Hey, my name is James and this is my story.
I was born in 93 and by the time I was 6 or 7 I was on the internet and soon later I played games.
My video game addiction really didn't come to be until 2nd year University. I played games but my outlet was playing sports and being good at them, I was always the athletic type but I was wasn't the cool type, I was the loner who had a hard time socializing.
I've always been a loner type, with very few friends. Starting around grade 11 I had extremely bad acne that I had to deal with by myself for the most part and the worse part was not the acne, it was the scars they inevitable left.
First year went meh, I met some new friends but nothing lasting because I put up a barrier to the people I meet and socialize with that I never really develop meaningful relationships.
The summer before second year I started playing a game called league of legends. When I tell you I was hooked, I was HOOKED. It became my drug. It became my escape. It became my life.
I just wanted to get better and learn more and rank up and be like the pros. I wanted to get that pentakill, I wanted to get that recognition I never really get in life.
When I came back to school, things were different. I couldn't stand my existence in this reality we called life. I just wanted to go home and play more games. I was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed some pills but my parents ultimately convinced me not to take the pills (a decision I regret).
I dropped a lot of courses that year and that trend would continue in 3 and 4th year.
I ultimately decided to drop out because my parents were paying partially for my tuition and I was accruing too much debt and not finishing a lot of my courses due to my anxiety from even entering the class.
When I left school, my gaming didn't stop, in fact it may have intensified. I found a couple jobs and slowly but surely my desire to play the game waned. I think it was due in large part to me actually being forced to communicate and socialize.
Last week, I just felt so great about how things were going in my life, I was reading everyday, I was working, I was trying to learn new skills to advance my career and then a major setback happened and I just felt almost hopeless. The next day I installed the game to alleviate some stress and I've been playing for 7 days straight about 10 games a day and sometimes even approaching 20 games when I'm not working.
I know things are going to stress me out in life and I know I will have set backs, I just don't want gaming to be my coping mechanism and frankly I don't want to game much more for the rest of my life. There are SO many things more important than a video game and yet it pulls me like a magnet everytime.
In this Journal, I will try to everyday log my journey towards 90 days detox and the accomplishments I will have made or not make. Hopefully it will be the later. I just want to finally give this one big push. Wish me luck!