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FunMustBeAlways

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  1. Hi there, looking at your post, I see some red flag potentially abusive behavior from your husband. If you think that is the case please visit www.loveisrespect.org as it's a great resource if you're concerned about those issues. I'm new here but maybe I can give you some perspective on a similar situation in my life- I can resonate with both sides of your issue here - I'm 33, grew up with gaming, and used to get frustrated with my wife when she would make comments about my gaming. As of last week, I had a PS Vita, Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and each PC I have had games on it. In the past, when she would make comments it would feel like nagging, or that she was trying to take away something important to me, or even take away my happiness. I rationalized like crazy, stating that it's the same as watching TV/movies, it's different, etc., and I eventually got my way as I'm sure she just didn't want to rock the boat anymore. Now, we have a 3 month old baby and my wife really started to notice that each waking moment that I was not at work and when the baby was asleep, I'd be playing on one of those devices. The turning point for me was when I put the baby down to sleep, she was still a little fussy, but instead of tending to the baby I had my laptop open screwing around with a game that I really didn't even care for. My wife made a comment saying, "Why are you playing video games when you're supposed to be bonding with your daughter?" At the time I was a little annoyed, but it really made me sit there and think, "damn, she's right..." In my case, I think that I was already starting to shift my priorities away from gaming due to the baby, and joining this community and doing the respawn program gave me a push in the right direction. While it seems that your husband's gaming is an issue, it does seem like a red flag that he is getting to the point of insulting you and your kids. Perhaps there's a deeper reason for the aggressive behavior, and not just gaming. It seems like he's using gaming as an escape from the stressors at home. Marriage can feel like work, and raising kids is exhausting. Maybe he knows deep down that he should be prioritizing his family but he doesn't know how to let go of his games? I know that I used to feel that I'd be losing a part of myself if I were to quit. Maybe he's sucked in so far into his gaming habit (10-16 hours is huge) he doesn't even realize he has a problem? Either way, he shouldn't be aggressive toward you and your kids. Maybe having him check out game quitters might help your case, but he might just get more aggressive especially if he feels you're being too pushy with his gaming habit. Couples therapy or marriage counseling might be the answer, however for things to work out he needs to accept on his own that he has a problem, forcing him to quit may just exacerbate the problem. Best of luck to you and I hope this helps.