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mushroomhead

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About mushroomhead

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  1. I don't even play single players games all that much now. It's been Dota 2 and now Overwatch. To paraphrase, "the highs are high and the lows are low". I just feel like there is some sort of overlap here between gambling and gaming. You'd maybe understand if you solo queued MOBAs.
  2. To be honest I only managed 5 days without gaming. I stayed off the desktop games only to start playing Agario after I saw about it in house of cards on Netflix. I felt when I wasn't gaming was that I was calmer, didn't have more energy but less "skittish" and less "frazzled". What exactly, neurologically is happening? I've been playing games so much for the past year that even 5 days reminded me of something I can't remember feeling.
  3. The problem I am having contemplating quitting gaming is that the rest of my life is shit. When it was "relatively" better a while back, I did play less and more on single player games, where my standards are higher so I end up naturally playing less than if I was say 12 yrs old (I'm late 20s btw). But for a while now, my employment has been between precarious to non-existent, I live in a rented crapshack apartment where nothing's been renovated for 20 years where the floor is so filthy I wince when my cats roll around on it and can't get the stains out. I don't have a problem with "all my friends" being gamers because I have no friends and have never really had any (except for a couple of years during highschool), college was a total washout (didn't party, stayed in dorm playing games, got decent grades, but not best). I've never had a girlfriend becase I am ugly and not rich, or maybe my standards are too high on Tinder where I right swipe everyone and get awful matches. But I can't help being not attracted to unattractive women *shrugs*. My financial circumstances have taken a massive dive for the past year to the point where I have not paid my last month's rent. (PS, gaming actually has nothing to do with me losing my job, I don't want to go into why, but I ended up having to sue my longtime employer and have had trouble with references since). ---------------- So I spend my days playing not just single player games but things like DOTA2 or BF4, where there's always a next match and for the however long it lasts, it's all there is. I feel really guilty when I end up ignoring my cats, whom I should really be spending more quality time with as an unemployed (I said sometimes ignore, not total neglect). Sure, I've had some temp jobs in the past year, but they were all temporary (in the name) and shit. I really should be working out more, but have lost the motivation I had a year ago because when I had a job and some money, I used it to fund some cosmetic procedures. Obviously I didn't have enough money to finish them all and don't have enough money to continue atm. Although, I'm not the fat slob you're maybe imagining, I have maintained some fitness, enough for the Armed Forces, where I recently put in an application for the Navy Reserves, because I am so bored. ---------------- If I stopped gaming right now, it would feel like emptiness. Either nothing to do, or the things don't matter. I would like more free time to do stuff (even though my time is already free being unemployed) but they also feel "less important". ---------------- I'm hesistant about the "90 day detox" or "quit gaming forever" I saw on youtube / Ted X by the Canadian guy because in the short term, I don't know what to do with myself. In the long term, I know that I have been capable in my past to play games and still lead a "normal life". ---------------- During highschool, I still procrastinated and wasted some time and whatnot, but it wasn't anywhere like today. It was the happiest years of my life and like a kind of renaissance. I was doing very badly in an inner city school so my parents used their savings to send me to an Ivy League prep school (obviously, I had the base intelligence and had even got a partial scholarship there at the end of elementary, but parents couldnt afford that many years of private schooling). There, I didn't obsessively play game every day. The people there inspired me to be better, I started to learn the piano, drew, carried on learning French and joined the state team for athletics and took an interest in the liberal arts / humanities that I took to college and which will stay with me forever. I was pretty happy then, even though I still didnt have a girlfriend in those years. But I made some poor choices for college entry and ended up somewhere mediocre where I completely lost the motivation to engage and just anesthetized myself playing games most of the times like I did when I was younger. ---------------- I don't know how to get back to that. I didn't need to stop gaming then.
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