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Posts posted by Ikar

  1. On 5/24/2019 at 4:18 AM, Ambassador said:

    I'll try to micromanage my day tomorrow. I'll set up a detailed agenda with time for everything and a list of the most pressing stuff I need to do. I don't really like this approach, but I fear it has to do with my very poor conscientiousness, which compromises my working ethic, so I have to try a different approach, even if it hurts.

    I feel you on that, that's why I write down stuff I want to get done that might haunt/already haunt me for a few days to do them in my diary.

    8 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    I woke up today ready to plow through the tasks I schedule myself. Yet, my notebook didn't. Turning it on, I could see the screen was lit, but no image would come out of it. Great. And half of my stuff wasn't synced with Google Drive. I could borrow my mother's computer, but it would serve me nothing If I can't access my stuff inside my own. Unable to do anything useful towards my goals, I spend the entire morning configuring mom's notebook, because... moms and computers. In the afternoon I would get the chance to go looking for an HDMI-VGA converter, so I can maybe plug my own notebook to an old monitor that I have laying around here and finish the syncing, so I could work on mom's computer and send mine back to the manufacturer on the warranty. And so I went.

    I went out to see the extension of the damage, the other driver went too. He was upset, with reason, but probably thought it was too little to be bothered with, or perhaps he was too tired to even care. I don't know. He just got inside his car again and drove into the distance... 2 meters forward, as the traffic allowed. I also got back into mine, exhaustion, upset and stress piling up, and waited until I finally found a way left through the other cars.

    Good shout, I'll backup my files too right now after I tidy my desktop.

    At least it was just a scratch! It's about half a year I managed to damage my mudguard, as the car in front of me didn't turn as fast as I expected, he was probably letting a pedestrian through. He probably didn't even notice, as he drove away and I didn't see any damage to his car either. Luckily, the mudguards were to be changed soon anyway, because they were already somewhat rusty, so no-one from the family even got to know!

    • Like 1
  2. Day 34:

    I got up, watched the rest of the conversation between Milo & JP, then I commented a bit here and went for the exam.

    After that me and my friend from the army went for a lunch, he told me the army is in a somewhat dismal state (or at least the part he is in which is quite similar to where I used to be) and that he's having some thoughts of leaving and going abroad or doing something else. I told him that my half a year without employment, basically being a leech while streaming, was quite horrible, but that the past two months have been pretty great, as I have some direction and vision now.

    I kinda goofed around in the evening a bit, watched Simpsons, took some pictures for dating rating and I'm working on getting my PC desktop in order, as it's still a mess. I worked out outside with my basketball, as it's been raining a ton these past two weeks and I didn't get to work out this way otherwise in that time. I feel comfortably tired, I hope the exam results won't ruin it!

    @Ikar: clean car, photo, flight ticket, mycat, duo, work out, read 1 page, letter, duo

  3. 2 hours ago, Sapuverell said:

    I had a talk with my mother and she helped me out with this female friend. Told I should stop trying to make everyone happy and be there at anytime for her. I should really make her miss me a bit and sometimes be more honest and tell her what I really think of her instead of holding me back. It made me open my eyes and I'm excited of what happens in the near future with our relationship. Also I think it's a big step, because I think it's literally the last thing I noticed I have to learn about dealing with girl's or relationships in general.

    Good advice. If she's insecure about something, she needs to deal with it on her own. You and I both came here, because we were insecure about our outlook on gaming. It's OK to ask for help and support, but she has to do the lifting regardless of whatever her trouble is. I'm speaking from experience, but you probably already know that!

    • Like 1
  4. On 5/22/2019 at 11:17 PM, George Wyatt said:

    Bank of Habit/Hobby Ideas (Work In Progress)

    - Stop multitasking.

    - Meditation.

    - Stretching.

    - Homework first thing when getting home.

    - Eating more veggies.

    - Writing.

    - Working on social skills.

    - Mindset (reduce ruminating, reduce judgement, be more easygoing, be less competitive with others and don't compare yourself to others).

    - Spend time outside (no matter the weather).

    - 1 Daily act of kindness.

    - Work out shortly in the morning.

    - Take a walk each day of the weekend.

    What a list. I might steal the part above!

    Not sure about the competitiveness, just make sure you don't snuff your fire with it, as some people thrive in a cut-throat environment. I feel like former gamer myself, shifting the competitive attitude from gaming to somewhere else is a huge deal!

    9 hours ago, George Wyatt said:

    Wow that's really interesting take on it! I like the idea of trying to find a middle ground and being aware of it instead of being extreme (I have a very black/white view of the world which makes me very prone to disregarding this most of the time).

    I used to be very hard-line black/white person, especially on morals. I think all it gave me was elitist, arrogant, slightly resentful and contemptuous outlook on most people I couldn't put into my little box.

    Now I know that if I ever get resentful and contemptuous, there's just something I don't understand. If I demonize that other guy for something he has done to me, I demonize myself too, because I am human and he's human as well. Then it's right to think, what made him do it and what could make me do it? I try to be in his shoes. That's how I dealt with my breakup, but I was only able to do that responsibly after quitting gaming.

    I think the same applies to gaming. Sure, hate and anger towards it might be the first reaction, but you don't want to be stuck there forever. 98% people who play games aren't game addicts, so if you go on a crusade against gaming, most people around you will feel uncomfortable. Corresponds well with Cam's video too:

    Keep searching for that middle ground!

  5. @Ambassador: The site turned out to be pretty good and scientific, getting precise feedback from my target group will be helpful. I know I have to be genuine, responsible and take photos in settings I can actually reasonably occur, not do it for the sake of a photo, keep working on myself and expanding my knowledge. Nice to see that those things are better aligned in my head! I wish I had a photo shot while I was still in the army. Figuratively, I'm a better warrior than I was back then though!

    Day 33:

    I set it off by responding to GQ comments. I did Russian, a bit of work on Iceland, watched some JP, did some research on online dating (gonna even get a book from uni library on a related topic), filled in a questionnaire for uni and took a walk in the evening. I studied for the test today as well, I have to develop some better work ethic for that though.

    @Ikar: clean car, photo, exam, groceries

    • Like 1
  6. 3 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    a clear view of what kind of person you want to spend your time with

    I actually remember my ex saying she was a real party animal up until 16, but then she made a 180 to the point where she wouldn't go out to meet larger groups of people anymore, because it made her physically sick, even if I was really keen on showing with her somewhere every once in a while, so she said she'd be introverted. I think what she did was to channel her extroversion mostly into social media rather, similarly as I did with gaming. I had no idea how much was that affecting me.

    Trouble with that is, my addictive personality was fairly well embedded into me that probably everybody already considered it "me". For all I know, my screen time is still huge, though I am aware of it at least.

    3 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    to communicate your expectations and desires in a clear and pondered manner

    This is what made me a bit cynical the other day. I liked it how every other person has "honesty" as one of their expectations/values, but I would say I was "honest" both before and after the addiction. Turns out addiction-controlled behavior is a thing. That's why I am much rather into responsibility these days, or by texts inspired by it and other values embedded into it.

    3 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    to not settle for less than the bare minimum

    Yep, it seems like it's a good idea to set up the rules of the game early. I think something like "what happens in the relationship, stays in the relationship" might be one to consider for the future, although there's gonna be a ton of mechanisms to support that.

    3 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    Long term relationship? Short term? Hook up? One night stand?

    I think hooking up and ONS would promptly send me to my own little moral hell.

    I just looked up the difference between short and long-term relationship and I found out that the difference is that you take a lesson from a short one and you stay in the long one.

    4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    know your deal breakers at the very least. For instance, when I was on Tinder looking for a potential date

    I've been on Tinder before, but I never met anyone though it. I prefer to show my hand and Tinder's 160 characters or so doesn't allow for that. I'm back on OKC, but I noticed they removed instant messaging which is a bummer. No text limit there though, so I think my intentions are laid out there concisely.

    4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    Show yourself for what you are. You don't want to start pretending, you'll quickly become a prisoner of the persona you built.

    Aye, I guess I was a prisoner of my addiction.

    4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    Apart of that, if you worry about your pictures and your appearance, there's an excellent website about it called Photofeeler, where you can get anonymous feedback on your pics. I used it and it helped me.

    Thanks for that site! I'll see what comes out of that, research and all :D

    4 hours ago, Ambassador said:

    In short, I think three are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship: commitment, sincerity and respect.

    I'll keep it in mind. It sounds obvious, but addiction is hell that skews your sincerity really badly.

    Thanks for all the input!

    • Like 1
  7. Here is a list of changes in my life for the past month:

    Game Quitters - I'm extremely happy to be here, basically brothers (and sisters) in arms against a common enemy. I don't demonize gaming for my friends, but my stance towards is has to be skeptical at least.

    working out - I did more physical activity than in any of the months after I left the military in August last year. I would really only move with my ex, no dice I would get myself up on my own.

    Jordan Peterson - Thanks to this man, I think I understood my past, or at least rationalized it in a way that doesn't haunt me anymore. Shout out to Jocko Willink and Joe Rogan as well.

    going out more/people - I didn't create any new venues for myself to go to per se, but I'm generally more inclined to hang out with the people I already know whenever I can. I'm nowhere near as hopelessly shut in or reliant on my ex to have social contact. I think I go out with friends twice as much at least. I think I find it easier to relate to people I just saw before.

    uni - I didn't fail any of the exams yet, though in my eyes I am almost begging for it. I think I am still easily distracted by virtually everything else from it.

    girlfriend - I wanted to get her back at the start of this, but I can't get her back at all costs. We both set out the same, to find "love". If you're around frequently enough, I think I wrote enough to cover a few essays about that story. I think we are both doing better now though. If anything, I know I am doing better for the right reason.

    English teaching - I'm becoming more comfortable with it. It helps with socializing, discussing ideas and I even get paid for that. What a deal!

    my business - I got the site up, mostly postponed/on hold due to Iceland. It basically means I get more money from the one above.

    Iceland - I might have a bit of a pickle here. I know a friend of mine went there Bear Grylls style (he had a tent and sought job on the spot) the last summer and everything worked out for him quite decently. I'll commit to doing that if absolutely necessary, though I'd prefer to have my comfort. I still have a bit more than a month to sort this out.

    screen time reduction - I'm not convinced it happened yet. It's kinda rough to get away too, considering most of the plans/work I do has to be done this way.

    family - I feel more closely connected to my mom, as she knows about my addiction, grandma as well.

    dating - I've been back on online dating for a few days, I'm rather torn though. I treat myself WAY better than before. I also feel like part of the art is putting yourself on the line. It'd be awesome to be intimately connected to a girl again. Preferably even THE girl. There are apparently great pitfalls for a guy in early 20s like me in online dating, as the odds are most likely stacked against me.

    This month feels definitely better than the last one!

    I'm open to suggestions on any of my topics, maybe I even forgot some. Thanks!

    • Like 2
  8. Since I am at a month, I'll try to depict some stuff in the evening that went well for me during the time, some extra thoughts and plans for the future. I'll try to spent at least an hour on that.

    • Like 1
  9. Day 31:

    Okay, today was a bit ridiculous. In a good way though!

    I watched ep. 24 of the WWII documentary, did the groceries and Russian. After that, inspired by a forum-mite, I did some research on the whole "NoFap" thing.

    I ended up "practicing releasing" for an hour. I also ended up with having abdominal ache for three hours after that. It was annoying enough I managed to just watch ep. 25 of the WWII documentary and prepared for my English teaching. Upon arrival to the English class, I got a word it got canceled, so I cycled back home.

    In the end, I got all the small stuff done, but none of the long term. I felt a bit nervous about not doing anything for Iceland today, I'll strike back tomorrow with renewed vigor but I was thrown off rhythm both by my morning experiment and then by not teaching. I'll at least go sleep early today!

    Tomorrow: research Iceland (dorm, visa, flight, job), prep ENG teaching, exam prep Friday

    • Like 1
  10. During the course of my life (and more importantly, during the detox), I hardly ever feel depressed, maybe just overwhelmed from time to time, because I think I sometimes demand more of myself than I reasonably can. One important thing is to realize how you got into the situations of your past and try to avoid them in the future by being responsible. As Einstein says:



    I know why my girlfriend left me, even though it was our first relationship and I am very happy about the experience. I realized we were in some weird co-dependent relationship that was no good and we didn't know how to solve our own problems, let alone problems in the relationship.

    I know why I quit gaming and Twitch. It took more than 90% of my free time for questionable gains for several years, maybe even a decade. It was really only then I realized me and my gf were both the same wretches!

    Taking responsibility for all that liberated me. Against all odds.

    Lesson I got from that is that there's no point in feeling depressed, feeling overwhelmed and beating myself over past things, because I understood them, hopefully to the extent I don't have to go through them in the future. I also think these "bad" feelings are less likely to occur the more responsible and knowledgeable you are about yourself.

    Hope that helps! ?

    • Like 1
  11. 6 hours ago, NannerZ said:

    I did not know this. I have never experienced waking up and having a 'release' But I only think I've gone past 21 days no fap.. maybe twice ever? I wonder if it will happen to me eventually. I'm not having sex right now unfortunately so I suppose I'll find out soon if I will release naturally haha.

    I'm putting it out here, so you don't have to stigmatize yourself if something like that happens. After reading your comment, I got curious and I found this site below for some interesting ideas regarding the topic. As with everything in life, there's more to it:


  12. Alright, so that's a month done! I literally have no time to crave gaming. Drifting away from the abyss seems pretty great, truth to be told.

    Day 30:

    In the morning, I watched ep. 23 of the WWII documentary. I watched a debate between Peterson and de Sousa. I was actually a bit ridiculous to watch! After that, I made my webpage for English teaching; it's very basic and took me about an hour to setup, but it's alive and functional.

    I felt a bit overloaded later on after lunch, so I took a break and watched some Simpsons. After that I prepared materials for English teaching. Discussing dating with three people twice my age was a bit funny, however it was the topic in the book! Going back and forth to the class, I cycled for about 30 minutes too.

    In the evening, I mostly just slacked and scoped the dating site. I forgot about my Russian Duo, so I still have to finish that before I rest. Great day regardless!

    Tomorrow: research Iceland (dorm, visa, flight, job), prep ENG teaching, twitch cash?, work out, groceries, exam prep Friday, self-authoring

    • Like 2
  13. 2 hours ago, NannerZ said:

    No porn and no fap have been slightly more challenging than gaming but nothing too crazy. I'm definitely committed to doing the 90 days no porn (and hopefully many more days) but at some point I might fap.. I dunno. I think fapping like once or twice a week without watching porn is probably okay and healthy but I'm going to try to abstain for as long as possible for now.

    I'll quote myself on this:

    On 5/4/2019 at 10:07 PM, Ikar said:

    "No Fap" seems odd, I am sure it's not too practical. A healthy male has to "release" at some point, as sperm gets renewed in between some 60-90 days (forgot the exact number) and it goes away when you "release" it.

    My awkward story speaks for itself; when I was younger, not "releasing" but activating sexually, I had these "pollutions" every 14 days or so, where I would just wake up wet, with my body "releasing" while I was asleep! Generally with some sort of a sexual dream as well and no, I didn't wet my bed ? 

    I guess it speaks for itself, unless you have sex on a reliable basis, I can't figure out where would it go.

    I have my phone on silent by default, I check it every now and then anyway. I rather use e-mail and SMS, where I can be concise and think my response through a bit.

    • Like 1
  14. 30 days is there to help you to relapse, don't fall into their trickery! ?

    Tell her, she needs to know, so she can support you and help you out if times get bad with your gaming.

    First person I told I am quitting gaming IRL was my ex-gf, as I thought I still had some credibility in her eyes, but I was wrong. She's still resentful towards me, after I wrote what I think I did wrong and what I think she did wrong. I never got a sensible answer out of her on the topic, because she refuses responsibility (in school most visibly), same as I did in the past. If she was responsible, she could face me and the truth and she'd be happy for me, even if that doesn't necessarily mean the relationship between us would be still romantic. I'm very happy about the fact I managed to break the relationship down and study what made it go south, but it was no easy task and I got to this forum in the process.

    On the contrary, I told my addiction story to my grandma and mom and I feel closer to them than ever. It came as a slight shock to my mom, as she and my dad raised me and there's likely some blame on them too for letting me into the clutches of gaming from my very early years. There's no way I am gonna hate them for that though, as it doesn't do any good. I am responsible for myself now, no excuses.

  15. Day 29:

    I undertook the heroic endeavor of putting my room into order, including wardrobes as well. I also got the good news of passing the Friday exam.

    After lunch, I played Scrabble with mom. I went English teaching to a nearby village, so I could cycle several kilometers thanks to that. I also watched another amazing lecture by JP. I wish the message he gives in it would get through to everyone.



    Tomorrow @Ikar: make a website!, prep ENG teaching, work out, to-do pile

  16. On 5/17/2019 at 1:15 PM, The radtech said:

    Day 17 - 17 1/2:

    Interesting, I am in the same spot with my former high school classmates. I just never organized anything myself, I was a follower, took no responsibility and so it makes sense they are not overly responsive to my requests. It depends on how much power do you have in that social structure. You don't need to beat yourself up over it though ?

  17. It's not terrible, it's just a lot of potential you need to take charge of!

    Myself, after I quit my job I wasn't happy at either and that was a good choice but poorly executed. I wasn't conscientious enough to pursue the goal and I got jaded pretty fast from the situation I was in and it cost me half a year, most of my identity and my relationship, although we both were similarly irresponsible to begin with.

    I recommend checking out the video in the spoiler, if you want to "kick" yourself in the right direction. Dr. Peterson's work is simply amazing, especially his long lectures and podcasts:



    I hope that clicks something within you! ?

  18. Day 28:

    In the morning, I watched ep. 22 of the WWII documentary. I spent quite some time on the dating site. I put some small things into order, teaching-wise and cleaned my room a bit. I played Scrabble with mom and I tried to work out, but the playground was unfortunately occupied the whole day, so I'll try tomorrow.

    Today went fine. I'll try to be more intentional about my time usage tomorrow though.

  19. Day 27:

    In the morning, I watched ep. 21 of the WWII documentary. I'm gonna be done with it rather soon, so I need to find something else to do! I wrote the exam in the afternoon and it was actually easier than I thought, so I think I have a decent shot at it. In the evening, I got back to the dating site I met my ex on more than a year ago. I got my profile updated and scanned through some profiles. Mostly for my own improvement of social skills and research, rather than some mad rush for love. I'm vigilant, aware and responsible.

  20. Welcome to the club of 21s! I can't say I feel old yet, so that's worth something ?

    Quitting game-related content seems like a good idea, during the detox anyway. Get some better sleep and get after them with John Wick!

    • Like 2
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