[Ikar's Diary]

7 Mar - 12 Mar:

It's been a fairly busy week.

At the weekend, I had a board game evening, an all day hiking trip with my girlfriend and on Sunday we took the car to the service and combined it with a cycling trip with my girlfriend and had a nice evening in the sauna.

Went for sushi with my brother on Monday. Brought my car back on Tuesday and went to an improv show in the evening too. Had some work with my new website yesterday and today as well. I managed to catch up on all the important stuff today.

[Ikar's Diary]

27 Feb - 6 Mar:

I had a few good meetings the last few days. I met with friends in a pub, played board games with others and went to a meeting with my financial friend group 🙂 

I went to the mountains with my girlfriend and had some family meetings as well. Went to an event/discussion with her and also for a run with my friend. Apart from lessons with my students, I worked on the new online table and did some reading.

[Restored journal]

On 2/10/2025 at 11:32 AM, Amphibian220 said:

The work stress is doing what video games used to do in the past. It blocks worries.

All work has some stress associated with it, but types of stress differ. Do we choose work based on the type of stress we encountered in the past as gamers?

That's an interesting idea. Sometimes, at least in my case, navigating free time is harder than navigating work-time. It's easier to be there with the students at the moment, because I know the scope of options is more limited. Limiting stress on students is a part of my job, because stressed students can't learn. I need to give them a plan to work on in order to learn, but only a bit by bit and at their own pace. Plus streamlined and careful negotiation makes business go smoothly.

I do agree that work overall blocks worries, because we actually do something and we don't sit and worry about what to do next. Action heals and beats overthinking.

On 2/27/2025 at 9:08 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Are we scapegoating video games?

i read a forum, where video game quitters are called deniers who have experienced abuse and who need to find a party to blame. So the video game habit is a convenient party.

It is circular. An alcoholic can claim he took to drinking because he was hurt, but didn’t the drink further lead to an inability to defend himself and others?. 

All these journals show one common behavioral pattern. It begins with being silent on issues one doesn’t agree with from a young age, to mostly forgetting that power and easy going attitude that he had as a child.

I think that's why I don't really have many fond memories of my childhood/teenage years. I didn't have a real say at school or at home. I could only wait until I was 18 to start living on my own terms and start being responsible for myself. I at least got the chance to stop chronically reacting to the outside world at 21 when I quit games. Learning how to be a helpless sheep is one of the worst things that school, family and society can teach an individual.

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

On 2/27/2025 at 12:12 AM, Yan said:

It's been a part of my life for a significant amount of time now. Thanks @Cam Adair
Also, does anyone know whether there is a way to download all the comments in this topic for backup purposes? If so, how?
Thanks to anyone who is reading and possibly replying in advance 🙂

I've been doing that for a while. I think the easiest solution is to just use Ctrl+S and save the webpage on my computer locally. I have all 50+ pages of my diary saved. That way, I know my writing will not be lost 🙂 

3 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Thanks for letting me know and sorry it took so long to notice. Hopefully the new system I have will prevent that in the future. For a backup I'm not sure, let me see now. (We do backup the forum as a whole so no worries there.)

Thanks for fixing it!

[Ikar's Diary]

8 hours ago, Yan said:

Maybe some cold showers may help 🙂

Maybe that's the explanation. I went to the sauna and I went to the cool pool a few days ago before I got sick. Or maybe it was because I felt hot afterwards, didn't put my cap on after we went out and had wet hair.

I have to say regular cold showers are probably a no-go for me. I enjoy spending time in the shower/bath and I have to say it's one of the few things that always bring me positive joy during the day 😄 

[Ikar's Diary]

21 Feb - 26 Feb:

I managed to clear out many of my open browser tabs. I also had a call with my fellow CELTA colleague. Worked on my grandma's kitchen with my friend and it seems like we're really nearly done for our part. My girlfriend, her sister's boyfriend and I went to the mountains and I also went to the shooting range at the weekend. I also worked on updating my online table for my students and read up on some news on financial and English Reddit.

[Ikar's Diary]

13 hours ago, Yan said:

Gotta' analyze your routine to see what you might have done to be sick 🙂 From my experience the two are often connected 🤔

Oh yeah, I can normally trace it back to the origin, but I haven't this time. I felt sick for the next four or five days. I worked as usual, but limited exercise and also my stay outside. The temperature here hovers around 0 Celsius this time of the year, so a lot of people are sick. I feel good today though 🙂 

 

[Ikar's Diary]

18 Feb - 20 Feb:

Nothing much has happened in the last few days, but I have the time to write a little, so I want to take advantage of it. I just started the lecturer training and went to the sauna with my girlfriend. I'm feeling a bit sick, but I have the rest of the evening free and just a few lessons tomorrow, so I hope to be OK before the weekend.

[Ikar's Diary]

I'm using the template I used the last time. 7/1/25 - 18/2/25

"L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term.

I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period.

 

Books/Reading articles/Learning:

L: Spent some time reading on Reddit again, scanning for any relevant information. I'm almost finished with "Outlive" by Attia. I can say it sparked more interest about health, exercise and fitness in general.

T: I finished "Outlive" by Attia. Rather than using any particular tips or knowledge from it, I used it to push myself into more exercise. Started a new book by Dawkins called "The Selfish Gene". Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again.

Possible direction/goals:

(Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report.

 

Family:

L: I went to the theater with my mom and made some family visits as usual. My father and my brother took turns to work on the grandma's kitchen and it seems like we're really nearing the end.

T: Had some family visits. Also went to watch hockey with my parents and a family friend. Made two kitchen-related trips to my grandma with my friend.

I had a small incident with my grandma yesterday. We talked for about five minutes over phone. She was worried about... my brother envying me an 8€ banknote that she gave me at the weekend. In front of the whole family, as my girlfriend rightfully pointed out. She said she was afraid he wouldn't talk to her anymore, so she asked me to write him. He said that he might consider not talking to her indeed, after she thought he might envy me an 8€ note (which I frankly think he didn't even remember, as our grandma gives us stuff regularly) 🙂 

In relation, my brother told me a similar story about her thinking that our mother is an alcoholic. I also just remembered the time my grandma was low-key saying that she probably won't live much longer. I think it's a mix of fear of abandonment, overthinking and creating doom and gloom scenarios and being paranoid. I guess insanity can take many forms. From now on, I'll try to be more receptive towards my mom and take grandma's opinions for what they are; opinions.

NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family.

Possible direction/goals:

Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma.

Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family.

 

Business/English:

L:  Worked on the new website again with the web-designer. Sent out the bi-yearly questionnaires to my students. After sending out the questionnaires, I went for a holiday to Balearic Islands with my girlfriend. After coming back, I felt very excited to work with my students again! I contacted some of my old students and I signed up for a course organized and run by a coach I cooperated with in the past at the university and that paid for by the government. I hope the application goes through 🙂 

T: My application to the course was successful! I've already had the first two training days, one about methodology and one about presentation skills. I'm hoping to learn and use a lot of stuff. I've also been working on an improved English table for my students. I've also been flustered by modifying my pricing in a reasonable way. Long story short, I need to charge my pricing in regard to my afternoon (and maybe later morning) F2F students. I currently charge nothing for traveling and I could have another lesson or do something else in that time. I also had a call with my CELTA colleagues.

NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid.

Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered.

 

Current projects I'm working on:

Website improvement project - since August 2024

English table update - since December 2024

lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025 

55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates

 

Areas to work on continually:

Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week.

Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students.

CELTA colleagues calls.

Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course.

 

Exercise/Movement:

L: These days, I normally manage 1-2x exercise sessions (or runs) and 1-2x stretching sessions a week. All that along with some hikes at the weekend and regular walks once or twice a day. The appointment went alright, though I am going for another test later this month. Went to donate blood plasma twice as well, so I assume my health is alright, as they need to do checks.

T: These days, I normally manage 1-2x exercise sessions (or runs) and 1-2x stretching sessions a week. All that along with some hikes at the weekend and regular walks once or twice a day. I had the last cardiology check at the end of January. As for health, I also started flossing more regularly.

NOT: I don't want to become fat.

Possible direction/goals: 

Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes.

 

---

 

My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography.

This month, I did these cool activities: having a board-game night with friends, visiting my friends, reading about finance, reading about English, attending a FIRE meeting, meeting with friends. Spent less time at the computer too.

 

---

For thought:

Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier.

I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping.

No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless.

---

 

Plans for 2025:

Family:

I don't have any specific plans for my family, besides finishing my grandma's kitchen. I also don't have any plans of starting my own, although I've always said I'm ready after finishing the uni. The main thing for the success of that would be to manage time and money correctly.

Career:

The last year was successful business-wise. I got the confirmation for the new lecturer course running from February to May. The main goal is to get the website finished, so I want to actively cooperate with the other freelancers. I'm not going to set any arbitrary goals, except keeping my lesson work-hours around 20-25, and to managing the other admin stuff (preparation, mails, trainings) in another 10 hours. That makes the total of 30-35 hours worked a week.

Friends, community:

I am part of more friend groups and communities. I don't have any big plans in mind regarding this area of my life. I expect to naturally drift towards more libertarian, financially educated and entrepreneurial/self-employed communities. I find the most inspiring people there.

Relaxation, hobbies, creativity:

I intend on continuing the hobbies I currently do, including writing, working out or going to the shooting range. I also want to remain curious about things and keep on traveling to break out of the cycle to unwind completely sometimes. Maybe I'll get around to blogging again. I think the line between work and relaxation is blurry for me.

Physical health, fitness:

Again working out (and stretching) and flossing. I think my diet is OK. I might start tracking some indicators of body fitness, but I don't think I'm quite there yet.

Mental health, self-knowledge:

Avoid overwork and burnout. Keep hours on roughly 20 lessons + 10 hours of ancillary work a week. Keep on doing things that feel right. Keep on planning/marking down things in my calendar.

Habits that define you:

family - keep in touch with my family at least once a month

girlfriend - make time to talk every day and keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities

career - work on my education continually, learning something new every week, even in unstructured ways; sources: CELTA, meeting other English lecturers/teachers, reading on their websites, lecturer course coming up in February, working on the business side of my work

friends/community habits - meet with my best friend a few times a month, meet with my friend groups a few times a month too

relaxation, hobbies, creativity habits - shooting range, writing, traveling, blogging, reading, being curious

fitness habits - stretch every day, work out/run twice a week; floss daily

mental health habits - keep my hobbies, work and other activities in balance, try new things every now and then

a better tomorrow habits - provide great added value back for the money of my students

[Ikar's Diary]

6 Feb - 12 Feb:

I spent some time writing about finance, did my monthly financial report and sorted out taxes and pricing. Worked on the updated table for students; it's more or less ready, but I need to update the existing ones too, so that will probably take a few more hours.

Met up with a friend on Friday and talked about everything. I also went to a sauna, played table games and went to a seminar - all with my girlfriend. I skipped a social evening today to write and focus on myself a little today.

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

On 2/4/2025 at 10:46 PM, Yan said:

I feel there's a problem with how you use "Lucky". I never played the lottery in my adult life because even if I managed to win and get "lucky" this wouldn't be my achievement, and is very unlikely to happen in the first place, not to mention repeat itself.
I'd rather focus all my time and effort on developing the necessary skills to acquire money, then I may write it for myself as an achievement and also be at a position to hold this money. I've also heard often that the majority of lottery winners lose their money very quickly, and it makes a lot of sense to me. Since, they didn't earn it they don't have the skills to produce that kind of wealth or keep it. Here's are 23 of those cases, then there is this article says 70% of lottery winners lose all that money in 5 years or less, it doesn't link to a study though, but again if you'd like I'll dig deeper into it.

I used the word "lucky" in the way that it's indeed a lottery, insofar as what activity gets us hooked and gives us satisfaction. We couldn't "choose" whether gaming interested us or not. We just fell for it. And we worked hard on it too. That's why I used the hockey sport analogy afterwards; had we been "luckier", maybe we'd fall for an activity that would be more useful for us and the society as well.

On 2/4/2025 at 10:46 PM, Yan said:

Our predisposition to gaming might also be something we inherited, and that is not unlucky as i see it. It just is. Aswell as our parents and other things we got for good or for worse. Now it is about how we are going to use those predispositions. And that is the only thing that is "lucky" here, the fact that you know the difference between what depends upon you and what doesn't and focus all your efforts on the things that do, and do not consider it lucky when anything that doesn't contributes to your progress or not, because today it may contribute and tomorrow it can set you back. That shouldn't matter. All that matters is how you did the things that depended on you.

I actually don't think there's a "predisposition to gaming", but rather a "predisposition to activities like gaming". We probably encountered gaming as the first complex activity that could fulfill us by chance; hence all the talk about luck and bad luck. I agree there's no reason in crying over spilt milk; what's done is done. It's necessary to be forward-looking. You're also correct that I'm lucky that gaming made me re-evaluate my life, values and activities. Maybe quitting gaming was the biggest opportunity for me. I don't think many people get that in their lives.

[Ikar's Diary]

24 Jan - 5 Feb:

My friend and I drilled holes and installed the doors for the upper kitchen cupboards.

I had a great meeting last weekend with a bunch of inspiring people. The topic was financial independence and everybody shared their journey. Some topics still resonate in my head and the meeting also spurred my activity in related topics. 

Went to the cardiologist. He said my heart/blood pressure is nothing to worry about, as long as I exercise and eat well. I think I've been doing a good job exercising and flossing as well.

My parents and I also went to a hockey match with our family friend. It was nice to experience the atmosphere of a hockey match again, especially since "our" team won 😄 

We also had a couple more game nights with my girlfriend's sister and her boyfriend and my friend. It's generally a good time, although my girlfriend and I think her sister and boyfriend can be sometimes needlessly toxic during game-time for a variety of reasons.

Looked after the car by taking it to the mechanic. Just a few small issues, nothing serious.

Had a pub meeting with my girlfriend's office colleagues from work. I already knew most of them at least a little. We had good fun.

-

I probably have mild ADHD. I sometimes jump from one activity to another and forget to finish the previous one. My calendar helps me with that, as I can keep track of the important stuff.

[2nd Journal]

3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Independence as a feeling is something I've always sort of gone for, but in actuality is complex. I solo discount rent from family, and actually have worked a casual dozen or two full days total since the end of last year. The meds situation kept me from joining them for a couple of shifts, and stunningly my dad tried to call that the end of the position. I'd love to completely ignore that, but easier said than done. In order to achieve independence, both my condition and boundaries need work. Because of game chats, I'm honestly an efficient back-biter, but that's not what I want for any extended period. I could continue a cycle of withdrawing-then-fixing ties with everyone I value, or resume some long, explanatory-but-civil texts which just don't seem to get much across in the end - or start doing and saying what would seem out of character for me but actually isn't; the internet-using me. It had reign after high school, and was basically trouble. Above all, I don't want what I experience as trouble with practically everyone simply for independence. *shrug* 

Even part-time work is good. I've been self-employed for a few years. I took up more work quite naturally as I grew more efficient with using my time and got into basic habits. Hope the meds situation gets better.

Honestly, it's possible that there are people in your life who try to usurp your independence (and boundaries). Ironically, when I was quitting, I think the fact I didn't know a lot of people and had really just a few connections helped me in fact. I didn't have to renegotiate so many relationships. I had more conflicts with my father after I quit gaming, rather than before. Parents in particular will still see you as their child if they pay for any of your needs. I think it's always a good idea to break that "financial" parental umbilical cord using any means necessary, apart from crime 😄 

[2nd Journal]

3 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Anyway, my first wish is to change the feeling (or if correct (here online, specifically), the fact) that things are generally not improving in my day to day experience of life. The second is simply that I would prefer perhaps gentle teasing from everybody with regard to my RPG habits - instead of, say, all-out assault. This is because I truly don't grasp how bad or good my habits are. Maybe to re-state, I already have 2 disorders to deal with - not including gaming - and no matter how I spend my time, I end up blind to some or many things. It could help on this forum if the 'keener eyes' remembered that about me.

I can share what works for me, but always remember you're the boss of you. I think the first thing of importance is to become independent. How is the job hunt for you looking?

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

21 hours ago, Yan said:

I think it´s the same thing you were saying with "I'd rebel" just rephrased.

Maybe these people did need the two elements: Luck and Hard-work.
Maybe many other Hard-Working people didn't make it.
But it doesn't omit the fact that hard work must be put in to achieve those heights.
Whether we get "Lucky" or not doesn't depend on us, and that doesn't matter. 
At the end of the day I want to know I did all I could to have reached my full potential. What's up to god, is up to god. 
And it wouldn't get me "happier" to be lucky. What makes one happy is progress, and knowing you do your best every day. As far as I'm aware.

Bottom line: You're again saying it's not worth going through all this hard work because you might not get anything in the end so might aswell not try to begin with... (If I understand correctly) Because if you never try you can never fail...

But the thing is, when you stopped trying that's when you failed. On the contrary if you're trying and doing your best, even if luck doesn't strike you I think you're "successful" even without the accolades, because again "happiness" is not in the amount of dollars you have. There is a reason that there are both rich and poor people who suicide.

It is because "happiness" lies in waking up one more day and putting yourself through the process with belief that you're working towards your self-actualization/potential.

Just laying my thoughts here. Feel free to keep contradicting me, I may of course be mistaken and would love to hear your opinion.

It does matter whether you get lucky or unlucky. I don't regret the fact that I didn't become a famous streamer, but the truth is I just got unlucky with the game selection. The game was just too small and there was never any real potential to make a living off of it.

If I had a passion/addiction to a sport, for example hockey, maybe I'd make it to the national team. If 1) I liked the hobby, 2) had a good team, 3) met the right people, 4) had no injuries, 5) had the parents' support... the list goes on and on. But even with a successful hockey career, there's no guarantee that my life wouldn't come crashing down after finishing my career as a player, because I'd be useless in other areas of life. Hard work and determination can lead you to both being a gaming addict and being a famous person. It's still a lottery.

I feel the same about the part I put in bold. I also feel better about growing into my potential. For "bottom line", I wrote: "Hard work does pay overall for most people, but it's not enough to be famous and you have to be careful with using it in the right way." I don't know if that translates to "it's not worth going through all this hard work because you might not get anything in the end so might aswell not try to begin with". I think work gives people meaning and that it's intrinsically valuable. The issue is you can't choose the activities you are passionate about or addicted to and therefore "hard work" can get you into unexpected or bad places as well. It reminded me of the "Gaming Addiction Superpower". Our determination and hard work on our gaming got us in the wrong place. I don't think it's possible to argue that, but feel free, I'll be happy to read the argument 🙂 

21 hours ago, Yan said:

If that is your calling and you focus around it, that's amazing! And it also seems to be that you accept the fact that when you focus on one thing you inevitably don't focus on another, which most people refuse to accept. They say things like "I'm just watching a little tv" whaat? That's my free time. No harm, as long as I did my 9 to 5 work for the day right?

But everything affects everything else. Now I guess some lower intensity activities are indeed needed, but you can find lower-intensity activities that also contribute to your calling, for example you could be reading a book about your teaching subject.

In which case is "doing nothing in particular" the right thing to do? When you say "nothing in particular" you mean just not having anything planned? Because doing nothing doesn't really exist I think, you're always doing something, even if that something is meditation, which is the closest to "nothing" i could come up with 🙂

You might be right that planning this stuff can cause you to "rebel" the structure eventually, and it might be what
caused my relapse. But the question is in the long haul how much you "rebel" I think if my rebellion will be summed with 5 days in 3-4 years, I'm about a 1000 times more efficient when having everything planned all the rest of the days, and even if these 5 days I'm a 1000 times less efficient, it's still most very definitely worth it.

Now whether it will indeed be  days remains to be seen of course. But that is the question we should be asking ourselves I guess: What's more effective in the long term and make us more productive? I personally prefer not giving control to my present self. It most usually ends up not very productive/effective/fulfilling for me 🙂

I think a part of my "calling" is writing as well, maybe that's why I am writing these responses (and I mean it; writing improves verbal skills too and I have a blog) 😄 

By "nothing in particular" I do indeed mean an activity of some sort. For me at this time, it's watching a video about finance (my hobby), helping my girlfriend assemble her 4000-piece puzzle or just getting the clothes off of the dryer. All of these are important in their own way, but they are hardly anything I'd write about in great detail.

I put the part in bold, because that's a solid argument to think about from a purely mathematical perspective. If it works for you, it's great. It's just that I don't think it's possible to plan your "gaming rebellion" like that or to guarantee that you ever come back from it.

20 hours ago, Yan said:

-The moment I deviated from the 10 minute deviation allowance, I allowed this "freedom" to let me read news for 20 minutes and try to enter on some gaming sites. All successfully blocked by my ad blocker. Amen to that at least. I haven't done that for quite a few days. Perhaps I need to maintain a longer time buffer, and not let myself chill unless I'm on the edge of the 10 minute schedule delay limit goal.

Good job, be watchful 🙂 

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

15 hours ago, Yan said:

One more thing we agree on, besides the fact that gaming is a hazard to be managed for the rest of our lives 🙂

It's awesome that you're intrinsically motivated, but saying that you would rebel if you had a definite schedule, sounds like a little of an excuse. You could say the same about completely not touching video games, and never set the "no playing guideline" because of it. But, truth is, it's just like any habit. Requires lots of willpower in the beginning to set up, and less and less as you go along, then some minimal amount to maintain, in my opinion.

So as I see it, now when you have a "free" block of time, you'd use it for some useful activity. But if you had it written down, you wouldn't have to spend time deciding which would it be. Alternatively, you could write that it's gonna be one of three activities and that you're gonna rotate. Otherwise, It's a bit like entering a lottery when you say "I'll just trust my present self"

It could be that this is the "Escape" I'm lacking which caused me to relapse, not having "relaxing" activities defined.

The thing is, I already do have a schedule for my work and I organize my life mostly around work. Maybe it's not ideal, but it works well enough for me. Organizing my life around other priorities (e.g. exercise every day at 7, eat, take a shower and start work every day at 9) could work too, but they'd inevitably clash. It always eventually comes down to the fact which activity I prefer. I really like/love spending time with my students AND getting paid for it. All the other things I do are "only" hobbies or second-rank priorities at best, except a few emergencies. Maybe it will change with time in the future.

I know "trusting my present self" can be lottery-like, but at the given time I already know whether or not I already have done the "basics" for the day. It takes the pressure off of me to do something "productive". I can just do a hobby or something else. There are cases where "doing nothing in particular" is the right thing to do.

I think having this stuff planned paradoxically reduces the effectiveness of relaxing activities. You're not a machine "down for temporary maintenance" when you relax.

15 hours ago, Yan said:

On the other hand, I think that most extraordinary people Like Thomas Edison, Elon Musk, Phil Knight, David Goggins, Nicola Tesla, Ray Crock, Arnold Schwarznegger, Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffet and you name it, all had routines which require lots of willpower, and they just had to pull through. And they did (With minimal if any "relaxation", they found the "relaxation" in the work. So it's possible. It is not a "must" for you to rebel. it's a choice. Feel free to correct me though, it's a discussion, I might be wrong. 

Will keep breaking down the post later hopefully 😉

The only problem with these people is that you know them because they succeeded. Textbook survivorship bias.

If only determination was enough, I'd have been a successful Twitch streamer for some 10 years now. I was persistent. I streamed daily. Maybe it would have worked if I played a bigger game like LoL, WoW, Hearthstone or something else. But there just weren't enough people watching the game I mainly played. And there are even people with a good plan, who work hard and still fail. We all know the people you mentioned thanks 1) to their habits but also 2) extreme luck and circumstances. Hard work does pay overall for most people, but it's not enough to be famous and you have to be careful with using it in the right way. 

[Kam's Journal]

1 hour ago, station mouse said:

In a lot of your updates you've said you miss games and I'm the same. I think maybe I will always miss them, or that it will take many years for that to fade.

After my roughly six years of no gaming, I sometimes reminisce the time, but I think I would do that even if I I hadn't gamed. I don't miss games anymore though. It was important for me to accept the past and move on, not to regret it.

[New Life+]

On 1/25/2025 at 10:40 AM, WilderDaze said:

My gym sessions are about 1,5-2 hours long and in-between I need to rest properly and look over my program to make adjustments.

I get that. I just finished a workout with my girlfriend that lasted about an hour. Another hour to relax a little, take a shower and eat. I hated to rush the workout time maybe it was a part of the reason why I quit working out completely a few years ago. These two hour blocks are hard for me to find, but I try to work out at least twice a week.

51 minutes ago, WilderDaze said:

I've also started the process of trying to get up at 7 a.m. every day which is a bit rough so far, even though it has gotten better with each day. I've calculated that this is the optimal time for me to always get up as my work starts at 8 a.m. certain days. And it just helps with everything related to my sleep and energy for the day if I always get up the same time every day, or at least try. But this also means that I have to get in bed earlier and that's the most challenging part. I think I'll have to be a bit flexible with this as I sometimes work late hours and don't have the option to go to bed very early. I know for sure though that not playing video games will help immensely with this!

I get up around 7 every day at too, also because my earliest work time is 8. I normally tend to wake up with the sun, so to speak, but everybody is different. There are morningness/eveningness questionnaires online to help out with determining the best circadian rhythm for you 🙂 

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

10 hours ago, Yan said:

Sounds more or less like reality 😉 The first number could probably be multiplied by some 15 and the second by 4 or 5 and you're golden ;D

To be honest, it's quite impressive to resist it so many times (and for such a long time too). I'm sure my will wouldn't be as strong. I can't tell you how I did it exactly (apart from living my life the way I do), but I just don't get cravings anymore, so I don't need to resist them.

10 hours ago, Yan said:

Sounds terrifying being without scheduled time, like a source for infinite depression

 

I'd agree with that statement. Four, maybe three years ago, I approached a girl at the university. I immediately lost all interest in her after she told me that she just sat and watched series all spring holiday. I asked her again and got the same response. I think some people just slob around, do nothing all day and then wonder why they are depressed. I think they are depressed because they know in the back of their mind that they're not doing enough to meet their potential. I used to be like that when I gamed, but not anymore. I'm now intrinsically motivated to do my best. 

10 hours ago, Yan said:

I don't even know what you mean when you say "relax" never had that item on my schedule for years. Work is my relaxation. And it worked quite well for a few years...

In my case, writing relaxes me and it's an activity I like. I think stretching is becoming a relaxation activity for me too. I think people normally connect relaxation with their hobbies and free time. I find it rather interesting that what one person considers relaxation can be work for another. Dusting for an hour is literally more work for me than to have a lesson with my students 😄

10 hours ago, Yan said:

Maybe it will make you rebel, or maybe it's just your blizzard brain speaking 😉
In anycase so long as you're happy with your approach that's the most important thing. Because there are no right and wrong ways to live life. So long as you know what you aim for in the long term and your manner of living serves you (Begin with the end in mind from stephen covey's book, knowing what eulogy you want at your funeral, etc.) you're golden 🙂

Yeah, I've just worked for an hour an a half to improve my online tables for students. I didn't have it planned, but it's been in my head for a few weeks now. "Work" and "useful activities" are really my default whenever I find a bigger block of free time, like today. I think it's just about setting "correct" baseline activities of life. I'd really feel lazy if my baseline activity was watching series or films, for example.

[Ikar's Diary]

18 Jan - 23 Jan:

I had to buy a new shower head because I managed to step on the old one and break it 😄 

There hasn't been that much happening otherwise. I came up with a few pricing improvements for my lessons. I spent time with my girlfriend and picked up a new book from the library.

[Kam's Journal]

On 1/8/2025 at 10:40 PM, Kam said:

Almost five years later, restarting this journal and committing to the 90 day detox.

A lot has changed - I now have three kids, I got the promotion I had been aiming for for years, life is going well in general. But the constant problem in my life has always been video games. I've hit a new low and I recognize I need to stop gaming in order to be truly happy.

After reading Cam's posts, I realize that I strongly resonate with the four needs that gaming fills: temporary escape, social, constant growth, and challenge/sense of purpose. I also have zero personal hobbies outside of gaming. Whenever I get a break, which is usually around 9pm after the house goes to bed, gaming is the only hobby I turn toward.

I'd like to still game in moderation in the future. I like Cam's approach of committing to at least 90 days before making any sort of decisions about gaming again. I haven't gone 90 days without playing a video game since probably elementary school. Definitely never in middle school, high school, college, or in my career.

I'm reading through Respawn now. Tonight, I'm going to uninstall all my games and pack away my gaming PC, Steam Deck, and Quest 3 in the basement

Welcome back!

On 1/21/2025 at 3:01 PM, Kam said:

Two weeks! I still feel a void. I still miss it a lot. However, there's no doubt in my mind that the quality of my life has improved dramatically the last two weeks. Sleep, exercise, reading, piano, work, family time - all of these have noticeably improved.

It's great you're seeing progress already. It's much easier to abstain when the benefits are not vague and murky.

On 1/17/2025 at 4:28 PM, Kam said:

However, I need some outside conversation with friends, and that was largely dominated by gaming discussions. I'll 100% need to focus on the social aspect, and soon.

I've never really had any gaming friends, perhaps except my brother, so my gaming was never connected with any "real" people. If the friends can talk about other stuff besides gaming, I guess it's OK though.

Well done on 16 days!

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

6 hours ago, Yan said:

Absolutely possible. Actuaally i'm in the same situation i was in my last relapse, sitting myself in a room and grinding over some project with minimal interaction with people and a very small feeling of progress if any.

Yes, that's definitely something to analyze. Maybe gaming didn't present itself as an escape in your head the first time or second time when you ground the project, but perhaps the tenth time. And maybe you resisted it for another five times, until you acted on the thought the sixth time.

6 hours ago, Yan said:

Honestly I don't remember when I felt "Bored". I always have something to do. Do you use time-blocking? Or do you have chunks of "free time" in your schedule? This "free time" is the only thing that can make you feel bored in my humble opinion and assumption.

I only "book" time for lessons with my students (around 25-30 hours a week). The rest of my time is not usually scheduled, I just normally go to bed at 10-11 and get up between 6-8 as necessary.

It's good to be bored sometimes, just for the experience. As I wrote, even when I am bored (or overworked, the other extreme), I don't think of gaming as an escape. When I'm overworked, I find an activity to relax like writing or I come up with a plan to tackle the problem. I usually find something to do even when I am bored too. It actually gives me space to focus on lesser priorities like chores around the house that are not as essential (e.g. dusting, putting boxes into the cellar etc.) These reactions are my second nature now and they're generally positive. I don't have to "plan" to relax, which really sounds like an oxymoron 😄 

And it works for me. There are always a few areas I'd like to work on more often, but I don't think I need to start planning for it. In fact, I think pushing myself into planning my days in detail would make me rebel and would cause more damage down the road. I usually do plan some activities if I have entire parts of the day free though. Maybe it will change in the future, but so far I am happy with my approach.

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

13 hours ago, Yan said:

Did you find that quote in Johann Hari's "Chasing the scream"? Or from another source? Would you suggest that book if you got it from there?

I think I saw it somewhere more times, maybe the first time in GQ-related materials. No book/source in particular.

[How to deal with school and studying?]

1 hour ago, hemonkey said:

Thanks for the advice @Ikar! An update: I went to my math teacher today because he made a mistake on the test and I talked to him about it and how I deserve to get that question right. Unfortunately, he became enraged and yelled at me because I had bruised his ego. And funnily enough, the principal was sitting in his classroom which goes to show that he is indeed mentally ill and it is not my problem at all. I can't believe how 99% of students can put up with him acting like he's the king of this school.

I hope he at least got a warning from the principal because of that. I don't see how he's a helpful role model/authority, if he's tolerated to yell at students.

I think it's fair to slog it out at this high school until you finish it and pass the finals. Once you're 18/19, you're free to call your own shots. Looking back, I'd not get into the university, had I not had a particular reason to study (I wanted to be an army officer, so I had to go to the uni for that). I don't think it's helpful to go to the university for a completely random degree and I think working a few jobs to try out what fits is better (plus you'll get a stable income). I earned money since I was 19 (I also finished a university, but as a side project), but over the years (now I'm 27), I've built up a considerable reserve. It's really a big difference if you start work at 18/19, or after a degree at 22/25. There's data that uni people earn more, but I think it's just a correlation without causation and that the people would do well even without a degree. Plus, you can always do the degree later, if it's something you really want or need to advance your career.

Feel free to ask more about my reasoning if you want 😄 

[No useless videos for 90 days.]

12 hours ago, Yan said:

Got to love it when people take responsibility 🙂 I'd like to use this opportunity to remind you however that the times in between (the times you work) are also up to you and are your choice, and you can change them if you'd like, or make the best of them if you wouldn't, just in case you forgot 😉 

Since I don't have an employer, even my work-hours are my responsibility and decision. I work with students 1-to-1, so I don't have total control over their time, but yes, if I said "My work hours are between 12 and 6.", nobody could stop me from doing that.

12 hours ago, Yan said:

That's an interesting point, haven't thought much of it that way that it's a "negative" counter. I could rephrase it to something like "Days of self-accomplishment" or something of a sort, however, even the name of this website is game-quitters, so it is quite tied with gaming, guess I'm gonna stick to that phrasing for now, but it's worth pondering.

Sounds like you're getting closer to self-actualization as you see it, keep it up 🙂
 

My reasoning stems from the quote "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety (days without gaming), but connection (having a good life)." You're correct though that this is an "anti-gaming addiction" forum more than anything else. I stuck around over the years mostly because I just like to journal here. Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 

12 hours ago, Yan said:

-That's a nice number 🙂 I was also above 1,000 before the relapse. I think it was somewhere in the 1100s. (the 800 day counter was for useless videos, not gaming)
-Anyway what I was seeing as a problem in what you said is not that you didn't like the "negative" counter which reminds of gaming, which i didn't understand that you meant at the time, rather what was "worrying" me is that you said we shouldn't have a non gaming identity.
Which allows for loopholes for you to play here and there which could very quickly slip to full scale relapse. I think balancing shouldn't be attempted. But I might have mis-interpreted you.

-I'm not 100% sure it is like that for everyone(not regularily remind ingthemselves), I think that the counter is an important progress reminder, and may be a source of pride in the long term.

-Well, at least we agree on the fact it's a hazard to be managed for the rest of our lives 🙂

Bottom line: I think balancing should not be attempted, because the neuro circuits are strongly tied with each other and can quickly get us hooked.

Being 3 years without gaming is impressive! It's entirely possible there was something that you started lacking over time during your abstinence, maybe just in the last few weeks or months.

Yeah, my point was to show that the identity of being "anti-something" can only take you so far. Knowing what you're against is OK (gaming in your life), but knowing what you're for is better. Because once you know what you're for, it also solves a lot of the things you're against too. If you're for exercise and a good diet, you're automatically against being fat and a bad diet. And you don't need to remind yourself you're against being fat and a bad diet, because it's already embedded into the positive variant. I hope it makes sense 😄 

I'm also against the regulation of gaming in myself. I've tried that many times, before coming to the forum. It didn't work to take one hour here to do the chores and one hour there to do exercise. Now, even when I am bored, I don't think of games. My priorities are completely different than they were and I just don't have the time anyway.