NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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Day 793:
I had English classes, worked out at the gym, visited the philosophy course and had a social evening.
Day 794:
I watched "Gran Torino", had English lessons and watched football in the evening.
Day 795:
I had English classes, worked out, watched a comedy film and went out with friends at night.
Day 796:
I had English classes, watched "Battle of Algiers", went for a walk and sorted out a few documents and wrote this.
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So I've been progressing on my things in a lenient pace, or at least that's what I think. I still have roughly 20 hours of work a week, I go to the gym, for walks, outside in the evening, I visit my family, I watch films... Regardless of that, I still sometimes feel lost, that I am not doing enough compared to what I was doing for the past half a year while working on my university duties. A lot of the places I used to visit in autumn aren't open and the martial art courses I'd like to visit are gonna start in September. I need to learn to live with myself more often now!
As for the "recent" girl, I understand we're not looking for the same thing, even though I think we were attracted to one another at some point. I decided to take her for her word when she said she's not looking for anything serious at the moment. Plus while I think she has her overall priorities reasonably organized, it's impossible to plan something ahead of time with her. It's part of knowing myself and creating relationships that I want, that make me happy.
Interestingly enough, one of my newer students a few hours ago said I am fairly sensible and responsible for a guy who is 23. She's actually born on the same day as I am, though more than 10 years older with two kids. I felt somewhat self-conscious after that, because I know there are things I have to work on in that regard.
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Gratitude: I am grateful that what I do makes people wonder and feel inspired.
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Day 788:
I had English classes, went for a walk and had a social evening.
Day 789:
I had English classes, wrote here and went to bed early.
Day 790:
I had an English class, wrote, went for a walk and watched football with others in the evening.
Day 791:
I wrote here, went through some finance articles, played chess and went for a walk.
Day 792:
I wrote here, talked to a friend, visited my family and played chess in the evening.
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University, job and future:
I found out that thinking about my future in non-relationship matters is more difficult and less exciting. I think it is that way because these matters are more repeatable, long-term and consistent. In relationships, it always feels like you can do something "now"; that's not the case for studying at the university for three years.
The plan for the university is to start at the end of September and then go to Germany for Erasmus in February. I'm gonna calculate and fiddle around with the subjects, so that it works out well with my plan to do my masters in three years instead of the usual two, because I want to work during the time as well and I want to have time for that.
I'm happy with my job as it is for the last half a year. I learn something new here and there, though there's not much "hard knowledge" remaining I need to absorb. It's also stress-free, because I don't need to be responsible for equipment, people etc. I might have to cut some time I put into it in September, though I'll see how the situation will look like, especially after I am in Germany in February, as maybe I'll find a job there too. It's difficult to plan with so many variables.
Thoughts:
The annoying part about knowing what you want is the fact you know when you fail.
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Family:
Dad - Possibly the family member I respect the most. He's usually calm, rational, reliable and has good ideas. He's obviously not flawless and is impatient at times, but I hardly ever get into an argument with him. I'm gonna appreciate him tomorrow on Father's Day.
Mom - I can say that mom has been improving over the past year or so, though I still feel distant from her. I think she just spent too many afternoons/evenings out instead of being with her sons and there's no way she can make up for that now while seeing each other once a week.
Grandma - I care more for my grandma instead. I think she's the one who knows the most about me from my family (overall, I don't think any single person knows "everything" about me). She's warm, kind and reliable as well. She sometimes cares for others at her expense too much, so if she worries too much about something/someone, I help her to calm down.
Brother - I want to talk to my brother about women and relationships, however it's not easy trying to find an opportunity to talk to him. He is willing to help me if I need some of his expertise, but overall he seems somewhat fussy and unavailable. It might be because he's in his first relationship for over two years and wants to spend a lot of time with his girlfriend. I'm somewhat worried about the fact I don't find her physically attractive at all; I know it's not up to me to judge and I can't speak for her personality, but it's gonna start being my problem at least a bit if they get married and have kids.
Other:
Overall, I know I keep repeating this, but I want to work on having stronger relationships with men, as I think 90% of my 1-on-1 interactions are with women.
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Women:
18/06
I've been letting my mind roam freely this morning. Mostly about relationships, but also about my job and university.
I didn't end up talking to the Spanish girl. I wrote her a message on Tuesday, she didn't reply and she changed her phone number back to her Spanish one soon after. I'm not fussy enough to think it was because of me, but I think she noticed the message and just didn't reply. I saw her a few times after that and could have talked to her, but I figured none of us really wanted to do that.
After I finished writing my reflection on Wednesday, I had a novel thought about what happened. I basically met her as somebody who couldn't travel (CV), have a job (no working visa) and had to next to no university obligations (she finished her bachelor studies with one subject in her final semester and didn't have to write the thesis). I was the best thing to "do" for her at the time. That all started changing in April, when she could realistically start traveling and started to work on some project/searching for an internship for the summer. My obligations have been quite constant from January to May, so I never really went "overboard" into the relationship.
I don't know how true the above paragraph is, but I think it sounds reasonable. It doesn't make me an idiot and it doesn't demonize her either. It also explains well why she fell in love with me and then out of it fairly quickly. I don't think any of us could've "seen" this unfold in the way it did.
It also goes well with Glover's rule about dating/getting to know the person for at least three months before having sex for a serious relationship, possibly dating/exploring multiple women this way at once. Something to think about, as with my X I had sex on the second date and with the Spanish girl had sex the night we met. I also seem to throw the other potential relationships I have out of the window when I start having sex.
19/06
Continuing.
I guess what made me scared was that I never talk to her again, just like it happened with my X. That's possibly the case for 95% of people I have met in my life and I never blinked an eye that I am 95% sure I am not meeting them again. I think I was caught aback by the fact we didn't keep on doing things together until she had to leave a few days ago.
Things are interesting between me and the girl from the end of April. We talk, flirt and I'd argue 95% people would think we are having sex together. I'm gonna wait and be patient and see what comes out of this, if anything. Meanwhile, there other women I can ask out, meet, talk to and spend some time with.
Thoughts:
Sex - what's ubiquitous isn't valuable. If it's too easy, I don't value it and then it isn't worth it.
I need to become more pragmatic, less naive and resilient to rejection.
I have to work on not using alcohol. I think there was no first physical romantic/sexual interaction I've had with a girl without alcohol.
7 hours ago, Pochatok said:Oh shoot! I am glad that you were able to reflect, but I do think that having a meaningful relationship with someone from another country is difficult. Hope it will go the best direction possible!
Basically the first few paragraphs are about this. I think now I'm okay with not seeing her anymore, as I think I took what was valuable from the relationship and let the rest go.
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On 6/11/2021 at 2:23 AM, Pochatok said:
I have not relapsed with porn for over a week; hope to be able to go for more than two weeks this time.
On 6/11/2021 at 2:23 AM, Pochatok said:It's been not too bad overall. I'm productive, passionate about various things, and only a bit lonely (my partner is going away for a couple weeks).
On 6/11/2021 at 2:23 AM, Pochatok said:Loneliness is hitting up at times. As someone who does not have very close friends (or friends that I talk on a daily basis to), there are moments when I suddenly experience high stress for seemingly no reason. Given that I (for reasons) do not really notice or feel "lonely" most of the time, I think that these sudden moments of stress can be attributed to lack of socializing. Well, gonna be home soon, lots of people to see there 🙂
On 6/11/2021 at 2:23 AM, Pochatok said:Porn is no longer difficult to keep at bay, but now I am having trouble... eeek... keeping good eye contact with people. I think it has to do with the fact that it is summer and more people are wearing open clothes, but at the same time I am overcomplicating the whole process of making eye contact. It has been getting better day by day but I need to keep improving more!
I remember I took up looking in the eye as a challenge about a year ago. It was interesting funny to see how many people flickered with their eyes or avoided eye contact altogether. The chills came when they stared back at me! 😄 It's said solid eye contact is a good indicator of interest though.
Have you thought about why you watch porn sometimes? Are you lonely? Do you want novelty? Do you want to make your partner jealous? All of them are valid reasons.
I don't watch porn, but I think that my personal "problem" is that I tend to fixate my sexuality on one person fairly quickly. That's somehow troublesome long-term, because I miss and pass on the other options that are available to me - I don't mean necessarily anything physical, but flirting. There's power in knowing that I have options, even if I don't need to explicitly demonstrate that.
The solution to feeling lonely could be somewhat similar - to have more friends, but I think it's only an issue if you feel lonely consistently.
On 6/11/2021 at 2:23 AM, Pochatok said:I have trouble getting up when I want in the morning. I still do, but damn it's a struggle! That is slightly odd given how many things there are for me to look forward to. Perhaps, when I am about to go to sleep, I should write those things down so I can remember them right away upon waking up?
I think that's normal when we have a relaxing period, that we just laze around and roll in bed more. There's obviously always something "to do", but taking the time "to be" is also important, so that we aren't just a bunch of robots with statistics.
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Day 783:
I got through some articles, had English classes, played football and had a social evening.
Day 784:
I did preparation for my graduation party, wrote, went for a walk, did preparation and evaluation for my English classes and watched football in the evening.
Day 785:
I wrote, watched a podcast, visited my family and had a social evening.
Day 786:
I had English classes, wrote, had philosophy courses and had a social evening.
Day 787:
I wrote, consulted a friend regarding my car, had English classes, went for a walk and played frisbee in the evening.
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I am organizing a party at my parents' the next weekend to celebrate my graduation.
I wrote a reflection on the relationship with the Spanish girl. I am confused about a few things regarding the future of the relationship I have with her, so I am going to talk to her tonight before she leaves for Spain tomorrow.
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Gratitude: I am grateful for universal connecting human experiences.
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I think it makes more sense to tackle the societal aspects, rather than to ask the question "Pokemon GO good or bad for mental health?". I don't argue "walking and gaming" is a better combination than "sitting and gaming". But wouldn't it be better to just go outside to be outside? Notice the people walking about, cycling, talking... all of them the same yet different? Be in the nature for the nature, not for the game in the phone?
I'm not a fan of using the phone in public in general. It's why I've never needed mobile data; every other place I go to nowadays has a Wi-Fi if I need it anyway. Multitasking doesn't work. We can't be somewhere/do something on 100% while responding to messages every two minutes. Does having mobile data make you money? If it doesn't, why do you "need" it?
My job as a teacher is literally to be there for the students for 60/90 minutes to help them improve their English. I can afford to browse/take a break if I have online classes and I assign them some grammar exercise for 10 minutes to work on, but other than that, I have to focus and pay attention. Students are also much more likely to be distracted if it's "just" online lessons and they have to be ready to solve problems for their subordinates/bosses/customers, so some of them don't even have the luxury (one would take for granted) to just focus on English for an hour.
Manson wrote a great article about attention here, so go check it out: https://markmanson.net/attention
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Day 778:
I worked out at the gym, visited my family and watched the hockey finals in the evening.
Day 779:
I had English classes, wrote, visited the philosophy course and had a social evening.
Day 780:
I cleaned my room, stretched at the gym, did the laundry, had English classes and a social evening.
Day 781:
I had English classes, wrote my monthly report, did some work around my car, got through some newsletters and went for a walk.
Day 782:
I had English classes, worked out at the gym, wrote, read newsletters/finance, got through mails, got my computer fan working, polished my online ads and now I'm writing this. I might have a social evening.
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I'm back to doing things after a week of taking it easy. It still takes time to figure out where exactly to put the hours I put towards the university, but I am getting better at it.
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Gratitude: I'm grateful for knowing myself more as time passes.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 27/04/20 - 09/06/20
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: white (default) for newly added goals, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
---Active writing (blogs/writings/journal):
L: I've been working on the thesis and a tiny bit on the diary here.
T: I finished the thesis and wrote here regularly.
Future goals/direction:
Finish Past Authoring and the whole course.
Write on my blog.
Keep writing in my diary here twice a week.
Work on "Breaking Free Exercises" from the NMMNG book.
Books/Reading articles:L: I decided to simply skim through all the newsletters that accumulated in my inbox about a week ago. I got through "The Prince" quite quickly and already lent it to a friend. I've also been reading a lot about finance in general too.
T: I spent most of my time reading the uni materials for the final exams. I got through some newsletters and didn't pick up a new book, I'll see what picks up my interest in the future.
Future goals/direction:
Continue getting through the newsletters.
Family:L: I plan to talk to all my family members in a private (separate) manner this month and... share my thoughts with them and have a bit closer relationship with them? The Spanish girl encouraged me to do it, after I told her about my relationship with my family. It's not that it's horrible, but I feel it is somewhat distant and that most of my friends have closer ties with their family members, even if not with all of them. I already expressed myself to mom.
I talked with my brother separately, though not about the "deep stuff". Relationships and sex were non-existent topics in my family, so it's difficult for me to initiate in this regard.
T: I talked a bit to my father about the topic of relationships and women. I'm gonna talk to my brother this weekend; I didn't see him the last one. I told my grandma a few details about the Spanish girl since my grandma asked.
Future goals/direction:
Talk to my family members separately.
University:L: I've been putting in the hours into university quite steadily. I've been working on my bachelor thesis, but I think I have to step up, as I need to finish it by the start of May and I also have to study for the graduation exams. I have a prime opportunity now to grind down on the thesis in the next few weeks. I chose my masters and applied for VIA/Erasmus for the next year.
I finished work on the bachelor thesis yesterday, so I can start studying for the finals. I have a bit over a month to study. I'm gonna go for Erasmus to Hanover in about a year if everything goes well.
T: I finished my final exams. I plan to continue studying to get my masters' degree. I don't need to worry about the university for at least three months now.
Future goals/direction:
Apply successfully for VIA Exchange/Erasmus by passing the tests and interviews.
Start studying for the finals.
Exercise/movement:L: I played football several times and went for walks sometimes. I've been experiencing a bit of a backache and stiffness though, so that encouraged me to do more exercise. The weather's been getting better, meaning I am more likely to go out for walks or exercise.
T: I played football, went for walks and worked out at the gym. I am currently doing some exercise every other day, mostly going to the gym.
Future goals/direction:
Martial art research?
Work out twice/thrice a week.
Keep in shape (using walks/sex/exercise).
Social:L: I'm normally social these days. I think I might be nicer and more attentive to people overall, though it's hard to quantify that objectively.
T: I started going to the Monday philosophy courses again. I'm predominantly social during the evenings with the people from the dorms, so I want to diversify my social groups more now that the CV restrictions are going away.
Future goals/direction:
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English:L: My current workload is around 23 hours per week. I could even have more with the less-paid courses, but I feel fairly happy with my working situation and I enjoy the work I put in.
T: My current workload is around the same number. The work's been going well, in fact, I am hardly ever stressed by it, especially if I do some planning before the lessons.
Future goals/direction:
I am going to send out some mails again to language schools and various other subjects to set up interviews from my secondary email. (do in August)
I am going to pursue closer co-operation with my English mentor.
I am going to check out a few more seminars on how to run online courses.
Women/dating:
L:
SpoilerI learnt that perhaps I do not have as hard-core of a monogamous mentality as I thought I would have. I'm also probably more aware than ever that everybody is fucked up, including myself. There are a few women I could think of in the romantic plane in my area. I don't think it makes much sense to be writing about specific women though. I came to the realization that planning in this area is usually cumbersome and counterproductive.
I cut one of the relationships, did sex and I'm keeping my eyes peeled.
I was predicting the change in my sexual mindset and behavior for a long time. I behaved and acted in line with it. I just needed the reality to catch up on it; similarly to that when I was gaming, I got fired from the post office several days after I quit gaming, because most of my (unsatisfactory) work there was done when I was still gaming.
In the past, I believe I looked at the more obvious sexual displays of others with both distaste and envy at the same time. Especially when I thought that I have no other option than to sit and do nothing or to get drunk and hope that something happens. It just took some time to internalize that the thing standing between me and a good (even if only sexual) relationship with a woman is... me.
As long as there are two consenting adults, whatever goes. Whether it's a good idea or not is another question (given the circumstances), but I won't villanify that behavior a priori anymore.
That said, a horrible relationship is better than none at all. The cataclysmic end of my last one was likely the trigger for me to quit games for good. Nothing is forcing anyone to stay and die in a horrible relationship, except the lack of options in one's head. (December)
I learnt a lot about the sexuality of women over the past few weeks by spending time with the Spanish girl. I learnt a bunch about my sexuality as well. I also learnt relationships can be more nuanced. It's been a great learning experience so far. (January/February)
I've spent about two months with the Spanish girl and this morning she left home for three weeks, after which she should come back. I feel that she's into me, that she cares about me and that she doesn't want to lose me (be it to another relationship or due to some quarrel between us, though I find the latter less likely), though at the same time I feel we both want to assert ourselves to leave other options available. In my case to find someone more "permanent" to date/be together with, because I know she'll be gone in the summer. In her case it's different relationship philosophy and uniqueness of every relationship.
To explain that further, she actually encouraged me to meet other girls to see what might come out of it, which is generally something I am not 100% confident at and could use some practice in. Regardless, despite our differences, I feel that we're willing to respect each other and not argue about them. (March)
We had a few talks together with the Spanish girl and decided we wouldn't carry on with the sexual element in our relationship. It was the first time for her trying to amalgamate sexual and affectionate relationship into one and the second time for me. I decided to take her for her word and not to push her into something she doesn't want or isn't sure about. I sensed/noticed that it's not the first time she's having difficulty in continuing the relationship in the current setting. I think that a part of good relationship is the ability to respect "no" as a "no" and it's definitely one of the things I want in all my relationships that go deeper.
I'm actually somewhat surprised by how romantic the relationship has come to be. I think we are both considerate of each other and already value each other to go through this in an abrupt or otherwise bad way. I feel a sense of loss in a way, but I think various factors chimed in to dampen it. Besides, I have learnt a lot about various sexual topics and I grew more confident in this regard. It's very liberating to be playful and inventive too!
This one is actually only a few days old, but I do feel attracted to one girl and I want to have sex with her, although I don't think something long-term could come out of it due to the factual differences that we have. Hooray for being human! (April)
T: We've been flirting and dancing around around with the girl from April. I told her we're gonna do something together after I am done with the finals and I want to keep that promise. I'm not 100% sure if it's the right move, but I'm gonna take the opportunity regardless.
Future goals/direction:
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Additional activities:
Personal finance: I've gone from actively spending time on this topic to more passive scanning.
Chess: I still do a bit of chess every now and then, but not as often as before.
Marksmanship: I've been having thoughts about returning to this hobby.
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Masturbation - reminder:L: I think it'll be as with gaming - I tried to haphazardly quit gaming multiple times, but finally by getting here I reached the breaking point. It's likely gonna take more than a few weeks and re-making the decision that I don't have time to waste. Ejaculation is easy for me to handle, it's just that masturbation overall is difficult to get rid of. It's a process.
This term was quite rough, especially with all the female attention that I've been getting recently. Masturbation is taking a toll on my sleep schedule, but I believe I will manage to handle it in a more healthy way. I'd like to think that I wouldn't do such a thing if I had a girl with whom I could have sex every (other) day, but my sexuality still my own responsibility even in that case and I have to deal with it in a way that doesn't screw me over.
T: After having sex, I found out that I am more accepting of masturbation and that I do not hinge on it as much. Maybe because I already internalized the belief that sex in "just another" (yet important) thing in my life or because it's easier to get than I thought. Either way, I sense more peace in myself in this area.
Meditation:L: I never got around to do it, though it could be that I incorporate some of it while working out or singing along with music or while on a walk. I want to figure out where to put it into my daily rhythm. I meditated a few times and I enjoyed the calmness. I gotta step up the relaxing activities, even though it sounds like an oxymoron 😄
I think reading + meditation might be a good combo, it’s just that I have to remember to do it when I have enough time to read, but not enough time to go for a walk at the same time. It's getting cold outside though, so I will not read outside too much anymore.
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Gratitude:L: I managed to sneak it in into my journal a couple of times, so that's good. I'm grateful for all the new relationships and opportunities that flew into my life the last month. I'm going to make sure this continues.
T: -
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Additional projects/misc/cool stuff finished last month:
Additional projects/misc/cool stuff upcoming this month:
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Thoughts, ideas and additional comments/gratitude:
SpoilerI think I have done a good job at incorporating psychology lectures I’ve seen/learnt into my life. I don’t want to re-live the experience I’ve had March/April 2019, because it could be deadly.
I gained the ability to plan after I quit games.
Life’s more colorful and more difficult to deal with, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror now and see myself less skewed than before.
I think I give meaning to things that deserve it now.
I am not horrified of free time anymore. This is a BIG one.
I am using my sociability more sensibly. No more trolling in Twitch chat and streaming.
Coming to think of it, I’ve never been overly anxious to begin with, just the normal amount. I asked girls out on dates on high school. I was just totally oblivious to the signals I sent/received.
I’m more conscious of both what I do and how I do it in relation with other people. I still get anxiety, but I act despite it. I stand tall and have my say.
I'm very lucky to have a mentor in the field I am excited about.
I'm grateful for everyone who has entered my life.
I EMBRACE THE FACT THAT ANYTHING I START DOING, I WILL DO IT BADLY. I CAN ONLY BECOME BETTER INCREMENTALLY AND BY PRACTICE.
It's less of a question WHAT I do compared to HOW and WHY I do it.
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Day 773:
I had English classes and a social evening.
Day 774:
I had English classes, cleaned my room, talked to a friend and had a social evening.
Day 775:
I wrote a mail to the mayor of my home municipality, had English classes, did the groceries and worked out at the gym and watched hockey in the evening.
Day 776:
I had English classes, played football, practiced chess and had a social evening.
Day 777:
I watched a few videos by Jocko Willink, went for a walk with a friend, played chess and thought about things I can do now that I have more time.
Day 778:
Today - TBA.
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The mail to the mayor was a response to his series of questions that he asked regarding the suggestions for future development in the area. It all originated from me asking him if there's some vision for development in the area. I was/am fairly happy about the fact that after a long time spent in the education system, I produced something of real value, because the university work sometimes seems self-serving.
I spent a good amount of time this week lazing around and not doing anything particular. I can enjoy that for a few days but I know there are things to do, so I am going to get organized for the next week.
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8 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I don't know how to feel. I never failed this much back in college. I also know that I didn't commit enough time to this exam to succeed. I believe you need to dedicate 3-6 months of pure studying 3-6 days per week. The people who pass put way more effort into it I did.
Is there any way to get more detailed feedback? Such as how many people passed, the answers you got wrong etc.? It's difficult to improve when you don't know what to improve on, what were the actual minimum conditions for passing the exam and how many people actually passed.
9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:I'm going to be writing and drawing more soon. I'm exercising and going to try and avoid porn for the rest of my life. I also want to just enjoy my time outside of work. I currently only enjoy time with my girlfriend and when I'm alone I'm a little miserable. I'm going to keep working on my attitude.
Definitely a good idea, as your girlfriend can't be the sole source of happiness in your life. Besides, sometimes you're going to piss off each other, no matter what you do or don't do!
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Day 770:
I studied, went for a walk and had a social evening.
Day 771:
I studied, visited my family and had a social evening.
Day 772:
I had the exams, worked out at the gym, played football and watched hockey.
Day 773:
Today - TBA.
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I passed the exams. I got pretty average questions, I had average knowledge and I got an average grade. I didn't feel nervous during the exams. I either knew or I didn't. I could think and derive thoughts rationally when I was asked. I'm content I don't have to deal with this in August again.
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Gratitude: I'm grateful for being firm.
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Day 767:
I had English classes, wrote here, studied, went for a walk and had a social dinner in the evening.
Day 768:
I had English classes, studied, had a rehearsal for the exams with a friend and watched hockey in the evening.
Day 769:
I went to get groceries, had English classes, studied for the finals and I'm gonna go to the gym in the evening with a friend.
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The exams are on Monday. I'm going to seek out and double down on any topics I feel bad at during the weekend. I'm not saying I am perfectly prepared, but I gave it my best shot in the last five weeks. Regardless of the outcome, I will have at least two months to relax and return to more of my hobbies. I haven't really had time to do that basically since Christmas because of the workload for the university (winter semester exams Dec-Jan, bachelor thesis Feb-Apr, final exams May) and workload from English teaching (gradually went from 5 hours a week in October to 25 today).
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Gratitude: I'm grateful for having a balanced life.
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14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I also think life today is too difficult for most to start addressing their problems. The world is in a tough spot and people are struggling so much. I noticed around Fall and Winter of 2020 people posted on here way less. Like they needed more of a break from life and sometimes video games are that perfect escapism for people. I just think maybe in a few months we'll see more people and others will start looking to get out of their old habits.
They've actually opened the pubs several days ago, so I hope the sport and cultural events are going to open in June as well. It's easier to stay away from addictions with good people around.
14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:I plan on finishing the week strong at work tomorrow, talking to friends after, then going on a nice little vacation with my girlfriend and her family. I want to get to know them better and I'm eager to spend time with her and be in our own place. It's a healthy escapism if you think about it.
Sounds good! It seems that you are happy with your relationship and that you are getting what you want.
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4 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:
Right now there are many people who need help but don’t know it.
I think that's right on point with any addiction. There are more things that are evidently harmful (smoking, alcohol, gambling) and people need help with them too. The issue is that they need the epiphany; to realize there are more valuable things to spend time and money on than games. You can't cram it down their throat.
I think the current problem of the society today is that people overall are at a loss about what to value and what to do. The "good traditional values" (loyalty, trust, responsibility) paradoxically got us to a point where we don't need them as much as we used to in the past, at least to survive physically. The generations before us toiled their lives away so we could live better today and I believe we continue to do that.
It takes time for the collective human mind to figure that out. Remember that 200 years ago, the average age was 30, there were perpetual wars, hunger, diseases... the amount of people who had any "free time" as we know it today was very small. Today, it's harder to recognize when we screw things up, because it usually doesn't have the immediate effect these things had on us in the past. We don't normally pay for our mistakes on an existential basis anymore.
As with any "new" thing, it takes time to use it well. I have sympathy for humanity overall, because we first have to fuck up before we get better.
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Day 763:
I studied for the finals, wrote here, went for a walk, played chess and watched hockey in the evening.
Day 764:
I studied for the finals, visited my family and went to bed early.
Day 765:
I had English classes, studied for the finals and watched hockey in the evening.
Day 766:
I studied for the finals, worked out at the gym and had English classes.
Day 767:
Today - TBA.
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I got a bit of time unexpectedly after a student had to reschedule the class, so here I am.
I've been studying a week now with four/five days left to go, plus those two weeks I spent sorting out the materials. I'm trying to focus on the topics I have gaps in, so that I am not screwed if I pick topics I am not acquainted with too well. I don't think the exam is horribly difficult. I just have to remember the cues/keywords for the topics or extract them from the question's parameters. I feel nervous, but all I can do is to put in the hours to study in the next few days. If that fails, I can try again in three months.
There's also a girl that's been giving me signals for a while now. I let her know we can do something together after I'm done with the exams.
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Gratitude: I'm grateful for being an early bird. I still find it somewhat weird that it's light outside before 6 though 😄
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27 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
Am I the only one who feels this website is a bit dead compared to the past?
It does. I haven't seen a spam-bot recently either. No idea about any hard data for the website though.
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Day 761:
I had English classes, studied for the finals, worked out at the gym, got a haircut and had a social evening.
Day 762:
I studied for the finals, had an English class, watched an interview with Fry and Peterson and worked out at the gym.
Day 763:
Today - TBA.
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I've been studying for the finals, both simply reading and also practicing my recall memory by talking about the topic for a minute or two after closing the file. I somehow find that it's fairly draining to listen to my voice, trying to put together ideas and sentences. The concepts are not difficult to understand or explain, it's just that I actually have to remember the key parts that I can go from.
It's been about a month and a half since the Spanish girl and I stopped meeting. I think there was still some sorrowful residue in me until recently, because I've felt some relief after talking this over with a friend and getting alternate perspectives and interpretations. Sometimes the loving thing is to let go, while recognizing the good times and genuine affection. What makes it difficult is that the person you need to let go is the last one you want to let go.
I later realized the two principles below to be vital in any romantic relationship. I later came to realize I adhere to these in any relationship that I value:
1) Respect - there are always going to be differences in opinions, behaviors and actions. Respect those. However, if there's something the other person does regularly that I hate, I have to speak up. Maybe it's something minor and they have no problem with dropping that, but maybe it's enough to make the relationship break apart. Respect isn't tolerating shitty behavior and letting my balls get broken wherever and whenever.
2) "never assume a hostile intent" A.K.A. "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" - nobody is out there to get me, especially the ones who are close to me. People might envy, be unkind and ignorant, but they hardly ever do that on purpose. It's a symptom, not the illness. If someone fucks up and I am caught up in the collateral damage, I try to understand why they did what they did and forgive them. If I get caught up in the damage too many times from a specific person, it might be a time to reevaluate the relationship, but everybody fucks up from time to time.
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Day 757:
I worked on the topics for the finals, prepared for my English classes next week, played football and had a social evening.
Day 758:
I worked on the topics for the finals, visited my family and went for a walk in the evening.
Day 759:
I worked on the topics for the finals, had English classes, did the laundry and had a social evening.
Day 760:
I went to my doctor for a check-up, donated blood, bought new shorts and slippers, had English classes and talked to a friend in the evening.
Day 761:
I finished working on the topics for the finals, had English classes and I went out in the evening.
Day 762:
Today - TBA.
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Including today, I have 11 days to go over the materials and to study. I already grasped the basics and cleared up misunderstandings as I was sorting out the distilled versions. I don't plan on studying whole days on end until the exam. Currently, I can manage 3 hours of studying daily; if I can bump that up to 6, 5 or even 4, I'll take it. I don't have more time than that most days anyway and I like to keep myself sane. I believe I should be able to cover at least one bundle (22-24 topics) every day; reading it and then recalling the focal points of the topic, meaning I'll go over each bundle at least three times before the exam.
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2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I think you gotta pace yourself with studying since it's easy to burnout. Maybe the Tuesday date is more appropriate so you can relax a little and allow your mind to process everything.
I think so as well. I tried to push myself to do it on Thursday and I just gave up. It's just annoying that my initial estimate was to sort out the materials in a week and I'm already at the end of the second one, but I know I am already revising the materials just by writing down the most important parts. Time to get to work.
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Day 749:
I studied for the finals, played football, played chess and talked to a friend. I had a headache in the evening, so I went to bed early.
Day 750:
I studied for the finals, visited my family and had a social evening.
Day 751:
I studied for the finals, had English classes, played football and had a social evening.
Day 752:
I studied for the finals, had English classes and had a social evening.
Day 753:
I had English classes for the whole day.
Day 754:
I had English classes, didn't study at all, talked to a friend and went to bed early.
Day 755:
I studied for the finals and had English classes. I'm gonna relax socially in the evening.
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As a preparation for my finals, I've distilled about 33 topics so far and some 22 are remaining. There are 15 more, but they're already distilled enough. On a good day the maximum I covered so far was 7, usually after working 3-4 hours uninterrupted in the morning. Today I've done 6. I can't make myself study more than 4 hours; I'm just mentally done after that.
I'm unsure whether it's realistic to expect from me to get them done during the weekend, but I think finishing them by Tuesday is doable. The exams are on 31st and I want to go over the materials I've composed at least a few times.
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Day 747:
I researched finance, had English classes, studied for the finals, played football, went to the shop and had a social evening.
Day 748:
I studied for the finals, had English classes, watched a few videos about entrepreneurship on Khan Academy and had a social evening.
Day 749:
Today/TBD.
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I'm studying for the finals, but I have thoughts running through my mind, so I decided to put them here.
I'm gonna put together the evolution of my dating life that has happened over the past year and a half, since the second longer-term romantic relationship I've had is at its end. The first one lasted nine months, the second one roughly three. Therefore, the average duration of a relationship where I had sex is half a year.
This might seem like a silly and funny statistic to point out, yet I think it has some relevance. It seems as if there's no casual sex for me. It seems as if my template for this behavior was is grandma who only ever had sex with my grandpa and were married for nearly 50 years. I'm not necessarily saying that it's good/bad/naive/smart or anything else compared to any other behavior. I just think it's a part of me that I have to work with.
I think the idea is that we just need to find someone who is willing to play the same game as we do and sometimes try out what works and what doesn't to update that. If I want a stable relationship, I can't go have sex with someone first and then try to shove the idea down their throat second. I want sex and intimacy. People want sex and intimacy. It's assumed. There's no romantic relationship happening without sex and intimacy at some point. I have to check for the ideas first and then have (the "guaranteed") sex and intimacy. Easy as that.
It does seem that when I feel secure in a romantic relationship, I shut myself off to other opportunities to try and form similar relationships. I maybe could've had two romantic/sexual relationships at the same time back in February. I chose not to, because I thought it'd be too much hassle to deal with, even if everybody involved would be fine with it.
That brings me to an idea I've read a long time ago from Manson: Why play games if you are in for the long run? There's no time for pretense or jealousy games. Get straight or get out. I might have troubles saying these things, but I've found out that if I want to have someone in my life, I want to be with them. Presence (and a bit of action) seems to be my primary language of love.
Regardless, these 18 months saw me noticing and doing things with several women. It's not important where on the range it was; if I just noticed the signal or had sex. Everything counts.
Things were fairly complicated for everyone. I imagine if CV happened 5 years ago, the effect on me would be next to none, as I lived online anyway. The influx of new women into my life has been severely limited, so that is/was also a factor in my relationship choices.
In March 2020, I made a draft of what I would want in a woman (according to Glover's 5 dos and 5 don'ts), I updated it in December 2020 and today. A lot of them are subjective rather than objective, but I believe that's fine. Here it is:
DON'T
1 HATE LIFE - SUBJECTIVE
2 SMOKE/DRINK/PHONE ADDICT
3 HAVE MULTIPLE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS - TOO TANGLED TO DEAL WITH
4 HAVE FREQUENT MOOD SWINGS - SUBJECTIVE
5 BE OVERLY DEPENDENT ON ME - I AM NOT A GODDO
1 MEET ONCE A WEEK AT LEAST
2 KEEP IN SHAPE
3 WORK ON HER CAREER/UNI
4 BE PRESENT WITH ME
5 HAVE HER OWN LIFE
6 KEEP HER WORD/BE ON TIME
7 BE LOCAL - STAY IN THE AREA FOR AT LEAST HALF A YEAR TIMEHaving standards is difficult, but I want to remember this list above the next time I get involved in something romantic/sexual. Growth often hurts in the moment, but then we get the benefits for sacrificing the pleasures of the present.
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Gratitude: Happy V-E Day everyone. Today's world isn't perfect, but it's the best we've been able to manage.
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Day 744:
I had English classes, went for a walk and studied for the finals.
Day 745:
I studied for the finals, had English classes and had a social evening.
Day 746:
I had English classes the whole day, so I just took a nap and watched some Khan Academy videos about various professions in the US.
Day 747:
Today/TBD.
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I suppose distilling the total of 70 topics from 300 A4s to something more compact is not going to take just one week but rather one and a half or two. It takes me half an hour to get through the topic, so I have to make time for that. The good thing is that I am thinking hard and examining the concepts that are in the topics, so I am already learning along the way.
I've pondered and talked to some people about emotions recently. I got annoyed by actions of one girl a few days ago, though I managed to keep my head cool in the end. I haven't cried for a long time, though at the same time I am sometimes afraid/reluctant to do something and feel some discomfort. My sex drive also seems to be in order.
Some of my emotions might be hidden or subtle, but they're there. I think that's why I prefer to be steadfast, organized and responsible. I can handle chaos, but I can't live inside of it.
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Gratitude: I'm grateful for my friendships. I overall feel that they've gotten deeper over the past three or four months.
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