NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Rick Boon
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Posts posted by Rick Boon
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Epic that sticker! where can i get one?!
Mario, do you read a lot? or now and then? your thoughts are something i can really relate to, i got many of the same. One small tip (the next one after all the self improvement tips and books and whatnot
) is: i have now a small notebook. and i just keep it on me most of the day, and i get these sharp ideas like "i will be a good father" instead of "can i be a good father" and stuff like that. Really helps me to set all question thinking into something more steady, then just myself asking the whole time. I really find it inspiring btw to read your journal occasionally, keeps me going! -
Finally met up with a psychiatrist last wednesday and waiting for my next meeting this wednesday. It's for adhd, autism and depression testing. I know for some it's useless and a waste of money but i really want to find out. Also by attending i've learned a lot about myself such as the reason why i'm alway isolated all the time. And most of the time it is because of me pushing others away. I'm always afraid of being judged by others and being labeled as dumb or stupid and disappointing others when i can't meet expectations. Therefore when i hear bad remarks from others and see disappointment in other people's eyes i escape and push myself away. Need to find a way to force up my confidence and also while doing so discover a little more about myself. Well going to start again at day 0 but hopefully today will again be the last day 0 for me.
That is golden.
I have autism.
I feel isolated many times.
You probably do not want to hear it again, but its a freaking nice step to do the testing. Not for the labels, and the more specified names people can call you now, but because you will root your back, your identy for a part into (if you have something of course) your diagnosis. Let me know if what i just said is fucked up or strange, english is not my first language, can't always seem to express myself through it the way i want.
What i mean tho, is this: i hear a big deal of people say "i do not wanna be labeled, or put inside a box with a name "autism or asperger or pdd-nos (what i have). i dont' want that. Well it was the first step for me in being myself. I had found an iron-hardened identity root.
Now i know i have something, i have pdd-nos. Now i know i have a hard time to express myself with my body and words, but i can work that better, because i know where it comes from. I can work with that, and i can start improve myself. And this rule applies for me to every part of my life. I want to know where something comes from, and then i can start to build.
I think what i want to say is; the information you know now, that you summed up is your ground level. And now your going to go up, not down. And everytime you feel you slip away, you lose your grasp you will fall back into what you already know. And you can go higher this time, because you learned more.
Alright, i feel i'm turning into a motivational speaker, but this was something i really wrote down with my heart, what i felt, and needed to tell you.
Do you know how bad i can withstand dissappointment, and critism? man, everytime i get words or a stare that stirr that vibe deep down in my stomach, that says "you can't do it, you did it wrong, you cannot learn this, you are not contributing to anything" i get angry. Because that voice has ruled my choices so many times. And now i'm just taking babysteps, and learning to talk back.
I'm with you brother.
Rick
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And to add: the satisfaction in real life takes sometimes a little bit or a lot longer to kick in. I really hear you btw with the numbers, if that was something in real life we all would maybe get that same energy rush after one hour of gaming, so one hour of real life. Although, is it still 'real' then? and 'life'?
btw, can i ask you how old you are? i can't seem to find your introduction.
Did you watch the video? one example for a small habit is making up your bed. Do it well, actually, do it really good. Every morning when you get out of bed.
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Hey keep it going mate.
I just read your journal. Looked 2 movies up that were mentioned. Read your experiences. Became indulged in your struggling, not in a bad way, but because you are giving me a really positive vibe that you are more then capable to do this.
Look forward, stay strong.
Rick
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Hi there, i wanna share the following:
I am not that much focused on posting here, because i am really making steps with a course to become more connected to other people and myself. Also i'm making steps in creating more structure, which means now; i have written down some rules that i want to keep, to keep clean my room. Only by writing them and printing it already has almost become a habbit, but thats just how i'm gonna do this month.
Also i'm very aware of ideas that just come up in my head, and what i hope is that it is the effect of less books, less news, less input (from that "taking action" page, which i posted before about). I write these ideas down.
Steps i take are also to take care of myself by brushing my teeth (and you ask: isnt that obvious? well no!), thinking about what i will eat every day, and more such things. So its going really well.
Part of that is because i'm in love hehe
and thats just hardcore energy i get from that. I use it to keep myself going, not motivated or trying not to feel unhappy, but just going straight forward.Thats what i wanted to share. oh, and btw; i'm not really keeping track anymore of everybody's journal anymore, is that a bad thing? its just a bit much to browse to the forum and read everyone's lifestory and such.
Have a good week everyone, keep taking steps 1 at the time!
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I mostly go out for a walk. For me thats a viable option because i live in a nice area, with plenty of nature. Also on our grounds (we have 2 buildings on a big terrain) we have sheep, 2 ponies and we grow plants. There is always something to do, watch or hug :).
It made me laughing btw, your writing style of your boredom hehe.
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hehe, i'm at my sister's now and enjoying the day. It's a good day, because it went positive. We rode this morning back to their house, i read a book, we played a game and have good talk's everynow and then. Have a good day everyone!
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Get this: i'm cleaning my room a bit, lay the last hand to some laundry before i take off (gonna celebrate my birthday at my parents) and i was thinking, for the second time this day: "i am really not looking forward to this weekend. i like to celebrate but after that i have a deal with my sister to go with her after this evening, and be with them the whole saturday. i think i will be tired, and muggy? in my head".
And then i get suddenly the insight "i think it will be like that, i think i will be full in my head the whole saterday, and i will be a bit tense then, and numb etc. but if i think that it will probably come true. i'm already thinking so much ahead, that it looks like i dont have another choice, then to follow this path. but i can also think "i like being with my family, even if i will be a bit full, we can have a good and relaxing time".
Just one of these things that i was not aware of, but something i can change.
Btw, its not my birthday, that was the 20th of december. but i always celebrate it a couple of months later, because the winter is busy enough already
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The goal for the week is to plan my next day every evening
Does this work for you? i just implented this yesterday, and i start it today. Curious about your experience!
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thx guys. I'm going to find a way to apply what you have been saying.
EDIT: 2 reasons i had this bad weekend. I think i forgot to mention it. On friday i heard from the dentist i needed to lose 2 wisdom teeth. I need to make an appointment with the oral surgeon for that. Second reason was that i failed to visit my sister and brother in law.
Thats why that "can i really manage all of my life" sentence came up.
I don't know how to cope with such bad news as going to the surgeon and dentist again. I'm really affraid for both of them. I have 2 weeks until my first appointment. I know through my autism (i dont use this reason to much, i am not hiding behind it) that i need to learn many things manuall, step-by-step through my head. Can you give a example how you process really bad news? something that involves fear for the upcoming. Thanks in advance!
As of my state right now btw, i'm not feeling down or bad about myself atm. oh, and the reason i still post this late (go to bed around 10-ish, its now 11:10 pm) is that i trimmed my beard. Wolverine style hehe. My profile picture is not anymore up to date
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I need to write this down, for myself. I had a big relapse this weekend, full of loneless and empty feelings. Right now thou i have my younger brother visiting me. We are having a great time. The question i have however the whole time is this: (or more like a theorem) Can i manage all of this? and what it means is: can i manage my fears, my structure, my restrictions.
I fear i can't handle it. I had such a moment this weekend pretty strongly.
About the self-pity, i am learning to be more aware of the thoughts that flow from that, here is the one i had this weekend: i want to have a mentor, because i cannot do this on my own.
This is right now the main thing why i postpone ideas and take care of my room and myself. And right now i'm thinking: and i keep thinking about this, how do i stop thinking and start doing?
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Self-pity is a victim mindset. You're shifting responsibility away from yourself and instead saying that something else is the cause of your suffering. Now, there's a fine balance between taking full responsibility for your life and how you feel, and being hard on yourself. I do not believe taking full responsibility for yourself means you also have to be hard on yourself and live full of shame. Instead, by taking full responsibility, it means you also have control to change your circumstances to be what you want them to be. You are the chooser, the creator of your reality. This won't change overnight but every time you are thinking about self-pity, you need to refocus your thoughts on being the hero of your own story.
A documentary you'd enjoy is Finding Joe. Check it out.
Going to check it out right now!
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Good to read that you shared this with your mother. Seriously, keep sharing it with anyone who might wanna hear it! i know i felt the first 2, 3 times strange when i told people i was gonna quit cold turkey. after the fourth time i freaking meant it. keep going!
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With this and my previous post I get my grip back to a post everyday.
I’m going very well. That is in my need to game. I tried each weekend 1 game. Installed it, played it for a few games or hours, then de installed. It just doesn’t fill my need anymore.
I wanna share some thoughts, that i experienced in my silent time.
- - There is this feeling growing that I need to make ‘good’ posts. Really wise and so. I can counter it a bit with different thoughts
- - Something else is that I refused to post because I just saw everyone going so well. Lots of insights, depth and wisdom. People are doing things and creating experiences and i felt (then, now not so much anymore) lost in a ‘comparing’ state or mood.
- - Last week I was laying in bed, and it just hit me. “I’m thinking always about others, or my own actions from a distance. Thinking about what I could do”. So I searched on my phone “self-pity” and it was bám! I have this, and I do this and I have this exactly thing. I wanna overcome this self pity thing. If you ask me “whats the main thing you have been doing since you game?” its: keep thinking about all the chances I let go, and keep thinking about all the chances i will let go in the future, because I can’t stop thinking about that. Seriously, any tips or advices are welcome. Somethings I know but where I really lack a good general summary are: I know I need to get out of my head. Cam, your tip about changing the envoriment is something I can and do use, but it’s not always possible. Or is that thought bulwark? Anyway, this explains to me also my procrastination.
This is it for now. See ya another day!
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Welcome Dannigan,
You made a great decision. I can really relate to what your saying about the numbness, the abandoning of your network and the loss you feel (maybe not yet) about that. I hail from lotro to and i know exactly what you mean about most things you wrote. Keep visiting this forum, keep making descisions based on what you want, not what your games make you do. Stay strong.
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I take it you will eventually write down the results in a book or study? I"m asking because i find other experiences very interesting, will you share them at some point after like 250 members or wait to the full 1000?
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Alright.
I"m not sure what day i'm at. I have been trough a relapse each weekend. I'm having some difficulty writing here right now, keeping my journal up to date. I'm having good days tho in general. I just wanna get back into my starters focus.
Actions i have taken in the last weeks:
- My first free lesson at a nearby fitness gym is this wednesday. I'm stoked to start exercising.
- I have maintained my structure throughout the weeks except the weekends. I'm working on that
- Right now i have finally the feeling i do all of this really for myself. I'm always struggling in my mind with the desire to be liked, to feel connected. Its one of the reasons that kept me from writing here.
Actions i will take, and i have spoken of (or about?) with my mental health coach. or mentor. Never know the exact word for it.
- starting the 90days detox. I need this step to refresh my commitment. Also, i wanna be part of all the steps GameQuitters is going to do.
- contineue with respawn
- Finding a study.
Greetz,
Rick
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Hey @Osei, tell me how it is going please. Like to hear it
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If you're tired I would look into your diet, exercise and sleep regimes. If you're bored and aimless you need to be MORE intentional and plan out your days. This is about being PROACTIVE instead of reactive.
um i don't understand. I think i do this already, let me tell you how an average day looks like:
- 8:30 to 12:00 is work (workproject voluntary)
- 12:00 to 13:00 relaxing, taking a shower, planning the day in my agenda ór on a blank sheet. (you told in one of your videos that its better to plan the day that evening before, would that make a difference compared my methode now?)
- 13:00 following the day planning. sometimes i'm tired already because i always used to game from now on.
- 15:30 we have our structured coffee break with the group. until now i can mostly keep up with my planning.
- 17:30 dinner. most of the times i havent completed all of my planned things. i'm behind with 1 or 2 things.
- 18:30 the evening starts. now i feel i need to relax, i'm bored with following the planning. i want to either game or do something else that is relaxing and gives me a chance to blow off steam. also, because of my autism i have gotten full in my head by all the incentives from every decision or activity. there is a 50% chance i contineu my planning, otherwise i just do not really much. little bit of reading, watching a movie or serie.
- 20:30 another structured coffee break with the group. from 20:30 i try to catch up with my planning.
- 21:30 i'm wrapping up anything i was doing. and going to do my going-to bed-ritual. that is; drinking, brush teeth, make a small walk over the terrain.
- 22:00 going to bed
As of my sleep, i can never tell if i will sleep well or bad. Last night i just woke up in the middle of the night. sometimes i lay awake for hours, my max is like 2,5 hours. I always try to go to breakfast at 7:45 but i'm never sure if i can make it.
Last thing i wanna add is that today i contineu my whiteboard. I think and hope that will improve my effectiveness.
Rick
EDIT: since my non information input week would also include respawn i exlude it now (is that a word? ^^). i wil just update everyday again here my journal. I'm nog doing "Fill the void" of Respawn. I hear a lot of things you said in previous answers Cam. So 'm just gonna finish respawn asap. I don't wanna ask questions i get the answer at in one of your videos
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I'm going to do the non-information input, so i can't reply here anymore, but i will check in to see if you guys answered. I will manually keep my journal going in a notebook, and post that here over 1 week
I got this idea from this post http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/05/19/10-overlooked-truths-about-taking-action/ (credits to Alkan who posted this on the forum, post title: Procrastination)
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I have a bit of an issue with the title "Four Hour Workweek."
You just can't achieve great things in so little time. It's a long, arduous grind. And, in that grind you'll ironically find true happiness, and respect for those who've made something of their life, like you're on your own path, but, in a sense, you're also on the same path.
It adds this beautiful narrative to living.
I came to this topic to update, based on the article. I've been working my ass off most days since I read this article, and I've reached a point of satisfaction and self-confidence that I've never felt in my life.
I'm just reading this now to! (your first post) Nice to hear it works. I'm going to do that 'non-information-input' week. Will reply here over 1 week
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Hey Rick, stop being so harsh on yourself. I too have been off the radar doing you know what.(I binged) Stefan Molyneux had a very interesting view on addiction. He said that people with addictions are only trying to self medicate for what they lack. And with the whole surge of dopamine we have been experiencing over the course of years I find it a very probable outcome that we keep reaching back for it. Our brains are just wired that way at the moment. However being as it is, it is probably also the reason why we have no interest in other stuff. I read somewhere that the best way to break a habit is to replace it with another one. How is one to do this if they are at a point where nothing else excites them? I recently got rid of my computer and so far fought the urge to install hearthstone on my cellphone. BUT I feel extremely lonely atm, am very tired all the time and am but a mere peasant in this realm(world's a scary place yo!) . This is not standard willpower we are talking here, this is all about raw strategy. Willpower is tightly woven into emotion and as someone with addictive tendancies I do not trust my brain in that regard. I don't know man, would you like to meet up?
darn i didnt know you had it this hard to.
Today i'm having a good day, getting out of my room and into the world. my future week is also positive. I put this evening some effort in finishing my whiteboard plan.
But yeah, i feel tired so much throughout the day, bored and aimless.
@Cam Adair, i hear you. I will tomorrow contineu respawn. One thing that is really bothering me tho is that i have to mány plans. I want to write, i want to follow hobbies, i wanna write more, about 10 different things, making an analysis and profound drafts.
@Osei thx for your encouragement. What would a meet-up help however? what effect would it have? am a little bit anxious about such things.
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So freaking tired from myself, and angry. Played 1 game for 3 days now. So fucking angry about why i keep coming back to this waste of time. I'm going to take action this evening again.
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Thanks for sharing Rick. Any idea how you were feeling before you started installing the game again?
I think i felt mainly nostalgia. the kind of thinking back to your child days for example, no worries or anything you need to get done, just play the whole day. Because i'm more in the present now (atleast i don't numb my feelings with gaming anymore) i'm more tired in the evenings, after dinner and my willpower is surely a muscle i need to train more. Today i had a great day, but i wanna get into bed. I update tomorrow.
Fanzio journal
in Daily Journals
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Fanzio keep telling people you have quitted! it will make a difference. You invest in your real life with that. I will follow your journal to, Your a hero to quit wow while so many other's cannot (yet)!