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ehlo

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  1. Days 7-8 Pretty good weekend. Was gone whole saturday, today been doing laundry, cleaned a bit and stuff like that. Continued reading 'the shallows', started it ages ago but then forgot about it. Think it was recommended reading either from here somewhere or r/nosurf. Funny that people have been complaining about new technologies ruining stuff since forever! Damn papurys changing language and thought. Good stuff. I'll try to finish it next week. That got me thinking how much I used to read. I used to go to the library quite often and finish 2-3 books a month. I kind of miss that. It's different kind of experience. Feels like you have more time to pause and think about things. Never liked reading books on computer for some reason. This book I put on my tablet and it's much easier to read on that. It must be well over 5 years since I've read a book for fun. It's always games or videos or both at the same time - while listening to music, and fiddling the phone in between. Just constant bombardment of noise and images. Just thinking about the literal years I've spent sitting with headphones on staring at a screen clicking stuff - no wonder I find it hard to concentrate on anything. I found a Jordan Peterson video somewhere here, and went on a little binge. One was about setting and having goals. I haven't had any for the longest time. Just doing the bare minimum, putting no effort into anything, just lazy. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to work for. And then falling back to easy entertainment to feel "good", and end up feeling worse than ever. I really have to start thinking what I actually plan to do. Set some real goals and plans that I can track and measure. This is probably common sense for most people, but when you're a screen addicted potato it's so damn hard to get started 😀 In general I really want to start making things again - just for the fun of it. Getting ideas from books and movies, or even online, is all good but what's the point if I never make anything from it myself. I want to get in better shape, and start being more active. This time next year I want to be in good enough shape I can go trekking and kayaking in Norway. I've been to lapland and it's so beautiful there in autumn. Always wanted to see the damn fjords! That's actually something I can get done. First week over. I'm feeling really good about this right now. Had some trouble on friday, but I didn't dwell on it too much. I'm just much less anxious this time in general, and that's such a big relief. Last time I tried quitting games I kept thinking so negatively about everything. Like I was missing out by not playing. I set way too unrealistic goals, and then when I couldn't get them done I just gave up. Kept thinking how much I've messed up in the past, how much more people I know have achieved. That's not a good place to be, and I just couldn't handle it. Everything just piles up and starts to feel so hopeless. No need to worry about what other people do, just focus on doing what I can. Something positive every day, doesn't have to be much. Plan for tomorrow: finish my schedule, sign up for classes. Start doing the meditation thing. I decided on 5 minutes a day, better start off slow so I'll keep doing it. Also got few apps for guided meditation, I might start on one of those, seemed like they are pretty short.
  2. Day 6 It's funny how the mind works. All week I've been busy, no problems really. As soon as I submitted my work, I started thinking: "you could play a little", "you got a lot done, you could play couple of hours in the evenings", "are you really going to skip classic wow release", "why be such an extremist, just play a little" Extremist. For not playing games. For less than a week. Beyond ridiculous. It's really odd. Like, right now, I don't even want to play. At all. I'm not even sure last time really had fun playing anything. Seems more like work than fun, most of the time. And yet... it would be so easy, to click the night away. Anyway, going to visit some relatives tomorrow so that'll take up most of the day.
  3. Day 5 Pretty good day. Sitting at a desk all day when you're not gaming is pretty exhausting though. Have to start doing some sort of exercise, or go for a walk at least. Did a really short walk today just to clear my head for a bit, helped a lot. On the weekend I should finish my schedule for the rest of the year, and plan some routine and make some time for things I've meant to. Like, I've been planning to do meditation for ages, but never stuck with it. This might be the time, only this time i'll start off really slow, 10 minutes max. I like the idea of it, but I tried doing it like 30-40 minutes a day and after 2 days.. never did it again. Way harder than it seems. Plan for tomorrow: finish up the thing, not much left.
  4. Day 4 Not the best of days. Got bored and just browsed for several hours. And that left me mad, just for reading all that stuff and comments. Reddit especially is such a cesspool, and it's my own fault for reading it. After trying to quit and cut down on games and just net use in general at the start of the year, I think I've really made some progress. I was clocking like 5-6 hours of screen time on my phone back then, and now i'm under 20 minutes a day for over 6 months. And I've been feeling a lot better, way more calm in general. It's only day 4, but I'm not nearly as anxious as I was last time. Felt bad for not getting everything I planned done today. But, then again, I've got more done in 3 days than in the last 3 months. Like really. If I just get something done, it's still way better than what I've been doing. That was my problem last time too now that I think about it, I expected way too much way too fast. And I already know it doesn't work like that. Also, didn't sleep all too good last night either. Kept waking up. Think it might the lack of stimulation from games, I usually have no trouble sleeping at all once I get tired. Plan for tomorrow: finish all the reading and write most of the essays. Should only have one assignment left for friday, and then it'll be done. One less thing to worry about.
  5. Days 2-3 Monday was pretty bad. Couldn't get to sleep on sunday for some reason, stayed up until 4 in the morning or something stupid. Tired all day and was hard to concentrate but managed to get at least some reading done. Today was much better. Started early in the morning and got a lot done. Think I'll try that tomorrow too. @giblets Think you're right. Was just thinking I've probably never gone more than 2 weeks without gaming of some sort.. so perhaps better to get that done before adding anything extra. It's just a marketing course that's part of my CS degree. There was an option of doing it online in the summer instead of lectures in the fall, so got lucky on that. Much easier this way. Haven't really thought about gaming that much. Think I'm so burnt out/bored of it right now so that's helping. Hope it continues this way.
  6. First day almost done. Deleted all games last night before bed. Started thinking about the insane amounts of hours I've put in some of them, but yeah.. what's the point. Cleared my phone too, though I haven't really gamed on it that much. Day went surprisingly well, managed to do some cleaning and prepped food for next week. Have to start working on a course that I have to return by sunday. I've had 3 months to do it, and haven't even started Just being lazy, avoiding and building up stress all summer. Still spent few hours just browsing the net.. part of me wants to go super strict on this, but I wonder if that's going to backfire. It has before. Have to think about it more next week, I'll focus on no games for now. Plan for tomorrow: keep myself busy with school work, really have to get it done. Planned it out and think I can get it done by friday if I manage to put in the hours.
  7. Hey, Just a quick little post to get this thing started. Finally managed to decide I have to make some changes, this just isn't working anymore. Anyway, will write more later. Going for 90 days at least, starting tomorrow.
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