I am a 25-year old male, on the verge of man-child. Man-child as I understand it is the inability to be consistent and follow through with morally upright and others-considering principles. My two main footholds are occasional porn and video-game consumption. The video games can be an awful source of guilt. During my time in college I would often blow the whole day playing Hearthstone, feeling guilty and falling into a pit of despair and feelings of helplessness. Fast forward and things are largely better.
I hold a full-time and a part-time job. The pay for both is not enough for me to live away from my parent's house comfortably yet. So, I am (struggling with) investing good time into studying the path to become a full-stack web developer.
The problem is video games still pop into the picture. I will still struggle from time to time with not blowing half my day playing video games. I was gifted a rogue-like called "Risk of Rain 2" two months ago. I have nearly 90 hours logged into it, that's too much. Over the last couple of weeks I played it more than ever. I am not a strategically-intelligent gamer. I learn by trial and error. I find myself to have a competitive itch but at the same time lacking patience to really learn the game's mechanics and forward-progressing exploits quickly. That's a bad combo.
Video games are a waste of time mostly. The skills gained within a game are usually only significantly relevant to related games. I mean, the skills can in some way carry over to practical life skills, but it is better to build practical life skills by actually doing practical life things; it's a much more efficient way of doing things. Games as a past-time... sure, if it can be kept under control. However, I have not been able to do that. At day's end, I would rather watch part of a movie and set a 45 min. timer before sleeping. With movies I don't have the same itch for "one more round." Or better yet, just lie in bed and let my mind process daily problems that are significant to my career, my relationships, and whatnot. We bombard ourselves with fantasy or problems that aren't very applicable to our own. Too much of it, and we go through our days with foggy minds. We start to feel fatigued, our minds are working overtime to sort through all the nonsense we put into them.
I have taken action to remove steam and all game related content from my computer 2 nights ago. Yesterday I almost downloaded an emulator and a game for nostalgia's sake. Luckily, I came to my better senses and cancelled the download. Moving forward, if I do cave and play a video game, I will take an action against... Maybe I will support this site, I haven't checked out that tab yet. Or maybe I can donate to AA or some other recovery organization that shows good results.
Thank you for reading.