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Mohammad

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    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by Mohammad

    Day 8 (August 27th):

    I had strong urges to play last night. 😞

    I was doing well during the day but suddenly, the character I am playing just passed in front of my eyes! I installed the steam and the game. It took about 30 mints and I was working on my project with a tight deadline. I said to myself that I will play when I am done with this work. I finished the work at 1:30 am. I launched the game and starred at it for a few mints and then exit and uninstall the game and steam! Thanks god, it was super close. 

     

    I started today with lifting some weights and doing pretty well now. It is tough at times but I have to keep up the spirit.

     

     

     

     

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by Mohammad

    Day 7 (August 26th):

    Last night, I resisted the temptation to play. I spent my time on writing my dissertation. I did  30 mints of exercise and went to bed. 

     

    I am feeling better today and hopefully, will be more productive.

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by Mohammad

    It is 8 pm and I was not very productive today. I feel really bored and have some temptations. The reason behind the temptations is probably being mostly unproductive and feeling bored and a bit stressed. 

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    It is 9 p.m. and I was very productive using every moments of the day. I will study for another hour or two, do some exercise, meditate, read and sleep by 12 midnight. I think I am getting some momentum. I will keep writing twice a day to check with myself more frequently.

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 5 (August 24th):

    I woke up 7 am today and prepared my son for his daycare. I started working on my dissertation since then. I had little temptations but its not a big deal. I think I'll be good today. I will write again at night how the day went on. The book I am reading is very interesting and encouraging: "forged in crisis: The making of Five Courageous Leaders".

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 4:

     

    I did not play last night. My friends came by and after they left, I read for half an hour before going to bed. I am trying to focus on my long term goals and desires to block instant gratification that comes with gaming. I will try to write as often as possible to avoid being caught up by sudden temptations. 

    • Like 3

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Day 3:

    I am going through this day with no gaming as well. I did 2.5 hours of cycling (28 km). Meditating, reading books, spending time with family and friends. I am physically exhausted tonight and going to read before bedtime. 

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    29 minutes ago, MuMuMelon said:

    Good stuff! I don't have the stressful situation that you have but I have found that meditation has brought a lot of calm into my life. 

    You can do 30 days! The next time you get a craving come here first! Let us know and hopefully somebody is around to help. If nobody is here, talk it out to yourself at the very least. Journal about it. Maybe if you take the time to think on why you are getting the urge to play, those urges might pass. 

    Hope that helps. 

    Sure, thanks for being here and interacting with me. 

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    I am starting again my detox program from today. I send a request to steam support to delete my account permanently, however, they will do it only if I do not log in for 30 days! That being said, I have to stay off the steam for a month to have it deleted. That is going to be challenging. I think I have to start mediating again. I had no stress when I was doing meditation regularly but recently I am very stressful. 

    • Like 3

    Mohammad's Journal

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    Posted

    8 hours ago, WhoCares said:

    I made a bet with my brother that I’ll pay him certain amount of money if I relapse. He’ll pay me if I won’t in half a year. This helps me a bit. But yeah, my biggest motivation is knowing how miserable my life is when I’m gaming. Hope you can get through this.

    That sounds interesting. I do not think that will work for me because I am very money sensitive and can easily cheat on my promise! Thank you for advice.

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    11 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

    I totally get it. There were definitely times in my life where my game cravings were so strong that I would play on whatever was available. Budget PC, Phone, classic console, etc. When you really want to game these days it's incredibly easy to find a way.

    I hope you can find a way to push past these cravings. You've been here for a while so I know that you are aware of trying new hobbies, making new patterns, etc. 

    Is something triggering you? Are you under more stress than usual? (I mean these are certainly stressful times.)

    This is not judgement in any way. I hope you find the strength inside yourself to do this because it sounds like you really want to quit.

     

     

    Yes, I am writing my dissertation that is quite stressful. I had big dreams so I stopped gaming to pursue my dreams. However, I feel it is fading now especially after I broke my detox program. Gaming has a very negative impact on my mental well being even when I play for a very short time. I ended playing for one and half hour last night so I have restart the detox program.

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    4 hours ago, MuMuMelon said:

    Not trying to tell you how to live your life but might I suggest that you delete all your games? Change your passwords, etc. It just doesn't sound like you are creating many barriers and then it becomes easy to just play. If you really want to quit get rid of them. If they aren't there it becomes a lot easier to not play them.

     

    I have all the games deleted, for sure. However, it takes half an hour to download and install them so the barrier isn't wide enough. I even sold my gaming laptop a year ago and I am now using a computer without a dedicated graphics card. I removed all my in-game progress a year ago but then I started from scratch. So, basically none of them was a real barrier that I cannot break when I am tempted.

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

    What caused you to game and why did you accept it?

    I think because I was bored and also I was physically exhausted. I came back from an hour of cycling. I wanted to start reading for half an hour before going to bed but ended up playing in that time frame! The temptation can happen really quickly as there are not enough barriers between me and games.

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    On 8/2/2020 at 11:58 AM, BooksandTrees said:

    What keeps bringing you back to gaming and what don't you like about gaming that keeps bringing you back to this website?

    I feel like you're in a cycle. 

    True. I am in a vicious cycle. Pandemic forced me to stay home and it triggered my gaming habit after 200 days of detoxing! It is fun to play but I cannot keep a balanced gaming routine. I know I have to abandon it altogether unless otherwise I will sacrifice my health, family, well being and future for the immediate pleasure. I think my biggest problem is that I do not have a barrier between myself and the games. I am home behind my desk and the temptation is too strong to deal with.
     

    • Like 1

    Mohammad's Journal

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    On 7/20/2020 at 11:08 AM, BooksandTrees said:

    I think you might find more success and support by interacting with other people's diaries on here. I don't mean to sound rude, or tell you how to recover. I just find reading and learning from others has helped me improve my healing and reinforce it.

    Welcome back and good luck. 

    Thank you. I will try to spend more time on game quitters for a few weeks to experience it. 

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