Hello everyone, my name is Karolis, I am a 25 years old man from Lithuania.
I have been playing video games from a young age of 6 years old when i first got a computer in my household. My parents were limiting my play time to 1 hour a day, so i had a pretty good childhood and decent teen years, but as my age increased the limits set by my parents kind of disappeared and and i got myself completely into video games. Even though back then i had a group of very close friends and did hang outside fairly often. Another problem was that from a young age I was shy and had problems meeting new people and starting conversations with them. In highschool i started playing FPS games competitively and started hanging out with my friends a lot less. I was pretty much spending all my free time just sitting in front of my computer and playing without a care in the world. After school our group of friends split up to go to universities/colleges in different cities/countries, so I was left pretty much alone. What was i gonna do? I dedicated even more of my time on video games and web surfing in general in my university years. Out of the 30 people in my university group i made friends only with 2 of them and due to my addiction I did not even hang out with them outside of university, which resulted in me having no friends at all after university finished. Now I have been working for 3 years as a programmer without any social life outside of work. I feel like i don't even have the skills required to converse with people. One on one i can manage some talk, but in a group I can't muster a single word, because I don't feel like I can add anything to the conversation. Having wasted my teen years and university years doing pretty much nothing I don't have any stories to share, I don't even know the city I live in that well because I never went out to clubs or bars. Obviously my love life is non existent, I have had drunken sex a couple of times, but never made the effort, or knew how to make a connection with a female and date.
I turned 25 this year and realized how much of a failure I am compared to the people I work with, who have many interests, have read many books, accumulated all kinds of knowledge from experiencing different things, created families and are leading active lives. With these heavy thoughts depressing me i tried quitting gaming and it kind of worked, since games for the past couple of years have been just a way to spend my free time, I don't actually enjoy them anymore. I have reduced my gaming time to a maximum of 1-4 hours a day as opposed to 5-8. But it is still not even close to being enough, since i replaced my gaming time with useless internet surfing time. With all of these thoughts in my head i started getting depressed and started to seriously consider suicide. I am having suicidal thoughts around 3 times a week, once a month I would cry to myself about my pathetic situation and what I have become.
But before I depress myself even more with these thoughts of mine I decided to take action and completely remove gaming from my life, reduce pointless internet surfing time and add 2-4 hours of some kind of social/active activities. So my goal being here is to quit gaming completely and quit pointless internet surfing in general, find a new group of friends and hopefully create myself a healthy social life, where I could hopefully become more confident in my self and eventually create a family of my own. The biggest problem i will have to solve is how to open up myself to people more to befriend them, because socialization is definitely one of my weakest points at this moment.
I wrote quite a lot, if you have read it all you have my thanks. I'll be sticking around this forum looking for tips and advices on where to go on from now and what kind of activities i could take up. So if you have any kind of starting advice, i would love to hear them, thanks 🙂