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About Zero

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  1. Zero

    My diary

    Thank you for your posts. These days I have a friend visiting me at my place. I will reply next week when he leaves.
  2. Zero

    My diary

    I didn't post last night. I think I should change the time for posting in here, because at night before I sleep I don't feel like reflecting on this topic. Yesterday was nothing special going on. In the afternoon I felt a longing for "other worlds" because I felt bored of this world and my daily life. I went running and felt better afterwards, like I could get something out of my system. Today I feel like shit. Tired, exhausted, bored, bad mood, no motivation, depressed. But strangely there is no urge to play video games. That made me think of something: Before, I always thought I feel depressed and unmotivated because video games keep me from improving and moving forward in my life and the excessive playing is tiring me. I thought when I quit gaming I will start to feel better. Motivated, focused, energetic, happy. Especially because aside from the video game addiction I am living a really healthy life. I eat healthy, I sleep enough, I do workout (more or less regularly), I started running and I like to take walks. But what if I am wrong and I am tired, unmotivated and depressed because there is something wrong with me/my health? Of course I have more time to do better/more useful/meaningful things now because of not playing, but I don't feel like it has any positive influence on my mental state. The thought that today's poor condition might not have anything to do with the video game addiction but with health problems really worries me.
  3. Zero

    My diary

    I couldn't go running today because it was raining all day today. So i stayed at home and tried to be somewhat productive, but I didn't really feel motivated. Late afternoon I started thinking about "maybe sticking to only one game is fine", which is not, of course. Even without playing I procrastinate. I'm such a messed up person with lots of bad habits, no structure, no routines and no emotional self-control. This will be a long, hard way to go...
  4. Zero

    My diary

    Today I realized that for me the hardest time of the day is the morning, right after waking up. I immediately start thinking of the things I need to do that day and it already makes me feel a little bit stressed, which makes me want to play. So I need to establish a morning routine. I am thinking about meditation or some easy sports activity. I already started running 2 weeks ago, but I only do it twice a week because I am a beginner and actually hate running. I do it anyway because I feel I really should do something for my stamina. I highly prefer lifting weights, which I do irregularly. Some weeks I workout really intense but when the addiction gets too strong I feel to exhausted to do it and do nothing for weeks. It was a little bit difficult today. All day long thoughts and pictures of the games that I loved to play popped up in my head. Sometimes it gave me a headache but I managed to resist and instead made lists of things I want to do, topics I want to know more about, books I want to read, bands i want to listen to, movies I want to watch and people I want to follow. I always aim for growing, physically and mentally. I want my business to grow and be successful, I want to get in better shape and i want to gain more knowledge. Now I just need to establish routines. It's not easy, self-organization has never been my strength. But thinking about the person I could be in the future makes me feel good. I don't want to be the kid in a grown man's body anymore. So I will give it my best and not give up.
  5. Hello! That sounds pretty awesome to me! You are working on a nice career, you have the will to improve, you have a nice hobby and already more ideas in mind! I am very sorry to read that. I also had a lot of bad experience during my youth and I know how it can affect the mind and soul even many years later. It can be really difficult to move on and make peace with the past. Well, I guess that's where we have to go if we want things to get better 🙂 I wish you all the best and hope you'll find what you're looking for on this forum!
  6. You should do that! Even if you can't get rid of the console or the games, you can still make them unavailable for yourself. Especially in the beginning it is much easier to quit if you give yourself no access to games or make it as difficult as possible.
  7. Zero

    My diary

    Today I felt a lot better than yesterday. In the morning it was a little bit difficult to get going and during the day I was not that much productive, but there was not much desire to play and I was in a good mood. I was able to think about routines and make plans. Doing so I felt actually really happy and kind of "free".
  8. Hello! I am sure many people here - myself included - can relate to this. I wish you all the best on your journey to a healthier, happier and simply better life!
  9. Thanks again for visiting and posting in my diary/journal. May I ask: Does your wife know about your addiction/problems with playing video games? And also: Does living with your family make it feel easier or more stressful for you to quit?
  10. Zero

    My diary

    Thank you for visiting and posting in my diary/journal. Yes, I know about the bad mood. Some years ago I tried to quit (a few times to be honest) and I could make 6 weeks without playing. The first few days I am normally unable to do anything, just sitting at home or sleeping or walking around outside while being nervous because my fingers want to click something. After some days I start feeling better, able to think and start doing things again, but I know there are days where it randomly all comes back: The urge to play, the bad mood, being nervous... I need to find a good way to get through these days, or least get through them somehow without falling back into old habits... I don't want to share it with my girlfriend. I know there are people who say: "In a relationship/marriage you should share everything with each other", but I disagree on that. I simply don't want to share it with her and also in my opinion it is not always good/useful/helpful to share everything. My family also doesn't know about my addiction but a few friends of mine do. I just casually told my girlfriend last week: "Oh well, I deleted all my games from my phone. I want to spend my free time more useful.", but she has no idea what it actually means to me and what a struggle it is.
  11. Zero

    My diary

    It has been a few days now that I deleted most of my games. I don't remember which day it was, I think it was at the beginning of last week. I felt horrible since then, physically and mentally. I'm in a bad mood most days, I can't really concentrate on work, I feel so tired all day every day and there is this strong desire to play... But the most stressful part is to act like I am fine, because my girlfriend doesn't know about my problems and I don't want her to know. I am a person who analyzes a lot. So of course I tried to find out why I am addicted to video games and found two reasons: - the real world is boring to me. The places, the people, society, activities... Life seems to be so limited in every way. I am fascinated by medieval fantasy or futuristic science fiction worlds, but reality is just a dull, boring world in between. Most people seem to be boring and enjoying a mediocre (at best) life. No one seems to have a dream, a vision or at least something interesting to say anymore. Most societies' standard of living seems to fall instead of rising and all activities I tried so far (multiple sports and hobbies) just don't give me what video games are giving me. It's like:"yeah, that's a nice thing to do but do I need to do it again and again? Maybe not... It's not THAT interesting..." - the second reason comes from a friend of mine, and she was totally right about it. She said:"when it comes to achievements, unlike the real world, video games are fair." and that's totally true in my opinion. If you want to level up your character or you want to get an item, you know exactly what you have to do to get your reward. You know that it will be a grind but you are willing to do it, because you know what you will get for it and when. Do you know how many hours you have to work or what you have to do to finally get that raise, or that promotion, or that car you always wanted? Maybe you're busting your ass day by day but in the end still that idiot coworker you never liked gets the position anyway, for reasons you'll never know. These are the two reasons I think that make video games so addicting for me: Escaping from the boring real world into more fascinating worlds and knowing exactly what I have to invest for getting what I want. But still I want to live in the real world. I know that none of these worlds, achievements, etc. is worth something. It is just an illusion. Pull the plug and you stand there with nothing. It's just so hard to quit...
  12. Zero

    My diary

    So this will be my diary/journal... I feel like I need to write it all down what's going on inside me during trying to quit video games again and if I do so, I think it's best to do it in an environment where people are living in similar situations, facing the same problems and trying to reach the same goals. As I wrote in my introduction: I've been addicted to video games all my life, but last year I moved in with my girlfriend and started my own business. I felt really motivated to start a new life and the desire to play video games almost completely disappeared. But in the past few months I started to feel a little bit unhappy/unsure about my relationship for various reasons and suddenly I found myself playing mobile games during work and 6 to 8 hours from evening until late night every day, which made the relationship worse because my girlfriend realized that I lost focus on my business and I felt stressed by knowing that she knows about it, even if she didn't say anything. I could feel that she is losing respect for me. My business is still growing slowly, but it could grow so much faster if I would be fully focused on it again. Realizing my life is about to go downhill again I deleted 2 games from my laptop and about 12 from my phone some days ago, but still I am not 100% clean yet. Every evening I play an escape game on my phone against - ironically - my girlfriend. We battle each other who can escape a stage faster and play about 30 to 40 minutes every evening and it is not a big deal to me, but I know if I want to fully commit to quit video games, I have to quit this aswell. So that's the current situation. Still not completely clean, but for a few days the gaming is already strongly reduced.
  13. Hello everyone, I am a 36-year-old guy, living with my girlfriend, started my own business 1 year ago. I've been addicted to video games all my life, playing for the first time when I was 3 years old. As a kid I was only allowed to play on the weekend for about 1 hour a day, but after my parents divorced when I was 11 it was up to me and I started playing right after school until late night. This is basically what I did in my free time for all those years until now. I messed up a lot of things in my life due to playing video games. I somehow managed to finish school with bad grades but I dropped out of university three times, I was dreaming of a sports career which I messed up due to the addiction, I never had much money and most of the time I was never happy with my life, feeling like I "already messed up anyway". Last year I moved in with my girlfriend and I decided to start my own business. I was very motivated and looking forward to everything, there was no strong urge to play games anymore, but recently I feel more and more unhappy about the way things are going and it brought me all back to that really strong desire to play games again. But I am already 36 years old. I don't want to be a manchild anymore, I want to be a man! I don't want to piss my life away with playing video games anymore, I want to start building my own world with a successful business and improving myself in many aspects of life. But it is so damn hard! Also I can feel that there are definitely big problems with depression when I don't play. The past few days I have been in a really bad mood and had no motivation to do anything. I only did what i had to do to keep the business running without getting in trouble. I tried to quit a few times in my life but always came back to playing games. I feel that it is always easier to quit when you have some people who have the same goal. That's why I registered here. I want to write a journal and communicate with other people, who are facing the same problems and have the same goals and of course I hope that one day I can finally make it to stop playing video games for good! Thanks for reading!