[Ikar's Diary]

28 Nov - 4 Dec:

I had the Holter monitor for the whole day and I averaged blood pressure of 132/75 and 56 BPM. I have a cardiology appointment on 19 Dec, but I think it'll be OK 🙂 

Spent some time reading financial and English teaching Reddit. Went to the shooting range with a group of friends, changed/charged my car battery. Spent a good deal of time reconstructing my grandma's kitchen with my friend on Saturday. Doing fine otherwise 😄

 

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

On 11/26/2024 at 5:26 PM, D_Cozy said:

Talk to my partner - we talked about the above so far, the dogs having their vet appointments. I let her know about the recurring event on my calendar to serve as a reminder. We also talked about tomorrow; I took a day off so my wife can get IVF. The path to a 4th kid 😄

I have next to zero idea what parenthood (or being a father) entails, but I've always been optimistic about getting to it. I think it's worth the admiration. And I consider it an important part of life too. I just don't think only having free hands with my career and hobbies (as my health gradually declines) is all there is to life. I hope to be a father once too. I hope it goes well for you and your wife! 😄 

[Ikar's Diary]

24 Nov - 27 Nov:

I made ginger tea and I'm currently chilling at home by myself. My girlfriend went to watch a debate on child-friendly cities.

I spent Sunday visiting my family, reading and working on chores.

On Monday, I went for the all-day army entry medical checks and it was all good. I just need to send them my results from the cardiology as soon as I get them. Went running with my girlfriend too.

I met my brother on Tuesday and had the first lesson with a new student.

I got my Holter monitor from a nurse today and it is monitoring my blood pressure during the course of my day. I should get a date of my appointment with the doctor tomorrow too. I just hope the gadget won't wake me too often at night 😄 

[Ikar's Diary]

15 Nov - 23 Nov:

I've been fairly busy these days. Again, I think I am spending less time on the computer overall and more time with other activities.

My girlfriend and I went to the theater and had a burger dinner to celebrate being together for two years! 😄

I'm still keeping up with the exercise. Maybe not as much as my girlfriend, but it's still about twice a week of direct exercise, plus fast walks, hikes and others. I also visited a laser game place on Thursday and my legs are still sore 😄 

Socially, I visited my girlfriend's family, attended a geography quiz and celebrated my friend's birthday.

[Ikar's Diary]

1 hour ago, D_Cozy said:

Thanks for your thoughts. I think it makes sense that the best way is unsurprisingly to just practice it and speak with others.

So it does really help to have my wife around, who speaks the language herself fluently, that's been a positive. I try to make an effort to speak French when my kids get to daycare and school as well.

Keep it up, it's really the only way forward!

1 hour ago, D_Cozy said:

I have seen tutors that offer lessons online, but yeah I'd prefer something more in person. That's something I'll look into at the local level, something less classroom like as well.

I guess even group courses could be good, but you don't (and realistically can't) get a say in how they're run. Some might offer a free consultation/trial class, so I think it's correct to shop around. Good group tutors utilize pair-work a lot (because even speaking to a fellow student your level makes you get out of your head), use target language as much as possible (you're there to learn French, not English) and make you speak 1/3-1/2 of the lesson (mostly in pairs/trios). In individual lessons, the ratio of speaking (initiative) tutor/student should be as high as or over 70/30. Also look for any cringe/weird moments during the lesson - when there's too much silence, personal discussion bordering on arguments or students just being generally bored or absent-minded. I'm naturally biased, as I specialize in 1-to-1 (and 2, maaaybe 3) lessons, but I think it's really the most effective method in the ratio of time spent/language learnt. It's just costly 😄 

[Ikar's Diary]

17 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Wanted to ask; how much time do you recommend practicing per day for language learning?

I've been rethinking my own long term goals, and I think learning French should be in there for me. Anything else you can recommend too in terms of practicing and scheduling out lessons, I'll take all the advice I can.

I'd definitely try to stay in contact with the language every day, or at least most of the days. Duolingo is OK for that if you don't have any other way that day.

The truth though is that "specific" materials, such as language learning apps or grammar exercises should be the minor way of keeping in contact with the language. The most important part is just to speak and listen, at least for most people. You get good at what you practice.

If you want have French lessons with a tutor, I'd definitely recommend finding someone who can facilitate discussion and correct your speaking in a reasonable way (and also amount). Grammar exercises are good for homework; there's no point in paying someone to watch you fill out worksheets you can download/correct yourself. And again, ideally the lessons should be just a complement, not the main way of learning. From my perspective, the best students actively set the topic, tell me stories from their lives and show me their homework and I'm just there being happy for them while looking at how much they've progressed.

All in all, you should have several sources of French surrounding you and expose yourself to them in any suitable situation. I know it doesn't answer the "how much time" question, but I'd argue the direct answer to this question is somewhat meaningless. Let me know if it makes sense and if you have anything else to discuss, I'll be happy to share my perspective 😄

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

On 11/17/2024 at 5:49 AM, D_Cozy said:

But the direction itself is also arbitrary in another sense too. As I grow in my roles (both work and personal) I will still have to learn about leadership, management, how to talk to others and better conflict resolution, and so forth. So even though I'm not interested in a "management" title, I still have to be effective at managing myself and eventually at managing junior employees too. I will eventually have to also hand down work to others, when I gain enough experience at doing a thing and feel it is time for others to learn how to do the thing for example. So even though that is not what I like about my job, I do still recognize these are skills I'll gain regardless of the path I choose, in my journey to become an interdependent individual.

All that said, I'm still very much so leaning towards becoming an Expert in what I do, which is software development (more specifically database). The deadline I put for 2 years from now is for that first promotion moreso, and I'm hoping to work on a timeline (this is what the "Get it Together" step is about) soon. Thanks for your message, as it motivated me to think about that part on a deeper level.

You're definitely correct about getting better at communication, whether with colleagues or customers. I think I've taught myself how to find common ground and to be proactive in negotiations over time too.

Depending on how much you enjoy doing your "core" work of software development and teaching/managing others, you'll decide your later path. I knew I liked my "core" work, so my "promotion" laid in improving myself and my methods, on top of getting better marketing, to give me a 50% pay raise (including benefits) compared to "traditional" employers. If I hadn't done all that work and learnt all the skills associated with it, I'd be just barely scraping by now, because 15$ an hour is different money for a 19-year old and a 38-year old with a family. So, maybe next November you'll be at the same company with the same pay and same work, but you'll have worked on a few side gigs by then and I'd definitely consider that a "promotion" as well 😄

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:

My wife has also been feeling pretty shitty (how she put it) and it helped a lot to just talk with her. We have had a couple of busy days together, with all of the birthday planning for my oldest, coordinating plans between her family and mine on top of that. And she also had a day full of errands yesterday too, so she was quite drained. We've fallen behind on chores overall, something we're going to work on together; what this means for me is to stay on top of chores at home, and actually respect my Pomodoro breaks. I often tend to work through them, I have to stop that honestly. I have noticed that this tends to happen with frustrating tasks at work. I'm only making it worse though by not taking my breaks. So that is how I'm going to do my best to help her.

I feel you. I think I spend about half of my working hours sitting at the computer at home, so I also try to fill out any planned or unplanned lapses with chores. This also helps me with health, as it's important to take breaks from sitting all the time. I have a modular table that can go up and down to my change position and I made a point in my calendar to start every lesson (usually 45-55 minutes) standing, even if for a few minutes.

On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:

Goal 1: Get promoted! Strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given, and also making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.

-

2 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

With that in mind, the how is going to happen with myself leaning on my manager and on my networking. These are two good action items for me.

Let's give this a deadline of 2040, which is 25 years from now. This one is really, really longterm, because it will require me to work on expanding my Circle of Influence; it will also require me to work on Goal 1 multiple times (get promoted... and promoted... and promoted) to get to the point where I can drive this kind of change in the industry I'm in (this does not have to be with the same company necessarily). I'm also giving myself the time needed to make that difference I am hoping for.

I was going to ask how you imagine to get promoted. I think there are two equally valid paths to go down:

1) expert - This is the one I've worked on. My bosses and customers are my students. I get to see the results of my work IN PERSON, which is incredibly motivating and satisfying. I also make sure to let my students know that they improved. I also have the pricing mechanism already figured out offer/demand, optimizing the rate and hours worked), though I'm aware there's a ceiling somewhere.

2) manager/CEO - I've had the idea to start a company a few times and I've been asked about a few times as well. So far, I've been happy to work on my own. Yes, maybe I could make more money, influence more people... I just haven't felt that this is my heart's desire. Of course, this doesn't mean it'll stay like that forever. It's not a dogma and some people choose to combine both approaches. It's just that both require different skill-sets, lifestyles and derive meaning from work differently. 

I also think the direction you'll eventually end up going is ironically somewhat arbitrary. I asked the language schools for promotions/pay raises regularly, but I was never offered a promotion and the pay raises were cosmetic. That was all despite the amount of great feedback from students, racking up experience over 3-4 years and getting certifications. This is not to blame them, just to state the facts. Maybe the situation on the market/in the companies never warranted them to take such steps. All this is my experience and yours might be completely different though 😄 

10 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

• make sure your passwords are different everywhere you login to
  • use a password manager to ease this
• never share passwords
• don't overshare information on social channels
  • I am purposely vague when I type when on this forum for that reason
• enable multi-factor authentication when possible
  • yeah it's a pain to scan your fingerprint or open up your phone for a code, but it does actually help stop someone who is trying to access your account without your actual self being there

100%. Last week, I got a mail reporting on a login attempt from one of my old website/app accounts from Panama of all the places. Changed the password promptly, even though there's nothing of value in that account. I periodically check the security options of all the apps/accounts that I use actively.

[Ikar's Diary]

7 Nov - 14 Nov:

I've been feeling up and down lately. I think I definitely spent less time on the computer and more time exercising or just being with my girlfriend. We also attended a wedding of her friend at the weekend.

I started to exercise more in order to lower my blood pressure. I also decided to join the army reserve, meaning I'll go to an exercise a few times a year for a week or two. It felt like the right thing to do. I'll have to pass the medical checks to be accepted. I started reading a new book about lecturing/business as well and I hope to get some good insights.

[Don't think of Moderation as the End Goal; Think of Sobriety as the End Goal]

Thanks for sharing the link! 🙂 

[Ikar's Diary]

I'm using the template I used the last time. 8/10/24 - 6/11/24

"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.

 

Books/Reading articles/Learning:

L: I didn't borrow any books this month, because unfortunately the library is in reconstruction. They should open it in a few weeks though.

I however do think I made good progress in educating myself through chats, meetings and Reddit with other English lecturers. I feel more confident at what I do and how I do it and that's a good feeling to have.

T: I went to a seminar about tech in education, met with my coursemate again and studied more about AI. Read up on my sub-reddits about finance again.

Possible direction/goals:

(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.

 

Family:

L: My friend, my girlfriend and I made significant progress in the installation of the cabinets. The upper part is pretty much done and the lower cabinets are waiting to be installed. We're more than half-way through the project (including the planning - mostly done by my brother and father) and I'm very happy thanks to that. The installation of the lower cabinets will be more challenging, as we also need to deal with several pipes and the sink, but I'm confident we'll manage it.

T: Got some work done on the water pipes and electricity, mostly by my father. My girlfriend and my friend noticed he treats me quite harshly and that my reactions are quite harsh too; I'm really oblivious to that, because it's just how it's always been. We usually help out one another in need, so I guess that's OK. However, I'm working on having different relationship dynamics with others.

NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

Possible direction/goals:

Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.

 

Business/English:

L: I started some important projects in August, among them are: setting higher prices, contacting old students with offers for re-engagement and the website improvement project. We'll see how they go.

From the numbers below, it's clear that I didn't have many language school courses during the summer. Many companies cut language school courses during the summer completely. For my financial stability over the summer, it is really better when I have my own courses, because individual people only cancel the lessons when they are on holiday (2 or 3 weeks, but not 2 or 3 whole months like companies). I even got a pay raise in one of the language schools, but the gap is just too big at this point. I can earn 20-35% more on my own even on their best paid courses.

I have the CELTA certificate at home now! I also improved my financial planning by implementing new tools. I also worked on writing some of my new website and worked with my web-designer. I wrote about the teaching-philosophy change above.

The good news also is that I won't need the numbers below from the next month. I now officially have only 2-3 hours of lessons for the language schools a week, meaning tracking this metric is has become redundant! It will come down to just 1 hour in November too.

T: I didn't get any leads from my old students, but that's OK. I made them aware and that's what counts. The website improvement project is still ongoing, though not much work was done in the last month.

Section with the split of lessons (my own/language school) deleted. Feels good! I've had this goal for the last two/three years and now it's reality. I had nearly 20 hours of lessons last week and just 1 for language schools. I'm happy 😄 

NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

Possible direction/goals:

With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly.

Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.

Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA

Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA

Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials.

Networking and business events.

Past projects:

Questionnaire - June 2023

Fixed logos on my website for better visuals.

Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August).

Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023

Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required.

Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar.

Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls".

Lecturer academy Brona. - fall 2023

Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July

Google sheets system for students. - update it

Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024

Canceled agency courses - March

Taxes - April/May

60/55 minutes online transition - April/May

Questionnaire part 3 - June

CELTA - July 2023

Contacted old students with offers - Aug/Sep 2024

Raised prices - from Sep

Website improvement project - from Aug

 

Exercise/Movement:

L: I visited the physiotherapist a month ago, but I still do the exercises from time to time, mainly the main three I got during our very first meeting. I can now also say that I exercise once a week, either running with my girlfriend or going to the workout playground with other guys. I also cycled and went for some trips.

T: I started being more conscious about my health after finding out about my high blood pressure. I'm gonna get a cardiological appointment soon. I also started being more intent on exercising semi-daily and standing/walking during the lessons rather than sitting. I went to a hike or two too.

NOT: I don't want to become fat.

Possible direction/goals:

I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change.

Keep in shape.

 

Blogging:

L: I had another burst of inspiration some day in the late evening and managed to push out an article in about an hour and something.

T: -

Possible direction/goals:

Find a suitable UI/web template.

Set up emailing for subs.

Post two articles a month.

Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones.

Finish articles in concepts.

 

---

 

What to do if I am bored?

Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters

Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging

 

---

 

Additional thoughts/activities:

I'm now more open to working abroad now after taking the CELTA. I also met many new and interesting people and managed to meet a few older friends.

 

My priorities for the next six weeks:

Prepare for the CELTA English teaching course that starts in six weeks. - done

I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. - done

Reconstruct my grandma's kitchen.

 

My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

This month, I did these cool activities: going to Italy, going to the shooting range with my friends, changing wheels on my car, working on my grandma's kitchen, visiting my friends, working on my relationship with my girlfriend (7 Principles), reading about finance.

 

---

 

Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024:

Main must-have plans for 2024:

Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course.

Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this.

Move in with my girlfriend in April.

Set up the new kitchen for my grandma.

Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024:

Re-start my financial blog in February.

Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard.

Habits:

Stop watching porn (again).

Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room.

Establish flossing at least once a week.

Exercise regularly.

Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance.

It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

17 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Good question! My personal and short answer is no, I wouldn't take that option, because I don't want to.

The detailed answer; I am able to cut my hours if I want to, but I don't want to do that because of these reasons:

1. My company would handle it as reduced hours; which means I would be paid less. I do have to think of my family costs and needs.
2. Money aside, I also like the 8h work-day; as someone with ADHD, it gives me structure. I can plan my wake-up routine, gym time, meals, hobbies, social life, bedtime routine, etcetera around my work schedule. And it makes weekends something special to look forward to with my family.
3. As much as I like the balance, I do also like to do my job; the problems are tough but rewarding, and I feel fulfilled by it. During covid lockdowns, the company I worked for back then reduced my hours to save money; it felt like I could barely get anything done, and I felt unfulfilled. To be honest, I think that actually contributed to my mobile gaming addiction back then. So reducing my hours would, as a whole, probably just make me feel like I am not accomplishing much.

I think this is where journaling has been very helpful; I probably spend a lot more time journaling here than the average user, I do recognize that, but I don't see it as a waste because it has helped me with reflecting on how I spend my time, and focusing on the positive stuff.

All this to say, that I think it's better to look at cutting out the time wasters first, before considering things like my work hours. And I believe this is what Habit 3 also focuses on from the book; Put First Things First.

I'll be posting more tomorrow, but I did review my screen time apps today. My passive screen time has significantly taken a turn for the better, and that is just from one month of working on the 7 Habits, journaling daily, and abstaining from my most compulsive and addictive tech uses. So that will be my commitment tomorrow; share my reflection on my screen time from the previous month of October.

I managed to save up money throughout the past few years, so even though I am not in the same situation, I understand the first argument. I'm by no means rich, but if I wanted to, I wouldn't have to work for years and I can afford reasonable holidays easily as well. It gives me peace of mind and prevents me from taking bad deals just to make a penny. Plus I'm EU based, meaning generally "free" healthcare, strong social welfare and a stable job market. (Perhaps too much, because the EU seems quite stagnant, but we'll see in the future.) I don't want to sleep on getting better though, just because times are good now, the students are nice and the money is coming in, it doesn't mean it will last forever.

I get the second one as well. In fact, I think having a relatively fixed schedule of lessons is good for me as well. I'll see in a few years whether I'll want to make my schedule more rigid (now I have lessons anywhere between 8 and 8, but normally only in two blocks, so I usually have a good amount of free time in the middle of the day). Plus I also take the weekends off, or it's at least left for planning my business, remembering, thinking about my students' lessons and other creative stuff.

I think journaling is great too! Just writing a comment like this makes me feel like I've done some good thinking and writing. As for time wasting, I avoided some today by sorting my priorities. Working on priority 5 is better than working on priority 20 and that's what I did today 😄 

[Mohammad's Journal]

On 10/25/2024 at 4:33 AM, Mohammad said:

Day 27th without gaming.

 

I came home today feeling unwell, possibly because of the flu shot I received last night. I am also feeling exhausted and drained today so I need to take it slow at this point and give myself time to recover. 

How are you doing now? I hope all is well these days.

[Ikar's Diary]

10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Good to hear about your health. I'm curious if you've considered self a nutritionist too? I've gotten a lot of help from mine. 

What was the issue you solved together?

Thanks for the concern regarding my diet. I'm doing my best to avoid excess sodium, unhealthy fats and empty calories. I'm also even more vary of alcohol than I used to. I got a full blood and urine screening and all the values are OK, including sodium and cholesterol. My blood pressure is around 130 these days. I'm doing more exercise and I think it's starting to have an impact. I guess I should try to get a half-hour in every day though; I'm roughly at two times a week now.

[Dear Diary...]

9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

This was a good weekend as a family. I have a dilemma because my grandparents haven't met my son yet and pressure is mounting to do so before they die. 

The issues I have are that I don't really like my grandparents. They treated me poorly growing up and treated their kids poorly. I always hated being around them. They live over an hour and a half from me, they only want to see him because it's *their* grandkid. They never ask me how he's doing or how my wife and I are doing even though we're struggling with depression and anxiety. The weekends are the only time I can visit them and I use the weekend as m my time to spend with my son the most because I only get a couple hours a day during the week. If I bring him over, 10 of my relatives would also invite themselves over to see him and I don't want him being around them. They're not good people. 

Am I a bad person for not bringing him? I think my family benefits more from weekend time together. 

I think you have every right to not visit them. It's your son and your wife. Would you ever consider visiting them, had they not been your family? I got the feeling from years of your posts that rapprochement is impossible and that there are no benefits to speak of. I hope your wife's family treats you better.

[Ending the Loop]

14 hours ago, Pochatok said:

i want to see the world set itself on fire- but a fire of passion, not doom. i'm tired, so tired of seeing my peers (and older people) succumb to a rapture complex: anticipating the world's ending actively, with a sense of defeatism. but there's so much opportunity in the world as it's crumbling. the stage of ruination is one of outmost salvaging, creativity, growth. but i see people choosing to wait for the falling ruins to crack their heads open; so few willing to run through the debris and plant seeds of change. i feel alone in my outlook, and even moreso alone in my willingness to act upon it. but i am not discouraged, because my impossible future speaks to me every morning.

I could understand why people in an active warzone or terrible dictatorship would feel like the world is ending, because a rocket or secret police might be around the corner, but even in these situations there are things to be done and improved. I'm happy you see things this way. There's little point in feeling down about things we can't influence.

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

11 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

One other thing that I detected from Cam's email was that it sounded like he had a solid plan for balancing his day, even in-spite of the long work hours. He'd make sure to eat meals with his girlfriend. He'd make sure to still look after his health. These are crucial things that I neglected myself when I would overwork myself -> procrastinate -> overwork myself, and so forth the cycle goes. These are the crucial things that I'm now making a point to pay attention to; my physical health, my mental and spiritual wellbeing, and my social and emotional fulfillment.

I'm always in shock when realizing how many things and priorities are there to be handled and balanced. If you could (or maybe you can already, I don't know), would you cut your employment time to give yourself more time in other areas?

[Ikar's Diary]

25 Oct - 2 Nov:

My girlfriend and I went for a short trip to Italy for four days until 28 Oct. It was nice to spend time together and to see a new country after a while. We also worked on some of the exercises from the "7 Principles" book for relationship.

I went to the doctor's and my blood samples and urine are OK. I'm going to visit cardiology next week just to be sure. As for my health, I went running this week and tomorrow I'm gonna change the wheels/tires tomorrow to get some lifting.

My father, my friend and I did some work on grandma's kitchen again. It went fine and we got the water pipes changed/remade.

[Ikar's Diary]

On 10/24/2024 at 11:00 PM, wheatbiscuit said:

Oh geez, I hope that doesn't happen too much at a reunion early next year. There's potential that it could. >.>

I think it's really cool to examine life guides as a team. If my ex never had serious trauma and things, we could have done a lot better naturally. That might be why the exercises might be difficult - having a naturally good thing going already. Idk 🙂 

Funny you mention it too now. I could try to say that erotica has its last gasp as people become more social, but like with my current RPG-free streak, it's 1 day at a time saying 'I won't game now, maybe tomorrow' as opposed to 'I will pursue romantic interest today alone, then deal with the next day.' I might be twisting logic a bit there but romance to me is like a way of life, a mandatory alternative to merely comfortably assuring sexual 'health'. Gaming could be described as more of a (but long in some cases) step in a person's journey. 

I tried truly opening up for a solid year, before becoming unwell as no one quite knew how to work with me, combined with my gaming. Learning to self-soothe was costly in a way. I'm unlikely to forget the highs/possibilities of my late teens/early twenties easily so that I can stop measuring things now against them. S'why we're here, so we can inspire each other with our learnings, isn't it? 

Edit: This has been probably my first successful game-free real early morning here, without an alarm. Forgiveness please!

Thanks for your post! I don't worry about the birthday party too much. My two biggest friends are my friend and my girlfriend anyway. The rest is kinda "optional" - acquaintances and students. I meet quite a lot of people, but I have to admit it's not easy to make friends now. Maybe it's because I prefer quality over quantity 😄

Traumas are definitely a thing, although I feel like "trauma" is a too strong word for me to use. I mostly worry about how to best overcome these problems now; I think it's good to at least be aware of them and how they influence me.

Yes, I do think being in a relationship is/has a lifestyle of its own. I think my girlfriend and I have made good work on working together as a team in a relationship, especially over the last 3 months. We both put some effort in and the relationship seems to be on the up, though I still worry a little about a few explosive problems. The book has some advice on that, so I hope to use it well.

Good luck with your journey! 🙂 

On 10/25/2024 at 6:37 PM, D_Cozy said:

Yeah, Mission Statements are hard to write. I'm not familiar with that book, the one I'm reading is from Stephen R. Covey on "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." But the idea sounds similar; you want to create a base, a foundation that is built on correct principles like honesty, integrity, fairness, quality, and accountability (these are the ones I'm remembering atm). Covey also states in the book I'm reading that it isn't just a once-and-done kinda thing to write a Mission Statement, it can take several weeks or months before we feel comfortable with it, and even after that it's something we want to keep reviewing to align it as our understanding of principles evolves.

As my signature says, one day at a time. I'm not rushing the process; it's certainly hard to find time some days with 3 kids, but it's been worth it for me to carve out the time to do the work. Mission Statements can be written to be personal, for a family, for a community, and for a business. I'm starting with writing my own mission statement, but at some point I would like to write one with my wife for our family. We have a whiteboard that I think would make a good drawing board for it.

I remember reading "7 Habits" a few (or perhaps several) years ago, so it struck me to see it again in a very similar format in the "7 Principles" book in combination with you working on what seems to be a very similar exercise too. It sounds like a great idea to do it for your family later! I've never been big on these things (maybe because they are hard 😄 ) , but I'll write about some of the positive traits you mentioned below and what they mean to me, at least as an intellectual exercise:

Honesty: I strongly prefer to be honest. I'm nearly 100% honest in my speech and I often avoid even "white lies". I squirm if I lie and avoid eye contact; I have to say I am very bad at lying.

Integrity: I think my integrity was heavily compromised when gaming. I broke promises and made up excuses; not only to others but to myself as well. I effectively "lied" in my actions. I now know it's much better, but still I think I sometimes "nod away" an issue or avoid doing things (mainly at the request of others) when I feel it's not important/worth my attention. At the same time, when I truly decide for something, I can be sure I give it my 100% and take it seriously for everyone's benefit.

Fairness: I generally don't like to keep scores, but I think I am fair to others and myself. Being self-employed is basically all about managing good relationships and treating others fairly and equally.

I think not saying something at a certain can be a lie as well. That said, I suppose this is an area where people differ. I consider not being transparent/withholding information about e.g. fee structure a lie. Case in point: financial advisors. It's perfectly OK to have one, but I also think it's perfectly OK to know how much they are charging. Are they honest in what they are charging and how? Did they wave it off as an irrelevant concern? Did they find the numbers straight up? Investments are numbers on a paper and should be judged by their advantages and disadvantages; much like cars. It's not smart to buy the car just because the man looks nice and tells nice stories.

Thanks for your comment!

[Ikar's Diary]

19 Oct - 24 Oct:

I attended a birthday party at the weekend. I had a good time at the beginning, bad time in the middle and good time at the end. I had a good chat with one/two of the guys at the beginning, then had to overhear a bunch of (group!) gossip about a guy who was about to come to the party. I mean, get real. It was just cringe for half of the people there too. We had a fun quiz at the end though. I felt much more comfortable when my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend came over to visit me when I was home alone. I guess it just depends on the people. It's quite paradoxical that I often feel better on lessons with my students than with acquaintances in my off time. Even though there are of course some conventions and limits, I think I the personalities shine through over time during the lessons.

My girlfriend came back on 19th from the holiday with her friend. The last two weeks, we've been working on the exercises in "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Gottman. It includes writing a "Mission Statement", perhaps akin to the one @D_Cozy is working on now. I tried getting myself to work on this exercise, but it is rather hard. My girlfriend feels the same. I felt a bit ashamed of not having overarching goals and dreams 'for life'. I already have a great job/business, a great girlfriend, a great friend and a great financial cushion and a few other things. I 'just' want to expand/maintain that. At the moment, I am only (again) feeling the need to distance myself from porn once again. I don't want to force some imaginary 'nice to have' goals that I have no attachment to.

I started looking after my health more too. I went to the doctor. I'm gonna get blood and urine samples, as well as an examination at cardiology. In the meanwhile, my father got me a new blood pressure monitor. I bought special tea to help me lower my blood pressure and I started doing more exercise than before. I went for a hike at the weekend, worked out on Tuesday and went for a run with a friend on Wednesday. I made a note in my calendar to start all of my online lessons standing, as I can adjust the height of my table just by pressing a button.

I also visited financial Reddit for a periodical monthly update on the financial world. I also organized a shooting range visit with a few friends at the weekend.

[Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"]

Thanks for taking the time to write your diary. It's indeed quite insightful. I also like journaling, otherwise I wouldn't come here to write once a week for the last five years 😄 

On 10/22/2024 at 8:03 PM, D_Cozy said:

Mind you, Bluey is a children's show lol, but I love it; it appeals to adults too thanks to also having lessons like this one. This episode in particular, it reminds me that sometimes you'll just be bored and that's okay; being bored is still a valuable experience, it can be a great opportunity to check-in with yourself, or to notice or think about something new.

I found your profile image familiar, but I didn't know where was it from! I was once looking for nice cartoons for my students in the past and I came across Bluey. I wish it was 5 minutes long like Peppa Pig is 😄 

[Dear Diary...]

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Much better now. Just worn out and had some communication problems with a few family members that I've difficultly resolved to a good solution. Just took a lot of conversations. I'm getting more sleep too besides tonight lol. 

Good conversations are hard if one feels tired and exhausted. I'm glad you managed it well. Family members (or in-laws) can sometimes be difficult, but at least we don't have to live with them 😄 

[Ikar's Diary]

54 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Have you visited the doctor? You could have an underlying health issue causing it. You seem too young for this kind of issue. 

Thanks for checking up on me! My father has high blood pressure as well. I wrote my doctor yesterday, as I measured my blood pressure for five days straight with similar results. I'll wait for a response from him and go for an appointment for sure.

[Ikar's Diary]

15 Oct - 18 Oct:

I had a standard week, even if a bit lonely. We called one another during the week though. I miss having my girlfriend around and doing things together, but she'll come back tomorrow 🙂 

I spent just Tuesday evening with my friend and today I'm expecting my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend to come over for a while.

I also did some sport during the week and worked on some writing exercises, related to my past and my relationship with my girlfriend.

The bad news is that my blood pressure is 150/80. It is probably the cause of my infrequent headaches for the last year or so, so I need to take some measures (more sport, less unhealthy food/alcohol etc.)

[New Life+]

On 10/7/2024 at 11:37 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Put a good teacher in a school, and the pupils will want to attend it.

A few, maybe. As long as the standard format is a teacher telling kids something they can find on the internet, it doesn't have much practical relevance. The majority of the kids actually have the natural right to be bored. It might be why I never liked school, even though I am a teacher/lecturer. University was much better though, because I had an actual choice as an adult.

16 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I'm not even grieving for it so much anymore, but when I started challenging my parents, they didn't grow in my opinion, they straight up got back at me. I reckoned the difference between play and cruelty. I was allowed to mostly develop character on the internet, leaving a lot of space for growth behind for when finding myself in the right environments, it seems. Still, my defence for them would be not knowing any better.

Good posts here guys.

I am sure your parents didn't know any better; but that most likely also means they don't know any better now. I also found out some things about my parents only after I had my epiphany and quit gaming. They messed up. I messed up too. I don't regret it though. I have a good life now, so really there's no point in me pointing fingers.