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Posts posted by Niko_Buccellati

  1. Day 36
    Well recently I had a phone call with my employer we talked out the situation and they said if my visa will be issued they will reassign me to another work schedule. That is good because originally I was expected to be at my workplace today. I mean I am still kinda in a hanging situation but its better than losing a contract I guess. Recently I had a really strong craving to play some stuff interestingly enough it was more like a feeling of interest(related to some game stories), not the urge to game itself. Fortunately, I was busy with outdoor activities and some social stuff so didn't really have much time for it. The thing is that I used to do my workout activities in the evening but recently it became more snowy and colder so doing that became a bit pain in the ass,  so I have to figure out a solution for it(maybe change it to daytime when the temperature is the max). Didn't do many things recently(studied some French though) mostly was just chilling listening to synthwave and stuff and ruining my sleep routine, but I have no regrets whatsoever it really did me good. What I noticed that in my social media I got some people who always post their sermons oversharing and stuff that really annoys me, I guess I will be better deleting them. Gotta have a farewell party today's evening with one buddy of mine who is about to join the army soon.

    Oh and one important note. Due to me being sick recently one jogging session didn't really go well. Actually, I died at the half of the planned distance but somewhat I managed to force myself to run all the planned distance,  I just felt like I will die and lose everything if I stop so I kept going. That felt like a huge victory if you ask me because it wasn't as tough physically as mentally.
    Update: Status of my visa has changed to issued today. Fells good man.

    • Like 2
  2. 1 hour ago, Deku said:

    I’m back after quite a long hiatus and...this is a long overdue post now. The truth is I relapsed quite quickly after hitting 90 days, going back to my old ways of playing League of Legends and pretty much any other game I could get my hands on. And immediately after starting to game, my life went right back into the shitter. I’ve been staying up way too late, procrastinating, all the terrible shit that got me here in the first place. I don’t know why I went back to gaming, but all I know is that it has to stop. Who knows if I can still get to medical school at this point, but I’m only going to live once so I guess I may as well try.

    I’ve failed, guys. I think it’s important to acknowledge that. All I can do is promise to do better next time.

    Well man. As one word of wisdom says " sometimes a certain defeat might mean more than a victory" will it be so? Well, it depends on you.

    • Like 1
  3. On 11/28/2018 at 1:13 PM, measureofpeace said:

    Tip: I think that "moderate gaming" don't exist for who played so much in the past. Because in the last two weeks I started with this is mind: playing something offline only as anti stress , then I'm started to search for gaming news, suddenly I was watching a streaming and then logged in discord and saw friends online and the rest you know...


    Well, I think it is possible( been playing a couple of games for a month in a sane way) but there is still a risk for you to lose the handle on it. It's like walking on the edge of the abyss or something like that can't think about the better comparison. That is why its not worth it and doesn't make any logical sense. I mean there are always better ways to spend the time after all?

  4. 18 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

    Good job on being games free despite it all! Think about how a lot of us, maybe you too, used to avoid those negative situations by gaming, but no! You dealt with it! Keep it up!

    A good word of support is appreciated. The dream was really weird though. It was actually the same experience as if I played something in reality despite me having no interest whatsoever to it in real life and was like the last thing I ever expected to happen because I didn't have time to think about gaming. Yeah the thing is that I had some plans but because my papers stuck under the "administrative processing" at the embassy (makes me wonder if they even touched them actually)  I lost my contract(I mean i supposed to fly to my workplace at the 30th) and you know of course I was not happy about it because I just threw some money and time away but the thing was that it also put me out of track because I had a plan which was perfectly scheduled and it kinda ruined it, I managed to catch a cold and also I had a bizarre affair at the worst timing possible lol. Well, all in all, I am back on track that's for sure and objectives remain the same. The thing is that I had to adjust myself to some changes so to say.

  5. Day 32.
    Well that's already pretty far and that's been a while since me posting here last time ? But its okay because I was really busy with real-life problems that almost led to depression but gladly sticking to the schedule helped me to pull it off. Today I had a pretty fucked up dream, I had a dream that I was gaming some stuff and I was really pissed off because I have ruined my streak lol. Gladly I woke up and realized that it was just a dream. Well didn't do many things today really just had a meeting with a buddy of mine at the evening to talk out some stuff all in all the day was good. I guess tomorrow I will have more things to do so I will be having more to write about.

    • Like 1
  6. 22 minutes ago, seriousjay said:

    Ah, fair enough!

    Yeah, for me, getting married and starting a family are very important. However, I know that finding the right person is going to take time and effort. So I need to put a conscious effort towards meeting a lot of people and getting to know them at least a little bit. It's impossible to say where the right person is going to come from so I cannot close the door on any possibility really.

    Yeh, the stakes are very high in that "game" and if you pick the wrong person the outcome might be quite terrible(worse than death IMO). Honestly for me getting married and family was like the last thing I ever wanted in my life but I gave it a try a couple of times to realize that its not my cup of tea. All in all, I appreciate people with true family values so I like your intentions. In my opinion, what is the most important thing is to be sure that the partner is really loyal to you because you know its easy to have people around you when you are on top but most of them will disappear like cockroaches after you switched on the light at night if you will hit the bottom.

  7. 2 hours ago, seriousjay said:

    Well I think in my particular situation there wasn't really a whole lot of chemistry. I think the biggest thing I've learned from this experience is that I cannot be too picky with who I meet with for now. I need to develop this particular skill which simply means to keep meeting women.

    Yeah, it makes perfect sense what you said. All in all, I find all that stuff and the hustle related to it quite overrated but sure it's worth trying.

  8. 8 hours ago, seriousjay said:

    So my date turned out to be nothing interesting at all. It wasn't much more than just two people meeting each other for the first time. I'm starting to realize that my perception about dating is likely very warped, and that I need to practice this skill in order to become more interesting going forward.

    It depends on the type of person you are and the one you are dating and its ok. For me, it works as it grows on me or something like that but just recently I had a date which was more like the girl tried to hook me up tbh.

  9. On 11/18/2018 at 5:06 PM, TheCrystalLake said:

    Wenn Du magst schau es Dir mal an, das sind 2 Deutschrussen die ne Youtubeserie machen und dort wird deutsch und russisch gesprochen... ist aber auch nicht jedermanns Humor.... ?


    Ich werde das machen aber spater. Jetzt bin ich ganz beschaftigt. Die Ursache ist einfach wegen der Idioten vom Ami Konsulat  habe ich fast schon mein Job verloren(noch nicht aber alles kommt dazu) d.h bin ich noch arbeitlos und muss ein neue Job suchen.


    On 11/13/2018 at 9:10 PM, Philipp said:

    Servus, ich wär aus Österreich (kleines Ländchen neben Deutschland) - kann also euch Deutsch.

    Rein aus Interesse: Lernst du Deutsch weil dir die Sprache gefällt, oder eher aus beruflichen/schulischen Gründen?

    Moin.Tut mir Leid aber ich war sehr beschaftight. Konnte nicht beantworten.Ich hatte es an der Uni gemacht. Es gefallt mir einfach Deutsch zu sprechen. Es ware aber echt Gut das irgendwie beruflich nutzen, aber habe ich keine Moglichkeit jetzt d.h ich hatte es nur aus meiner eigener Lust gelernt. Wieso? Weil ich kann ?



    On 11/11/2018 at 10:14 PM, TheCrystalLake said:

    Sie ist eine sehr formelle Anrede, Du kannst Du sagen ? Es gibt eine sehr lustige Serie namens Ost Boys auf Youtube, kennst Du die? ?


    Das weiss ich? Und nah, sowas habe ich nicht gesehen.

  11. Day 17
    Well that's been a while since I last time wrote here but it was simply due to some things that escalated quickly? Was way busy with RL affairs and simply had almost no time for the web. What I noticed that I have cravings only when I am stressed about something and not occupied with anything at the same moment otherwise feel no interest whatsoever for gaming.

    • Like 1
  12. 23 minutes ago, Silverlining said:

    ?And don't make watching anime a habit -- people can be addicted to anime, too.

    I guees its a content consumption issue not directly related to anime. Because I met such types who been watching various titles like non- stop for example one guy was watching something on his smartphone and when i asked him what is he watching, he couldnt even remember the name.

  13. 16 minutes ago, fawn_xoxo said:

    During my past attempts I spent a lot of time self loathing, blaming myself, hating myself for who I was, how I was.  First of all, it doesn't help. Secondly, I wanna share with you that whichever emotional state you are in, I know that it's difficult to break free from it, that's why I too would linger in this state for hours or days and what it would do to me is I would end up thinking I can't do it, that I'm doomed, that I'm depressed etc. Recently I found out about how a change of emotional state is necessary to move on, and usually we look for this in other people, when we share our feelings with them we're subconsciously seeking that, for them to tell us something that will make us feel another way so that we can break free from how we feel at this time. If you look into it you'll find that what really happens is emotions change, or can change, really rapidly. Just like you can suddenly laugh with a joke or cry if you get hurt, emotions just come and go unless we choose to pay them all this attention. Acceptance of an emotion and agreement with it are also different things. You can accept that you felt bad in that moment, without that it's right and fair to yourself to feel bad. What helped me in this was recognizing how humans work in a chain of reactions. There's an event, then there's thoughts we produce because of it. Then based on each person's unique thoughts, they feel an emotion. And then based on that emotion they react to the event a certain way. We can't control our emotions, but what can we control? How we think about the event. 

    I had the exact same problem myself, I couldn't let it go, I kept blaming myself and couldn't forgive and at one point someone from my family told me that it was my ego. And I was like what? How is this ego? And they told me well, you wanna think of yourself so high and mighty that you can't even make a mistake? I considered it. ad ego issues a lot of times in my life, didn't expect ego to mess with this too, but I think it is true. So what did I do? I accepted the following words like I would accept them for someone else. No, I'm not perfect and I'm not that amazing yet. I make mistakes, I'm human, I can do better if I try harder, but in order to do so I have to have me as an ally and to do that I have to love myself. If I love myself, I forgive myself and try again. What also helped me with this was reading the book the six pillars of self esteem. 

    Yeah a harmony with yourself is a very important thing. And acceptance of who you are is a first thing to come to it. And yeah what you said about ego I totally agree. I think ite right to find a balance, or the golden middle as we say so you dont turn into egomaniac imprisoned by your ego but also not being way too careless giving up on everything.

    Source: personal experience.

    • Like 1
  14. Day 9 ?

    So i did some sightseing today. A good walk is always nice. I also got acquainted to some hispanic people. We had a long conversation with one guy from Chile mostly about psychological matters. Turned out he was impressed that even wrote about it in the journal he is doing. Had to tell him that I have been doing sort of journal recently too;) After that we had a conversation about gaming addiction and stuff. And I told him that basically its like fap, you get short joy but after that you regret and feel miserable. There are also some DJs who going to have a session at the club tomorrow but I got a train to my hometown the day after tomorrow. So I didnt really feel for it because i have to stay focused on more important things even though a part of me just wants to let it loose and go yolo due to the fact that i am really not happy about that administrative processing and I cant stay here forever that is why i ll have to go back to my hometown to wait for my papers to be ready and then go back to pick them up asap. I am not happy about but there is nothing I can do just wait and hope for the best.

    • Like 2
  15. Day 8

    was busy with RL stuff so much that barely had any time for web like at all.I had an appointment at the embassy because next month I have to be in Alabama.The thing is that all in all it went nice and my pass was taken( def. a positive sign)  but I also was cockblocked given a blue slip because they needed additional papers from the employer which i recieved and sent the exact same day, all in all its not bad but i read some stuff about how people have been stucked on administrative processing for months or even years so that made me really really worry about it even though all I can do is just wait. Honestly its just a miracle that I didnt loose it considering how paperwork and bureaucracy  easily make me mad because its been a long way, even literally.

    At the evening I met a friend of mine who lives here and whom I found from web long time ago.Just had a couple of drinks and ate some junk food, aint no shame in my game though because its not something i usually do. I also been helping the people I am living with to carry some furniture from the 6 floor so I guess I worked it out;)

    Current plans, chilling in Moscow waiting for papers and doing sightseeing.

    • Like 1
  16. Day 7 

    Did some sightseeing with one French guy just to occupy myself with something. I have been countless times here so I was not really that interested in sightseeing itself more about social activity. Had a strong craving in the morning but it was fast and technically i was unable to play anything even if i tried. The reason was that i didnt sleep well in the train i guess due to some thoughts that made me mad. Going to have an important day torrow have to focus on it.

    • Like 1
  17. 1 hour ago, Silverlining said:

    Don't be sad! Generally speaking, women are judged more often by our appearances than men. And I guess my self-worth depends highly on my weight, which is totally unhealthy. Don't let this happen to you ?

    Naah my appearance is great most woman like me, even happens some men too( i am not into it but just lol) ? But i just cant get it, that means i got like 10 kg overweight but usually i drop weight when i dont do workout or lift weights. In fact this is a second time i got weight gain after workout and ofcourse when i do sports i look better and feel better.The thing is that i made this discovery at my medical examination I had like 2 weeks ago and the doc wrote me that i am fit for work, really dunno what to think.

  18. 2 hours ago, Silverlining said:

    Actually I have been thinking about it. The thing is, I run around 9 pm, and I don't feel safe with the darkness and all the traffic in my neighborhood. A few years ago, when I was living in an apartment building right on the side of a river, I enjoyed running along the river. It would be bright with all the lights and there would be no traffic. Perfectly safe. My BMI was slightly over 20 back then despite my game addiction!

    Eh my BMI is 27. I know i am not in my top shape currently but that made me sad when i discovered it.

  19. 3 hours ago, Silverlining said:

    Day #15:

     I have been running for 2 weeks now, mainly on a elliptical or a treadmill. I would watch the mini TV on the running machines while running, and constantly change the channels to avoid boredom.


    I don't know if its an option in your location but did you try outdoor running?

    • Like 1
  20. 59 minutes ago, Matt S said:

    Thank you!  I was really proud of the whole thing and just felt like I can expand my life a lot more now.  It was a huge moment for me and I'm gonna work to figure out how to improve each time.

    "Every great journey begins with a step" I also read your story and I got a vibe that you got quite good organizational skills.

  21. Day 5
    Did quite a good progress with sleeping today. Slept from 22 till 3 am. Actually woke up due to the fact that didn't want to sleep anymore, and that's a no wonder considering the fact that I overslept prior it. Really didn't do much today mostly was just chilling before the tomorrow trip and feel no shame for it. Was a bit sleepy at the midday so went for it for 2 hours. All in all Valeriana and camomile tea work like a charm.
    Had a meeting with a friend of mine at the evening. Yesterday we had a conversation over the phone and he was like(let's meet tomorrow instead of phone talking). Of course, it was cool and made me happy. So we just talked about various stuff in the cafe nothing really special but it was nice especially considering the fact that I got not so many people to talk to in my hometown. I am pretty much able to do all the stuff on my own long-term but still, a reasonable amount of communication is appreciated. In fact, I thought about reviving my contact with one girl I used to know but currently, I am way too focused on my personal objectives so I don't really feel for it.
    All in all that conversation with a friend just proves my strategy which I called "I don't need dummy bullets in my clip".  What it means is that probably you going to meet maybe a couple of real friends in your life other people will be more like fellow travelers on that journey. In fact, most people will appreciate you only till you are convenient(I like German word gemütlich for it) for them when you will start to do something on your own they will be not happy and will try to hold you back(in their comfort zone), that is usually how it works. That is why I appreciate reliability above all from my friends. that is why such a name, you might have only 1-2 bullets in your clip but you know they won't let you down when you will be needing it.
    As for cravings, I had some barely noticeable during those days but honestly, my brain is more occupied with the real-life objectives I got on my schedule and also some women I know ?
    Usually, I watch a movie or two when I am on the train but this time I really don't feel for it I guess I will download some materials about French and will give it a try.

    Oh, and why I find making your bed every day a very important thing.
    1) First of all, it helps you awake faster after you went out of the bed.
    2)It's a small step of order from which you begin your day, not in a discordance.
    3)It looks nice and it gives you feel like you have already accomplished something and you can actually see it.
    4)At the end of the day, it's nice to lay in the made bed, not on a chewed sheet and stuff.
    I never liked it but recently I developed this habit and find it really helpful for mental focus.

    • Like 2