PastTense

I erased all accounts of games. Or so I thought. The accoutn for Icloud was not erased. When beginning to verify email, no mail is recieved ever. Which means I cannot delete account. I cannot contact riot because I cannot submit a ticket without an account. what do I do?????

Yes lets try? I reactivated the content blocekr on phone but I found a workaround. So I’ll need to set a general screen time limit. And force myself to use greyscale colourfilter. But its so hard because I just found a tv show called absolutely completely fine, with extreme characters. They speak to me and kill loneliness. And its easy to play mobile games while this happens.

So today I as usual downloaded and erased tft. I had a rush of a bew tactic in the game: highest health champ is cloned, was a Mech, then set aegis as prime mech. Combined with undergorund into ace, was so cool. And won. i also lost some. I tried emailimg riot however about erasign the account. But its loops if you cant verify with email. And so its a curse. i reactivated parental contol but discovered that theres plenty of youtube worksrounds and alternaives so limiting web adresses dont work at least kot for “porn” and therefore I’ll have to limit screentime. But I still know the combination though. I took a shower for the forst time in maybe three days. My room is a mess though. It’s not like I don’t try to clean it but without any support. (From ndad or government its difficult to keep my head above water.

I went to a summer house to do roairs. Went to sleep after pakyign 1 game tft. Same morning. And when home. being at home too much is a trigg it didnt post? next day.. still tft

Played tft almost all dya yeaterday and watched tv. Helped dad. he had a stint where he saw my coffee cup said “you don’t bring those out here, beought it back in and drank the whole cup himself. Then proceeded to lie and say he poured it out. asshole.

Have been playing tft all day. Uninstall, reinstall. Went to check mail. Have eaten, napped. Not talked with father

I relapsed. downloaded tft and the account wasn’t even erased. Deleting the game, reactivating screen time, and going for a walk with meeting/music.

Woke ip at 2:30 attended itaa meeting 1 h. Back to sleep. Ignored alarms. Up at 7:45. It is 8:28 now.

Earlier this morning I started masturbating but with no images couldn’t cum. Maybe that is a bad sign. Later that day i could. i have major urges to play games and half downloaded one but managed not to play it. have been watching adventuretime all day it feels like. peoductivity wise: have made my bed, checked eboks which had errors. tried calling the bank forgot I was on hold. food wise I made lentils with onions and tomato and spaghetti. It tastes almost like spaghetti with beef.

Did not play anything. Watched tv all day. Ccleanes spontaneously when father came in. That anxious behaviour is an issue.

Urge to play tft, mind went to pubg. binging on adventuretime because anxious to deal with problems like finance and adress.

Last reply was never submitted. From friday. today satirday. Couldn’t sleep tonight. Went for a walk. Made rice food. have cravings for mobile game. In a steps meeting. Isk how I’m supposed to do anything properly anymore.

Got up on time, call from Alice was great if low wuality. watched snl and masturbated to magic bomb on youtube. now i should be ready to face lifes adversities.

Got up on time, call from Alice was great if low wuality. watched snl and masturbated to magic bomb on youtube. now i should be ready to face lifes adversities.

Got up today.3 alarms took second phone call. But only because I had been up earlier that night. And put on a youtube talk stream so had phone by bed. And it had charged first half of the night. made breakfast took shower etc. Then went upstairs and masturbated and slept. Had to change pants. got up, ate more, checked mail, packed computer. Asked him about a desktop lamp base. eventually masturbated once more. Went to half of ItAA’s meeting on midweek. Where I shared stagnation. also last noght I saw several episodes of sandman.

Today I played 1 full game of chess. i am feeling utterly demoralized. Which I know is what my family wants. update: watched thesandman 4 episodes in living room with headphones on.

Rewatched “randy is sober” while doing stuff. Listened to music while tunning to kvickly. Realized I had lost part of the text file to secure living situation. life is super super tough right now and requires a side of me I not only do not have energy for, but also do not have funds, training, mental fortitude to execute actions on. implementing no tv no movies bottom line. Youtube clips ,instructions and lectures are otherwise excluded. But it cannot be a random lecture remix. yesterday I inadversently played chess for a bit becUse I had previously deactivated screen time. I have to fucking tun everywhere. I am starting to develop a hardened bitterness and inner apathy towards my family. Seriosuly about to force change legally or with other tactics they themselves have used. Its a challenge to move forward and upward in life.

Played chess today briefly. Moved a piece but didnt respond

Fell into chess after having played visual card game but on the flop sode wass super social

I was enjoying a mods trolly comments on andrei2i stream today and parodying allong and makeing own jokes. God laugh out w passive aggressiveness. Iys however still aoe2z and relationship with dad is utter shit. He behaves like an asshole because he only cares about his grandson. Not at all me. At all. Tgisbis what the bottom line shows. And even him hiding good or constantly only complaining makes him someone not to be desired in a room with. Him yelling provokes me yelling at him back because I am jot a farm animal and I do kot stand his abuse. Yet he portrays me as a monster to everyone in jos circle and an eccho chamber emerges. I walked to Ry today and even though my father sae me with a bag he did not wnat to give me a lift. In order kot to get arrested for car theft as I’m sure my sister has convinced him and actually pressured hom to do, I am choosing to respect his selfish boundary andwalked for a good 50 mijutes with 30ish kilos on my injured spine. i am growing resrntful of gim and everything he stands for. He has not worked for the past 20 years beyond chopping lumber and when pressured to do odd temp jobs. Hes just siphoined my grandfathers wealth only this time there is jo mom to argue for me. It feels like this family is a negotiatiating; economic; basic needs; reputation; education war filled eith reconnaissance, flying monkeys, gaslighting emotional verbal and physical abuse. it is a mitacle no one is dead yet.

Did call in to big book study. I wake up at 6. Turned on pc despite dad sleeping. And yet I still did not study. I watched andrei on twitch. took two naps. I am feeling sleepy. Day aftet jogging. edit I failed no porn. Youtube tiktik joi is too convincing. Monkey see monkey do

Am up. Bitter about how My career failed. My father severely works against me. By my sisters bidding

Edit: I accessed aliexpress site and accidentally clicked games because I thought it was games for sale. turns out it as bootleg candy crush where I Mae some 3-7 moves. but I quit and closed the broweser. its. a breech of streak. but it was honeslty unintentional. and not like I downloaded a game or deliberately went t oa gaming site. however I do feel that aliexpress is turning poisonous for me.

Today I went for a two hour jog 10.18 km in 130 minites, including a brief snack break snd a fee spurs of walking to ease the knees. I atill didn’t play, though I dis watch tv series. I do not recall if I masturbated. I think not. i did wake up at 3 in the night and binged tv series. I have been eating somewhat healthily today. mens meeting really helps. and outside video gaming , I should work on tv series, random scrolling, youtube softcore porn.

Still not gaming, out of habit accessing chess.com. watching twitch kiarakitty aoe2. Kyootbot is offline. Not studystream as such. I should stream my own studying. Masturbated twtice to youtube joi / strip compilations. Its not porn directly, rather it is “monkey see, monkey do”.