don't take care to polish up... some image... or something.
I have to choose how to display myself. That's very stressful. Might even have to look at a mirror. *shivers*
Overwatch 2
Extract
getting gud, but also being casual, supporting a team, not being alone
This is another challenging one. This is a skill that can be improved without melting down in stress. I specifically play game modes where I can improve myself, but also where I have the lowest chance of getting flamed online. I'm not here to beat other people. But, challenging other people is really the only way to prove I'm getting better. Two opposing forces pushing each other upwards. It's a foreign energy. But I am here, aren't I? It's an arbitrary skill too. I think maybe this is just the sports category? Being a part of a team? improving generically?
Might the answer be.
Implement
Some kind of team sport?
Something to improve on... that I enjoy improving.
Note about this process
I'm giving up on tracking game time. It hasn't worked in 3 years. so I'm done. Not going to repeat mistakes.
I have a new outlook.
Video Gaming is part of the illusion, the imaginary, the world that is not real.
Reality is where the things worth existing for are. However, I have been dragged for away from it.
So, I will set these up as opposing forced... This... is a rough model... really gaming is real in its own right... but for now, I will consider them opposites.
But... I guess I am giving a pass for games that involve people in a 3-d space together. hrmmm. I will think about this later.
Conceptual Illusion vs Current Reality.
My goal is to determine why the illusion is winning. To be frank. In many ways the illusion is winning against reality outright. However the illusion has not replaced reality, and thus it take energy away that needs to be spent to improve reality.
So, reality is getting its butt kicked by the illusion in my life. Why? What can I learn from the illusion to improve reality.
In the end... maybe that's why gaming truly is. An agreed upon interpersonal illusion designed to uncover new things. But, these lessons must be brought home to reality.
So, this journal will now be used to figure out what is replacing reality, and to try and improve reality as much as I can with the lessons of the illusion.
There's a balance to be had here,
Addictive game mechanics, and other fiends of the cognitive landscape have seized control of the process for profit. It's tragic, but one most always keep up the guard.
IF the illusion can ever replace reality and satisfy all needs and keep a high level of mental health.
It might be the end of an entire era of humanity, lol.