Ikar
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Posts posted by Ikar
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On 6/29/2026 at 4:30 AM, RealityOptimizer said: 16/90
4 hours out of house habit: Didn't reach 4 hours today, but got close! Tomorrow for sure I will hit this.
-- VENTING --
I recently turned 21 years old. I cannot remain in this habit of being a homebody. If I don't act quick, soon enough 10 years will pass and I will remain there, scared of the world.
My deep work gets done best at the library. Life cannot be lived stuck at a desk in a bedroom.
Got really emotional today, because I realized how much I've missed out on life simply by being comfortable. Gaming, staying inside, even reading sometimes -- is not what I want.
I want to become a powerhouse. I want to attack this college work stuff with full force. I want to give it my all. I don't want to just float around.
I want financial stability -- specifically independence. Even if my parents can afford to pay for some of my life, I want to hold my own pocket power. Even if it's fine at my age, I hate the feeling of constant dependence AND not trying to resolve it.
What I need to remember is to reflect constantly. Think things through. Ignore advice. Read less. Google less. Consult AI less. Nobody can understand my exact life's nuances as much as me.
I quit games when I was 21. It was a good decision, looking back on it :)
Anyway, there's no point in regretting the past. Hindsight is 20/20. The important thing is that you've learnt 1) what needs gaming helped you with and 2) how to fulfill these needs elsewhere. It might take some time to manage that, but it gets better over time.
It seems to me you have a good attitude to deal with this. Good luck!
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On 6/21/2026 at 12:05 AM, reader said: Week 23
Developing Projects: I set clear ETAs now. I am going to launch on of the product on beggining of August
Gym: Trying to get with good regularity againSummary of Week 23
One thing I learned this week on one of my projects: I had the wrong consumer group from the start. I assumed B2C. Turns out there's zero interest there, despite running an aggressive marketing campaign. Nobody is actually trying the platform, even people who signed up for beta testing.
Hard pill to swallow. I was in a bad mood for a day.
Then I realised I'm too deep into this to stop. So I'm giving it one last shot by shifting to B2B, targeting IT businesses instead. Spending the next 4 weeks preparing everything before reaching out with a proper business offer. Right before launch.
Kept me occupied. Less cravings this week because of it.
Dumbscrolling free: 24 weeksHey, do you have somebody to help you out with this? A potential colleague or business partner? Or just contacts of people who might be able to help you? Are there any regional agencies that can help you out with supporting the project? I'm just asking to know which direction are you taking this :)
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10 hours ago, reader said: @Ikar when I found out I was going to be a father, summer 2021, I read a bunch of parenting books. My son is now 4 and I can tell you that most of that book knowledge turned out to be pretty useless in practice. What actually matters is your own emotional state. Kids mirror everything back at you. If your emotions aren't sorted, it comes back at you doubled. Not saying you have unresolved stuff, just speaking from experience. Sort yourself out before the baby arrives :D
Glad you checked your old diary, I did the same and it really helps with perspective. I've been here since 2021 as well.
Currently at 23 weeks gaming free. Cravings have been rough lately, a bit easier this week but still there. Anyway, good day to you!
I think parenting is one of those things you can't get ready for and once you're actually doing it, then you hardly ever have time to think about it. So I definitely agree the best preparation is to sort yourself out first, because then you can adequately react on the spot. That's why I am 6 weeks porn free at this point. Maybe I have some other problems too, but then I'd believe it's mostly just about setting priorities.
Plus I actually want to be there with the kids. I don't want to get a child and then just work to provide income. My father did that. Now, at age 60, he tasks my mom to convince me to do something for him - instead of telling me directly. I'd even think that was normal, until I met my current girlfriend. I just want to be better than him in this regard. And all this was made possible by quitting games in the first place.
You indeed are one of the guys from 2021! Quite a rough time to quit gaming, but there's never THE right time to quit an addiction anyway.
23 weeks is great! If you still get cravings, it's useful to use the "HALTED" method from the guys here on the forum. After those 6 weeks, porn is relatively easy for me to handle now. I just need to remember it's not THE answer to all the unpleasant (or even pleasant) emotions. I have other ways of dealing with emotions. Also, don't be afraid to come back after relapse - I'm writing this for you as much as I'm writing it for myself. The only time you truly give up on yourself is when you stop trying.
Good luck!
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I somehow randomly got the idea to go through my diary entries some 5-6 years ago, when the coronavirus lockdowns were in effect (March-May 2020 and October 2020-April 2021).
Looking back, I'm mostly proud of myself. I made it. Maybe I was too intense sometimes. Sure, I cringe at certain passages. I'm in shock from some others (all the girls - here I am now in a relationship for the last 3,5 years, lol). But I've still made solid progress as a person :)
I was really quite experimental, as I had quit games just a year or two before that. Over time, I had decided to follow my heart to teach adults English. I've escaped the clutches of Forex and a second MLM financial scheme. I'm happy I did, because I'm not the type of person to deal with constant manipulation and backroom backstabbing to just sell out my soul for money.
I also left behind a lot of other stuff. I decided to not continue in my field after finishing the university. I quit drumming. I also never really picked up martial arts. I also left behind a few relationships that didn't work in a way I wanted them to work.
I kept on writing, but mostly just here. I learnt a lot. I'm happy and grateful for that.
Shout out to all the old guns who were here during the time:
@ceponatia @BooksandTrees @Phoenixking @Icandothis @Empathy @DaBest @TheNewMe2.0 @Amphibian220 @Alexanderle @Tzen1 @PianoLearner @chiliflavor @Bird By Bird @Arthur @JSmith @Pochatok @Jason70 @royal panda
And also shout out to all the new guns (yes, new guns, because most of you registered after April 2021, hahaha), who took some of their time to read my entries here:
@WilderDaze @Yan @FDRx7 @reader @Heretic666 @RealityOptimizer
Time runs quickly. It's been quite a ride. And I'm not leaving yet :)
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On 6/13/2026 at 5:47 PM, Ikar said: This year, so far I've managed to sock away about 35% of what I made this year, after taxes. I've debated myself on whether I should take more holidays, but come to the conclusion: What would I take holidays from? There's not much point in doing so if I already do what I want and what I need. I've read something on living an international lifestyle - changing countries every few months to avoid personal taxes, but I guess it's not something that would interest me at the moment.
Continuing on my musings with money, considering what I've saved up through my work, I feel like I might start giving the money more purpose and intent. I might use it to give myself more free time, but I don't feel like overloading myself or neglecting an important area of my life. Just the balance and spine exercises and flossing come to my mind at the moment. I need to give myself some more time to think about this.
I have some time today, so I figured why not?
Backstory: I've been invested since 2020 (I randomly started literally during the COVID crash) and since 2021 I'm invested more effectively and in bigger numbers. Today in 2026, it's enough to just look at the S&P 500 growth over the past 5 years to see how successful the whole market has been. Maybe there'll be a draw-down, but that's besides the point. Besides, one can't invest without getting the money first.
I don't have a bad job to quit or a horrible lifestyle to change. No debt either. No terrible desire to spend on something either. It seems to me the only life-altering decision in terms of money would be having kids. That might give the money some tangible use.
If I don't have kids, there's probably no point in saving as much as I do now. I'm not really afraid of being poor when old. I'm afraid of being inactive and senile, like my grandma is now. I'd probably work less though, as I just consider having time off more valuable than money.
If I do have kids, I'll pool the money I make at the time in with my girlfriend and the baby. Having babies is still quite a brutal remembrance to how things were in the past (given that birth can't change much by the definition of genetics) and I want to be there to do my part and to actually spend time with the family once I have it. This will probably also mean working less. Having kids is still somewhat scary for me, because you can't walk back on that.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 16/5/26 - 13/6/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: Started with a book and found out about halfway through it that he was implicated in the Epstein files. Granted its a book about psychology, I no longer consider it valuable. Gonna head to the library again. Continuing with various blogs, mostly on finance.
T: I've been reading (financial, but not only) blogs by Financial Samurai and Derek Hagen. I've also started a book recommended to me by my girlfriend on the lack and discrepancy of data on women from a feminist perspective, but I'm having a better time reading the financial blogs still.
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: So my grandma was (finally and thankfully) hospitalized about a month ago. During one of the "routine" emergency ambulance visits, one of the medics noticed that her legs are in really bad condition, mostly due to poor hygiene. No surprise there, because I had called the emergency back in January because of her legs. She had a surgery in the hospital and they pumped antibiotics into her, but it seems that it's just a matter of time when they're gonna have to amputate her leg. She also had undiagnosed/untreated diabetes for a very long time, which doesn't help. She still delusionally insists that she's doing okay and looking forward to being home in her flat again...
I met my brother yesterday for lunch and we had a good talk about his job and other stuff.
T: I had two visits to my grandma in the hospital, both with my parents. I'm happy that now she has daily care, though of course the bad news is that it's unlikely it'll ever get substantially better.
On a brighter note, my parents and my girlfriend's met for the first time and it seemed to me they had a pretty good time together.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English/Army:
L: In the end, I got contacted by the company I sent the offer to, so something did in fact come out of it. I updated the price offer asked for a really premium rate this time, because I need to travel to get there.
The outlook is good, I have more than enough work at this point. I'll have to make some price increases to reflect that.
I also made a partial analysis of the rate of return on the website. I compared the performance of the last 8 months of the old website and 8 months of the new website. The old website "generated" 5 students and the new one "generated" 5 students as well. I also have three active inquiries now. I guess I was expecting more, but granted I also raised the prices and have enough work as it is, I'm not really bothered by that.
I had a few army activities in April, including a SERE theory course.
T: I'm still in contact with the "price offer" company. If it works out, great, I'll have extra 5-7 hours of work per week for a great rate. If not, I'll have more free time for myself. I win either way!
I also sent out the questionnaire for this semester. Nothing else otherwise.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15-20 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health + 10-13 break:
L: Managed to exercise 13/19 of my 10-13 breaks. The week before the holiday was weak, as we prepared to leave and I had more social events.
Went to a race and got ran 6,2 kilometers in 29:13 minutes - roughly 4:45 min/km.
We were active during our holiday as well, but not in the standard way of running or lifting, but we did a lot of hiking and cycling.
T: I had the army tests just two days after writing the last report. I passed, but I want to improve on my result, so I'm going again in two days. Managed to exercise 17/20 of my 10-13 breaks. I also dug up my run competition results from the last three years; I'm getting better, bit by bit.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Keep having the 1000-1300 break.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: Met my friend, played table football and had a nice holiday in Normandy. We visited many bunkers and museum and even cemeteries related to WWII.
T: Had another FIRE meeting, met my friend a few times and attended a pub quiz with a few other friends. We also watched the hockey championship. I also watched a few action and finance films when my girlfriend was away with her family for the weekend.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends...).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: Spent time together on holiday and watched some films together. My girlfriend mentioned she'd like to talk and debate with me more often.
T: Since I've been off porn for a month, I have to say that we have better sex. I overall think the relationship is in a better place too. We also went to a funny talk show.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Others:
L: I felt a bit clueless as we were coming back home from the holiday last week, as if I had no priorities and no goals. This week proved me wrong. I actually felt quite beat-up at the end week, as I plunged from my active holiday of 10 days straight back into work. I have more than enough stuff to do and to work on that are meaningful - it's just that for a day, I felt that nothing was going on.
This year, so far I've managed to sock away about 35% of what I made this year, after taxes. I've debated myself on whether I should take more holidays, but come to the conclusion: What would I take holidays from? There's not much point in doing so if I already do what I want and what I need. I've read something on living an international lifestyle - changing countries every few months to avoid personal taxes, but I guess it's not something that would interest me at the moment.
Last but not least, I'll circle back to porn. It's been kind of back and forth for the last few weeks, but even months and years. I had some limited success of longer streaks of no porn in 2022 for a few months, no porn in 2024 for a month before the CELTA course (it was very insightful, but also very stressful). I obviously don't do it in social settings and sometimes I'm busy enough to not think of it for days or even weeks. It's not even that I watch porn for nudity and some depictions of sex, I think there's something else at play. After about a week of abstinence, I also feel my natural libido coming back. The issue is, I don't know how to help myself with it. I'm planning to do some research again on how to understand myself better soon.
T: Continuing on my musings with money, considering what I've saved up through my work, I feel like I might start giving the money more purpose and intent. I might use it to give myself more free time, but I don't feel like overloading myself or neglecting an important area of my life. Just the balance and spine exercises and flossing come to my mind at the moment. I need to give myself some more time to think about this.
@Heretic666 As I wrote above, my relationship with my girlfriend got better after about a month off porn. It's not that I've completely stopped thinking about it, but it's not even been that hard to abstain. In fact, I even managed to masturbate on my own (without porn), which is something I haven't done in a long time. I also feel more energy overall, so I might be getting better sports results. As a side note, my girlfriend and I went to a fertility clinic to check if we're both able to have a baby and the results were positive for both of us. As for battling the company that refused to refund me for tickets for a concert after it was canceled, I got a court order in my favor, so it's going well.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.
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17 hours ago, Yan said: I think gaming is not the same as devoting yourself completely to what you see as your life's purpose.
Though in both cases you give everything else up, but with gaming you were giving your arguably life's purpose to the extent you were occupying yourself with it.Well yeah, that's the thing. My purpose is what I do. My purpose was what I did. We can today argue whether "gaming" was a good purpose for me back then, but it was my purpose back then. A few years ago, I decided to change my purpose and started doing other things.
17 hours ago, Yan said: Whereas when you'd do it in the direction of your life's purpose, say like Elon Musk, to make human settlements on mars, you'd be feeling that the pain of avoiding everything else is more than justified, so I assume.
I mean, again giving myself as an example, I think I had a purpose of "gaming" attached to me since being (let's say) 10, but unknowingly and without being able to really choose. If anything, for a long time, I was unable to change my purpose from "gaming" to branch out to something else. But we don't need to get hung up on wordplay and philosophical details 😅
17 hours ago, Yan said: The key is to remember that none of those things must be as they are, and most probably could be improved quite a lot, unless you're not Thomas Edison, Barrack Obama, Nicola Tesla, Elon Musk etc. etc. Those guys definitely can/could(the deceased ones) improve their schedules, but they already had quite a bit to show for their work, because of their overreaching focus on a certain subject.
You're right. I think they were all hyper-effective and organized. I also think it's worth noting that they got lucky. They were at the right place at the right time. There have been dozens of Edisons, hundreds of Obamas and thousands of Musks that we've never heard of, because the competition at the top is brutal :)
17 hours ago, Yan said: Yep, as painful as it is, the more things we get involved in, the less effective we become in each.
It's a bit like the guy who got on the horse and galloped in all directions. (Hint: he didn't. Because when you gallop in all directions, you actually gallop in no direction and just stay still =| )Agreed 😄
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10 hours ago, Yan said: I actually meant 5 duolingo lessons of two minutes each. In 50 minutes I guess you could complete 25 lessons if you're on turbo mode. ;) Probably not however. It's like a sprint. Sprints are for shorter distances usually. (At least the 95-100% ones. Somewhere around 80 to 85% I guess is also manageable for longer distances if you train yourself long. I guess not so much for 95-100. Although never say never.
Regarding your day hour spending estimates: Some people also work 8 hours.
Besides all that I think one can devote 1 hour, 2, 3 or 12. Maybe even 14-15 on some days. Maybe even more if you're inclined to sleep less. It is all a matter of what is the price you're willing to pay, and what is your main purpose. In fact, the most successful people so far as I can see, are the ones that are willing to sacrifice all else, and devote themselves completely to one thing, leaving absolutely everything else at a minimum, and doing that for years. That is what is required, but of course, most people won't do that. That is why most people are average. The extent we do it with usually correlates with their amount of mediocrity(stagnation)(I say stagnation because that is what happens when we try to go in all directions at the same time)/performance I guess :)
It is really the most reasonable thing to do, and the most effective one. (I mean to give most of the things up) But we keep telling ourselves some dumb, unreasonable, unobjective s***, to avoid changing habits, or losing the knowledge we gathered in some areas or "insert excuse ______" Myself included of course to some extent(We are all on the spectrum there)You're correct that the right question to ask is "What do I want to give up?" Everybody's answer will be different. I think I also prefer quality over quantity (in the total number of things I'm involved in). Tough I think I have it in the back of my mind to not narrow it down too much, as I remember how it was with gaming, when I had no life outside of it.
(Just a clarification - I had these estimates averaged out during the whole week. So, I don't exercise for 2 hours every day of the week, but weekend rides and hikes add up. Same principle with my work, but inverted. I'd also argue that many people don't spend 8 hours working, but 8 hours in the office, but that's another discussion :))
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8 hours ago, Yan said: I guess it depends on the performance. If you can fit 5 Duolingo lessons in 10 minutes a day. That is enough to be able to speak somewhat, it will just take longer than otherwise often, because I guess the more you do in one session, the deeper you go, sort of in an exponential manner. Although I'm not completely sure about where the top and bottom limits where the curve starts and stops being exponential... Let me know if that makes sense.
That's the thing, it's about being consistent, but I don't know if it's reasonable and realistic to expect that from most people. If I took your example of spending 50 minutes (I'll make it an hour) per day on an activity, then besides basic biological functions (sleep, food), I can say I consistently do only walking, working, various type of exercise (workout, running, gym, hiking cycling all lumped together). And it makes sense, because there isn't much more time during the average day. Sleep 8, food 2, walking 1, working 5, exercise 2... I'm at 18 hours and I haven't even mentioned hobbies, my girlfriend or hygiene. And those are things that are important too :D
8 hours ago, Yan said: I guess after listening to "The Sleep Revolution" by Ariana Huffington about 6 years ago I started believing 8 hours were the needed amount. Nevertheless I discount 15 minutes from the time I close my eyes supposing it is the time it takes to fall asleep and usually at least 2 pauses of 10 minutes at night for peeing and water drinking, sometimes 3.
So even If there were 8 hours from the moment I closed my eyes and until the moment I woke up, it could easily end up in 7h 25m or 7h 15m, or more if I drink water aswell and move slowly.
In any case I do not feel sleep deprived, as far as I'm aware, mostly. If I do sleep 4 hours or have a day where I plan to not sleep for some 20 hours straight, I try to plan in a nap, or compensate the next day. But one such day really doesn't have such consequences on the feeling throughout the day as far as I noticed. The problem is when it repeats itself.
Having 6.5 + hrs a few days in a row also doesn't cause me much drowsiness...
If you have any more specific questions, feel free to fire away.Ah, I see, so you probably have an "extra" hour of "sleep" as most people would understand it. I read somewhere you can get used to not having enough sleep over long periods of time. (Basically in the same way we used to play games for hours on end without finding it abnormal.) Though the main thing is whether you feel good during the day which it seems you do :)
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19 hours ago, Yan said: Yep, after I wrote this I just followed what was written. Got some profession literature and went on with concentrating on it.
Great!
19 hours ago, Yan said: I'm not sure I understand what you're alluding to. Is the main point that "it's impossible to learn a language in just 5 or 10 minutes a day"? If so, I agree. But I have now been studying Spanish for 10 years and German for about 8 years. My point is to maintain those languages. Mostly Spanish in the form of changing some of my routine parts to Spanish, since the last 8 months or so I've been doing German "Full time" in preparation for a Goethe Certificate. I also listen to quite some literature in German now, and am physically in Germany. Which means I am more predisposed to using it.
Arabic I do Indeed want to slowly learn(Already learning it to some degree for about a year or so now). As I already have experience with German and Spanish, I do believe that 15-30 minutes a day should bring me to a level where I can maintain a conversation in 1 or two years, so long as I remain consistent19 hours ago, Yan said: @Ikar But more than that, there's another main focus I need to take up now. And not be a jack of all trades, which Is why I said I would like to reduce the language learning "a lot". Because It has been taking quite a chunk of my day, but now is time to change focus. And again, since my new focus is in German literature mostly anyway, German progress would likely not "extemely" suffer. Even though it will, of course, once it takes a secondary priority, reduce progress to a degree.
Sounds good! You're surrounding yourself with the language (German) and that's the correct way to go. I was rather referring to the trend where people study 5-10 minutes a year or two (just through e.g. Duolingo) and then are unpleasantly surprised that they can't say anything besides very basic vocabulary and sentences.
20 hours ago, Yan said: Are you asking if I'm Ideally okay with it in theory, as an ideal? Or how I feel myself as a result, and whether I perform optimally?
Well, both really, that's why I laid the question in that way :) For example, I sleep about 7 hours and a few minutes on top of that on average, but I'd prefer to be close to 8. Sleep deprivation sucks.
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On 5/20/2026 at 10:29 PM, Yan said: - I guess now is the point to reduce German studies and concentrate more on the long"ish" term job, as was originally planned. I've been delaying it because it's painful to reduce the German studies amount, but it is time. At least until I somewhat settle in. Meanwhile I can keep it on low fire, maybe 15-30 minutes a day, along with maintaining spanish and learning a little bit of arabic. I mean I'm going to come accross German a lot anyway... Especially if I am to read profession literature now, and to deal with the profession I originally planned to deal with
Hey Yan, have you figured out what to do here yet?
My students often ask me: "How did you learn English so well?" To which I only answer with a smile: "I started teaching it 20 hours a week." It takes a long time (months, but more likely years) to get really good at a language. It also depends on the destination where you want to take your skills. I besides my mother tongue and English, I manage some basic Spanish (from high school) and a mix of Russian/Polish. I used to use Duolingo in the past, but it's impossible to learn a language in just 5 or 10 minutes a day, it's just too little...
On 5/24/2026 at 10:32 PM, Yan said: Sleep documentation for the week
May 17-18 7 30 -15 - 10 - 11 - 15 = 6h 39m
May 18-19 6 24 - 8 - 7 - 3 - 5 - 15 = 5h 56m
May 19-20 9 14 - 10 -10 - 3 = 8h 51m
May 20-21 4 39 - 16 = 4h 23m
May 21-22 7 30 - 15 - 19 = 6h 56m
May 22-23 6 47 - 15 - 13 -7 = 6h 12m
May 23-24 48 + 6 54 - 15 - 20 - 10 - 5 = 7h 02mAre you OK with sleeping this much/little? I know it's a struggle for some people to manage a balanced sleep schedule.
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14 hours ago, Yan said: Hi @Ikar I had a dream today, where you wrote you were posting "Photos of the vivid moments of your fathers life to serve as inspiration and good memory" or at least you wrote you were going to do so.
This was sort of a nightmare after which I cried a few times, because I could vividly imagine my father's death.
I don't know why the dream came with you as the poster, but I thought I'd share anyway.
Wish you to cherish the moments with your living close relatives, or keep appreciating and being grateful for the moments with the deceased ones. Because it is a gift having had them alive and present in the first place, which is not at all granted to every person.
Keep appreciating the given gift of life my man.
Hi, I think it may have come to your mind, because I often comment on the situation of my grandma here.
Seeing a person deteriorate is disheartening. A relative (or friend) dying "out of nowhere" is a shock, but it allows people to grieve immediately. Seeing the person dying for months, slowly losing control of their mind and body, being unable to help, or even convince her to seek medical attention, due to a weird mix of overconfidence/paranoia/dementia...
That written, I enjoyed visiting my grandma and I'm happy and grateful for the fact that she was independent and doing quite well up until a year ago or so. I also think I improved the relationship with my mom over the last few months.
Thanks for writing :)
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On 5/17/2026 at 10:07 AM, Heretic666 said: Ah, I was mostly referring to your first relationship actually, because that’s kind of where your whole journal started from, at least if I can see it that way. I still remember reading it for the first time myself after the breakup with my very first girlfriend. I was in a really dark place back then, even had suicidal thoughts, and I related to what you wrote a lot. First girlfriend, first breakup… I honestly think that’s one of the worst things emotionally.
For me it also really started after that breakup, when I just couldn’t handle the fact that we weren’t together anymore. I started looking for porn with women who looked similar to my ex and imagining it was her, and I kind of slowly fell into it from there. I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else at the time, I was completely fucked mentally, and the porn just made everything worse. Eventually I couldn’t really function without it anymore.
It was tough for me as well, because I've never had it in me to juggle multiple relationships at the same time. I can say I see/saw all of my girlfriends as soulmates. No wonder the breakups were/are difficult.
On 5/17/2026 at 10:07 AM, Heretic666 said: I started researching all kinds of things about it, trying to go one day without porn, then two, trying to somehow control it. Later I ended up finding girls for hookups, but I couldn’t even finish during normal sex anymore. “Normal” sex started feeling boring to me because my brain was already so conditioned by porn.
Then I got into another relationship, but I still kept comparing her to the first girl. We had sex and everything, but I think maybe reality itself just stopped exciting me the same way… if you know what I mean. She genuinely tried to help me, we tried different things, but I just… wasn’t into it. And even then it somehow still never felt like enough.
That must've been painful - the first paragraph for you and the second paragraph for her. I've read that hookups are what comes after porn. But good luck getting me to pay for those, when I don't even buy my porn
I get what you mean by "it never felt like enough" though. That's why I want to quit. I just know that if porn contributes to the breakup with my current girlfriend, it'll be haunting me into the next relationship and it'll be the same scenario. On 5/17/2026 at 10:07 AM, Heretic666 said: I think with porn addiction you really have to understand where the breaking point happened. Why it started in the first place, what was missing in your life at that moment, what exactly your brain attached itself to and why. Personally I think it often comes from some kind of dissatisfaction, maybe boredom in relationships, routine, the intimacy no longer feeling new or exciting anymore, something like that.
For me it was definitely triggered by the breakup, but for a lot of guys I’ve talked to, it seems to come more from boredom and the routine of long-term relationships.
I wouldn’t say I’m fully out of it even now, but it’s definitely much better than it used to be. Sports help me a lot, especially running and working out. Whenever I get the urge to watch porn, I usually try to go for a run or do something physical instead.
I see. I had some breaks away from porn, but those were that - breaks. I can't really say I've had multiple years without it since I was 13/14/15. I know I was lonely back then and I was lonely until I was 21/22. I know some people can manage porn AND good sexual aspect of their relationship, but I can't manage that and it would leave me completely exhausted
I manage to work out or run most days of the week. I'll try to do what you described, thanks for the tip! And thanks for taking the time to write this. -
1 hour ago, Heretic666 said: I remember reading your journals a lot back then and this part about porn made me curious actually. Was it something that affected your previous relationship too, or even the one you have now? Like, did your girlfriends ever mind it or did it somehow create distance/problems in the relationships?
I’m asking because I used to struggle with something pretty similar myself and it affected my relationships a lot psychologically, even though my intimate life with my girlfriends was actually good and I was very attracted to them. That’s what confused me the most honestly, because it never really came from “missing” something in the relationship itself, so I always felt like there had to be something deeper behind it.
I think my main problem with porn started after the issues with my first girlfriend, and basically after the breakup that I never really handled properly. The only porn I was able to watch back then involved women who looked similar to my ex.
But the problem with porn goes much deeper than that, and unfortunately it can really destroy relationships. Climbing out of it is incredibly difficult. Obviously not impossible, but it’s honestly insane.
Hey, thanks for stopping by!
I'll start with the second question and circle back to the first. I don't think my long-term girlfriends have ever minded it (me watching porn), BUT I think they minded the consequences. To be specific, I think just my current one has to bear the full consequences. I consider myself having three long term relationships, but the first was even before I started writing here and the second one ended after a few months because of her moving back to her country.
My current girlfriend of about 3,5 years had her own addiction she managed to quit about two years ago, so she understands and she's trying to be supportive. As I hinted in the post before, I have a feeling I am less sexually active with her because of the porn and that creates friction, because we used to be more active at the beginning of the relationship. We get along well and are in agreement on most important things of life, but I do think being together sexually more often would help the relationship.
Overall, I think I "could afford" watching porn in the past, but it seems to me that I've been unable to bring myself to make it a problem worth solving. I think porn has been with me (in its various forms on a screen) since I was a teenager some 15 years ago when I struggled to find a girlfriend and was a social outsider. Many things are different today, but the crutch from the past, when I had to be "independent", still remains.
How did you get out of it, if at all?
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 9/4/26 - 16/5/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: Read up on finblogs again - WCI and Nick Maggiulli. I've managed about half of "Six Easy Pieces" by Feynman, but I'm going to the library to change it up today. Continuing with various blogs.
T: Started with a book and found out about halfway through it that he was implicated in the Epstein files. Granted its a book about psychology, I no longer consider it valuable. Gonna head to the library again. Continuing with various blogs, mostly on finance.
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: Nothing much here. I still go and visit my family and my grandma roughly twice a month. I still spend some time with my grandma, but less. There's just less to talk about (she often makes things up), so I just help her out with something practical whenever I'm there.
Other that than, my father and I are embroiled in a (legal) battle with the welfare office/insurance company. We gather documents from medical checkups (my mom helps my grandma with that), producing appeals etc. I also offered my mom to go out for lunch every now and then to support her.
On a brighter note, my brother and I had a burger together and then visited the improvisation show. My brother said he liked it, so we might go again :)
T: So my grandma was (finally and thankfully) hospitalized about a month ago. During one of the "routine" emergency ambulance visits, one of the medics noticed that her legs are in really bad condition, mostly due to poor hygiene. No surprise there, because I had called the emergency back in January because of her legs. She had a surgery in the hospital and they pumped antibiotics into her, but it seems that it's just a matter of time when they're gonna have to amputate her leg. She also had undiagnosed/untreated diabetes for a very long time, which doesn't help. She still delusionally insists that she's doing okay and looking forward to being home in her flat again...
I met my brother yesterday for lunch and we had a good talk about his job and other stuff.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English/Army:
L: I had to write a price offer after an interview for a company that is looking to start a few courses. Nothing came out of the price offer, but I'm OK with that - I got three new students who replaced two courses that finished, so I'm doing well overall. I also filed my taxes.
T: In the end, I got contacted by the company I sent the offer to, so something did in fact come out of it. I updated the price offer asked for a really premium rate this time, because I need to travel to get there.
The outlook is good, I have more than enough work at this point. I'll have to make some price increases to reflect that.
I also made a partial analysis of the rate of return on the website. I compared the performance of the last 8 months of the old website and 8 months of the new website. The old website "generated" 5 students and the new one "generated" 5 students as well. I also have three active inquiries now. I guess I was expecting more, but granted I also raised the prices and have enough work as it is, I'm not really bothered by that.
I had a few army activities in April, including a SERE theory course.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15-20 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health + 10-13 break:
L: I managed 10/17 of my 10-13 breaks these past four weeks or so. It doesn't seem like much, but a stomach flu (diarrhea and vomiting) shot me down this week, so I'm taking it easy. I also made up for the rest by spending an active holiday and weekends with my girlfriend, hiking and cycling.
Went to the cardiology, dermatology and dental hygienist for routine checkups and everything is OK.
T: Managed to exercise 13/19 of my 10-13 breaks. The week before the holiday was weak, as we prepared to leave and I had more social events.
Went to a race and got ran 6,2 kilometers in 29:13 minutes - roughly 4:45 min/km.
We were active during our holiday as well, but not in the standard way of running or lifting, but we did a lot of hiking and cycling.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Keep having the 1000-1300 break.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: Had another FIRE meeting, met my friend a few times, went for hikes with my girlfriend, went to the improvisation show with my brother.
T: Met my friend, played table football and had a nice holiday in Normandy. We visited many bunkers and museum and even cemeteries related to WWII.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends...).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: Spent time together on hikes, cycling and on holiday. I also created an adaptation of a game I and my girlfriend liked.
T: Spent time together on holiday and watched some films together. My girlfriend mentioned she'd like to talk and debate with me more often.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Others:
L: Besides battling the government welfare bureaus, I'm also now legally battling a company that refused to refund me for tickets for a concert after it was canceled.
We had a boiler change done in our apartment, as the old one leaked. The owner of the flat paid for it, but I think we'll pay for it later in the rent increase :)
I used porn only twice in this last month and about six times in the last two months. Not bad.
T: I felt a bit clueless as we were coming back home from the holiday last week, as if I had no priorities and no goals. This week proved me wrong. I actually felt quite beat-up at the end week, as I plunged from my active holiday of 10 days straight back into work. I have more than enough stuff to do and to work on that are meaningful - it's just that for a day, I felt that nothing was going on.
This year, so far I've managed to sock away about 35% of what I made this year, after taxes. I've debated myself on whether I should take more holidays, but come to the conclusion: What would I take holidays from? There's not much point in doing so if I already do what I want and what I need. I've read something on living an international lifestyle - changing countries every few months to avoid personal taxes, but I guess it's not something that would interest me at the moment.
Last but not least, I'll circle back to porn. It's been kind of back and forth for the last few weeks, but even months and years. I had some limited success of longer streaks of no porn in 2022 for a few months, no porn in 2024 for a month before the CELTA course (it was very insightful, but also very stressful). I obviously don't do it in social settings and sometimes I'm busy enough to not think of it for days or even weeks. It's not even that I watch porn for nudity and some depictions of sex, I think there's something else at play. After about a week of abstinence, I also feel my natural libido coming back. The issue is, I don't know how to help myself with it. I'm planning to do some research again on how to understand myself better soon.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.
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On 4/11/2026 at 7:10 AM, Yan said: Your posts are so long that I don't get around to reading them. Maybe I should give myself a 10 line reading permission a day, or 5 lines and go bit by bit :) However I make no promises whatsoever. In any case (Without reading) I'd like to wish you to keep up with the apparently good fight and reflecting :)
That's OK, the posts are intended just to me now anyway. Thanks for the wish :)
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1
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 12/3/26 - 9/4/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: Read up on finblogs again - WCI and Nick Maggiulli. I've also been reading "Six Easy Pieces" by Feynman, but I didn't have much time to do that at the army training.
T: I've managed about half of "Six Easy Pieces" by Feynman, but I'm going to the library to change it up today. Continuing with various blogs.
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: My grandma oscillates between being relatively OK to just straight up shit-talking all other family members (Who knows if she doesn't shit-talk me behind my back?)
Either she's despicable for consciously behaving that way; or if her illness is to blame, she should be institutionalized to save everyone the pain and trouble. My girlfriend said it best: getting old is ugly. Especially when you lose your faculties faster than you realize.
T: Nothing much here. I still go and visit my family and my grandma roughly twice a month. I still spend some time with my grandma, but less. There's just less to talk about (she often makes things up), so I just help her out with something practical whenever I'm there.
Other that than, my father and I are embroiled in a (legal) battle with the welfare office/insurance company. We gather documents from medical checkups (my mom helps my grandma with that), producing appeals etc. I also offered my mom to go out for lunch every now and then to support her.
On a brighter note, my brother and I had a burger together and then visited the improvisation show. My brother said he liked it, so we might go again :)
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English/Army:
L: I had to write a price offer after an interview for a company that is looking to start a few courses. I also did some testing and evaluations for my company courses. I found a new resource for real-life English. I also intentionally cancelled a lesson when my girlfriend's friend flaked on their trip to the mountains. I went with her instead :)
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The army training was better this time than the last time. I got better sleep, the weather was amazing for the whole duration and perhaps we did more stimulating activities than last time. I feel a bit tired after it, but I'm slowly catching up on sleep. I should have the next training in September.
T: Nothing came out of the price offer, but I'm OK with that - I got three new students who replaced two courses that finished, so I'm doing well overall. I also filed my taxes.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15-20 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health + 10-13 break:
L: I managed 8/12 of my 10-13 breaks these past four weeks or so. I missed out about half of the possible days due to the army training and I also tried not to push it before going there.
That said, I hit 10k steps every day of the training, but there was little true structured physical "exercise". I should also say the meals there were rather terrible - mostly just sugary snack bars and a lot of second-grade canned meat. Feels good to be home to have some real meals.
I had no visits to the doctors this month, but I have some lined up in the next few weeks.
T: I managed 10/17 of my 10-13 breaks these past four weeks or so. It doesn't seem like much, but a stomach flu (diarrhea and vomiting) shot me down this week, so I'm taking it easy. I also made up for the rest by spending an active holiday and weekends with my girlfriend, hiking and cycling.
Went to the cardiology, dermatology and dental hygienist for routine checkups and everything is OK.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Keep having the 1000-1300 break.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: Met my FIRE friends again, met my friend. I also went to the shooting range as a part of my army training. I also got in touch with one English lecturer and we talked about finance and money, which inspired me to write an article on my blog.
T: Had another FIRE meeting, met my friend a few times, went for hikes with my girlfriend, went to the improvisation show with my brother.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends...).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: We went to a book festival, watched hockey and went to a nice restaurant. We also had some lessons together. Didn't manage to do more due to my absence for almost two weeks.
T: Spent time together on hikes, cycling and on holiday. I also created an adaptation of a game I and my girlfriend liked.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Others:
Besides battling the government welfare bureaus, I'm also now legally battling a company that refused to refund me for tickets for a concert after it was canceled.
We had a boiler change done in our apartment, as the old one leaked. The owner of the flat paid for it, but I think we'll pay for it later in the rent increase :)
I used porn only twice in this last month and about six times in the last two months. Not bad.
---
For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.
-
1
-
-
I'm using the template I used the last time. 14/2/26 - 12/3/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I had a good string of finished books in autumn, unfortunately I managed to kill my momentum by reading a book that wasn't up my alley. Regardless, I've read dozens of articles from the White Coat Investor website and Morgan Housel's book - "Psychology of Money".
All this had a practical effect of me making an investment plan (!). I've invested my money consistently for the past five years, but I've never really set any goals, except not to gamble and pay unreasonable fees. Suffice to say, I already have enough savings to last several years, perhaps a decade on my current spending levels. I also added some milestones to celebrate on the way; it least I'll have a reason to perhaps spend some more money on fun stuff!
T: Read up on finblogs again - WCI and Nick Maggiulli. I've also been reading "Six Easy Pieces" by Feynman, but I didn't have much time to do that at the army training.
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: My mom and I had to go to the hospital with my grandma at the start of January. We installed some flat improvements to help her get around and also a new washing machine. She also gets daily visits from health keepers and various other assistants, so I am happy my mom doesn't have to carry most of the brunt anymore just by herself.
My grandma is (unsurprisingly) opposed to going to an assisted living facility. I really have no idea to what extent she needs help, but granted she can't climb into the bath to shower herself, it's hard to argue she doesn't need any. It's frankly difficult to visit her, when the apartment smells like urine. I honestly don't know how long this can last and whether it makes sense to hope that it will get better in the future.
Other than that, my mom had a birthday celebration and I also met my brother for sushi.
T: My grandma oscillates between being relatively OK to just straight up shit-talking all other family members (Who knows if she doesn't shit-talk me behind my back?)
Either she's despicable for consciously behaving that way; or if her illness is to blame, she should be institutionalized to save everyone the pain and trouble. My girlfriend said it best: getting old is ugly. Especially when you lose your faculties faster than you realize.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English:
L: Very few days off in both January and February mean that I can get a lot of lessons done. I'll just have three work days off due to my army reserve involvement. That written, I've had more headache with it recently, just because of the way the bureaucracy works. I can say I've met some great, interesting and inspiring people there, but the admin is just a PITA.
My point is not to "survive it", but to derive some positive meaning from this mission. Free shooting range practice and motivation to keep fit can help it. I know the worst case scenario is to just do one exercise per year or none at all, but I don't want to do it just for the money or out of necessity. I'll review this part of my career regularly, just to make sure I've got my thinking straight. When I compare the experience to my smooth running business with my students, I can say I'm truly grateful for both my business and my students.
Had a meeting with my web-designer, mostly out of curiosity than any specific plans for the future.
Managed to have 15 lessons on average per week, which is great!
T: I had to write a price offer after an interview for a company that is looking to start a few courses. I also did some testing and evaluations for my company courses. I found a new resource for real-life English. I also intentionally cancelled a lesson when my girlfriend's friend flaked on their trip to the mountains. I went with her instead :)
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The army training was better this time than the last time. I got better sleep, the weather was amazing for the whole duration and perhaps we did more stimulating activities than last time. I feel a bit tired after it, but I'm slowly catching up on sleep. I should have the next training in September.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health + 10-13 break:
L: Thanks to my 10-13 break, I managed to exercise 23 out of planned 28 days so far. Feels good! I have a new pillow as well. I also visited the urologist, again without an issue.
I noticed that some of my exercise sessions are quite short (depending on the length of the YT video), but as mentioned above, I managed to do 23/28 days. I also cram whatever appointments and housework I need to take care of into this window.
T: I managed 8/12 these past four weeks or so. I missed out about half of the possible days due to the army training and I also tried not to push it before going there. That said, I hit 10k steps every day of the training, but there was little true structured physical "exercise". I should also say the meals there were rather terrible - mostly just sugary snack bars and a lot of second-grade canned meat. Feels good to be home to have some real meals. I had no visits to the doctors this month, but I have some lined up in the next few weeks.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Keep having the 1000-1300 break.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: No holidays this period, as the weather isn't really optimal for hiking or cycling. Met my FIRE friends, the quiz group, my best friend. I also met my brother for sushi and went to a hockey match with my family. Of course, met my students too.
T: Met my FIRE friends again, met my friend. I also went to the shooting range as a part of my army training. I also got in touch with one English lecturer and we talked about finance and money, which inspired me to write an article on my blog.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: So we've lived together for almost two years and I can say it's still a nice experience. I don't think we've had any really heated arguments that would span days or even weeks. Last year, I often got a bad headache during the holidays/trips and was a bore to be with. So staying hydrated and fed during trips is my top priority these days.
We spent time together my going to the planetarium, having lessons together, going to the café and for walks as well as the few trips. We also spent some time next to each other watching films or the Olympics.
T: We went to a book festival, watched hockey and went to a nice restaurant. We also had some lessons together. Didn't manage to do more due to my absence for almost two weeks.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.
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I'm using the template I used the last time. 3/1/26 - 14/2/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: Finished "The Richest Man in Babel" and "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out" by Feynman.
T: I had a good string of finished books in autumn, unfortunately I managed to kill my momentum by reading a book that wasn't up my alley. Regardless, I've read dozens of articles from the White Coat Investor website and Morgan Housel's book - "Psychology of Money".
All this had a practical effect of me making an investment plan (!). I've invested my money consistently for the past five years, but I've never really set any goals, except not to gamble and pay unreasonable fees. Suffice to say, I already have enough savings to last several years, perhaps a decade on my current spending levels. I also added some milestones to celebrate on the way; it least I'll have a reason to perhaps spend some more money on fun stuff!
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: There were two pretty serious incidents regarding my grandma this past month. There was more nuance to it, but in both cases, she fell down in her flat and couldn't get up. Oddly enough, I was the one to detect both incidents just by calling her (she didn't pick up) and then alarming my parents, who live a few minutes by car from her. My grandma has a few neighbors who visit her and my mom visits her a few times a week as well, but I'm thinking it might not be enough.
I had a burger with my brother and his girlfriend and I also met my parents yesterday.
T: My mom and I had to go to the hospital with my grandma at the start of January. We installed some flat improvements to help her get around and also a new washing machine. She also gets daily visits from health keepers and various other assistants, so I am happy my mom doesn't have to carry most of the brunt anymore just by herself.
My grandma is (unsurprisingly) opposed to going to an assisted living facility. I really have no idea to what extent she needs help, but granted she can't climb into the bath to shower herself, it's hard to argue she doesn't need any. It's frankly difficult to visit her, when the apartment smells like urine. I honestly don't know how long this can last and whether it makes sense to hope that it will get better in the future.
Other than that, my mom had a birthday celebration and I also met my brother for sushi.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English:
L: I did my biannual questionnaire with my students, but this time I changed my approach and gave the students the option not to do it. I also carved out the 1000-1300 time for myself. Had a end-of-the-year taxes meeting to inform myself and to optimize.
My latest group course has been a tough nut to crack, but so far I can say I've been probing and using slightly different techniques each lesson. Now I've got the experience and feedback, I decided on the next steps.
I'll also try to find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission). I have options for online, but I have nobody for F2F replacements.
T: Very few days off in both January and February mean that I can get a lot of lessons done. I'll just have three work days off due to my army reserve involvement.
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That written, I've had more headache with it recently, just because of the way the bureaucracy works. I can say I've met some great, interesting and inspiring people there, but the admin is just a PITA.
My point is not to "survive it", but to derive some positive meaning from this mission. Free shooting range practice and motivation to keep fit can help it. I know the worst case scenario is to just do one exercise per year or none at all, but I don't want to do it just for the money or out of necessity. I'll review this part of my career regularly, just to make sure I've got my thinking straight. When I compare the experience to my smooth running business with my students, I can say I'm truly grateful for both my business and my students.
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Had a meeting with my web-designer, mostly out of curiosity than any specific plans for the future.
Managed to have 15 lessons on average per week, which is great!
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health:
L: Went to the gym, for a run or a hike about four times a week, including on my holiday in Spain with my girlfriend. Feeling a little sick after coming back, but I assume I'll be fine by Monday. Went to the ear doctor, all is good.
T: Thanks to my 10-13 break, I managed to exercise 23 out of planned 28 days so far. Feels good! I have a new pillow as well. I also visited the urologist, again without an issue.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: Went to Spain for a holiday with my girlfriend and hiked there. Watched some shows and films together. I'm very happy with and proud of the gifts we exchanged. Baked Christmas sweets together.
Called with a friend from another city, went for a burger with my brother and his girlfriend. Went to watch a basketball match with my girlfriend's father. Attended a few game nights with friends. Met my high-school classmates at our annual meeting. Read a lot and had good fun with it (Feynman mostly) too.
T: No holidays this period, as the weather isn't really optimal for hiking or cycling. Met my FIRE friends, the quiz group, my best friend. I also met my brother for sushi and went to a hockey match with my family. Of course, met my students too.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: So we've lived together for almost two years and I can say it's still a nice experience. I don't think we've had any really heated arguments that would span days or even weeks. Last year, I often got a bad headache during the holidays/trips and was a bore to be with. So staying hydrated and fed during trips is my top priority these days.
Still, these days I have a feeling I'd like to do more things with my girlfriend. It sometimes feels as if we are next to each other rather than together. I gave her a voucher for English lessons to help with that (which she enjoyed having a few years ago).
T: We spent time together my going to the planetarium, having lessons together, going to the café and for walks as well as the few trips. We also spent some time next to each other watching films or the Olympics.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Time off for myself (1000-1300) break:
L: -
T: This has been pretty successful so far. I noticed that some of my exercise sessions are quite short (depending on the length of the YT video), but as mentioned above, I managed to do 23/28 days. I also cram whatever appointments and housework I need to take care of into this window.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep having this break.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.
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2025 yearly report
Reading, learning and books:
Facts: Read about 8 books this year - fun books, but also about money and psychology. Also spent some time reading financial reddits, but very little.
Feelings: This is really a hobby;, but it has its special place here, because I like to read and I consider learning important, otherwise I'd just put it to the bottom with the rest of my hobbies.
Plans:
Read a book a month.
Habits to help with plans:
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it.
Family:
Facts: It seems to me my grandma's health got pretty bad pretty quickly, at least in terms of her physical condition. After getting sick and going out less during summer, she had two pretty serious falls in December. She likely also has hallucinations every now and then. My mom needs to assist her when going shopping or to the doctor etc., for which I am quite grateful.
Add-on: Had to solve an emergency with my grandma again this Friday. Her legs started to fester due to a heart failure. It's exhausting.
Regardless, I'm also quite grateful to my girlfriend for informing my views with hers. There are issues in her family as well, and sometimes we share the news and have a laugh, because there's nothing else to be done :D
Also, the rest of the kitchen project was finished in June. For whatever it's worth, I'm happy my grandma got to use it.
Feelings: Compared to last year, turns out it wasn't my mom succumbing to dementia, but my grandma, and fast. Again, it's a label and maybe not even that accurate, but it captures the essence of things.
As for the kitchen, I think it was a mistake to not have it done by somebody else. It would have been done much faster and with much less emotional stress for everybody. And even if something had been wrong, at least the contractors would have been to blame. The lesson is: pay money for the kitchen, pay money for the wrapping of gifts, pay money for stuff I really hate doing.
Plans:
Finished the kitchen this year as planned.
I don't have any specific plans for my family. I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Habits to help with plans:
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English:
Facts: I have a new website, got PPC working on it, attended the lecturer course, worked on pricing, played around with the comprehensible input method. Implemented the 10-13 daily break and decided to work less (and for more money), as I think I'm already doing well financially. Eliminated the last language school course. Also, I got back into the army and I'm there as a part-time reservist. Roughly the same amount of lesson count, but 15% increase in profits, year-on-year.
Feelings: So the web-building and PPC ads are finished. My business expenses this year were roughly the same size as last year. Education-wise, I got the lecturer course for free and it was a nice change of pace with some benefits. The lessons with the students have been nice overall and even a little more challenging towards the end of the year.
I also decided there is no need to go overboard with money. I don't make a ton of money in the conventional terms, but I prefer to have more free time and work less. I also make pretty good money from the part-time army job relative to the time spent, on top of it being meaninful. Over the last two years, I actually didn't save that much as I did in the years before, but I traded that for more time and spending on things that matter (better quality food, budget traveling with my girlfriend, health etc.)
Plans:
Stick to the plan of roughly 15 hours of lessons per week.
I'm gonna continue with the part-time army job.
I've already scouted for an interesting English/lecturer course, without luck, but I'll keep looking.
Habits to help with plans:
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
I'm gonna continue with the 10-13 break daily break.
Be receptive to students' needs.
Exercise/Health:
Facts: I think I can say I exercise most days of the week, meaning roughly 4x a week. I exercise at home with weights, at the gym or go running. I also go hiking or cycling.
I get headaches always after being in situations when I don't eat or drink regularly. I just lose sense of hunger and thirst during a stressful or fast-paced part of day. No other health problems.
Feelings: It was a good year with growing amounts of exercise over its course. No serious health problems.
Plans:
Pass A on army exams.
Keep on exercising most days of the week (4x a week, including hikes, cycling trips etc.)
Keep hiking and cycling.
I don't want to become fat.
Habits to help with plans:
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Relationship with my girlfriend:
So we've lived together for almost two years and I can say it's still a nice experience. I don't think we've had any really heated arguments that would span days or even weeks. Last year, I often got a bad headache during the holidays/trips and was a bore to be with. So staying hydrated and fed during trips is my top priority these days.
Still, these days I have a feeling I'd like to do more things with my girlfriend. It sometimes feels as if we are next to each other rather than together. I gave her a voucher for English lessons to help with that (which she enjoyed having a few years ago).
Plans: -
Habits to help with plans:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time:
Again, I took part in various social activities and hobbies: playing board games, FIRE (financial) meetings, going to the shooting range (now somewhat retired because of my army part-time job), playing table football (though not so much anymore), doing crosswords, visiting an improvisation show, going to the sauna or playing billiard.
I can also say students socialize me quite often. That strikes me and perhaps weirds me out, but my girlfriend told me she also spends a lot of time at work with her colleagues. She basically spends as much time with them as she does with me. And of course, she spends much less time with her friends or her sister. I don't have colleagues, but my students. Most of the time, they look forward to the lessons and so do I.
Plans:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends).
Habits to help with plans:
Meet.
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4 hours ago, Yan said: I do write meetings in Google Calendar, and then copy those into the daily schedule. I also have weekly routines, like a bi weekly clothes washing, grocery going, cleaning etc. But they're not planned by the minute, just somewhere in the blue sort of. I'd like them to be planned by the minute at least a week away.
So I guess I do hold more than a daily plan in the sense you met it, right? Or what do you do for a "more than daily schedule"? I am asking so that I may know if I am fulfilling your suggestion to "keep a more than daily schedule" or not. :)Oh yeah, in that case, I do it the same way really. At this moment, I have a lot of small notes/tasks piled up with no set deadline, because I was away for two weeks and I need to prioritize. I'll start working on those when I finish writing my yearly reports here.
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7 hours ago, Yan said: An amazing point to be at. In my opinion.
Mostly does work for me. So long as I keep the habit of treating my pre-written detailed schedule as my boss, and do not lose trust with myself by missobeying.
That is in regards to the daily schedule.
In regards to Pomodoros(25 minute focus intervals) I write a plan on the start of each one, even if it's general and get to work.
I don't know you guys @FDRx7 , I think that unless we plan our time we remain largely uncontrolled. Random objects flying in space. Not optimal for self-actualization.
In any case it's just like any habit. Makes you "cringe" in the beginning, bus as you go further and further, just becomes a part of your habits.
However, I also have, for quite a while been planning only one day ahead. Instead of a week...
Maybe this long neglected "better" habit of doing it for a week needs revisiting.
Let me know if this makes some sense. Or if I may share something else that may help.Thanks! I can say I worked for it 😄
I think there can also be "proto-habits"; maybe they're not exactly where we want them to be, but it's clear we're trending upwards. For example going from 0 exercise to 1-2x a week, even if at random times. That's how it was for me in the second half of 2024. I think it sometimes takes some time to "convince" ourselves we need to start/work on the habit in general. If I believe exercise is important, I will do it; if I don't believe it, I might will through it for a week or two, but ultimately fail.
By the way, my first 10-13 block today worked perfectly, managed all the things I needed and wanted to do (exercise, shower, lunch, walk).
@Yan , I can definitely recommend planning for the week, as some stuff doesn't need to be done daily and can get lost in the daily routine. Depending on how often you deal with other people, I also think it's relatively difficult to plan a meeting with somebody from 0 in X hours, rather than in X days. (By that I mean organized people normally won't be available on a whim, unless it's an emergency, because they have their rhythms and habits.)
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11 hours ago, FDRx7 said: That's for your comment, it was very helpful to see roughly what you went through.
I'm certainly nervous about struggling, though my attempt will be to ramp up while I'm still working to relieve the stress of only having self-employment. It's good that my wife is working too and that we can afford the mortgage with her job. Still, I worry sometimes about the other expenses, but if I can get it running smoothly while I still have a job, that helps.
If you want a low-commitment starting point, I linked a newsletter about freelancing below. I think they send it out every month and there is always a list of interesting articles. I'm also sure you'll have a few interesting events and organizations in your area to help you out at the start too. Do you actually have the possibility to reduce your workload for your employer? I'm asking, because I think it's extremely difficult to run two jobs at the same time.
World-class freelance news and insights from Freelancing....
We monitor countless quality sources on freelancing and choose only the best content to save your time. Subscribe to our monthly Freeletter with a curated selection of world-class freelance news and s11 hours ago, FDRx7 said: Day 1
Well, yesterday wasn't so bad. Though I sat for some time trying to figure out what to do, I eventually figured that if I simply started reading, I would get into the book and forget about my need for podcasts. Sure enough, that worked. I read for hours, almost finishing the book. One negative is that I fell asleep on the couch. I've done this a few nights in a row and it really bothers my wife. She was upset with me this morning about it, as she'd like me to be in bed. She still isn't really talking to me much right now... I've promised to do better but I think the only thing I can do is show her with my actions. I've set an alarm for tonight that ensures I take a picture of something upstairs before it will turn off. This ensures I actually get up and move. I'm determined to be better.
I had a call with my mentor this morning and talked through my proposed business model, including revenue streams, costs, potential pitfalls, etc. He opened my eyes to some other opportunities. He did say that certainly starting your own business is a different ballgame than buying an existing one with established customers. One of the other businesses I had considered purchasing is a bookstore. It isn't too expensive to buy but cash flow is limited. Granted, I could make it more profitable, but I'm not 100% sure if that's what I want to do. Still, it could be a rewarding experience. So I have some things to think about.
Activity Tracker:
Being in bed by 10:30pm: 0 days
No YouTube: 1 day
No Reddit/unnecessary browsing: 0 days
No Podcasts: 1 day
Waking up by 6:00am: 0 days
I have to write that it's nice that your wife cares about sleeping next to you :D
Anyway, I'm sorry, but I probably missed something. I thought you wanted to get into circuit board repairs as a freelancer. I actually know nothing about building a business with other people. The thought of becoming a manager or a CEO never really appealed to me, but it might change in the future. I just built a job around doing something I liked :D
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23 minutes ago, FDRx7 said: I can empathize here. It's hard for me to plan my day out for some reason. I've tried timeblocking and it's just as difficult, mostly because things change easily throughout the day. Something I'm still working on... Right now I just put appointments in my calendar and then empty spaces are for working on things I've prioritized for the day, in whatever order seems natural (I use the Franklin Planning System mixed with GTD).
Love this. Trying myself more and more to be action oriented. That is, unless I'm reading or learning about something simply for pleasure, what do I plan to do with the information and how soon can I act upon it? Not always an easy question to answer. I certainly find myself over-researching into analysis-paralysis.
I've added these paragraphs you quoted some time last year, so I can glace over them every time I write these reports. Happy they've inspired you!
I know specific time-blocking and being precise works for some people (I can think of @Yan here). It's also why I wanted to experiment and carve out the 1000-1300 time for myself, to be more consistent with exercise. I will start with it next week, so I'll see how it goes, but I'm optimistic, as I'm already quite strong as far as getting to exercise goes.
That said, my day today was unstructured today. I didn't plan anything. I slept in a little, did some household tasks, went for two walks, spent time with my girlfriend, did some financial planning, reading for fun and my monthly report. I just did it in the order I wanted to. I managed to eliminate a few tasks from my Google Calendar, so I'm happy.
Now it's true I'm back to my computer after almost two weeks I have some more urgent things to do, but these things were near the top of the list too. I find that these things (which are in the 2nd quadrant - important, not urgent) are the hardest to get done. I know the most urgent thing is to get my lesson preparation done for the next week, but I also know I have until Monday morning and that I wouldn't dare to go to the lessons unprepared.
To connect to your second paragraph, I think my analysis-paralysis disappeared over time. I shook the thought of trying to be "productive" all the time. I can now recognize when I'm reading for fun and maybe some inspiration, but I already have a working business and a functioning life for that matter, so there's probably a good chance I've been doing it fairly right after all.
I like the idea of having fun too, as Feynman did. He did some high-level theoretical physics about elementary particles, but also cracked safes and played the bongos. He didn't just grind the problem (and life) every second and minute, he let his imagination recharge. I really like his holistic approach, of having fun and having an interconnected life. To get back to the point, my business is also my lifestyle. During my holiday, I made around 10 points of what I wanted to do when I get home, but it came naturally, so I just made a quick note and continued with my holiday.
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Ikar's Diary
in Daily Journals
I'm using the template I used the last time. 13/6/26 - 16/7/26
"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.
I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.
Books/Reading articles/Learning:
L: I've been reading (financial, but not only) blogs by Financial Samurai and Derek Hagen. I've also started a book recommended to me by my girlfriend on the lack and discrepancy of data on women from a feminist perspective, but I'm having a better time reading the financial blogs still.
T: I've grown a bit tired of reading financial blogs, so I picked up the book again. I'd like to get back to reading daily.
Possible direction/goals/habits:
(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.
Read daily (a few times a week). Reading (and crosswords) are a good way for me to relax.
Drop a book whenever I don't look forward to reading it. CHECK HERE EVERY MONTH.
(While this is technically just a hobby, I like to keep it separate, because it's a big one.)
Family:
L: So my grandma was (finally and thankfully) hospitalized about a month ago. During one of the "routine" emergency ambulance visits, one of the medics noticed that her legs are in really bad condition, mostly due to poor hygiene. No surprise there, because I had called the emergency back in January because of her legs. She had a surgery in the hospital and they pumped antibiotics into her, but it seems that it's just a matter of time when they're gonna have to amputate her leg. She also had undiagnosed/untreated diabetes for a very long time, which doesn't help. She still delusionally insists that she's doing okay and looking forward to being home in her flat again...
I met my brother yesterday for lunch and we had a good talk about his job and other stuff.
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I had two visits to my grandma in the hospital, both with my parents. I'm happy that now she has daily care, though of course the bad news is that it's unlikely it'll ever get substantially better.
On a brighter note, my parents and my girlfriend's met for the first time and it seemed to me they had a pretty good time together.
T: I visited my grandma at the hospital, my mom at her spa retreat and I'm meeting my brother tomorrow over sushi. Nothing much happening otherwise.
NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.
Possible direction/goals:
Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.
Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Keep in contact at least once a month.
Business/English/Army:
L: In the end, I got contacted by the company I sent the offer to, so something did in fact come out of it. I updated the price offer asked for a really premium rate this time, because I need to travel to get there.
The outlook is good, I have more than enough work at this point. I'll have to make some price increases to reflect that.
I also made a partial analysis of the rate of return on the website. I compared the performance of the last 8 months of the old website and 8 months of the new website. The old website "generated" 5 students and the new one "generated" 5 students as well. I also have three active inquiries now. I guess I was expecting more, but granted I also raised the prices and have enough work as it is, I'm not really bothered by that.
I had a few army activities in April, including a SERE theory course.
I'm still in contact with the "price offer" company. If it works out, great, I'll have extra 5-7 hours of work per week for a great rate. If not, I'll have more free time for myself. I win either way! I also sent out the questionnaire for this semester. Nothing else otherwise.
T: So I managed to strike the deal at the company with the conditions being pretty much what I wanted. That's pretty good, as it's a lot of work for a lot of money.
I also had some physical army testing and I managed to run longer, do more push-ups and sit-ups too.
NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.
Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.
Current projects I'm working on:
Website improvement project - since August 2024 - finished August 2025 with some small upgrades in autumn 2025
lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025
55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates
I and one of my FIRE friends organized a teacher/lecturer meeting.
Find more teachers/colleagues to share workload with (with or without commission).
Areas to work on continually:
English table update - check every now and then for improvements.
Keep classes at around 15-20 hours a week.
Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.
CELTA colleagues calls.
Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.
Exercise/Movement/Health + 10-13 break:
L: I had the army tests just two days after writing the last report. I passed, but I want to improve on my result, so I'm going again in two days. Managed to exercise 17/20 of my 10-13 breaks. I also dug up my run competition results from the last three years; I'm getting better, bit by bit.
T: I did the army test and I managed to run longer, do more push-ups and sit-ups too.
As for the breaks, by getting the new client, I effectively made it impossible to have a break on Tuesdays. I was thinking of going there on bike, but it's a bit too far for me (around 60 kilometers total). I allocate two hours to (paid) travel there and back even in the car. I'll count these days out for the future.
That means I hit 15/16 of working days, out of the grand total of 24 working days. 8 days were not possible due to traveling and work. This might warrant some future thinking whether I actually don't want to change this to make time for exercise on Tuesday afternoon.
Managed to cycle, hike and go to the gym with my girlfriend a few times at the weekend too. Attended a running competition/army test and marked down the results in the table.
NOT: I don't want to become fat.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.
Have a session every weekday from January.
Start flossing regularly.
Incorporate balance and spine exercises.
Keep on using the Oura ring to track vitals.
Keep having the 1000-1300 break.
Social + Personal Hobbies + Free Time (cool things I've done):
L: Had another FIRE meeting, met my friend a few times and attended a pub quiz with a few other friends. We also watched the hockey championship. I also watched a few action and finance films when my girlfriend was away with her family for the weekend.
T: I had yet another another FIRE meeting, met my best friend a few times, went to a pub quiz and attended a friend's birthday party. It was actually nice to see some old friends in a while.
Possible direction/goals:
Keep in touch with my friend groups (FIRE, quiz, best friends...).
Relationship with my girlfriend:
L: Since I've been off porn for a month, I have to say that we have better sex. I overall think the relationship is in a better place too. We also went to a funny talk show.
T: Spent time together, went for a trip to a different city too. Visited her family. I even thought of how and when to get married.
Possible direction/goals:
Make time to talk every day.
Keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities.
Others:
L: I felt a bit clueless as we were coming back home from the holiday last week, as if I had no priorities and no goals. This week proved me wrong. I actually felt quite beat-up at the end week, as I plunged from my active holiday of 10 days straight back into work. I have more than enough stuff to do and to work on that are meaningful - it's just that for a day, I felt that nothing was going on.
This year, so far I've managed to sock away about 35% of what I made this year, after taxes. I've debated myself on whether I should take more holidays, but come to the conclusion: What would I take holidays from? There's not much point in doing so if I already do what I want and what I need. I've read something on living an international lifestyle - changing countries every few months to avoid personal taxes, but I guess it's not something that would interest me at the moment.
Last but not least, I'll circle back to porn. It's been kind of back and forth for the last few weeks, but even months and years. I had some limited success of longer streaks of no porn in 2022 for a few months, no porn in 2024 for a month before the CELTA course (it was very insightful, but also very stressful). I obviously don't do it in social settings and sometimes I'm busy enough to not think of it for days or even weeks. It's not even that I watch porn for nudity and some depictions of sex, I think there's something else at play. After about a week of abstinence, I also feel my natural libido coming back. The issue is, I don't know how to help myself with it. I'm planning to do some research again on how to understand myself better soon.
Continuing on my musings with money, considering what I've saved up through my work, I feel like I might start giving the money more purpose and intent. I might use it to give myself more free time, but I don't feel like overloading myself or neglecting an important area of my life. Just the balance and spine exercises and flossing come to my mind at the moment. I need to give myself some more time to think about this.
@Heretic666 As I wrote above, my relationship with my girlfriend got better after about a month off porn. It's not that I've completely stopped thinking about it, but it's not even been that hard to abstain. In fact, I even managed to masturbate on my own (without porn), which is something I haven't done in a long time. I also feel more energy overall, so I might be getting better sports results. As a side note, my girlfriend and I went to a fertility clinic to check if we're both able to have a baby and the results were positive for both of us. As for battling the company that refused to refund me for tickets for a concert after it was canceled, I got a court order in my favor, so it's going well.
T: Now I'm at 8 weeks of no porn. I'm going through an online course slowly and steadily at least a few times per week. I just don't need porn if I take care of myself; and that's easier to do if I have more control over my time.
Week 27 (June/July week) was tough. It was very stressful (a surprising amount of work), as I didn't have time for myself, on top of a heatwave. Our flat is really exposed to sun, so it was a major pain. Despite that, I managed to not watch porn and I was grounded. Good job (just saying that to myself).
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Still thinking about new quality-of-life improvements, related to work, money and time. The 10-13 break every day is good. What's next? No work after X p.m.? Hard limits on the number of lessons? No work with "bad" clients? I don't know really. It's actually quite difficult to responsibly manage more than 25 hours per week due to the nature of my work. Even then, I feel like I have much to do besides work anyway, which I (still) don't do for example, using the inter-dental toothbrush, do balance exercise to fix my posture etc. How do I limit my workload with some intent and thought and maximizing the purpose I get from my work? It's a good problem to have, but I still want to solve it in a way that makes sense.
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For thought:
Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. This might change with the late morning exercise lessons.10-13 change works well.I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.
I like these reports, because they take me back in the calendar and let me see if there's something I've missed or something I need to check on again.