Days 7-8
Pretty good weekend. Was gone whole saturday, today been doing laundry, cleaned a bit and stuff like that. Continued reading 'the shallows', started it ages ago but then forgot about it. Think it was recommended reading either from here somewhere or r/nosurf. Funny that people have been complaining about new technologies ruining stuff since forever! Damn papurys changing language and thought. Good stuff. I'll try to finish it next week.
That got me thinking how much I used to read. I used to go to the library quite often and finish 2-3 books a month. I kind of miss that. It's different kind of experience. Feels like you have more time to pause and think about things. Never liked reading books on computer for some reason. This book I put on my tablet and it's much easier to read on that. It must be well over 5 years since I've read a book for fun. It's always games or videos or both at the same time - while listening to music, and fiddling the phone in between. Just constant bombardment of noise and images. Just thinking about the literal years I've spent sitting with headphones on staring at a screen clicking stuff - no wonder I find it hard to concentrate on anything.
I found a Jordan Peterson video somewhere here, and went on a little binge. One was about setting and having goals. I haven't had any for the longest time. Just doing the bare minimum, putting no effort into anything, just lazy. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to work for. And then falling back to easy entertainment to feel "good", and end up feeling worse than ever. I really have to start thinking what I actually plan to do. Set some real goals and plans that I can track and measure. This is probably common sense for most people, but when you're a screen addicted potato it's so damn hard to get started ?
In general I really want to start making things again - just for the fun of it. Getting ideas from books and movies, or even online, is all good but what's the point if I never make anything from it myself. I want to get in better shape, and start being more active. This time next year I want to be in good enough shape I can go trekking and kayaking in Norway. I've been to lapland and it's so beautiful there in autumn. Always wanted to see the damn fjords! That's actually something I can get done.
First week over. I'm feeling really good about this right now. Had some trouble on friday, but I didn't dwell on it too much. I'm just much less anxious this time in general, and that's such a big relief. Last time I tried quitting games I kept thinking so negatively about everything. Like I was missing out by not playing. I set way too unrealistic goals, and then when I couldn't get them done I just gave up. Kept thinking how much I've messed up in the past, how much more people I know have achieved. That's not a good place to be, and I just couldn't handle it. Everything just piles up and starts to feel so hopeless. No need to worry about what other people do, just focus on doing what I can. Something positive every day, doesn't have to be much.
Plan for tomorrow: finish my schedule, sign up for classes. Start doing the meditation thing. I decided on 5 minutes a day, better start off slow so I'll keep doing it. Also got few apps for guided meditation, I might start on one of those, seemed like they are pretty short.